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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » Medical Questions » Every day, the little voice in my head almost wishes my life would end.

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Author Topic: Every day, the little voice in my head almost wishes my life would end.
whome
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I am not depressed...I enjoy doing all the things I've always enjoyed. I go to dinner with friends, movies with my husband and love my children more than imaginable. But, every day when I have to swallow a fistful of pills three times a day, the meds make me Herx or feel like I'm going to throw up, I wish I did not have a family so it would not hurt anyone if my life were to end.

I cannot get rid of the Babesia. It will not go away. It has been a year and a half of Mepron and 1500mg of high quality Artimisenen and it won't go away.

The Mepron counteracts one of my Bart/Lyme antibiotics.

Now, other systems are starting to fail (endocrine).

And, our time for more children is fading. My twins are special needs and we did not want to leave them alone after their parents are gone. We are happy with just them, but wanted this FOR them.

Can anyone advise on how to kill the beast (Babs)?

Posts: 33 | From VA | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
map1131
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Well one things for sure. I'd kill the beast, I'll be damned if the beast will kill me.

That is the attitude you are going to need to win. Win doesn't necessarily mean "cured". Maybe it's time to look at other treatment options.

Winning might be only needing half of a handful of pills 3 times a day. The odds are most of those pills are not helping you, reacting to the other pill, etc.

My advice on killing the beast: read my signature line.

Pam

--------------------
"Never, never, never, never, never give up" Winston Churchill

Posts: 6444 | From Louisville, Ky | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LightAtTheEnd
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I am so sorry you're having such a difficult time. I don't have Babs (that I know of), so no practical advice.

I agree with Pam--don't give up, no matter what. Giving up is the only way that definitely WON'T help. Giving up won't cure you, and it won't help you deal with being sick, and it won't help your kids who need you.

You probably know way more about Mepron than me by now, but be aware that other people have said on here that it has given them suicidal thoughts, that went away when they stopped taking it, switched meds, or took a break from it for a few days.

--------------------
Don't forget to laugh! And when you're going through hell, keep going!

Bitten 5/25/2009 in Perry County, Indiana. Diagnosed by LLMD 12/2/2009.

Posts: 756 | From Inside the tunnel | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
massman
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I am using a mixed herbal called Micro-site from Inno-Vita that seems to be working well.

Should not interfere with anything else.

Also some support for liver, kidney, spleen, hypothalamus, pituitary + thyroid.

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glm1111
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I have been doing the salt/c protocol (sea salt) for over 3yrs and it has saved my life.

Sea salt and vitamin c supports the adrenals as well as supplying vital minerals,

Gael

--------------------
PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW
RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS*

Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nefferdun
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Have not solutions but just want to tell you to hang in there. You are not alone.

--------------------
old joke: idiopathic means the patient is pathological and the the doctor is an idiot

Posts: 4676 | From western Montana | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
joalo
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Have you tried enula? It seems to be helping to keep my babesia knocked back while I treat lyme.

--------------------
Sick since January 1985. Misdiagnosed for 20 years. Tested CDC positive October 2005. Treating since April 2006.

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METALLlC BLUE
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Switch to Malarone.

--------------------
I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.

E-mail: [email protected]

Posts: 4157 | From Western Massachusetts | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
venus
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I don't have any answers for you, but I know the feeling well. It just all seems too hard. Try to keep the faith that it will get better. Lean on lymenet for support. I wouldn't have made it this far without people here telling me to have faith.

--------------------
Severe neurological problems. Probably sick for years. Became chronically sick in Aug 2007. Undiagnosed for another 15 months. Started treatment for lyme and bart Sept. 2008. Improving, but very slowly.

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Dekrator48
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I'm praying for you...that you find the strength you need to continue the fight, and that God will guide you in the right direction.

[group hug]

--------------------
The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11

Posts: 6076 | From Pennsylvania, USA | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
whome
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That you all for the kind words.

joala - what is enula?

metallic blue - malarone is a pill, right? isn't it the same generic medicine as mepron?

the only alternative i know if lariam (melfoquine) which has horrible known side effects

Posts: 33 | From VA | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sickpuppy
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Last night I was having similar thoughts, terrible violent thoughts about my own destruction.
Then I went to bed and when I woke up those thoughts were gone.
They'll come again and I'm pretty sure they'll go away again.

Here's a good quote: As long as you keep trying, there's hope.

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beths
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I sometimes wished I could fade away, when first battling this disease. I felt so bad for my family..but my kids need a mom, my husband needed a wife..so I went thru months of pure hell. I have babs, bart, and Lyme. Took about 18 months to see some shred of light. Fast forward..I'm back at work, taking care of my family and doing well. I pulse meds..I hate to take them, but the alternative isn't pretty.

Mepron didn't work for me..I alternated between bactrim/zith and malarone zith for babs.

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the flim-flam man
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"When things look bad and you think you're not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plum mad-dog mean." - Josey Wales

I too had those thoughts. All day, everyday for awhile. Still come and go from time to time. Draw strength from ANYWHERE you can find it. If I can do anything, let me know. Take Care. Don.

Posts: 31 | From Concord, North Carolina | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cockapoo1996
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quote:
Originally posted by METALLlC BLUE:
Switch to Malarone.

I agree with Metallic Blue. Mepron didn't work for me at all but Malarone is helping a lot! I am also taking Bactrim.

This all happened because I switched Lyme docs.

Posts: 472 | From New Jersey | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
METALLlC BLUE
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Dang, I didn't answer this question: Malarone is "not a generic of Mepron." It is a different drug. It is a pill. It contains "mepron, as atovaquone, which is poorly absorbed in pill form, but it also contains proguanil hydrochloride which is extremely powerful when combined with the Atovaquone, Normal dose is 250/100

One MALARONE Tablet (adult strength = 250 mg atovaquone/100 mg proguanil hydrochloride) per day.

Dosage for Prevention of Malaria in Pediatric Patients

Weight kg)

Atovaquone/Proguanil HCl

Dosage Regimen

11-20
62.5 mg/25 mg


1 MALARONE Pediatric Tablet daily
21-30
125 mg/50 mg


2 MALARONE Pediatric Tablets as a single dose daily
31-40
187.5 mg/75 mg

3 MALARONE Pediatric Tablets as a single dose daily
>40
250 mg/100 mg

--------------------
I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.

E-mail: [email protected]

Posts: 4157 | From Western Massachusetts | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jmb
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If even a little part of you wants to die I think you are depressed. I know I am.

--------------------
enjoy the day.

-jmb

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jackie51
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Where's the Zith? Maybe you need to switch brands of artemisin. Try artemisia?

This disease sucks, there is no way around that. You've got a full hand with two special needs children. You will come through this, I know you will. Keep coming to these boards. I can't tell you how many times I felt that death would be easier. But, I don't feel that way anymore. It gets better, really it does.

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Lymetoo
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FYI to others ... THIS IS AN OLD THREAD. "WHOME" hasn't been here in a long time.

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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nefferdun
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Babesia takes the joy out of life. I am improving on Mepron/zithro but at such great expense!

I agree you need to switch to another protocol - the malarone is a good idea.

Reading your post reminded me that I wanted to add my left over Bactrim DS to my protocol so I got up to take it.
I accidentally knocked the container on the floor sending it flying everywhere. Was that ever aggravating!

With some of the pills all broken up that reminded me to start at a lower dose to make sure I don't have a reaction. I thought they sure are dirty but heck, they are antibiotics - bugs have no chance. Sometimes our misery is hilarious.

Just keep on keeping on and you will make it.

--------------------
old joke: idiopathic means the patient is pathological and the the doctor is an idiot

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METALLlC BLUE
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quote:
Originally posted by Lymetoo:
FYI to others ... THIS IS AN OLD THREAD. "WHOME" hasn't been here in a long time.

Guess I was a "little" late in responding to the question. HAHAHAHA

--------------------
I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.

E-mail: [email protected]

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Lymetoo
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That's OK!! If someone searched, they would want the info.

I was just alerting those who were "talking" to WHOME. [Smile]

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Karen Mc
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Yep, thats what happened...Even though it was an old thread, I searched it and found it...the info is helpful...Thanks [Smile]
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Green Darkness
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Finally someone sounds like what I have experienced.
Thank you for this post.
Now I can get mean and try harder.

Posts: 560 | From PA | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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