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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » Medical Questions » I just don't want to go on!!!!

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Author Topic: I just don't want to go on!!!!
guiney
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Hi, today has been an awful day!!! Ending my 4th week into treatment. so, you know that means I'm herxing real bad.

I've slept all day today.Didn't take my pain pill till 2 hours ago. Iwas in so much pain I really thought I was going to have to go to the ER.

I didn't wake up this morning to do my treatment. I'm just real weak and shaky righ tnow.

I'm depressed so bad. I can't wait till this herx is over!!!!! My life is passing by. I havn't seen my boyfriend in a while and he lives 2 blocks away!!!

I just turned 35 and ofcourse I'm looking at my life as it is and really feeling sorry formyself and my children!!!!!

I woke up for 15minutes this morning and screamed at the top of my lungs at mt 5 year old right before she had to go to school. I barely remember doing it!!!

I'm losing control here and I'm scared!!!!!!That's all I have to say now, Jamie


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cbb
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Jamie,
I'm so sorry that you're having such a rough time.
Do you have any family nearby who could help you some.
Or maybe some friends and neighbors.

Is there a Lyme Support Group near you?

Please don't give up. Don't let this disease win.
You need to find a way to make it thru all this. Your children need you.
If you give up, you'll continue a downward spiral.

Have you called your LLMD to let him/her know how badly you're herxing?
Keep in close touch with the dr's office when you're feeling as bad as you are.

They should be able to offer some suggestions.

When you have the time & energy, give us an update so we'll know how you're doing. OK?
You know that we understand & we care!!


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lymeHerx001
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You have a boyfriend who loves you and children who love you.

Thats more then I have.

keep your chin up


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lymeHerx001
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too add to it.,,

Ive been sick 11 years..

I wish I had one full year in there where I could have met someone special.

fg regret


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guiney
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Thank you guys.....I know herxing is the reason I am feeling phsically anmd mentally so bad.

it just feels like forever whan I'm herxing and it puts me over the edge sometimes. My llmd says that after this I will have a few good weekd and then Bamb!!! another herx then a few good weeks and again Bamb another herx.

I know this is all apart of treatment, it's just so hard!!!!!!! I'm in soo much pain today. I take oxycontin for pain and today nothing seems to be helping!!!

My knees are burnig, my back is hurting I'm shaking from pain. My mother is here and she is helping me walking and get up when I can't.

It's just so frustrating!!!! I am so sorry for sounding like a pain. I'm just venting!!!!Jamie

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zipzip
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i'm herxing badly and am just as frustated with angst as you are.

this s..t is one tough f..k'in cookie.

if you keep your head up i'll keep up mine...

partners in lyme...

zip


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Chocolat
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Jamie-

My heart goes out to you and I hope you are better soon

Don't know who your LLMD is and it doesn't matter. But please review some of the latest posts about not*super-hero-ing* through herxes that sound as bad as you describe.

There seems to be a shift in thinking with many docs now that herxing that bad really does more harm to your body.

Back off--take a break--soak in hot-not too hot--baths with Epsom salts-whatever.

If your LLMD is not one that goes along with this mentality, well, decide for yourself--- you do not and should not suffer this badly from a herx----not anymore!!!!!!!

If I could put you in touch with some of the posts, I would-but I am not computer savvy enough.

Be easy on yourself.

Drat--think you said you were on IV---can't remember. If this keeps up, maybe you could switch to orals for a while.

Let us know how you do and what you decide.

Chocolat---hopes you are in better shape tomorrow.


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Beverly
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Hi Jamie,

I'm sorry you are in so much pain, that really stinks. I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you.

Hang in there ok.

Sending gentle hugsss your way,
Beverly


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guiney
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lymeherx001, I am so sorry to hear you've been sick for 11 years!!!!!! WOW!! Are you on treatment right now?

Are you seeing an llmd? Do you hav esomeone that is helping you? you said regret... would you like to elaborate? I hope you are ok? you are in my thoughts...

zip:0 I will keep my head up...partners

chocolat- I am on IV Doxy 200mgs twice a day.....today I only did 200....I did email my llmd

She gets back to right away, So I shouldhear ffrom her tomm. Thank you!!

Beverly I can always count on you for such kindess.....thanks for the gentle hugss

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once bitten
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It is tough. I hate that feeling too of knowing i have yelled at my kid ONE MORE TIME and I dont know how many times I have apologized.

I spoke to my LLMD about it a few years ago and he said well YOU HAVE LYME. then I had a really bad episode (I threw some jeans she had bought down the condo stairs to the outside...screaming and yelling..that stupid Jay Lo) it was during a bad low pressure storm and I had an encephalitic headache...

so I spoke with my family doc. She put me back on klonopin. I do well on that. Lately I had fallen off on treatment and now have got bad again. I ahve gone back on and am getting better in that department, but can feel myself gettting to that point.

You know where you go from 0 to 79 mph in 3 seconds?
well, its your brain is sick. really. low blood flow to the part that controls responses and tempers our angry reactions. also the meningial lining of our brains can swell and cause pressure and pain and make us literally out of our heads. think about it..when you have a concussion, your brain swells. it hurts like hell.

eventually it passes and you get better. well that's how I think of herxing. so make sure you take your pain meds even if you miss your abx. stay ahead of the pain. get some mood stabilizer, klonopin or something. it does help. and lighten up on yourself. i know easier said than done. every mom screams at their kid from time to time.

just be sure to tell her EACH TIME that it isnt her fault, that your head is sick and you are sorry you lost your temper.
and if you have been sick that long have you had your dtr tested? if not, think about doing that at some point when you are better.

right now, rest, try to remember you are dealing with a horrid illness, and it masks your personality and control abilities. also your ability to find your car in the parking lot, assuming you found your keys and could drive to go out somewhere and not got lost.
its nice you have a boyfriend, i hope he is the kind to stick around. and you know when you feel good enough, do something for them.

I spent a lot of time when my dtr was little and I was soo sooo sick we played barbie and drew and she read to ME all on my huge bed.
we made up games and just did little things to have fun. I also made sure the knives and all were up high,and that there was lots of food in the fridge that she could get to eat.
She has lyme too,but at the time I did not know it. but she has always had the abilty to be kind understanding helpful and know that happiness can come from simple things.


You have lots of company here, and if you ever want to email me, feel free to my email is listed on my profile. also there is a great yahoo group..parents of lyme kids.

I have been sick with lyme since prob high school but not begining the testing ordeals until 1983. then in 96 I was finaly dx with Lyme. I also had babesia, ehrlichia and bartonella, which I htink I still have. and of course, the ever present lyme.

BUT you can and will get better, and one day will wake up to realize what a HELL you have been in. I have come a long long way.

that will be one great day. until then, keep some spritzer around to put that hell fire out.

this is one )(**_($%#$$ disease... for sure not for sissies. it brings the strongest and best of us to our knees.
now, hug your daughter, give your boyfriend something special, and take your meds.


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cbb
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Jamie, I'm so glad your mother is there to help you.

Are you taking acidophilus 3 x day?
You can get it at the Health Food Store.

The antibiotics (abx) kill the good bactria along with the bad, so the good bacteria must be replenished often to keep the body in balance.
www.ilads.org/burrascano_1102.htm

Read Nutritional Supplements (right after co-infections) & Managing Yeast Overgrowth for info about acidophilus.

Be sure to have 2 hrs between abx & acidoph - before & after - or it won't be able to help you.

Eliminate as much sugar as possible.
Eat good nutritious foods.

Drink LOTS of water. I was told to put a squeeze of lemon juice in each glass. Helps with the acid balance in the body.

Hope you'll have some good days real soon.


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guiney
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Once bittin,that waas sooooooo sweet!!!! I have Mycoplasma ans encephalopathy my left side of my brain,,,

I will email you... I need that I love how you put things...My daughter is 5 and very, very sweet and understanding,

I told her how sorry I was for yellig at her ( while she had me in her arms stroking my hair) she saaid it was ok that she knowa I am sick

and that this treatment will make me sicker before I get better.....this is her words NOT mine. She's the best. She's my heart and soul,

So is my 2 boys I have. They had to go live dad 2 years ago due to this deseasse...they live 30 minutes from me and they are wonderful!!! thay are all for tx!!!!!

Oh yea, by the way I do have Zanax-- that does help...
thank you for the encouragement!!!!!

Jamie

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Lyma Bean
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Hi guiney!

I hope you're feeling better now. Your little girl sounds like an absolute angel

I'm no doctor but you really sound toxic to me. I'm including the link to your post about detox. You may want to try some of the suggestions?
http://flash.lymenet.org/ubb/Forum1/HTML/028175.html

Take Care and Feel Better......Terri


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lymelady
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Believe me, this is the place to vent and just about the only place where people all know exactly what you are going through.

I just went through it myself about 5 days ago and if it weren't for this group of wonderful people, God knows where I would be now.

When you feel desperate come here, and let all of us help you. These people, not I, know more about this disease than most docs and have been through every sort of crisis.

Come to this group when you feel this way; it helped me get through the time you are describing. I know the feeling.

Today, I hope, will be better for you.
Lymelady


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guiney
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Terri, my llmd said I am not ready to start detoxing right now. We will talk about it on my next visit with my llmd.

Lymelady, thank you for your sweet post,today I do feel alittle better in the pain dept.

I've been up ALL night.I couldn't sleep very well because of the pain. It finally subsided enough for me to sleep for a couple of hours.

Then I had to get my daughter off to school.

cbb, thank yuo for the advice, i do most of those things except for adding lemon juice to my water....I will try this.

Ya'll have helped me ALL last night to get me through it.......THANK YOU to all,

Jamie

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[This message has been edited by guiney (edited 10 October 2004).]


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guiney
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oops rying to edit
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