Bartenderbonnie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 49177
posted
I write this with heavy heart. 💔
I had to put down my beloved big boy cat Jake. He was a 20 lb, 19 year old cat. He was a good boy.(crying)
He had been sick the past 6 months. He lost his hearing, then his eyesight, and then began losing weight.
I have been a responsible pet owner all my life. I decided to keep him as comfortable as possible and when his time was near, I would put him down so he would not suffer.
He would still go outside on my porch, to breathe the air and he acted like he was still the protector of the neighborhood.
The last month required constant care. He would eat little amounts every 1 / 2 hour. I had 4 different kinds of cat food opened at one time, not to mention cut-up ham, steak, turkey(his favorite) and tuna fish. I followed him around the house with a bowl of water to made sure he stayed dehydrated. I brushed him every night and he slept on my bedroom floor next to the radiator.
Unfortunately, my Lyme fighting mentality skewed my thinking. I believed every breathe on this planet was his God given right. With my own sufferring, pain, and chronic illness threatening my life, I fought to keep this cat alive. . . I didn't want death to win. I was determined to cheat death for as long as possible.
I made a mistake.
I shouldn't have wanted so long. If I was in my right mind, I should have let him go 1 month ago. I'm sorry Jake.(crying) He deserved better from me. I'm really having a hard time over how I handled this. The guilt over my actions will stay with me for a long time. . .
Lyme disease has affected my every thought, action, decisions. I thought I was doing the right thing.
Strange how you're never too old to learn a lesson.
We live in a fallen world. The bible teaches us that death is the enemy. This is why Jesus came to conquer death and offer the gift of salvation.
Revelation 21 : 4
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."
RIP Jake. ❤️
Posts: 2977 | From Florida | Registered: Nov 2016
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posted
Oh, Bonnie. It's OK .. Jake loved every extra minute he had with you. I can't imagine how hard it was to let go. He was a part of your life for 19 years and that is amazing.
No more crying, no more pain. He is at peace and you will be too one day.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Ann-Ohio
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 44364
posted
I am so sorry. Just don't forget: Jake was a lucky cat to have you and all your love for such a long time...
-------------------- Ann-OH Posts: 1590 | From Ohio | Registered: Aug 2014
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
Hi <<<<< B'Bonnie >>>>>,
Honey,you were, and are, being responsible!!!
The last weeks were difficult, but so worth it!!!!
Our animals are a huge part of family,and help us as much as we help them,likely more.
And I believe they will be waiting in heaven ,when our time comes !!! I like the rainbow bridge concept, that our animals cross over and join w/ other pets to wait for us.
I'm thinkin' our beloved Petey-pete dog [Elkhound/Husky/Shepherd mix], and Sihayah sweety-girl dog [Husky/Wolf/Chow mix], who were very affectionate w/ our kitties were on hand to greet your Jake. Most likely there were a lot of wonderful animals there to greet him!!!
You have been blessed to have a special cat for so long!! TrekC' had to give up our Cats, when he developed a sudden allergy,after a surgery a few years back. We miss them greatly.
In time when you are ready, perhaps another beautiful, wonderful kitty will choose you for their person... give yourself time !!
Jus' Silverwolfi here
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
I am so sorry for your loss. having lyme is tough enough but then add the pain from a beloved pet's loss is almost unbearable.
when randi, my chocolate lab, died, I cried for weeks. then the depression hit.
know that you were loved unconditionally every minute. you will see jake again.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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aklnwlf
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5960
posted
Dear BB I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet.
I have some guilt also in regards to my pet's passing.
I'm sure you did the best you could.
Always better to err on doing something out of love.
-------------------- Do not take this as medical advice. This comment is based on opinion and personal experience only.
Alaska Lone Wolf Posts: 6147 | From Columbus, GA | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Oh, Bonnie, I'm so very sorry. You did the best you could. The good Lord will restore everything one day!!!
Pets are part of the family and it's very painful to lose them. Sending you many hugs to help.
Wish I could have a cat (I'd have two!), but some family members have allergies to them. I had a wonderful tabby cat in high school and still miss him to this day.
Here is the "Rainbow Bridge" poem for you. Please let me know if the bold letters bother your eyes and I will gladly change it back to regular type. Hope you find some comfort in it:
The Rainbows Bridge Poem
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance.
His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.
The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknownPosts: 8981 | From Illinois | Registered: May 2006
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Bartenderbonnie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 49177
posted
Thank you so much for all the kind and inspiring words. I would be literally lost without the Lyment community.
I will never forget Jake and I will never forget your beautiful sympathies. God bless each and everyone one of you. ❤️
Posts: 2977 | From Florida | Registered: Nov 2016
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Brussels
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13480
posted
Bonnie, I also lost a 19 year old dog.
It's way too long, 19 years.
I hope you'll feel better soon. You've been good to her, she knows it.
I also loved my dog. That's part of life, that is also why life is worth living!
We love, we suffer, but without love, what's the use of living?
Sending you a prayer, that you won't let yourself down for too long. Your immune system needs you!!!
Posts: 6199 | From Brussels | Registered: Oct 2007
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
oh, I had my baby cremated. the vet paid half. she was put in a beautiful cedar box with gold plaque. I have her favorite stuffed blue kitty and collar with her box in the living room.
it brings me comfort.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Sammi
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 110
posted
Bartenderbonnie, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Jake. I know it is a heart-wrenching loss.
You are are a responsible cat mom, Jake's nineteen years with you is evidence of this. There is no reason for you to feel guilty. I have no doubt he treasured every day spent with you.
When the rawness subsides a little, maybe consider planting a tree in Jake's memory. Watching it grow and thrive can be very comforting and healing.
Posts: 4681 | Registered: Oct 2000
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Bartenderbonnie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 49177
posted
Thank you again for all your heartfelt replies.
I apologize for posting my heartbreaking story. It is not my intention to cause anyone any undue grief and stress during our fragile health issues.
I thought long and hard about posting. I determined it was a learning experience for me and maybe might help others who are faced with a similar circumstance.
I let my stubbornness get in the way of what was in the best interest of my beloved cat. I made it about me when it should have been about the dignity of one of God's creatures. For this is what I truly regret.
Life is so hard. If we can help each other navigate it, it can lessen the burden. Best wishes to all.
Posts: 2977 | From Florida | Registered: Nov 2016
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map1131
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2022
posted
So sorry Bonnie for your loss. Take care of you!
Pam
-------------------- "Never, never, never, never, never give up" Winston Churchill Posts: 6478 | From Louisville, Ky | Registered: Jan 2002
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Bartenderbonnie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 49177
posted
Thank you Pam.
Posts: 2977 | From Florida | Registered: Nov 2016
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
I hope you are feeling better.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Bartenderbonnie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 49177
posted
Thanks randibear
Feeling better. Miss my big boy, but he's in a better place, for sure.
Thank you for thinking of me. Posts: 2977 | From Florida | Registered: Nov 2016
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