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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » Medical Questions » i can't do this anymore

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Author Topic: i can't do this anymore
Member # 24666

Icon 1 posted      Profile for lisamlj     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
i really don't want to do this anymore.

I have never, ever felt so depressed and disconnected before. I seldom smile or laugh anymore. I don't understand why this is happening

I take my fistful of antibiotics everyday. I try hard to take care of my right (gluten free and all that crap)...get moderate amounts of excercize...

My body feels better yet my mood is horrible. I work as a chaplain in a urban emergency room setting and I am finding it very difficult to deal with patients, their family, even other staff and clergy. I lose my patience all the time and I seldom smile.

Where did the old me go? I want her back. I miss her. Even as I type this tears roll down my cheeks.

Lyme sucks! Bart sucks!

sorry to vent. I've got to head into work...I'm on call and my pager is buzzing. Please pray for me (for courage, health and wisdom)

bitten: ?
diagnosed: 2/25/10
started tx: 3/1/10

Posts: 26 | From Raleigh/Durham NC | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16359

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lymeorsomething     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hang in there, Lisa. If your body feels better, perhaps your mood may not be far behind...

I've been looking for my old self for a good 3 years or so... I may have to put up some flyers [Smile]

"Whatever can go wrong will go wrong."

Posts: 2062 | From CT | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15091

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Rumigirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It sounds like you urgently need:

to talk to your LLMD about this and how he/she can help, including looking at whether any of your meds could be causing it.

get some therapy/counseling! God knows, all of us need it with what we have to deal with. And, ideally, with a therapist who is either Lyme Literate or at least Lyme/chronic illness sympathetic.

call a hotline number, if need be, since the above may take a little time.

See about getting some help with either supplements that increase neurotransmitters, like Sam-e, 5-HTP, etc. or get on an a med or two to help for now.

But act quickly on all of it, because it's not good to be in such a state for long without help. We all know what it's like. It ain't easy! And given your work, you need even more support, because you are supporting so many in need! Don't neglect you.

Posts: 3747 | From around | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27786

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ChristieL     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I am so sorry you are feeling so down.
I had a couple of really, really bad patches and
I too felt I just could not go on.
Thanks to a very special arkie girl, I made it
I am not lyme literate enough to know if these
are lyme symptoms, or just the difficulty of

dealing with a disease that causes so much stress
on our bodies, and so many symptoms.

I am a spiritual counselor and minister, please feel free to pm me if I can be of any help, to
listen or talk, whatever you need.
I know you will get better, try not to give up.

I finally started feeling better, and there were
days when I would rather have just not woke up [Frown]

You are not alone, and you will get through this.

I am praying for you and please contact me anytime.

Posts: 41 | From Springdale Arkansas | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LymeNet Contributor
Member # 6899

Icon 1 posted      Profile for brentb     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
What are you doing to give those antibiotics a boost? I take MMS, Vitamin C, NAC, and on occasion colloidal silver for the synergistic effects.

Recovery is never fast enough, but if i can do it, anyone of luck.

Edit:Also check the thyroid. Some do great with Iodine supplementation

[ 10-01-2010, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: brentb ]

Posts: 731 | From Humble,TX | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Icon 1 posted      Profile for nefferdun     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
What are you taking for the Bart?

When I took bactrim ds with zithro or biaxin, it greatly reduced those feelings. I felt exactly like you - a zombie. Now I am more motivated and have moments in which I feel alive and happy for no reason. I hope you get some relief.

old joke: idiopathic means the patient is pathological and the the doctor is an idiot

Posts: 4676 | From western Montana | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 18524

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Pinelady     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It took me a year to feel a turn in the road.

Don't give up...

Suspected Lyme 07 Test neg One band migrating in IgG region
unable to identify.Igenex Jan.09IFA titer 1:40 IND
IgM neg pos
31 +++ 34 IND 39 IND 41 IND 83-93 +

Posts: 5850 | From Kentucky | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lyme in Putnam
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11561

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i'm so sorry. We gotta keep going, its so hard when there seems no end in sight. Lately, one minute at a time. I feel dead too, and thats the hardest to take when you are a person full of life and bubbly. Thats what I used to be also. Try and it will come.

He took u to it, He'll you through

Posts: 2837 | From NE. | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 28259

Icon 1 posted      Profile for sprite8     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There were times I was so depressed,many, that I thought suicide was the only way to stop all the frustrations and emotional as well as physical pain that comes with lyme.

I am on meds for depression which helps and talking with others w/lyme helps.

You are not alone .God has a purpose for you even w/lyme and it's limitations.

Isaih 41:10 says,

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am Your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

I hope you believe this passage is for you, and cling to it.


Posts: 38 | From MA | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Icon 1 posted      Profile for METALLlC BLUE     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Man, there have been times for me too when I just wanted to end it. It's not uncommon, that's for sure. Then there is the complete apathy. I felt like giving up but wasn't willing to be the cause of my own death. I felt hopeless and helpless.

Things got better for me, but they haven't gotten "good" per se. I'm not suffering acutely anymore. I'm disabled though so that is why I have some level of comfort. I stay home and rest a lot.

The way that I survived was by making a conscious decision to take it to the bitter end even if I never win. I expect to win. I take full responsibility and put my health first. Everything else fell by the wayside. I also cut everything out of my life that was harming me and incorporated things that help, including counseling, antidepressants, mood stablizers, and friendships with people.

A lot of the depression I found didn't come from being sick, but rather came from the disease itself, as a biological effective. Sure I'm depressed and unhappy sometimes about being ill, but the majority was biological.

Either way, if you choose to accept the challenge and are willing to stay the course no matter what the outcome, then the probability increases substantially that you'll find a solution or at least minimally, get better than where you are now.

I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.

E-mail: [email protected]

Posts: 4157 | From Western Massachusetts | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LymeNet Contributor
Member # 23927

Icon 1 posted      Profile for back2game     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm so, so sorry for your misery. I also looked at my husband's Glock with great temptation on many occasions. Through prayer I pulled myself through. I couldn't leave my loved ones.

I'll pray that you find the strength. Lots of people need you...

CNS Lyme 05/08 - EIA 1.16+, IGG 18+, IGM 23+
01/11-IGM 31 Epitope Positive
01/11-IGM 31+++, 41+, 58++, 83-93+, 23-25IND, 39IND
01/11-IGG 41+
Vasculitis 01/07,MCTD 05/06,Fibro 11/04, Myofascial PS 11/03
Embedded Tick app. 1990

Posts: 136 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 28058

Icon 1 posted      Profile for neary.robin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The only thing I can think of to say to you is fear not, you are not alone!!!!! Really and truly this is a lyme thing and not you as a person. You sound like a very kind and giving you need to find someone who can give to you what you need in spirit!!
Posts: 16 | From Wethersfield,CT | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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