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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » Medical Questions » Depression that has no bottom!!!

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Author Topic: Depression that has no bottom!!!
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Hi guys ..... I know I haven't been out here for a very long time, but I'm hoping that maybe somebody out there is or has experienced what I'm going through.

For a good 20 years, I have been on some type of medication for depression, panic attacks, disassociation panic attacks (a whole other animal) and also PTSD. (I was raped at gunpoint when I was 20 .... my shrinks have always agreed that "the incident" may be causing PTSD but we never, ever seem to TALK ABOUT IT!!!) I am also a cutter. I'm afraid of sharp things so I dig into the skin of my left thigh with toothpicks .... 4 cuts each time about an inch and 1/2 long and deep enough to bleed so that the droplets would run down my leg. And let me tell you - using toothpicks really requires determination!!!

I stopped cutting 01/11/11. I quit smoking 01/12/11 using patches and I hate to jinx myself but I have had no desire to cut or smoke. So basically I've always been a little depressed and I spent a lot of time either warding off or dealing with panic attacks.

All of that changed a couple of months ago. I have always slept in a recliner because of my back, but I started LIVING in it 24/7. I was slowly spiraling downhill into some kind of deep depression .... a darkness that I never knew could exist in my mind. The only time I would get out from under my safety blanket in the recliner was to pee or take my meds. I wasn't eating. I wasn't bathing. I kept my phone shut off (I talked to no one!!!). I didn't pay my bills. I barely kept track of my meds. If I did mercifully fall asleep, I either slept for a couple of hours or slept right through the next day.

It was dark when I fell asleep; it was dark when I woke up. If there was still daylight, I would put the blanket over most of my head and practically force myself to fall asleep again. If that didn't work, I would rock like I used to when I was a baby .... sometimes that would ease my poor overworked mind and body; sometimes I would just rock the hell out of the recliner for hours with no sleep in my immediate future.

My mind was racing in overdrive .... not about things like do I have enough money for rent, or how will I get to the grocery store, or do I really want to "loan" my son any more money. My mind was and still is trying to save my mind. I hope I can explain this because I could really use any input on what to do.

With this deeper dark depression, I am afraid of everything .... especially when I am alone. The only reason that I can sit here this morning and post this is because my very best friend left her home and dogs to come stay with me for a while. During the night I just burst out crying for no apparent reason .... I was so scared .... After a 1/2 hour of crying with no end in sight, I had to yell for my friend .... she came out and sat with me while I tried to pull myself together and talked with me throughout the night.

A week ago my shrink added Abilify to enhance the effects of the Prozac that I already take .... it takes up to a month for the therapeutic levels to start helping (30 pills for $650 .... I get a little break from my insurance .... I pay $506 .... isn't that disgusting?!?!)

I am afraid that I am going to lose my mind .... that I will no longer know who I AM .... that I will lose my identity and not be able to tell anyone who I am and where I belong. I'M AFRAID THAT I AM NOT GOING TO EXIST ANYMORE .... that there WON'T BE A ME anymore!!!

It is so hard to explain. Has anyone gone through this or maybe someone could explain it to me so that I will finally understand what my mind is doing to me .... or what I am doing to my mind.

Thank you so much for your time,

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

Posts: 830 | From Endicott, NY | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Although many of my lyme symptoms have improved, I have struggled with mental issues. For me LD triggered a mood disorder and I have been treating it with Risperdal.

The drug has done its job as far as my moods are concerned; they don't switch back and forth anymore. But I have been stuck in a depressed state and can't seem to conquer it. It seems to be gradually getting worse.

Not that this is much help to you; but know that you are not alone. I really think LD or Bart causes these mental issues and hopefully with continued lyme treatment they will eventually subside.

Posts: 4035 | From Mississippi | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I'm very sorry for your suffering! Sounds so terrible. I hope someone here has some suggestions for you.

[group hug] [group hug]

Hang in there. Are you seeing an LLMD?

Opinions, not medical advice!

Posts: 96173 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Are you wondering if you might have lyme disease or have you already been diagnosed? I hope you can see an LLMD. It would probably lift your spirits to know that lyme is treatable and your depression can be helped.

Most of us go through ups and downs emotionally and mentally because the organisms attack our brains. People have all kinds of problems.

Untreated undiagnosed lyme and co-infections can mascarade as many mental disorders. Treating it is not a piece of cake either but it beats the alternative. Hope you see an LLMD soon.

old joke: idiopathic means the patient is pathological and the the doctor is an idiot

Posts: 4676 | From western Montana | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I'm so sorry you�re suffering so much, and for so long �20 years�.

I�m certainly not qualified to guard you through this terrible disease but I can tell you that many of us are suffering with similar symptoms. Do you have an LLMD you see?

I think its great you were able to quite �cutting� and also at the same time
you quite �smoking�, great job, you should be very proud of yourself!!!

I�m so sorry you had to go through - (I was raped at gunpoint when I was 20 )
Always remember, it wasn�t your fault! I would think your doctor would be
talking to you about that. You mentioned your doctor never bring it up to you,
or addresses the issue. I think you need to talk to him/her regarding how you are
still feeling today.

Don�t forget, all people with depression problems have much more difficulty in
the winter months, �I do�. I see you�re from NY, it�s been a really cold, snowy, ugly
winter. Try putting a smile on your, and hope for a very early �Spring�. Are you smiling?

I just posted some ideas about depression a couple of days ago, here they are>
I will suggest a couple of things that may help a little. Always check with your doctor before making chooses.

� You have to keep busy
� You have to do what ever exercise you can � even taking walks can make all the difference in the world

� Try and eat as healthy as possible
� Avoid alcohol
� Get plenty of sleep � if you can, I know its hard but keep working on it.

Here�s some good stuff from the Web:

Alternative medicine
You may be interested in trying to relieve depression symptoms with complementary or alternative medicine strategies. These include supplements and mind-body techniques.

Make certain you understand risks as well possible benefits before pursuing alternative therapy. Don't forgo conventional medical treatment or psychotherapy for alternative medicine. When it comes to depression, alternative treatments aren't a substitute for medical care.

Here are some common alternative treatments that are used for depression.
Herbal remedies and supplements
A number of herbal remedies and supplements have been used for depression. A few common ones include:

� St. John's wort. Known scientifically as Hypericum perforatum, this is an herb that's been used for centuries to treat a variety of ills, including depression. It's not approved by the Food and Drug Administration to treat depression in the United States. Rather, it's classified as a dietary supplement. However, it's a popular depression treatment in Europe. It may be helpful if you have mild or moderate depression.

� SAMe. Pronounced "sammy," this is a synthetic form of a chemical that occurs naturally in the body. The name is short for S-adenosylmethionine. It's not approved by the FDA to treat depression in the United States. Rather, it's classified as a dietary supplement. However, it's used in Europe as a prescription drug to treat depression.

� Omega-3 fatty acids. Eating a diet rich in omega-3s or taking omega-3 supplements may help ease depression and also appears to have a number of other health benefits. These healthy fats are found in cold-water fish, flaxseed, flax oil, walnuts and some other foods.
Keep in mind that nutritional and dietary products aren't monitored by the Food and Drug Administration the same way medications are. You can't always be certain of what you're getting and if it's safe.

Also, be aware that some herbal and dietary supplements can interfere with prescription medications or cause dangerous interactions. To be safe, talk to your doctors and other health care providers before taking any herbal or dietary supplements.

Mind-body connections

The connection between mind and body has been studied for centuries. Complementary and alternative medicine practitioners believe the mind and body must be in harmony for you to stay healthy.

Mind-body techniques used to improve depression symptoms include:

� Acupuncture
� Yoga
� Meditation
� Guided imagery
� Massage therapy

As with dietary supplements, take care in using these techniques. Although they may pose less of a risk, relying solely on these therapies is not enough to treat depression. If you try mind-body techniques or other alternative therapies first to treat your depression but your symptoms worsen or don't improve, talk to your doctor.

Coping and support
Coping with depression can be challenging. Talk to your doctor or therapist about improving your coping skills, and try these tips:

� Simplify your life. Cut back on obligations when possible, and set reasonable goals for yourself. Give yourself permission to do less when you feel down.

� Consider writing in a journal. Journaling can improve mood by allowing you to express pain, anger, fear or other emotions.

� Read reputable self-help books. Your doctor or therapist may be able to recommend books to read.

� Join a support group. Connecting with others facing similar challenges can help you cope. Local support groups for depression are available in many communities, and support groups for depression are also offered online.

� Don't become isolated. Try to participate in social activities, and get together with family or friends regularly.
� Take care of yourself. Eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly and get plenty of sleep.
� Learn ways to relax and manage your stress. Examples include meditation, yoga and tai chi.

� Structure your time. Plan your day and activities. You may find it helpful to make a list of daily tasks, use sticky notes as reminders or use a planner to stay organized.
� Don't make important decisions when you're down. Avoid decision making when you're feeling very depressed, since you may not be thinking clearly.

Please check with your doctors before making any chooses on different Herbal remedies and supplements.

Please keep in touch shadow13, and hang in there, it will get better � I promise you!
We all need a helping hand from time to time, God knows a lot of us wouldn�t be here if it wasn�t for friends like (LYMENET)!

Everything I say is just my opinion!

Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Shadow, I feel for you. I'm close to that point but am fighting it every moment. I have PTSD and have tried antidepressents over the years but just don't trust them anymore. Honestly, I take Concerta (Ritalin) each day and since this Lyme, Bart & God knows what else has taken over my entire body, it's only the Concerta that allows me to attempt to face living each day. And, sometimes that does not work. If I was not a Christian I probably would have taken my life just to escape the depression, cuz now with becoming physically unable to leave the house, there seems to be no other escape from the strong pull to just hide in a dark hole. Please PM me anytime you need to vent or chat. It really helps to talk about it.


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Liz D
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shadow13 - first I send big hugs your way. Are you being treated for lyme and co? Being treated for lyme and bart has all but knocked out anxiety, panic attacks, ptsd (supposedly from loosing a young sister in an ugly way 24 years ago), bleak depression, etc etc. Its taken nearly 2 years to get to this stage - am virtually off anti depressants, no longer on anxiety meds and almost off sleeping pills. If you are being treated are you seeing any light at the end of the tunnel? Does your lymoe doc know how you are feeling? Please tell him or her - maybe your meds need tweaking?
So sorry for your anquish. Liz D

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Thank you all for responding back to me. It makes me feel not quite so alone. I wish that I had remembered my Lymenet friends while struggling to get out of this bottomless pit that I can't seem to climb out of.

My friend is still staying with me. I'm petrified of what's going to happen when she finally has enough of me and goes back to her home. Am I just putting off the inevitable??? I barely made it out of my primary care's office last Monday. She desperately wanted to admit me to the crisis center. After assuring her that my friend was not going to leave me and that I have a shrink appt. today, she discussed it with the office manager (I was now a liability to them) and they agreed to let me leave.

Thank you guys for reminding me about Babs and Bart. I've had both two or three times since I was finally diagnosed with lyme in 2001. I was bit the first time in NY in 1990 but not treated because I tested "borderline/low-positive" even though I had 3 tests come back that way in 1991. The doc I had then admitted in later years that they just didn't know enough about lyme disease when I was first bit.

I was bit again in 2000 in New Hampshire. After 10 years of not being treated, I was doing the dance we all do while trying to find a doc who can finally take all of our symptoms, put them together and realize they point to lyme disease. By then my lyme symptoms were just exploding. It was my shrink who realized I had lyme disease and pointed me to my first LLMD. By then I had encephalitis, meningitis, too much spinal fluid causing brain swelling, and other itis's. I was positive for Babs and Bart and put on Zithro and Mepron.

Eventually I started seeing Dr. B in Long Island and started doing my own IV's for a little over two years. I was herxing on a regular schedule, my head stopped pounding so much after 10 years and my symptoms were starting to get under control. I almost felt like a human being again. Then Dr. B decided to retire and do research. My primary care would not let me continue to do the IV's because he wasn't comfortable not having Dr. B as a LLMD liaison and I haven't been able to find another LLMD for many years.

Sutherngrl - you mention Risperdal as treatment for your mood disorders. But then you say that you are still "stuck in a depressed state and can't seem to conquer it" and you "seem to be gradually getting worse." Are your mood disorders under control enough to justify using Risperdal? I am going to mention the drug to my shrink today and see what she thinks about it.

Lymetoo - I'm glad to see your familiar name again. I'm not seeing a LLMD now. The last one I saw (Dr. C in Mt. Kisco) wanted me to come back daily for IV treatment (his office is 3-4 hrs from me and that's one way.) He refused to let me do my own IV's even though I had done them for many years in the past with no problem. I stopped seeing him because we were at a standstill.

Nefferdun - Thanks for reminding me about co-infections. I'm going to ask my shrink today about getting tested for them again. And I'm glad you mentioned the LLMD organisms that attack our brains. I have chronic neurological LD. Over the years, whenever I had a brain cat scan or mri, the doc would always mention "empty cells" but not put any emphasis on them. Also on my last scan my neurologist mentioned something strange in my brain (I don't remember the details) but told me not to worry about it RIGHT NOW!!! You have reminded me of all of this .... I would be so relieved??? if I knew that my LD and not my MIND was causing this horrid depression that is rapidly taking over ME. Does that make any sense???

steve - thank you so much for all of your information. Today is the day my shrink and I are going to talk about the rape that caused me, among other things, to lose my self-esteem, my independence, and control of my life anymore. I have been trying to keep busy, eat healthy, and get some fresh air. I am not sleeping well at all .... I hate to do it but I think I may need some sleeping pills to regulate my sleeping again. I am still reading (processing?) all the good stuff you sent me from the web. I take some supps already but I'm interested in St. John's wart and SAMe. Thank you so much for your time. (I�m working on those smiles!!!)

Beagle - I'm so sorry you're going through your own personal hell and I'm grateful you took the time to help me. I'm also pretty much housebound. That certainly doesn't help this downward spiral. I'm also disabled (botched back surgery, constant pain, and tons of arthritis) and I walk with a cane .... I can't stand for any length of time and walking is oh so painful. But I try to at least FORCE myself to go out on my porch and breath the fresh air even if only for a few minutes. I have also had suicidal thoughts over the years. What stops me? .... I HAVE TO POUND THIS INTO MY HEAD EACH TIME .... it is a sin, I have 5 beautiful grandbabies, my sons would not get my life insurance.

Liz - Thank you for the big hugs! I am thrilled for you that you made it out of your depression. And I'm impressed that it took only two years. Did you also go through counseling with a shrink? I am not being treated by a LLMD .... I've explained why up above. But you have given me hope that there is a light SOMEWHERE at the end of this bleak tunnel. Could you possibly PM me about the drugs your LLMD and shrink had you on? It's OK if you don't feel comfortable doing that .... I completely understand.

So, once again, thanks for listening to me. My shrink appt is this afternoon .... I'm afraid she may want to admit me to the mental health crisis center. Maybe I need to be in there to be monitored .... I'm so confused. Wish me luck and thank you again.


Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

Posts: 830 | From Endicott, NY | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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After reading all of these posts, I just want to say - stay strong - with help you WILL get relief.

I get alot of psych symptoms from the lyme also. I find that going on antibiotics very slowly helps that walk you though the whole processsomewhat.

I know going through these symptoms is horrible. You wont go crazy. There are lots of meds out there. They just have to find the right one for you.

I have another suggestion - go on to You tube and look up EMT - Emotional Freedom Technique - This has helped me. There are really good tutorials
that will take you through the whole process. This
stuff is amazing.

Hang in there. Here's a well needed hug for you!

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Shadow, yes the Risperdal has been wonderful for controlling my out of control mood disorder. Riding the mood rollar coaster was just awful and Risperdal has been an aweseome drug for that. My moods are very stable.

I just can't get past this mild to moderate depressed state. The strange thing is.... that Risperdal is also used for "hard to treat" depression. So its possible that my depression is more of a psychological depression. Something I just have to work through.

Posts: 4035 | From Mississippi | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Hi shadow13
I'm so happy your friend is still living with you. If she decides to leave, please try and get another friend to stay with you, till you're feeling well enough to be on your own.

You need more fresh air, try your best to get out more, even just a short walk each day. (be careful of all the ice)! Also, keep yourself busy, read a book-(something funny). I know you mentioned you�re disabled, you can do simple exercise even while sitting in a chair, it does help keeping you body active. Keep posting here, it�s good to know we all have friends that understand what we are going through.

I�ve also been down this road more than once. Many years ago I was very depressed, it lasted about two years; I think. Without getting into detail I�ll tell you the one thing that drove me nuts. Every time, and I mean every time, I left the house I had to keep checking to see if I had cloths on. This was only one symptom I had but, I through you might find it funny. I find it somewhat funny today but, not at the time it was happening. It�s sort of like a man always checking to see if he has his wallet, we�re always feeling our pockets to make sure it�s there.

I did pretty good for a lot of years, until the lyme bugs decided to live with me. I�m only telling you this because I want you to know, you�re not along fighting this beast. Keep working on it, you�ll get better!

It sounds like your having a hard time finding a new LLMD. Have you gone to seeking a doctor on this site?

The light at the end of the tunnel is waiting for you. Don't forget, baby steps are okay but, you need to keep taking them!!!

If your shrink thinks it would help you by going to a crisis center for awhile, why not try it. I don't think it would hurt, and maybe they can get you on the right track.

I hope your appt. goes well!

Let us know how you make out?

O-and keep working on those smiles [Smile] [Smile] [Smile]

Everything I say is just my opinion!

Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Hi Shadow:
I had an incident like the ones you describe - not as bad but terrifying: I could not eat, go out, talk to anybody, or come out of a corner of my room. I had the most terrifying disassociation attacks. I think it is Bart treatment - and some good SSRIs and Magnesium and a supplement called Kavinace that have helped - good luck to you. The mental stuff is just horrible. Also, I saw Dr C and was not impressed by his willingness to work with patients: you might think about calling Dr H and seeing if they'd be willing to do the home IVs with you.

Posts: 360 | From New York | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
chiquita incognita

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I am not a doctor so let me qualify that. But according to Linda Rector Page ND in her book "Healthy Healing", prozac carries the highest suicide rate of any drug and can actually induce depression in some individuals. Have you checked into this with your doctor?

Also panic attacks could (in naturopathic perspective) possibly relate to over-stressed adrenal glands which are "whigging out". You could do a search about panic attacks here on this website, where only the top naturopaths post (this is highly trustworthy information):

If you are interested, find a naturopathic doctor here:

Depression can have so many root causes. Lyme can be one of them, but also if you check into Leaky Gut Syndrome, gluten intolerance, these too can play a role. Heavy metal exposure,ditto and toxicity in general from environmental chemicals. A good detox therapy could help if this is the root cause.

Please do surround yourself with friends. You must be very strong inside to keep hanging in all by yourself after all you have been through, but please don't try to do this struggle alone. We all need support and love *especiallY* when we are down. The most dangerous thing we can do is to isolate. Often things come into perspective as we are in the company of other people and gain their insights. Our own heads can be our worst poison. Please surround yourself with love and uplift and beautiful things. Lovely books about nature or art or whatever draws your interest, outdoors can have a healthy mood impact. Oh and not to mention, a lot of people recover with light box therapy when depressed. That's right, a simple box from which infrared light comes out. But simple sunshine and natural vitamin D can help sometimes. It sounds like you need your medications right now too.

One thing I am continually finding out in life is this:

Big (huge) problems...simple solutions. It has worked out that way every time in my life. Yes, even when dealing with things as big as you are talking about. My issue was not depression, but other *major* stuff cleared as I got off gluten. Very fast too. That's because I happen to be gluten intolerant (not everybody is) and we didn't know it at the time. Give food allergy therapy a try and see if something shifts. Could be worth a try, anyway.

Hang in there my friend, the sun melts the clouds and they simply evaporate. Then the whole landscape looks more cheerful, and in the same landscape too. Life will look up. Things pass.

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chiquita incognita

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ps about fish oils:

The Japanese culture has the lowest depression rates in the world, attributed to their massive fish consumption and the omega 3s. Even bipolar depression has responded beautifully to fish oils, with "Sharply reduced relapse rates" see this doc's charted parallel studies (about 12 of them) on his webpage. He purposely chose the weakest studies for an unbiased result, and even those are pretty impressive:

The most pure source of fish oils ( I have researched this) is the Nordic Naturals Brand, which I recommend all the time (I am not affiliated, don't work for them, and there are no special interests at stake). This company has their batches tested by third party, and consistently shows 0 parts ber billion of mercury, PCBs and other contaminants. Be sure to choose a fish oil that is coldpressed: This greatly slows down oxidation, which causes rancidity. A cold pressed product will have a much better shelf life and be healthy for you, whereas the other stuff will oxidize and go rancid more quickly and be harmful instead of good. The extra money is simply worth it.

Kirkland (from Costco) is stretched out with soy oil and has a high contamination rate, over 300 parts per million. I would suggest to avoid it.

The dosages are not clear on the studies charted above, but it would certainly appear that at least 2,000 mg daily is required. See the MD"s studies charted above for further reference.

About vitamin D and depression: People in Iceland and other dark parts of the world have been observed to come down with depression during the dark times of the year, so hence hte term Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I myself know someone who pulled out of a deep depression that had really lasted, using an infrared light box as I described above. A holistic doctor would know about this, but you can do an online search about it. Sunshine may have more gifts than just light alone. Light itself uplifts the spirits. On the physiological level, vitamin D from the sun actually does help depression, according to naturopaths whose articles I have read.

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chiquita incognita

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PS do you have medically managed pain care? Pain itself can cause depression. Be sure your doc knows the mix of meds you are taking, plus any supplements, including fish oils. The latter are blood thinners and should not be mixed with blood thinning medication.
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Shadow I am so sorry as I can relate.. I had anxiety, depression to some degree before Lyme but since Lyme it is horrible. I am so scared to leave my house so won't go to the doctor. I only take anti-anxiety meds. I will be seeing a doctor on Tues. and scared to death of leaving the house but my husband insist he will probably have to carry me.

Oh, my heart breaks for you but you can overcome this. I wish I could tell you how.My cousin was so much like you but she is doing much better now. With good doctors and medicine and a lot of praying. Are you getting any treatment for lyme or do you have lyme?

I wish I had an answer but all I can say is I can relate. We are here for you ..


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chiquita incognita

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Dear Friend

You might consider looking at therapist/nutritionist Julia Ross's book called The Mood Cure. She discusses amino acids which boost neurotransmitters in the brain. (Aminos should not be doubled up with mainstream mood-altering meds, except if supervised by a psychiatrist, because the combination could "put you over the top").

Here is a brilliant excerpt from Dr David Burns's equally brilliant cognitive therapy book, "The FEeling GOod Handbook". *****I cannot recommend this simple and effective book enough, it contains exercises that you can apply to your life and thought processes which break mental patterns in truly simple yet far-reaching ways. Five stars and some more!***** Here goes:


All-or-nothing thinking: You look at things in absolute, black and white categories.

Overgeneralization: You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat (IE: "Depression that knows no bottom!" Remember, my friend: This too shall pass. Things change. THings improve. You won't stay stuck forever, not if you tackle the root cause. You will be okay, with the right strategy!! There's hope!)

Mental Filter: You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positives

Discounting the positives: You insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities "don't count"

Jumping to Conclusions: A) Mind reading---you assume that people are reacting negatively to you when there's no definite evidence for this; B) Fortune-telling---you arbitrarily predict that thigns will turn out badly

Magnification or Minimization: You blow things way up out of proportion or you shrink their importance inappropriately

Emotional Reasoning: You reason from how you feel: I feel like an idiot, so I really must be one". Or "I don't feel like doing this, so I'll put it off".

Should statements: You criticize yourself or other people with "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts". "Musts" "Oughts" and "have tos" are similar offenders.

Labelling: You identify with your shortcomings. Instead of saying "I made a mistake", you tell yourself "I'm a jerk" or "a fool" or "a loser".

Personalization and blame: You blame yourself for something you weren't entirely responsible for, or you blame other people and overlook ways that your own attitudes and behavior might contribute to a problem.

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treating Bartonella got rid of most of those same symptoms that you have,

I couldn't believe the difference that it made,

I was in treatment for Bartonella for 3 months,

I still need some meds for anxiety and panic, but I think that treating Babesia will help me even more,

I also am going to ask my LLMD if we can treat the Bartonella again,

Have you done treatment for Bartonella?

I am not a doctor. I have no clue.

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chiquita incognita

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Also, have you had your blood sugar checked out? FYI with hypoglycemia, my doc told me that they have to catch it at the moment that it is happening, because the blood sugar bounces back up and when they test you for it at that moment, they won't get the hypoglycemic "read". So to get a blood sugar monitor can be important, IF your doctor suspects blood sugar imbalance may be contributing to your situation. That's an "if" because this is only a thought, but not a diagnosis. I am not a doctor.

Very best wishes to you and please stay surrounded by friendship and love! Try to find things that really feed your soul, whether it's good music or nature books or art or sports or whatever it is. Soul food is key, and so is friendship and love. You are doing the right thing to reach out, and please don't stay isolated at home! Remember that people want to help. The assumption that we are imposing on others is often an errant one. Take care.

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Healing in Santa Cruz
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Hope you will get tested for KPU/HPU Pyrroluria Info at click on articles A new breakthrough for chronically ill patients. And a book called Depression Free Naturally Joan Mathews Larson Also search here. [Smile]
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chiquita incognita

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It just occurred to me:

Are you familiar with the work of Daniel Amen, MD?

He is a psychiatrist/author and tv show guest. He does before/after brain imaging showing progress in brain centers after medication. He believes in integrating naturopathics and medications together, and apparently a lot of people get very good results. You could google him and find his website and then find a clinic near you, or perhaps ask if they do phone consultations.

Just an idea.
Take care and be well.

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i didn't read all of the replies to your post, but i can feel your pain. i have terrible fears and anxieties. all made worse when i'm alone. it's gotten a little better with use of homeopathics. classical homeopathy has really helped me through some tough times. its a slow process, but there are many tools that may help.

if you find one that works let us know.


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