posted
I cant believe any of this. I am really depressed. My gf broke up with me and now I have no one really. I have friends who always say they will come see me but never do. I cant play my instrument. I wanted to be a musician and I never got the chance, I have nerve damage in my right arm. The only reason i got lyme is because i went to japan with my gf. she wanted to go to a deer park. shes fine and is going home to japan to get a job. i have so much anger, and so much hate. all my friends are in college having fun, but i sit here and read articles on lyme, i look at doctors like movie stars, i get excited about tests, i hate my life.
ever since i was little i wanted to go to japan, and it ruined my life. ive met dozens of ppl who went to the same park too, and they arent sick . I just cant believe what bad luck i have.
now that my gf is gone i can concentrate on music, but it hurts too much to play, and i dont know if ill ever be able to again. it feels like a nightmare. i watch videos of ppl playing and get jealous and hurt.
ppl tell me to take the good out of this, and be a stronger person. but i was a good and strong person before this...i just cannot deal with all of this. i have a terrible family too....i know im just feeling sorry for myself but thats all i feel. i feel hopeless and cheated...i got so screwed and no one is around.
Posts: 105 | From Ca | Registered: Mar 2011
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penguingirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 28688
posted
Sorry you are going through this.
I know the music part - I was supposed to be a musician, went to a conservatory, etc, but can't play (not due to lyme but another physical issue) but still I "get" it that it's hard to not be able to do what you truly love.
I hope you can distract yourself as much as possible so you don't have to be so sad during this tough time (beating lyme and feeling alone).
-------------------- Posts: 1204 | From USA | Registered: Oct 2010
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momintexas
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 23391
posted
Try to remember that when one door closes, another one opens.
Look for that open door to show you what you need to do next.
If you can't play music, maybe you were meant to teach it. Look for other ways to still be involved with what makes you happy.
You never know what other hidden talents that you have that you may discover.
Try to not look at this as all negative, (I know it's hard not to) there is a reason all of this has happened. Give it some time and you will see the answer.
Posts: 1408 | From Tx | Registered: Nov 2009
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desertwind
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 25256
posted
There is a difference between feeling sorry for yourself and simply feeling the reality of your emotions and being open to your emotions.
If you just stuff what you are feeling inside that in itself can have a negative impact on your health.
Sounds like you have gone through quite a bit and your reaction to it sounds pretty "normal" to me.
Not being able to do what makes our hearts sing is a tragity...no doubt about that. I have had the things that I love temporarily taken away from me by lyme, only to have a deeper appreciation for those things when I was able to engage again - but it's not like I did not appreciate those things before lyme!!!
Right now if you cannot play then why torture yourself with videos if they make you feel worse? You should only do things that make you feel better.
The first 3 years I was sick I was not able to compete as a runner and every time I watched a video of myself running/winning a race I would just fall to pieces..I have a video of the last cross cournty race I ran. Ironically I won the race but in the end lost because that is where I got bitten and my health went downhill.
I stopped watching that video and found more healthy ways to connect into the sport I so desperately missed.
You need to find things that give you some peace - and maybe for now that is something new..or maybe find a way for you to still feel like that musician w/o it causing pain.
Having this illness feels like falling into the deep dark abyss and when you are in it it seems like there is no way out, but you have to keep the faith that things will change - because sometimes faith is all we have.
Be well...
Posts: 1671 | From Tick Infested New Jersey | Registered: Apr 2010
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posted
Just know that while you may feel very alone there are many here that feel the same way.
I have no words of wisdom - but try to find at least one thing a day that brings even a half a smile to your face....
Posts: 151 | From North East | Registered: May 2011
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