LisaK
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 41384
posted
I had myself believing that my lyme and everything was gone.
my alt. dr with bio-merdian testing keeps telling me 90% I have nothing from buggers.
but, I think it only detects if they are *active*????
so after my MIL died 6 months ago, my own mom passed on last month.
then I got influenze 2 weeks later.
I am having a hard time coping with my sx and all the grief and disorganization in my life.
how do you all do it???
Im trying to take time for me, and rest when needed, and all that, but new things creep up seems like every day or so to just throw me back on to the floor.
im really stressing about money too. im due to get my 18 month wait list call from the long awaited LLMD I set my sights on,
but I've been thinking for months "do I really need that now???" becasue I know I can't really afford it.
and I thought my sx were giong away or even gone am much of the time. maybe just the linguring damage of it causing my memory loss and some other nurological damage, so I thought.
but now my sx seem to be worsening. and I am getting really really sad about it all
Iam guessing the deaths and stress of everything else in my life- 3 adult kids with their own health issues, and a hubby who denied his- are taking a toll and making me weak?
I have found I am using substances to help me escape. and I am eating all kinds of junk- gained 10 grief pounds. and I am searching constantly for anything to distract me because
the anxiety and depression are always clipping at my heels
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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aklnwlf
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5960
posted
Oh LisaK, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother.
How do we do it?
Well, speaking for myself, basically just like you're doing.
I start by telling myself this, "it's ok to feel your feelings". If I'm sad, nervous, sleep deprived, angry, etc. I just acknowledge my feelings and allow them.
Grief can make you feel a whole gamut of emotions and you don't have to 'cope' and bounce back.
If you can, please stop beating yourself up! Weight gain and trying to cope is normal.
If you're feeling overwhelmed and can't afford the LLMD I'd postpone the appointment until you're in a better place emotionally and financially.
I do Kava Kava tea for stress and St John's Wort tea for depression. And sometimes a couple of alcohol drinks. Also I know someone who lost her mother and went the antidepressant route.
Be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. It might take time, but that's OK.
Hugs to you!
-------------------- Do not take this as medical advice. This comment is based on opinion and personal experience only.
Alaska Lone Wolf Posts: 6136 | From Columbus, GA | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Hi - I sent you a private message - hang in there -
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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LisaK
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 41384
posted
ak, thanks a bunch. I have huge anxiety today. my dad lives s few states away alone now and I have terrible anxiety thinking aout going there. im sure that is typical too.
I just need to accept, like you are saying. my siblings keep telling me that too.
It's actually only when I think about my mom I get really upset. so I don't know if I should think about her much?? it just makes it worse and why do that? is that crazy thnking?
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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posted
I'm very sorry to hear about the passing of your mother and your mother-in-law. It's hard to handle, for sure!
Take time for yourself, like you said. Allow yourself time to think about her too. It is healing and the pain will lessen with time. NO, it won't go away, it will just become a bit more distant from you.
Maybe every morning you could devote time to think about her and grieve and then try to back away from it as long as you can each day.
but DO HONOR her and think about her
Find ways to honor her in your home .. whatever helps. Plant a rose bush in her honor, or a tree.
Stress makes any illness worse, so give it time to settle down. You may not need anymore treatment right now. That would be a good thing.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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aklnwlf
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5960
posted
LisaK I don't think suppressing thoughts is the way to go, speaking from my own personal experience.
After my first divorce when I was 27 I tried to 'buck' up like I was told to.
I failed big time!
I turned to pain pills, alcohol and only crying in my car occasionally when no one would see me.
After depression came anxiety which worsened to the point of agoraphobia.
I could not go out of the house alone without 'liquid courage'. I was fine with family but couldn't do it alone.
So basically, in my case, suppression led to a nervous breakdown.
I tried to be strong, buck up and get on with my life and start a career.
Never once did I think I needed time to grieve and work through my feelings.
Feelings was akin to four letter words.
Feel your feelings LisaK!
It's OK!
-------------------- Do not take this as medical advice. This comment is based on opinion and personal experience only.
Alaska Lone Wolf Posts: 6136 | From Columbus, GA | Registered: Jul 2004
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LisaK
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 41384
posted
thanks everyone! I am doing ok,I just have my own way I guess. it certainly is interesting. I still feel bad about my dad away. I thnk , for me, this is the hardest part of it all. I was down there and I can feel his pain (he doesn't show emotion) and it is strong but he wont admit it much.
I find this whole dad thing the most stressful and it is not good for my health. I wish my siblings would kick in more !
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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aklnwlf
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5960
posted
LisaK am so glad that you're doing better. Don't count on your siblings kicking in with support, etc. if they haven't done that in the past. I made that mistake with my own sibling in regards to my Mom's health issues. I was very angry with him and now I just realize he's not a very big part of our lives anymore and I count on other extended family for help.
-------------------- Do not take this as medical advice. This comment is based on opinion and personal experience only.
Alaska Lone Wolf Posts: 6136 | From Columbus, GA | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
I think going to a supportive grief group can be helpful. No one's messing with you there, people get it, you can be yourself.
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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Ann-Ohio
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 44364
posted
I wish I had more than just my sympathy to give you, Lisa. I hope you have some body nearby to give you support and hugs. (Sometimes keeping a daily journal can be helpful. Helps cope with grief as well as daily life, just by writing it out.)
i am glad you are here and getting some good ideas and lots of support from the good people on Lymenet.
-------------------- Ann-OH Posts: 1584 | From Ohio | Registered: Aug 2014
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LisaK
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 41384
posted
thanks Ann! I have had journals my entire life, but since lyme & cos stole away my small motor skills its v hard for me to write like that now. I could do one on my computer, but that is almost just as hard.
I appreciate what you are saying and it does help. TY. that also goes for everyone else!
im not sure about a support group only because I dn't feel like I have trouble with my own grief so much. its all more about resentment for me. do they talk about that there? I might get angry and yelll alot, haha
AK, I hear what you are saying and I get it. sigh. I realize I am mad at my brother who was never really there much to help any of us anyway. he was always v focussed on our mom and now she is gone.
my dad is not an easy person to relate to and my mom complained about him often. they had a bad relationship and never learned how to communicate with each other.
my mom died first which is a rough one since she was more outgoing and vibrant, but she had her basket of faults too.
my brother is avoiding. drinking more and who knows what else.
my husband is being pretty good. he understands what im going through for sure . both his parents are gone. it's funny , but im having more trouble with my siblings (5) than anyone. I guess becasue we are all trying to learn how to proceed.
except my supposed best friend. she deserted me when I needed her most and continues to talk to me like she's the only one with important grieving to do.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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LisaK
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 41384
posted
I am very much still up and down like a roller coaster, but partly becasue my sx are acting up too. it's v overwhelming to be chronically ill when trauma hits. but mostly I am pretty good about my mom . I know she's in heaven and I said my goodbyes months ago when I knew she would be leaving us
it's more the physical and mental adjustment of the actual trauma I think for me. death is a shock to the body as well as the mind and the spirit
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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Bartenderbonnie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 49177
posted
Very sorry to hear about your Mom LisaK. ❤️
Posts: 2977 | From Florida | Registered: Nov 2016
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posted
Hang in there, Lisa. I hope you keep moving forward and keep working on it. Let it all out!!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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LisaK
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 41384
posted
I am feeling very good right now. feel like each week is easier and easier. knowing people care, like all of you, helps me SO much!
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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