Topic: Oh My, DD again is flipping out... im really worried about HER. she is hysterical
LisaK
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
so like a recent post, now w this time DD is freaking out on me because I just tried to help her. I swear I did, and she just exploded on me and it was horrible.
she always apologizes to me after these explosions and I know she has so much deep seeded pain and anger toward me and her dad and siblings.
she had a car accident this past week. not hurt, but now just yelled that she wished she died because she hates us so much and hates her life.
I am troubled. of course, im worried now beyond belief that she may die becuase I am so sensative. or will she kill herself???
my DH sits there and says one sentance and then continues to watch the football game. we have no idea what to do for her. for us.
I can't even cry becasue I am so upset.
I told her to leave. and go live with her boyfriend. I can't take it any more.
she just blamed me for her brokeness!!! imagine, like I made her broke!!! how the heck did I do that? I don't even charge her rent!
I buy all her food and pay her phone and car insurance. what is she talking about???? Im afraid to even ask her. this is hurting our entire family.
and tomorrow I can try and find help I suppose, but then what? ugh
there has to be something wrong with her. no one can act like this one second and then . IDK. how does she even have a boyfriend? or any friend?
I feel like a complete failure . I am so numb. damned if I do, damned if I don't
im so upset.......
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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Tell her she must go with you to your doctor and if she refuses, then tell her to leave.
(no, I've never had kids! So I know nothing .. but I can at least be objective!)
She needs help and you need to make sure she gets it.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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LisaK
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I did tell her that tonight in the heat of the moment. ugh..... I told her we go to family therapy. too. this is jsut what I suspected would happen years ago. and we are all at fault I think. but she is way out of control..... there must be somethign .. chemical imbalance or something. her lyme, etc.
whatever. now I will nto sleep thinking she will kill herself. I am a knotted mess.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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posted
Ok, we posted at the same time. I'm going to change my first paragraph here.
So she has Lyme? Any co-infections? If so, has she treated at all?
I forget - how old is she? Has she ever been away from home or has she always lived at home?
I think it sounds serious, from her end too, and my personal opinion is for you all as a family to see a professional therapist together.
That person can help each person articulate what you're thinking and feeling, and can help everyone hear and start to understand each other better.
One important goal will be to come to agreements about how you will all conduct yourselves with each other, including respectful communication, which is not happening right now.
You shouldn't be made to feel guilty. You've been doing the best you can under the circumstances.
Blame does not work. The therapist needs to get at what is motivating the blame, what is wanted and not wanted, and see whether any of that is possible, and in what way.
She reminds me of someone who hasn't found herself in life and is freaking out because of it. She may need some private time with the therapist.
I do not think you can do this alone anymore, not after reading this. JMHO.
Another quick thought - nothing is forever. If she's freaked out about the car accident, we move on in time. Life has a way of working itself through. She seems to think like she's stuck forever, but she's not.
Best thing I think for people is to start getting involved in things they like to do, as in put the emphasis on present-day workability. This helps take the focus off of what isn't working.
[ 10-04-2016, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: Robin123 ]
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LisaK
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posted
she is 23 next month.
the only treatment she has ever had was Monastery of Herbs. supposedly "cleared" of all lyme and cos, but IDK.
she was at university for 4 years. yes, yes, respect.... I just passed rule that whoever uses disrespectful words against another pays $5, and the other 2 kids stopped immediately.
this one DD has no control it seems. If I had MRI machine id give her one myself right now in the kitchen. she seems so off balance.
either forgets everythign we say or blocks it out. my DH , her father, DID help her with car troubles and she kept saying he is no dad- he didn't help",
but that is not true. the first night she asked he did help and solved the problem.
its all so strange. and we are all exaushsted over this and throw our hands up and not know what to do
so, yes, we need outside help. i jsut hope i can handle getting it taken care of!
you are right Robin, it is too big for me . im so sad. wish it was a bad dream I can just wake from. im so tired. i've had enough in my life.
been told im useless so many times. why do I keep trudging on?? I have no thoughts of suicide, so no worries of me - unnless bart rears it's ugly head again.
but why does this happen to people? is the entire world going to end up insane??
I sure hope there isn't a long wait to see anyone.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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posted
She may be wanting more attention .. and she's getting it this way. The $5 rule sounds good as long as you continue to enforce it.
But really, get her to a doctor so they can evaluate her and get you hooked up with counseling. You have all been through a LOT .. and there's nothing to be ashamed of.
Lyme and company are definitely not something you were all wanting to get ..
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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LisaK
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thanks lymetoo.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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posted
Take care .. get some rest. Love and hugs, Lisa!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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me
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Member # 45475
posted
LisaK, I'm sorry you are still going through this. I agree that outside professional help is needed.
People often say very hurtful things when they are not well. Try and recognize all of the great things you have done for your daughter and not let what she says define how you feel about yourself. You haven't messed her up. She is an adult and, based on what you are saying, it sounds like she needs help.
It also sounds like this situation is not healthy for you, which could have a negative impact on all aspects of your health.
Try and do what keeps you healthy, which may mean tough love--and family therapy.
You will get through this. Hugs.
-------------------- Just sharing my experiences, opinions, and what I've read and learned. Not medical advice. Posts: 1431 | From USA | Registered: Mar 2015
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posted
We are in a very similar situation with our daughter. Uncontrolled outbursts ... LLMD says it's lyme debris in the brain causing seizures.
She started Lamictal (strengthens her own neural connections and protects the brain) a few weeks ago and is slowly increasing the dose. This is helping a lot and she's actually glad herself to be taking it.
Her anxiety is dropping and she feels more like herself. The outbursts are terrible for us, but also for her.
(breaking up the post for easier reading for many here)
[ 10-04-2016, 04:41 PM: Message edited by: Robin123 ]
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LisaK
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posted
thanks me. Bam, that s interesting. hmmm.. I wish I had her go to a real llmd. sigh
I never even went to one! none of us and all have had it, but one .
Just called a psych recomendation and they sound so great there , but can't get us in until last week of this month.
just what I was worried about. how can we wait that long? I hope we last that long!
....and.... i hope this wont be a waste of time and effort with this, and then they don't know what they are doing or something, and also in respect to mental health and these diseases
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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randibear
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I dont know what to say. 23 and still at home treating you this way?
I've never had kids either but I've seen what my sisters have gone through.
sorry but I'd,say no way would she treat the family that way. yes she's sick but thats no excuse.
we have many, many friends in their 60s and 70s and their kids are destroying them. sad. they have no lives, are still working, and supporting full grown kids with kids at home.
im selfish i guess but she should be capable of learning manners at least.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Lisa, re your concern about whether the therapist will understand Lyme, other ideas - to ask for referrals from any nearby Lyme support group, also to ask on your online state Lyme group.
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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posted
Get her to a doctor in the meantime. He/she can put her on some meds to help out.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Catgirl
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Member # 31149
posted
Ah, the ungrateful phase coupled with lyme and company. My daughter was in it for a long time. Looking back, I believe it was bart. Try A-bart. It will calm her down.
I think Lymetoo is right, there is some attention seeking at the heart of it.
-------------------- --Keep an open mind about everything. Also, remember to visit ACTIVISM (we can change things together). Posts: 5418 | From earth | Registered: Mar 2011
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My guess - she's experiencing loss and taking it out on you.
My opinion is for us to try to find things we can do that are of interest to us, that bring positive quality to our life, instead of focusing on what we can't do.
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Marz
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Lisa, do I remember from old post that her boyfrriend broke up with her?
My thought reading this was that she's brokenhearted about this and taking it out on you, so I agree with Robin.
Thoughts and prayers are with you!
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LisaK
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posted
went to counselor last night. he was good. only my DH and I went first time. he can only see a few of us at once. so .. made apts for next time but of course it wont work for DD.
he agreed to see her first (along with me). she is saying she doesn't need it. I also scheduled her to have apt by herself with another therapist. hopefully she will go. I told her she has to .
things have been calm for now. 2 girls still not talking. I told them all that i get very stressed when they all fight and curse or etc. and that I am moving out if they all don't get help because it is damaging me.
going this one time did help dh and me. gave us some rational strength that we are still parents and these are kids.
this counelor doesn't have many open apt. times. unfortunately.
hopefull this will work out.
the kids al lseeing that we went I think made a big impact. they know we are serious now. good.
I do think she has imbalance. she's had lots of testing her life and always they say perfect health, perfect brain , blah blah, and so I gave up years ago and signed her off as fine, but she isn't . although people always compliment us on her . she saves it all up for us I guess.
when she was a baby she had tremmors and they tested her for epilepsy I think and always had circulation problems stemming from traumatic birth with born blue and cord tight on neck needed oxygen, etc. poor baby. then she now still has tremmors in her hands at times. and so does her sister.
I have been working with her and making my rules more heard and when she twists what I say I am correcting her. and yes, there is always somethign adding great stress to her life... right now she is trying to find
a ball gown for a military ball her boyfriend invited her to. yes, she has a boyfriend still, sorry if I mixed that up. anyway, she is now freakig out over this gown. I told her to rent one and she is but she narrowed it down to 25!!! dresses.
haha. and of course wants me to help her pick and then what/ will it be my fault if she hates it!? I want to help her, but it just takes so much energy for me to do that. my brain hurts just looking.
Im trying though.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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Yes, it made a big impact that the two of you went to the appointment! Good job!
STay tough on them, they deserve to have good discipline. How else will they learn to discipline their own children?
Be ready with a good consequence if anyone refuses to go.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Keebler
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- Disciple may best be considered: 'TIS A PLAN for smooth order and cohesiveness.
It helps me think of it that way and it may be easier for others to wrap their cooperation around that way, too. -
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LisaK
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OptiMisTick, I get what you are sayinga dnthat may be the case with DD being infected, but could also be her ADHD and executive functioning disorder,
and , this is a huge and for us... we are very limited in $$$$$ ...so that is why no one gets what they should medically around here.
I always have to choose the lesser of two eveils for us. and yes, many many countless times someone gets the short stick.
I cant' cry myself to sleep over it any more. (even though I do). and im tired tired tired of drs that all say conflicting or stupid things and no one seems to know any answes anyway. I
think genetics has a lot to do with this. DH sister is so much like our DD its scary. many similare things and also in looks and manerisms.
do I worry she has disease? of course. but what am I supposed to do? for years this has been a burden to me. to us. all l this lyme this and that. it drives you insane!
yes, lyme treatment, or whatever treatment would be great and that is on the todo list, but while we are waiting she needs help now with how to deal with things. that is the main goal right now. still trying to get myself together and that
changes daily as all here know.
the problem is that we are all tired here. tired of being sick, tired of everything lyme , tired of havnig to worry about it all, tired of bad drs, tired of each other and the way we were forced to live... etc...
she is prob most open to getting help for lyme IF she knew she had it and not just blame everyone around her for her own problems, etc.
she is the one kid that had the least sx of anything ever and the one that went most un whatever from drs. the other 2 kids have worse sx and have seen many drs. DH is unsupportive mostly. so its a constant battle , son born with this all through me geting EM while preg. has been sick all his life and hides
all sx from me and denies feeling bad ever- like when he broke his wrist and hid it for 2 days.... and alway has "allergies", if you know what I mean. ugh 18 yrs old just turned
the family counselor we saw does know about lyme and phsych , so that is good, if we ever get there. so hard matching schedules!
our house is such a pool of messed up muck with swirlings of illness all around. if this life ain't my penance I don't know what is becasue it is a living hell.
so I trudge on. and do the best I can. alone. in this battle.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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LisaK
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UPDATE.
DD went to her first alone apt with her new counsellor and came home calmer and much better since.
thank you Jesus.
so, that is a promising thing. hope she keeps it up. said she liked the woman.
I go with her next week to the family counsellor, just the 2 of us on Monday. we shall see!!!!!!! im sure it will be a crazy one hour of words flying.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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Keep on keeping on, thats the only thing you can do, and tell her the meaning of love (willing to give of yourself for another person) and tell her that you love her more than anything in the world, I personally, having lymes, just want more empathy, because i dont want to go through the pain alone, but i am slightly less fight and more loving than average.
I do have adhd as well, but we are on a freeish insurance through the county, I am 16, but i know how things work, better than most, its my pastime (dang lymes brain is wandering and ranting)
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LisaK
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thanks Chris!!!!!! best to you also.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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DD went to her first alone apt with her new counsellor and came home calmer and much better since.
thank you Jesus.
so, that is a promising thing. hope she keeps it up. said she liked the woman.
- That is wonderful news!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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LisaK
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we went tonight to first together apt. dd and I alone together. it was ok. I just wish it took one time and done. looks like a long road ahead.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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Take care .. get some rest. Love and hugs, Lisa!![[shake]](graemlins/shake.gif)
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