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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » Medical Questions » conflicting confusing feelings!

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Author Topic: conflicting confusing feelings!
Radha
LymeNet Contributor
Member # 8464

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i have been having alot of conflicting emotions and just wanted to know if anyone can relate at all! i dont know if you cant blame it all on lyme but i know i didnt have these kinds of feelings before getting sick! i really dont want to, but i feel like provoking and testing a loved one's patience and starting an argument even when i really have no strength or want to argue and while i really want to be touched and hugged, sometimes i purposely say something i know they dont like or not the nicest word just to alienate and emotionally push away that loved one further away even though the last thing i want to do is hurt them. so i want the closeness but at the same time try to push them away, i dont get this feeling all the time, it comes and goes, can anyone understand? i really hate it! thanks for any input,
Radha

Posts: 392 | From New York | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rianna
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I think everyone here could relate to exactly what your saying.

Not only are you dealing with an ilness that no one can see, you are also having to cope with the overwhelming fact that you have a chronic ilness - so anyone with any chronic illness will go through an emotional rollercoaster as the feel vulnerable,scared and effectiveley like a broken toy.

In addition to the normal phycological impact that any ilness gives you will also be experiencing the impact of having Lyme Disease that will effect your emotions and the treatment that causes a herx and the monthly herx cycle will increase these emotions.

Some of us who are dealing with co-infections will actually be very emotionally challanged until these are treated - Bartonella for instance can cause extreme anxiety and Babesia can cause a cycling depression.

So........My advise would be

Ensure you create a support network around you perhaps ask your LLMD to give you a Lyme Literate psycologist/Psychiatrist that can work with you through your illness and treatment, this enables you not to back of treatment and be with someone that totally understands the challanges of tick bourne disease. Also let your partner/friends and family know how you feel and ask for those hugs if you need them - dont hold it in.

Ensure you are with a LLMD that is conversant with treating co-infections and then Lyme and over time your emotions will stabalise

Hope that Helps
Rianna [group hug]

Posts: 1172 | From UK | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BJK
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HI, sorry youre experiencing this.

I had very sinilar syptoms, very irritable, combative, compulsive arguing, and as far as the touch, actually had sesitivity that made touching veryconfusing and sometimes hurt.

Ive been in treatment for 1 year, sick with Lyme for about 4 years.

My irritabitlity reached an all time high this past september.

I ended up going on a mood stabilizer first, then an antidepresant, then counseling (one who knew about Lyme) and this helped quite a bit. Its inportant, in my opinion, that psych meds are regulated by a psychiatrist....they do some testing before to help make sure you get on the right meds.

Heres a good Lyme brochure to bring to any counselor or psychiatrist-

http://www.ilads.org/PsychiatristBrochure.pdf

I know combative behaviour is a symptom of Lyme but can also be a possible co-infection as well.

Lyme can be so devastting in a home, I have a wife and 5 children and we have all had to endure my disease.

Hope you get better quickly. [Smile]

BJK

Not medical advice...just my experiences and opinions

--------------------
BJK

Nothing I write here is medical advice...I'm just another lymie sharing how this disease has affected me personally

Posts: 175 | From Central Maine | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
METALLlC BLUE
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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What you're experiencing is unbelievably common among Lyme patients with neuropsychiatric symptoms.

Right down to the detail. What I do, is I've written a personal mission statement of exactly who I am. I've used quotes, I've really scrutinized my character, so I know my flaws, my strengths -- the whole deal.

When I catch myself acting insane or something other than what I wrote down on that mission statement, I stop and go "I'm not this! I'm me, this is Lyme!"

By consciously separating the two, my mind seems to be able to help my identity from the judgement, anger, and frustration others as well as I myself may feel towards myself. Because I know I'm ill and that the psychiatric abnormalities in my personality and behavior aren't me, I forgive myself far more quickly for it. Howeve even in spite of all this, I know that I'm still responsible for the results of my relationships and the abuse or actions this illness causes me to create. If I hurt someone while I'm in an abnormal psychiatric state -- it's my responsibility, and I will suffer the consequences.

When I fall ill, I isolate myself too occasionally (a lot), but I let people know I'm ill and I'll deal with them as soon as I can, including phone calls, visitations, etc." I have and will likely continue to lose relationships as long as Lyme affects me, but I just do my best.

I did of course get a counselor, and I see a psychiatrist. I've educated both of them on Lyme Disease and they have been constructive and positive about my progress.

It's unfortunate, but this has been the most useful way for me to cope.

--------------------
I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.

E-mail: [email protected]

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Rianna
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If you do seek medical psychiatric support ensure your LLMD refers you to an ILADS Lyme Literate one - Most GOOD LLMD's now work with these.

Also perhaps watch this video as it explains the emotional & psyciatric impact of lyme and treatment

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7301889924426615554

Rianna

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Radha
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i cannot thank all of you enough for your thoughtful replies, what medicines did you take to help even out your thinking and moods? i really appreciate all your input,i cant always make sense of my own feelings and emotions and even confuse myself with my thoughts and the questions i ask, but thank God my mom is so understanding, i just think all the guilt i get about not always liking my behavior and possibly making my mom sad is going to kill me, but she says if i say a wrong word it doesnt bother her...i hope thats true!
Radha

Posts: 392 | From New York | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BJK
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HI Reda re: you said- what medicines did you take to help even out your thinking and moods?

Psych meds are potentialy dangerous and can even make your condition worse if you don't get the right one...for you.

My LLMD sent me to to be tested and have my psych meds regulated by a psychiatrist. This is a beavioral health type organization.

I was first tested....just answering alot of questions that help the docs decide if there are underlying conditions such as ADHD, bipolar, depression, etc.

My LLMD suspected that I bay have bipolar disorder. This was due to reactions I had to certain meds and his observing my behavior during visits.

Now Lyme can actually cause bipolar like symptoms, depression etc. or can make already exsisting conditions much worse.

Because of this it is important your psychiatrist know something about Lyme. There were no Lyme literate psych docs any where near where I lived, but the ones I have dealt with were all open to learning about Lyme, thank God.

Before I was diagnosed with Lyme disease my neurologist had put me on an antidepresant called Zoloft. She did this herself without any psych testing.

After being on this med for a year I found out it was making me worse and I just didnt know it.

My LLMD took me off the zoloft and temporarily put me on a mood stabilizer/anti depresant called effexor because it was taking a while to get in to see the psych doc. This helped but did not address all of my mood and sucidal issues.

Later after the proper testing by the psych doc, he prescribed Lamictal, this is primarily a mood stabilizer but aso has anti depesant properties as well.

He also prescribed Trazodone, this was to help me be able to sleep, but it too has anti depresant affects.

His goal is for the Lamictal to replace effexor over time.

My testing had shown I have slight bipolar, severe depression, and some other underlying high tech words I dont remember.

He explained that if a person with bipolar takes certain antidepresants it can make you more suicidal, and actually de-stabilize your thinking, causing more negative behavior issues and increase depression a well.

This is exactly what was happening to me, after I stopped taking the zoloft, I felt much better.

The reason I took the time to write all this is to show you that not every psych drug is right for every person and without someone trained in administering and regulating these drugs, the moods and other behavior issues can get much worse.

Even the best psych doc may have to try different meds to find what works for you. The treatments are individual and you should not seek out certain meds without consulting a psych doc. first.

I hope this wasn't too wordy or too hard to understand.

I hope you find the right doc and get well quickly. Your LLMD should be able to refer you to a good psychiatrist.

Oh I forgot to mention....even with these drugs helping me, because these behaviors are mostly caused by Lyme and bebesia infection, my moods still to change sometimes when my other symptoms get worse

But its no where near as bad as it was before the psych meds were prescribed. Lyme can affect our brain in some very dramatic ways.

And just for your encouragement...after a little over a year in treatment, about 80% of my symptoms are gone and Im getting better each month, you can get well!

I was going to send this to you in a private message, but you do not have your profile set up to recieve them, you may get more responces if this was enabled....some feel uncomfortable sharing thier experiences in the publicly viewed post.

May God bless you and heal you,

you can send me a PM anytime if you enable private messaging.

BJK


**Im not a doctor, nothing Ive written is medical advice, just my experiences and opinions**

--------------------
BJK

Nothing I write here is medical advice...I'm just another lymie sharing how this disease has affected me personally

Posts: 175 | From Central Maine | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Truthfinder
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BJK, unfortunately, the PM system here has been `disabled' so none of us will be able to send PMs for an indeterminate period....... [Frown]

Radha, I went through a period of time exactly like you describe here....... to this day, I still am not sure how to sort it all out.

What I do remember is that it was a time when I felt like I had no control over my own life, a time when I felt `trapped' somehow. I wanted some reasonable form of independence and yet I still wanted a connection and security from association with my family. I think maybe I developed a very deep resentment over my situation and I ended up doing the very same things you describe, which you explained very well, by the way.

Others here have described the situation better than I can. And like others here, I do find that counseling with a psychologist is something I really need and have learned to appreciate. Since Medicare is my only insurance, my psychologist works with me on the financial end so that I only see her once or twice a month, which is all I really need anyway. I simply need an `impartial' outlet - someone who can help me understand feelings and reactions. And if I am unable to physically go to an appointment, she will consult with me over the phone. She's been great, and she says she appreciates the information I've provided to her about the neuro-psychiatric manifestations of Lyme & Co., which she would not have know about otherwise.

Also, Radha, since the PM system isn't working...... I'm letting you know that I got the `package' you sent and all seems to be in order. Thank you very much! (Please post a note here and let me know that you got this message.) [Smile]

All the best,

--------------------
Tracy
.... Prayers for the Lyme Community - every day at 6 p.m. Pacific Time and 9 p.m. Eastern Time just take a few moments to say a prayer wherever you are.

Posts: 2966 | From Colorado | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Radha
LymeNet Contributor
Member # 8464

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i am glad you got the pipe tracy and i really hope it helps you! and thanks to all of you for your input, there are no lyme doctors close by so i will have to work with my GP who doesnt really have the time to read stuff i give her, but at least its nice to know i am not the only one with these issues, thanks again
Radha

Posts: 392 | From New York | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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