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Topic: What a night! Anybody else go through this?
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 13742
Okay, I seem to have come out of the dark hole I've been stuck in, so now I'm going to tell all of you about it.
I started a Lyme journal four months ago - I should have started one two years ago but hey, better late than never.
One definate pattern is the almost physchotic depression I go through every 28 days or so. It's scary as hell.
I have been fine for the last couple of weeks and then BAM - I woke up yesterday and was in the darkest place imaginable.
I cried the entire day and also suffered from waves of extreme anxiety. By eight last night I was suicidal.
I called my eighteen year old little brother sobbing, almost hyperventilating and begged him to just come BE with me, to sit with me so I wouldn't be alone.
He did thank God, because I really was in no shape to be alone.
I went through this last month too and I called my mom in Atlanta and scared the living beejeesus out of her.
I literally wanted to hurl myself out of my three story apartment window or drive my car into a pole.
When I have these spells I am afraid to be alone, because I'm truly afraid that I'm going to hurt myself.
Prior to Lyme I never had a suicidal thought in my life.
It's very hard to put all of this down in words, because I fear being called "crazy", or whatever.
I am ashamed and embarrassed of the way I act when I go through this, but it's literally out of my control.
I know that this is the disease manipulating my brain and twisting my thoughts and emotions...it's not me.
When I go through this I honestly wonder if I need to be commited - locked away in a padded room where I can't hurt myself.
BTW, today I'm perfectly fine...just looking back at last night and thinking, "What happened to me?!"
I am such a happy-go-lucky person. I true lover of life type. It's very disturbing to me that Lyme is basically chewing up my brain and spitting it out...
Does anyone else go through this? Is there any way to help this?
What a nightmare....
"The only way out is through"
Posts: 1434 | From mississippi | Registered: Nov 2007
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Member # 6284
please send the info you have posted to us to your LLMD asap!
some lyme meds can cause depressive episodes in certain individuals.
Healing doesn't need to be this way.
Let your LLMD know abt these cycles right away.
Tha fact that you can now identify them is great! It shows that things are improving, but it is still and unreasonable way to proceed.
Use your new knowledge as power to work with your LLMD for a more stable healing style.
I wish you well!
Posts: 663 | From NH USA | Registered: Sep 2004
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ditto to the above advise.
i'd also go to TREEPATROL'S NEWBIE LINKS IN MEDICAL; 1st page.
write down the 1-800 no.
also click on the links below that as it has wonderful info to read and know about!!
i suggest calling the 1-800 no. now even though you got thru last night; perhaps they have some good advise also!
so glad you posted about this so you GET EXTRA HELP AND CARE during this scary, suicidal times you are experiencing monthly!! we care about you!
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