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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » does this stuff HAVE to alienate us from everyone??

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Author Topic: does this stuff HAVE to alienate us from everyone??
LisaK
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or is it just me?????????

so now I literally have no friends. it is settled. and it crushes me. suspected but now confirmed. 2 people I thought were there for me, and I was always there for them or so I thought, maybe they didn't like that I am needing them or they don't get what it means to help? or they just dont care? or I pushed the limit? or what????

I don't wanna be alone. I am so sad. I can try and meet new people, but now I am so out of practice with everything. and I don't do anything to meet anyone. and if I do meet someone in a chance meeting they are too 'busy' to accept a new freind, or it's like they don't even know HOW to have a friend.

what has happened to the world??????????

[shake]
[confused]
[Frown]

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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randibear
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I don't know hon. I have no friends either. they all died--Hodgkins,cirrhosis, brain tumour, old age. lost 5 in one year.

family doesn't understand including husband.

I have this board that's it. used to have dog and two cats. they're gone too.

hurts to be alone.

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do not look back when the only course is forward

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LisaK
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I just have these 2 friends. telling me forever- like both are just about lifelong friends- that I am their best or only friend and then they keep dumping me. like they don't need friends or the relationship you have to have to keep them. I jsut don't get it.

how can you call someone your friend and not ever see them or call them to ask how they are????? or to tell them big news? or to want to see their face? or help them when sick? or anything?

I guess it's time for new beginning.

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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Ann-Ohio
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I guess you could try turning it around and contacting them to say you hadn't heard from them in a while and are concerned about them. If they ask about you, tell them you are getting along okay and then change the subject.

Talk about them, their interests, old memories you have together, invite them for something simple like coffee or tea.

If you are in control of the matter, you will feel much better.

Just some thoughts…

Ann

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Ann-OH

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Lymetoo
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Very sorry to hear, Lisa. Maybe you just need new ones! I prayed for several years for friends and my prayers were answered.

It's not fun to feel all alone. A gal has to have some gal friends!

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Robin123
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What about some Lyme friends? Any support groups around? Any friends from your state Lyme chat group?

I agree with Ann-Ohio if you can do it - that is, focus on some other stuff you do.

If they then refuse you, then I think it is time for new people.

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Tincup
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So sorry to hear.

Maybe mail them or give them a copy of this, after you read it.

http://tiny.cc/34lcyx

--------------------
www.TreatTheBite.com
www.DrJonesKids.org
www.MarylandLyme.org
www.LymeDoc.org

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Lymieloo
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I used to have a friend who was such a riot to be around! Super outgoing, funny, vivacious.....trouble was -- for me -- she was also very, very energetic. As my health deteriorated, I could do less and less fun things.

She couldn't understand why I was always sleeping late, lying on the couch, etc. Frankly, neither did I (since I only recently learned I have Lyme)!
She finally moved on and I don't blame her.

And then a few years ago we started going to a tiny, homey church where we knew the pastor and his wife (who I mistakenly thought was a friend). Yikes!
This loony woman, over the two years we went there, hinted now and then that I had all these weird health problems because a) I didn't have enough faith or b) I was living a bad life, and this was my punishment.

Once, when I was telling her I needed to leave right after the women's Bible study because I had a chiro. app't., due to having been in many car wrecks (none my fault!) she immediately started telling us about a friend of hers who lives in Nevada, who was always getting in wrecks too, that were not her fault.

Her friend thought it was just bad luck but the pastor's wife said she told her friend that God was using it to get her attention, because, "She claims she's a Christian, but sleeps around a lot." I'm sitting there going, [Eek!] I felt like asking, "So although I'm happily married, middle-aged and overweight, you're calling me a ho?" To paraphrase the '80's valley girls, "Gag me with a spoon!"

But I didn't say it. I tried to convince myself that she didn't mean it the way it sounded, but found out later she certainly DID. Yeah, I think I've heard pretty much all the mean stuff due to this crummy disease.

She was also really horrible to a woman who thought they were best friends for years and guess what? Now this poor woman, who was so hurt by her, is one of my best friends! I have one other bestie, and really that's it, although the women in our new church are wonderful, helpful, and supportive.

So I can understand where you're coming from Lisa, I know it's really hurtful. But I think the ideas from Ann, Robin and Tincup were great. If you do need to move on from them, a Lyme support group might be just the thing! If there's not one anywhere near you, maybe you could even start one!

Or if not that, there may be a support group near you that focuses on auto-immune diseases in general, nothing specific. Which might work for you, since Lyme can cause so many of these. Don't give up!

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Bless the Lord, oh my soul. -- Psalm 103

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Tincup
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I always knew you were a wild child, but a ho too. Oh my.

--------------------
www.TreatTheBite.com
www.DrJonesKids.org
www.MarylandLyme.org
www.LymeDoc.org

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k84
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quote:
Originally posted by Lymieloo:
hinted now and then that I had all these weird health problems because a) I didn't have enough faith or b) I was living a bad life, and this was my punishment.

Sadly, this exact thing has happened to me at a former church. I carry faith in my heart, but living in a rural area choices for church are limited and I didn't need to put up with this kind of behavior.
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LisaK
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Ann and Robin, the problem is that one of the women texts me all the time giving blow by blow updates on things in her life.... "I got my period", I have a headache", " my niece was arrested", my daughter.. xyz"..... there is always something and she never has time to get together, but too much time to text . I ask her to call because my hands/fingers hurt to text, and she calles omce in a while, but that's it. she just seems better not seeing people in general- she just got new job staying home for work, so now I see her even less than when she worked 70 hours a week.

the other one I never hear from but she always says, "we have to get together". she flies off all over the country selling her market america.

she is one that just had a death in her life a couple days ago- a MAJOR death of a young man that has been living with them for years. no one told me. I saw it on FACEBOOK!!!!

isnt' that weird??? am I just crazy???

anyway, she is one of the sweetest most forgiving people I have ever met, but she is just caught up in the 'busy' lie so abundantly rampant today.

the first one that works at home , now for the past weeks her husband has been 'dying' with gastropariesis! and he refuses to go to the dr . and he is diabetic. I keep asking her if she needs help and offering a place for her to come to get away since she keeps telling me she can't sleep or eat because all he does is moan and scream. she says thanks, but no.

is this friendship (s) ???//

I am so confused.

Lymetoo, yes, I will start praying fo rnew friends. I believe in this totally and pray for everything, but forget with lymebrain to use it for stuff like this. [Smile]

I have met a really great lyme friend who I really connect with. and it really helps to have a lyme literate person on your side too! she is great but lives across the country. I am close to my mom too, but she lives 5 hours away. I jsut am one that needs contact. person to person, ya know?

but I know I need to keep healing myself an dthis is prob just another rung in that ladder, right? like a lyme 12 step program. haha.

I am very glad I realized this about friends in general. and I see so much how stress makes me worse now. I never would admit that before. this ride has taught me so much. so much how to be better in other ways not physical.

there are others here too, on lymenet , that I am so glad to know and you have helped me through tough times whether you know it or not- THANK YOU!!!!!

I love all that, but like lymetoo said , a gal needs gal pals. that is how I feel .

I will break this up because I know it's hard for some, including me, to read long posts....

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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LisaK
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Tincup, I rememebr getting that from someone when I first started here on lymenet about 18 months ago. that is a good read, . I did send this out to all mu family and friends at the beginning. my one freind (#2 that travels)- her ex husband had lyme from child hood an dwas diagnosed after college so he was pretty bad and prob had bart because he went nuts and eventually kille dhimself 2 years ago. I knew him since 5th grade. it was horrible.

and she was always there for me when I called her. telling her about my crazy brain and my bart times and how I was going nuts and wanted to kill myself and hurt the dog and rip my skin off!! and every time I call her she gives of her time..... BUT she never calls me. I am not sure I can live that way any more. and then act like nothing is changed.... like you are right, even though both of these close frieds even have sx of their own, they would NEVER consider getting tested or try treatment.

it is so hard for me now to even be around. to even hear a little bit of anyone say a sx that could be tick disease sends me into a Hitchcock swirl of a vertigo trap!

this may also be a part of me as why I cannot listen to these people any more? it's just too painful. pain this pain that, sick here, sick there.... it's too much. and no one believes. my neighbor the other day just said to me that he doesn't care if he gets a tick.

that is what my #1 best friend has said.... that so what. sit in a chair and let someon feed you she said. o brother. I told her she was never at death's door and that if she had been she would never say such a thing!!!

Lymieloo, a support for auto immune- that might be something to check out. I have had ambition to start a suport group that helps with emotion rather than facts, but havent had strength or organized enough brain yet, but maybe soon.

and that is a crappy story. people are so clueless . and church people can be the worst.

I am sure everyone on this forum has a story or two like mine concerning freinds.... Thanks, everyone, for listening and helping. it means so much. really. I will get through it, I know I will. I will try and not slip back into old habbits. that may be hard. I really love these women. I've known them for 30+ years!

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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Tincup
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What I am seeing is you do have friends, but they are not the kind of friends you may be seeking to satisfy you in certain areas at different times.

Remembering friends love friends for good and bad alike, and accept them unconditionally, maybe make a list for yourself to sort this out and see what you really are wanting or feel you are lacking.

Friends can only do what they can do, and give what they can give. Some have little time, some have extra time.

See what you think about the rough draft list below. I see some you have mentioned above that will fit in one or more sections.

Once you have listed them, hold the list close to your heart, close your eyes and say a prayer.

It may not get you more friends, which I am not sure you are lacking for, but may give you a better definition of that friend and what to and what not to expect so you are not disappointed.


phone friend

They call me friend

I call them friend

Talk about them friend

Talk about me friend

pen pal friend

don't see them much friend

see them a lot friend

want to see them more friend

don't need to see them more friend

emergency situation friend

go to a museum friend

has little time to spare

has a lot of time to spare

understands my limitations friend

will never understand my limitations friend

--------------------
www.TreatTheBite.com
www.DrJonesKids.org
www.MarylandLyme.org
www.LymeDoc.org

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LisaK
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yes, you are right. this is what I am talking about. they call me their BEST friend, but to me a best friends wants to see you, wants to do fun things together, wants to come over and help when needed.....

I saw like I was suddenly awakened , that neither of them are really like that. they are more of a 'strictly talk' friend.

and I always feel saddened by that. and let down. so like I thought I said, but maybe didn't say it right- I think I have not been true to myself about the relationships with them. I was sort of living in a fantasy . like one day I will see them... one day they won't be busy.... but that happens like every 3-6 months. is that what a best friend is? to them I guess so.

I guess I need more than that now? I don't know. I am confused. maybe I don't need any friends. it's so much work. I just want a pal that I can hang with and not wonder when they'l have time for me again. is that too much to ask?

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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LisaK
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and I don' tknow how to act around these people. I mean, they either dont share their life's woes or they don't have time for me.

how am I supposed to keep up with that?? just sit and wait ?

I used to have other friends I saw all the time more socially, but they stopped calling when I got sick and have no money to go out.

those were not real friends to me, but when I run into them they act like nothing happened.

I am just confused.

are these all friends? I have such high standards. probably unrealistic, but I would like to know if all of you think friends are friends no matter how much or little you see or talk with them. ????? are my sights too high?

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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LisaK
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maybe time has stopped for me with being sick and they have all kept moving.

??

and I didn't see them moving, but now I can see they are not 'with' me any more.

they are doing other things. and I was the slow runner that drifted back. geez , I feel bad now about complaining. I should be thankful there is anyone at all in my life. in any capacity.

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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Tincup
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I don't think I can make Mona Lisa smile. Not tonight.

Wish I could fix what is hurting you, but you are analyzing this situation down to the nuts and bolts and until you decide to move on and accept the type of friendship they are willing to give of themselves, not specifically your definition of friendship, there isn't many comforting words that I can find for you except maybe...

Breathe in, breathe out, move on.

[group hug]

--------------------
www.TreatTheBite.com
www.DrJonesKids.org
www.MarylandLyme.org
www.LymeDoc.org

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LisaK
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you are rigth Tincup. I know.

I realize this now.

I will mourn and move one. probably keep them because I love them and they don't do anything mean or intentional to hurt me ever.

I do feel sorry for myself . and I will work on that .

one interesting thing: i have begun genetic supplimentation and the genetic expert , I remember, mentioned briefly during our initial apt. that I have the perfect makeup for being an overachiever and having the highest expectations of everyone, myself , and all situations. so, I can use the excuse my DNA makes me a perfectionist, but it is hard for others to accept and it is hard for me to ever be satisfied, or happy.

hopefully with my tx for all this genetic stuff will help me even out. I sure hope. I always wondered why everyone seems to be able to brush things off and I never can. it's not holding a grudge, it's just over analyzing, like you say. thanks a bunch for caring.

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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Andromeda
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quote:
Originally posted by LisaK:
or is it just me?????????

so now I literally have no friends. it is settled. and it crushes me.

I have 3 close friends who live across the country. Mostly too busy to bother with me, but we chat through email occasionaly.

Locally, Ive lost all my friends. Some I grew away from, some had babies, and others, MEH. They disappoint me.

People these days seem consumed by material possessions. They are not present in any way, shape or form. People don't do anything interesting any more.

To be fair, I spend a lot of time online, but that is because I don't have the health to be out there.

Its as if we, americans, live in some kind of existential vacumn with meaningless lives.

Some people notice something is off, and I have some people who have taken to religion to find some type of meaning. But they are not genuine. Its more like their cover story.

The holier than thou types who think because they are evangelical or devout catholic or whathaveyou. They talk down to me. But I don't think they know the first thing about Jesus anyway. I grew weary of their gossip mongering and judgement.

When I get better, I need to find new friends. But I am not sure there are many bright prospects out there.

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*​Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the earth he does to himself- Chief Seattle, 1854*
BullsEye 2005
Dx Lyme, Babesia, Bartonella, EBV

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beaches
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I have managed to keep some friends.

There is one, the mother of a friend of my daughter, who always kept in touch, eventhough she really had NO idea of the hell we were going through. So she's a keeper. The rest of them, BYE!

Two others have significant health problems of their own and "get" to a large degree what we've been through. So they're keepers too. But one is enough to emotionally drain me completely with every single detail of her own medical situation, so I have had to limit my contact with her.

Family and other friends are "there" eventhough most have no concept of what my kids have been through. But they are very supportive nontheless.

No one would ever dare question me or my kids' diagnoses/treatments/doctors. I have been through too much in my life since I was very young, and my family and friends know and respect that.

I am the type of person who doesn't complain about things. Depending on circumstances, I will tell people what is/has happened in a factual way. I hold back my emotions when speaking to people because all that emotional stuff does nothing for me or my family.

And I do not look for emotional support from the outside. I learned long ago to depend on myself for that.

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beaches
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And I learned that to have a friend, you have to be one.

I cooked several meals for the family of a friend who had hip surgery. And I cooked nonstop for a relative who had cancer surgery. I figured I was cooking anyway, so why not do something for someone else?

Well, the volume of food that I was cooking had my hands hurting for days afterwards, but I did what I thought was the right thing. I paid the price, but they were SO appreciative of my efforts. It made me feel good that I could do something for someone else.

During our darkest hours, we realized others were going through hell too. What does it take to email or FB message someone to say, "hey, I'm thinking about you today"

I think many of us get into a funk. And I SO understand that. No one understands Chronic Lyme unless they have it.

What we all have to realize is that everyone else is dealing with their own problems, so understanding Chronic Lyme isn't on their top 10.

It wouldn't be on our top 10 either if we didn't have it. So please have some patience with other people.

Try seeing things from a different perspective. Forget about Lyme for awhile. Reach out to a friend/former friend/new friend and ask what's going on in their lives.

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lpkayak
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Sometimes i think it would be nice to have friends but honestly im.the one who doesnt have time

Im just glad i still have interests

I wish my life was a. Little easier so i could have time and energy to go out with a friend...once in awhile i do go out but then im down for days and cant take care of myself

Mostly imhappy and stress free doing what i want as slow as i want

I do feel i have strong suppirt here at LN

I have one friend who is my er buddy and im.hers

And a neighbor that will come to help in emergency

But none of them.are really friends

Its a roller coaster ride with my adult kids but a few times each yearvi endcup in a deep meaningful conversation with one or the other...and that feels like a friend

Once i wished for more money. Then i got new job and salary doubled. I thoght my prayers were answered. But then i had no time...

So one thing this disease has taught me is to apprrciate what i have...and to find things in.my everyday life that give me joy and focus on them

And giving too. As little as i have i can usually figure out a wy to give something to someone with less.

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Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself.

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lpkayak
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When im really wanting something it seems if i just get on track and do what i know i should do things fall into place and my wish comes true. I usually just shake my head...look up and say thanks.

--------------------
Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself.

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Lymetoo
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quote:
Originally posted by beaches:


What we all have to realize is that everyone else is dealing with their own problems, so understanding Chronic Lyme isn't on their top 10.

It wouldn't be on our top 10 either if we didn't have it. So please have some patience with other people.

Try seeing things from a different perspective. Forget about Lyme for awhile. Reach out to a friend/former friend/new friend and ask what's going on in their lives.

Very true and good advice.

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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beaches
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I think we all know the feeling of going out/extending ourselves and being down for days afterwards.

And especially when you are single/living alone, you have to really be careful of that. Too bad we didn't have a commune of sorts [Smile]
That would really help!

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beaches
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And here's another thing: No one wants to hear it.
I don't want to hear it and I've lived it!

The last thing any friend, new or old, wants/needs is to hear every excruciating detail of every issue ad infinitem.

And unfortunately, many people just blurt out anything and everything. It becomes burdensome after awhile to listen to it all.

And who is really capable of listening to it all? No one wants to deal with all that baggage.

This is why there are therapists.

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LisaK
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Andromeda I hear ya. people are too tech entranced. and the younger the worse it is. so many dumbed down people everywhere.

kayak , I feel the same as you- this disease stuff has made me even more concerned and willing to reach out to others and that is , I think, the whole issue with me . to quote a line from one of my favorite movies I just watched again yesterday, Shawshank Redemption : "The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry"

and I am feelign left behind and it is now bothering me in a different way than when I was fully incapacitated. now it has lit a fire for me to follow and do something about. time to make some moves. make changes. be something again.

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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LisaK
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how can a friend be a friend if they don't share their emotions or life's journey? to me , that is not a friend. that is an acquaintance.

that old quote- " a friend in need is a friend in deed" has some merit to it.

I have a thousand aquaintances. I am wanting gal pals that give a hoot. I can call a number of people and set up an outing, probably any time I would want, but that isn't fullfilling to me always. and what do you talk about? fluffy stuff that wastes my time. that gets so boring, and now is a huge energy waster, like we are all saying here. it has recovery time that I am not sure is worth it right now to me- yet. and they usually involve a lot of walking or spending money and I can't do either, really.

but , most people don't want to go beyond that. most people seem to be superficial. so that is why I am saying I am lonely for a 'real' friend. I am not saying everyone needs what I need. of course not!

and I never meet up with anyone and talk about my lyme sx. unless they ask me. which most do not.

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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linky123
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quote:

The holier than thou types who think because they are evangelical or devout catholic or whathaveyou. They talk down to me. But I don't think they know the first thing about Jesus anyway. I grew weary of their gossip mongering and judgement.

So sorry you were treated this way. I struggle with this myself as a believer.

Jesus' harshest words were for people like this.

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'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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lpkayak
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I care about others a lot but i dont have much time or energy to give.

I probably wouldnt be a very good friend now

If there is somethingbi can do that wont wear me out...like answer a question orgive a phone number or web site thsts great.

But im.not good at ssocializing- it wears me out...i cant even sit or stand for more than a few min

I have a group of ppl i think of as friends. I love it when they ask for somethingvi am able to do for them. And i know if i was really in trouble they would be there

But i dont like to ask for help cuz i dont want to cash my chips in.I never know when i will really be in trouble

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Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself.

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beaches
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Lisa, please don't misunderstand what I am saying. Of course, friends should share each other's life journey and their emotions, problems, feelings, etc.

We are lucky in life if we can count on one hand the number of true friends (and family members) we really have.

And yes, it's awesome to have at least one gal pal or two to just hang out with and have some fun.

My issue is that although I don't mind talking about Lyme, etc. and other illnesses with people, it gets tiring when sickness is the sole topic of conversation. I am sick and tired of that lol. There are just SO many other things to talk about.

kayak, I get that. There are times when we just don't have anything else to give. You would be surprised just how helpful giving out a phone number or referring someone to a website can be.

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LisaK
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that's what I mean Beaches. sickness is not a focus . not sure why you are mentioning that unless you just want us to know . if I said anything that led anyone to think that I am sorry.

I save mostlyme complaining for my husband, haha. and he is quick to tell me to shut up.

[Smile]

I have one co-lyme email friend and we share lyme war stories. and it does help, but it pretty much ends there, unless someone asks.

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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beaches
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No need to be sorry. Like I said, it's been an issue for me. Not that I don't think it's important to talk about this stuff. It just gets tiresome listening to it after awhile, which is why I made a reference to therapists.
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Lymieloo
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quote:
Originally posted by Tincup:
I always knew you were a wild child, but a ho too. Oh my.

[lol] [lol] [lol] [lol] [lol] That made my night! [lol] [lol] [lol] I think we need one of those little rofl guys, 'cause that's what I'd be doing if it were physically possible!

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Bless the Lord, oh my soul. -- Psalm 103

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LisaK
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therapists don't get it. 99.9% don't. and its too expensive to test them all out to find that ONE that would understand my life

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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Robin123
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What about picking out something to do that you want to do and can do, as you can? Perhaps it's time to just hang out with people involved with a particular nonLyme-related interest of yours?

Reason I say that is because I have friends in my life who have nothing to do with Lyme, but who share interests and we have fun, and yes, they are friends!

And I do these activities modified, I'll grant you that, and sometimes I say why and sometimes I don't. Like I protect myself physically while in groups so I don't get bumped, I don't get in a bouncy car with others, etc etc.

I think that would make for more pleasure in life, to participate in something that's fun for you that you do with others. I know it is for me.

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LisaK
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yes, RObin. you are right. I feel up to this now, just have to get back in the swing of things to do it. I feel like I went to a cloistered monastery for 2 years and now need to get back into 'lay' life. not easy it seems.

my old friends are not the same as when I left them. I hung out with some at a small party to celebrate one couple's nuptials and I felt very disconnected from most of them. they have changed- I have changed, our goals have changed, our politics have changed, our kids have changed, etc.....

I have gotten back into my art a little bit more, so that is fun. I guess going down that lane might produce some positive change. not a lot of time for all this though since I still have a family to care for ; and a house that's too big.

I do have a lot of road blocks.... hm.... just thinking of excuses to not make changes, and there are a lot. I will try and get rid of some excuses I guess, but not sure how that can be possible.

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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Robin123
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It takes getting used to it again. And everyone changes. Sometimes it's easier with new people with whom we have no history.

I think we all have reasons not to do something, but I think there comes a time when some potential benefits outweigh the reasons.

Like, I think we need socializing. We need some fun. We need some positive activities in our lives. We need some engagement. Even some contribution. Perhaps you can think of your reasons why you would want to engage with others, and let that lead the way.

Also, I think, from experience, it's a good idea not to weigh others down with our Lyme situation. I don't think they want the burden. I have found that once I become a known entity to others, that sometimes then they might care, but usually not before. If we start going off about our major health situation, people may think of us as a "case" and avoid us.

I have found it best to minimize statements about the Lyme situation and put the focus back on the shared activity. Within that, I protect myself so I don't get inadvertently physically hurt. But everyone does not necessarily want the explanation, so either I say nothing, or keep it short and simple, like, I have a health condition.

Sometimes people want to know, and they're nice about it. They are the exceptions, and then I tell them. But still, if my purpose for being there is that interest and that sociability, then I still keep it short unless indeed they want to discuss, and then I will.

Also sometimes it drives me nuts to be in a social situation and everyone is oblivious to the Lyme problem. Then I may speak up and say something like, you know, given the potential for infected ticks out there in nature these days, I think it would be a good idea to consider some bug repellent and learn how to protect yourself from potential exposure to the illnesses they transmit.

That way, I put the focus on them and not on me. I think people appreciate us putting focus on the quality of their lives and not just going on and on about the quality or lack of in ours.

These are just some observations of mine. You can do as you like, but I think people prefer if we not present ourselves as the case we are because they too may be there to enjoy their engagement in the activity with others.

One workshop I went to a long time ago asked if we wanted reasons or results. Meaning we all have reasons why we might not do something, but is that all we're going to present with, or are we going to focus on achieving some results that we want?

The same folks said, fake it until you make it. Meaning act as if you have achieved your goal - ie, whatever your intentions are, act as if you've gotten there. Then we get used to being there! It's an odd trick I've done throughout the years to get over the hurdle of doing something new.

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LisaK
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yes, I don't really tell people I have health problems unless they get into something about it or if I need to explain something about my limitation of such n such.

I think, in general, people have become extemely non caring and dont' give a crap if anyone else is sick or needs a car ride or groceries or whatever. I see it all around. it is sickening. just like all the people that let the door slam on you when you are behind them. and no one says 'thank you' when you shop and spend money in their store. it's pathetic.

I have mentioned to others to wear tick repellent and they think I am nuts. so I don't care any more if they get ticks. if they wanna be stupid idiots, let them.

I had such an episode with relatives this past weekend. it was utterly amazing. how egocentric everyone has become. since I was sick and can't remember movies or TV or such I have been (thank you GOD) spared from a lot of the desensitizing that has taken place over the last couple years.

people are brainwashed into being ego maniacs driven by money or some other lust and have become brainwashed into thinking the only other 'person' they need is the government to take care of them.

I am totally ready to move to a small secluded place and be nearly alone.

I mentioned my road block to personal acheivement to my one dr. he told me to do what you say in your last paragraph, BUT he said , "don't tell yourself you already are there because your body and brain know you are fooling yourself. it's better to ask yourself HOW you got the task (or whatever) done" that way you say it is complete and that you have done it and that way your person can realize it's potential and acheive what was already meant to happen.

something like that. I think I got the jist of it down there. I hope it makes sense. I am tired.

what ever it is , I just hope something works because I need to catch a break. and you are right- looking for something new instead of with the old people is what seems to be the right direction.

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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Robin123
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Maybe there's a difference between being in a fairly big city where I am, and a smaller community where you are? I see a lot of gratitude here. We also have a lot of cultural interaction here and many are extraordinarily considerate. I am always helping tourists in some way, if only to let them know they are already standing on the street they're inquiring about!!

Re the trick I do to achieve something I can achieve - I'm not saying to do this for something we cannot handle, as that would not be fair to us - there is a certain relief for me in saying it's done. Then, how did I do it? And I work backwards from there. And achieve my goal, as long as it's doable.

Reason I say this is I think we experience a lot of inertia from not being regular in how we are, and thinking we can't do things. So I flip it and say I did it! Then to figure out just "how I did it" - I don't know - it makes me laugh. And I don't feel so much like I can't do things when I think like that.

But you should do what feels right to you, as long as it keeps you moving forward in the directions you'd like to go.

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LisaK
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yes, haha, not too many tourists here!

people here are generally crabby and egocentric. especially the people born here and whose parents were born here, etc. when I was younger there was not much here at all except beautiful landscape with lots of farms and nothing to do.

now, it is more built up and things are changing and people have become a bit more 'cosmopolitan' sort of. haha. or they try to . much more to do and places to go and all that but people generally are not the happiest here.

my friend from Florida says people in the south are much happier than here . we have a lot of dreary weather. maybe that's why

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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