LymeNet Home LymeNet Home Page LymeNet Flash Discussion LymeNet Support Group Database LymeNet Literature Library LymeNet Legal Resources LymeNet Medical & Scientific Abstract Database LymeNet Newsletter Home Page LymeNet Recommended Books LymeNet Tick Pictures Search The LymeNet Site LymeNet Links LymeNet Frequently Asked Questions About The Lyme Disease Network LymeNet Menu

LymeNet on Facebook

LymeNet on Twitter




The Lyme Disease Network receives a commission from Amazon.com for each purchase originating from this site.

When purchasing from Amazon.com, please
click here first.

Thank you.

LymeNet Flash Discussion
Dedicated to the Bachmann Family

LymeNet needs your help:
LymeNet 2020 fund drive


The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations.

LymeNet Flash Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » Medical Questions » Lyme Rages and Parenting

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Lyme Rages and Parenting
kbholley
LymeNet Contributor
Member # 12938

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kbholley   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
How do you keep lyme rages under control when you have a 12 yr old and a 15 year old in the house?

Any suggestions will be highly appreciated

I sort of lost my temper today and am still crying because of it.

HELP

--------------------
OK...I'll play your silly games.

Finding my happy place.

Brenda-Lee

Posts: 126 | From Florida | Registered: Aug 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Geneal     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Dear Brenda,

I too deal with this except I have a 6 and 4 year old.

My children exhibit Lyme rages as part of their herxing. (They both are being treated)

Sometimes their rages ignite mine.

It is (at times) like being dropped off in a war zone. [Frown]

I try to distance myself physically from my children.

I tell them that Mommy is not in a good place right now

And needs a few minutes to herself to calm down.

It is really hard as our living situation (two rooms and a hallway)

Doesn't give me much room to escape.

Sometimes they just follow me. Every where I go.

Room to room or even outside.

I cry too. It makes them cry. [Frown]

We talk about Lyme a lot and how sometimes it can make us feel

Really mad at the world. Sometimes it makes us say and do things

That we really don't want to say or do.

I tell them that Mommy loves them so very much and

How sorry I am that I am not in a good place sometimes.

I (think) they get some of it. They have learned to let me distance

Myself for a few minutes more often now.

Good news for me is that as quickly as my Lyme rages hit,

They go away.

I sit down with them. Hold them. Tell them how they are the most

Important people in the world to me and that I am so sorry.

I've learned to recognize my escalating frustration and can usually (not always)

Circumvent by calling my Mom and venting without

Venting to my children.

My Mom, God Bless her, allows me to do this.

She gets it, even when I don't. [shake]

I know how you feel. I know that you would never do anything to

Deliberately hurt your children (like me).

Forgive yourself and go on. Talk to your children.

Tell them that this is part of Lyme disease.

An awful part, but that you are trying your very best

To make that part go away by taking your medicine and doing

What the doctor tells you to do.

I know this may not make you feel any better, but you are not alone.

Sending you hugs and kisses and prayers for a better day.

[group hug] [kiss]

Geneal

Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lymie tony z
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5130

Icon 1 posted      Profile for lymie tony z     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Very Very Good advice Geneal.

It's very important to keep talking and reminding kids and spouses that we love them and

can't help what this disease does to our personalities.

This teaser of a disease does'nt always present us as being ill. Although some of the worst of

us do have outward physical signs of sickness/parallysis.

A whole lot of us have, insidiously deceptive symptoms, that unfortunately, only our loved

ones could ever recognize, and unfortunately they become the undeserving, recipients of our manifestations.

So keep talking lovingly toward all you love and respect and keep educating them lest they forget.

zman

--------------------
I am not a doctor...opinions expressed are from personal experiences only and should never be viewed as coming from a healthcare provider. zman

Posts: 2527 | From safety harbor florida(origin Cleve., Ohio | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
shazdancer
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1436

Icon 1 posted      Profile for shazdancer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi kb,

Since your kids are teens, I think they can understand a lot of what's going on with you. And they can (in their better moments! [Wink] ) separate your disagreeing with them from your tone. I also think we do wonders at helping them if we can apologize to them when we are out of line.

Oh, Geneal, you bring back memories! I can recall coming home after a hard day teaching other people's little ones. I would look at my own two and say, "Mommy's on 'time out' for a few minutes," and go to my room. That was good for, maybe, ten minutes! And when they follow you into the bathroom... [Big Grin]
[Eek!] [Razz]

This too shall pass,

Shaz

Posts: 1558 | From the Berkshires | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aligondo Bruce
LymeNet Contributor
Member # 6219

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aligondo Bruce     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have a lot of experience with this topic wrt my parents, whom I have exploded at numerous times, also others. Lyme does something to your brain that makes you want to scream obscenities. Usually close family members are the ones who see this behavior, because they are around the patient when he or she is not feeling well. Around others, decorum usually is the rule and you can get away from other people. But you can't get away from your family, they live in the same house.

The key is to communicate to them when you do not feel well. Do it often. Make sure they understand that you do not feel well. But at the same time don't end up screaming at them "I feel like **** goddamit you $&*@% little *******s so don't f-k with me" when they haven't done anything yet.lol.

Try to think what the main stressors are for you - what sets you off that your kids do. Then sit down and talk to them and try to work out a system for avoiding these unpleasant encounters as much as possible. You are sick, and your kids are simply going to have to meet you halfway and adjust, perhaps take on a little more responsibility. People with lyme don't like to be bothered with petty complaints.

It might help to have your kids submit lists to you on a daily or weekly basis and visa versa. What they need, what their schedule is going to be, what your expectations are for them, etc.

If you have a more relaxed household, it might even be possible to talk to your kids at length about how their mom is not feeling well and for whatever reason really enjoys cursing and screaming when something is bothering her. Make sure they understand this is because you are sick and have a sensitive brain.

It sounds like you feel guilty - like me - when you explode. I've flipped out numerous times on my parents. It was worse prior to diagnosis for a lot of reasons. Everyone thought I was crazy, for one, and the stress was that much greater. I even beat my parents. I did a lot of horrible things. I wrote obscenities on the walls of their house. I got in the car and ran over one of their favorite bushes. etc. Things are much better now and I for the most part only occasionally curse. Sometimes it helps to get it all out. Perhaps you could buy a punching babg or a crash dummy or a giant stuffed animal to beat with a baseball bat.

Posts: 523 | From Stillwater,OK,USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
wiserforit
LymeNet Contributor
Member # 9732

Icon 1 posted      Profile for wiserforit     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ohhh...I'm well-versed in this.

I have a 6 year old who narrates the world constantly and follows me everywhere, plus a ten year old who taunts the 6 year old. Bickering abounds until I intervene or explode, whichever comes first.

If I rage, I get mad at a stream of consciousness bunch of things that I springboard off of from the main event. In other words, unnecessary stuff. They get quiet; I remove myself and cry in the bathroom until I pull it together better.

Then I come downstairs and gather them for what we have begun to call "The Untying of the Knots." I explain that the Lyme has made me feel rotten and hypersensitive to sounds and less than patient. And I want to apologize for the stuff that i said that wasn't fair, knot by knot. I also want to point out what was fair to call them on.

Most of all I want them to see that I can apologize that day or moment and tell them how much I love them. They like it when I sit on the floor and hold them in each arm while I talk.

It makes me feel a bit better to do this; it makes them feel relieved that mom isn't a lunatic. And I hope it sets a better example of love, apology and fairness.

What I wish was that I never set the example of raging at all...that i never had to see them get "the look" of knowing I'm getting crazy on them. All that in a perfect world... truth be told, we're in a non-perfect world with shades of Lyme.

Guess forgiveness works both ways... we have to forgive ourselves and move on to the next necessity.

Best of luck,

wiserforit

Posts: 508 | From Banks of the Hudson | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CaliforniaLyme     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I never had that after Babs treatment BUT when I still had Babs when I got really upset once, I spanked one of my cats and screamed at him (he urinated on my feet when I was asleep at 2 am). I felt REALLY REALLY bad about it afterwards. REALLY bad. I was ranting and raving, spanking him, almost frothing at the mouth with anger and then I went, "Hey, this is mentally disturbed rescue cat, you horrible woman, stop it!" I still feel bad. I HIT that poor little animal, on his behind, 2 or 3 times!!!

When I was on Artemisia being treated for Babs I would get this feeling of unreality like I was on the verge sometimes, a feeling of instability.
I think it did that Lariam thing to me, I would feel on the verge of totally losing it. Thank goodness never did! That feeling scared me!!!!

Luckily I kept it together with my child and since Babs treatment I haven't had that problem. But when I still had Babs I once in a while would speak to her sharply, my older daughter, in a real MEAN voice!!! Not very often, maybe 3 times total, but still!!!

And once the Babs was gone I haven't felt on the verge in years and years, ever again actually...
Thank goodness!!!
Best wishes,
Sarah

--------------------
There is no wealth but life.
-John Ruskin

All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer

Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kbholley
LymeNet Contributor
Member # 12938

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kbholley   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I was leaning over my 12 year old son shoulder helping him with his home work, and pointed out that he had put the wrong answer to number one, he got mad and said "What The Freak" in my ear.

I am going through hyper sentivity- where all the noises sound ultra loud or like nails running down a chalk board.

The next thing I knew - I had slapped him in the mouth and face. I have never done anything like that before.

It was like a switch flipped and I lost all control. It was like an out of body thing.

When I relized what was going on I stopped and went to my room and bawled like a baby.

After I came out of my room, I did tell him I was truely sorry.

He said it was okay.

I told him it was not okay for anyone including me to slap him in the face and head area.

And I told him I would never do it again.

He said that he knows that, and then asked me if that is what the doctor called the Lyme Rage?

I told him I think so, and again I told him over and over again how sorry I was and asked him if he could ever forgive me.

He said I already did, and that he knew I wouldn't do it again, because I never did it before this.

I haven't started any abx treatments yet, that should start in Feb. I just hope I can get better.

Because I would rather cut off my right arm than ever hit my kid like that again.

Thank You for all of your support. I don't feel so alone.

--------------------
OK...I'll play your silly games.

Finding my happy place.

Brenda-Lee

Posts: 126 | From Florida | Registered: Aug 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | LymeNet home page | Privacy Statement

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3


The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:

The Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey
907 Pebble Creek Court, Pennington, NJ 08534 USA


| Flash Discussion | Support Groups | On-Line Library
Legal Resources | Medical Abstracts | Newsletter | Books
Pictures | Site Search | Links | Help/Questions
About LymeNet | Contact Us

© 1993-2020 The Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Use of the LymeNet Site is subject to Terms and Conditions.