Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
i hate being sick. i told you i cried in the doctor's office yesterday. i was in so much pain and tired.
i finally went to the bathroom this morning -- green diahhrea but at least i got the stool sample to the labcorp which is right next to his office. they assured me he would have results on monday.
then i ate a little scrambled eggs. more abdominal cramps.
so i cleaned up and just stood in the shower and cried. no, i squalled. now i'm sick at my stomach and weak to boot.
do you ever just say -- i've had it. whatever happens, happens. i don't care anymore.
sometimes you think i'm doing ok, sun is shining, you have a little money, you go out, things are good.
and then wham!! now stomach problems, er visit (which is going to cost a lot!), two doctor visits this week, lab visits, it never stops.
i just feel like crap...
he did say you're going to get much worse before you get better. uh huh, doc, like i really needed to hear that. well he never minces words and i like that. plus he's great and i've known him for over 20 years.
but i get sooooo scared, no, i get terrified. i have these thoughts -- what if i'm going to die, i don't want pain, who's going to take care of me? and then heck, nobody cares anyway so why do anything to get better.
my mom is gone and then i start to cry. i miss her sooo much. we used to spend christmas eve together, just the two us cause the other sisters went to their husband's families, so it was just mom and me. we'd stay up all night watching old christmas movies. she loves those.
i'm just a wreck today.
maybe the flagyl, i don't know...but i couldn't get any lower.
i don't think my gastro would understand if i asked for meds and hopefully this is temporary.
i sure hope so. i mean it is right?
i know some of you have had c. difficile but having diverticulitis AND c. difficle is, well, tough.
sorry, i'm rambling...just out of sorts.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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I am finding that I am getting a bit of HOLIDAY BLUES. IT might be partly that too on top of everything else.
Since you mentioned your mom and missing her etc.. I can bet that is it.
I just emailed my mother yesterday saying I had the HOLIDAY BlUES>
I just feel heavy and sad and frustrated. Being sick makes the holidays harder. Its harder to do every little thing and we want to do more than we can. We miss people... and friends and family and parties and having fun and the whole thing... is not the same anymore.
For me anyway..
I feel like I am stuck and its an icky feeling and just want to crawl in bed and stay there and cry and act like there is no world out there at all.
Give yourself time over the Holiday. Extra care for yourself and a lot of acceptance.
Blessing.. Happy Holiday.. and Hang in there.
Posts: 2747 | From Unites States Of America | Registered: Apr 2009
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Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12752
I lost my mom three years ago and then lost my only brother eight months later. I miss them both terribly.
The holidays are difficult without them. Plus all of the extra stress of the season always makes me feel like crap.
Instead of enjoying Christmas, it has become something just to get through. I hate that it has to be that way.
I wish i could just hide under the bed til it is all over.
-------------------- Sick since January 1985. Misdiagnosed for 20 years. Tested CDC positive October 2005. Treating since April 2006. Posts: 3228 | From Somewhere west of the Mississippi | Registered: Aug 2007
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