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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » mother-in-law at it again

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Author Topic: mother-in-law at it again
lymeladyinNY
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Yesterday was a bad day for me. I was in bed barely able to move or speak and mother-in-law comes over with brother-in-law and starts badmouthing me.

I heard her downstairs slamming the dishes around in the sink and saying how lazy I am and how it must be nice to lie around in bed all day.

She's a mean little woman.

I am trying to take the high road and just let it go but it's very hard. I'm tired of being badmouthed all the time for having the "nerve" to be chronically ill.

The ducks and the in-laws are always hurting my feelings!!

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I want to be free

Posts: 1170 | From Endicott, NY | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sixgoofykids
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I hope your husband stands up to her! He needs to. She has no right to act like that, especially not in your house.

I'd have gotten sarcastic about how much I just love laying around, how I never liked my old life of being able to get out and do things, how it's so much more fun and fulfilling being in bed all day.

Hubby needs to say something. Better to have mad mother than mad sick wife!!

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sixgoofykids.blogspot.com

Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lymetoo
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quote:
Originally posted by sixgoofykids:
I hope your husband stands up to her! He needs to.

Ditto!!!

 -

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--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

Posts: 95978 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
just don
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Dig up Lyme Dad's recent post re: letter to parents of lymies or something like that. Print it out,,,hand it to her personally and say.

I have some information for your reading.

(with that no nonsense look in your eye.) Then say something like,"I will talk to you later and get your opinion of it!!" That makes them think they BETTER read it.

Best written short, gettum going your way ,letter I ever SAW!!!being--just don--

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just don

Posts: 4548 | From Middle of midwest | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
3greatkids
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Thank her kindly for cleaning the dishes.She did clean the dishes,I hope,after making such a dramatic entrance?


Ask her if she could clean the toilet next time she is over. [Wink]

Oh and please sweet MIL,I'm resting,so use your in door voice.Hubby needs to take action,change the locks,if an understanding can't be hashed out.

Yeah,give her the letter,hold your head up high and demand more respect.You need to devote your time to YOU!!!! Heaven forbid, the day when she needs tender loving care and no one will be there because she has been so mean.

Now,get back in bed,do not feel quilty.Get better.That is her problem,not your problem.

Quilt tripping mother in laws,relatives,friends are not good for our health.Load that bed up w/ all of your favorite things and heal.

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lymeladyinNY
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Thanks for the support, everyone.

Mother-in-law has been this way toward me since the first day I met her. My husband (then-new boyfriend) tried to introduce me to her and she turned her face away and wouldn't talk to me.

She is Italian and doesn't read English well so I don't think she'd even understand Lymedad's letter, which is too bad because I've read it myself and it IS very good.

We had an understanding (after a shouting match) that I wouldn't come to her house and she wouldn't come to mine about 3 years ago. Unfortunately she hasn't upheld her end of the bargain lately! And I'm too sick to do any enforcing.

She has told a lot of people I'm faking it and has convinced one of my sisters-in-law, who now won't speak to me. It's all ridiculous. Hubby has tried to stand up for me but she won't listen. She has no sense of empathy and is quite selfish.

Well, thanks again for listening and responding! - lymelady

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I want to be free

Posts: 1170 | From Endicott, NY | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
randibear
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Oh hon, I understand. My first marriage was like that....

His father was a very high grade officer and my dad was enlisted. His mother HATED me and thought I was not good enough.

I endured 7 years of pure hell, fighting her for my rights every day.

It came down to her or me --- I lost!! He chose his mother.

But in the end, I won...it was greatest thing that ever happened to me. I was free.........

You must get out of that situation -- it's a no winner....

Others may think differently, but I KNOW. Unless he straightens the record, it will continue and you will continue to be miserable...

I wish you luck.......

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do not look back when the only course is forward

Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kitkat32
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Oh dear, I feel for you.

I have the same problem. My in laws think I am faking too. They even thought it wasn't important when I was mis dx'd with MS.

It use to really hurt my feelings too. I have spent many days crying over it. Now I just don't care anymore. I gave my MIL literature from my LLMD last week and she just tossed it on the table without reading it.

I started telling her how my insurance probably won't pay for the IV treatment and she just rolled her eyes. She stopped over here yesterday with her daughter to show me what they had purchased for themselves on their day of shopping. SIL spent nearly 4000.00 at Kay jewelers and MIL spent about the same. I am happy for them that they have alot of $$$ but it just felt like a slap in the face for me.

Don't let it bother you. Tell your husband to tell her to stay away, that your under enough stress with your lyme disease. I sometimes don't even answer my door when the stop over. They know I am here too.

Just let her remarks roll off of you. You obviously have had words with her before and they didn't do any good except for upsetting you.

I have cleared my life of as much stress as possible...including some family members.

I swear I will try to be the best MIL in the world when my time comes.

kit

Posts: 655 | From Pennsylvania | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sixgoofykids
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I'm sorry the situation is so bad. You need to get hubby to enforce her staying out of your house ... I presume she was there to see him since you were in bed? Why would hubby want to hang around Mom who doesn't like wife?

For me, it's MY side of the family. For now, I've just completely cut ties ... I can't handle it and get better. They are abusive and always have been.

I don't know if that's what you and hubby will have to do, but it's working for me. He cannot make them like you, but he can DEMAND that they respect you or that he will not be around them either.

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sixgoofykids.blogspot.com

Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
WakeUp
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Hi Lymelady,
I live in NY, too.. thankfully 1500 miles AWAY from my mother-in-law. I have not even told her that I have Lyme. She would just hold it against me, tell me I was crazy and accuse me of being lazy--- and I'm doing all I can just to survive.

I had to get rid of everything that was dragging me down. So--- I told my hubbie he had to choose. Luckily he chose me-- God looked out for me.... for once... and now we just send her flowers on mother's day and on her birthday, and that's the extent of our relationship.

I really FEEL for you.

Women are SO HARD on women that they feel don't measure up. And Lyme complicates it so much!!

Just read the book "Tripping the Prom Queen" it makes you not want to deal with these women at all as soon as you recognize that they judge you and compete with you on every breath you take.. and YOU'RE SICK!!!

At least men compartmentalize their competitive urges!

I used to entertain, but now I don't have energy for dinner parties.. and I have acquaintances that think I am really lazy and look down on me so much because I don't spend 8 hours making a special dessert. I'm just the lazy guest when I bring a bakery cake....

I used to participate in my neighborhood women's book club, but dealing with the normal BS which would have been easy for me before-- just became too difficult. I don't have energy for all the grooming, shopping, neighborhood meetings and exercise that it takes to be successfull in these types of groups anymore. I have to motivate myself for two hours just work out on the bike for half an hour....

Anyway, at least I have read a lot of good books. So life is still good, but not the same as it was before!

Keep the faith-- god bless you and ask your husband to support you!!

PS.

What God has put together -- let no mother-in-law cut asunder!! Tee hee....

Posts: 696 | From New York | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Geneal
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What a mean, spiteful, petty woman!!!!

What a shame.....

I would not let her in my house....

I would tell my husband if he wanted to see his mom, to go over and see her.

There is no law or rule that says you have to be the carpet that others wipe their feet on.

I've gone to paper plates and plastic utensils....

Helps with the dishes and all of that.

If your husband really wants to be supportive, he should hire a housekeeper or clean the house himself.

Maybe you should take your mil to your next LLMD visit....

Just make sure she parks her broom outside...

Hang in there.

My MIL started off like that....

I had to constantly be on my guard against verbal and emotional attacks.

I guess when I told her that I wasn't sure her son was good enough for me....

That she finally laid off.

I set the ground rules. Drew my line in the sand, so to speak,

And basically dared her to cross it.

That got me some hard earned respect.

And she continues to be on good behavior...especially if she wants to spend time with her grandchildren.

I will not allow my children to spend time with someone who bad mouths me.

I don't care who that person is...

Hang in there....

Hugs,

Geneal

Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Katcon
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Thank God we can chose our friends.

I had a situation when a family member did not believe me that I was sick five years ago when I first got lyme.

I started having seizures and told this person, she did not believe me. Actually had a grand mal seizure right in front of her.

This is what she said to me " I'm glad I got to see that for myself." Can you imagine.

My mother was there when this happened and was so distraught because she had witnessed for months every ugly aspect of my illness. My mother started crying, and was so sad. I feel for mother's that have to watch their children go thru this. Anyway after my mom left this same person also asked me if my mother always acted like that.

Guess what this person got lyme disease.

Posts: 175 | From Pa | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hopeful123
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loved what geneal wrote, so ditto for me.
would tell my husband if he wanted to see his mom, to go over and see her.

There is no law or rule that says you have to be the carpet that others wipe their feet on.

I've gone to paper plates and plastic utensils....

Helps with the dishes and all of that.

If your husband really wants to be supportive, he should hire a housekeeper or clean the house himself.

also, it is up to your husband to defend you. she would not get away with all of the bad-mouthing if he were telling her to cool it.

very, very, very hard situation with you so sick and feeling disempowered already!

prayers also help so i'll be sending some your way since i live in ny, too.
[hi]

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some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield  -

Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LisaS
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Katcon, Has this person that now also has Lyme apologized to you? I hope so. It's funny how karma works. Hmmm one down about 1000,000 ducks to go!

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https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1660435643

Posts: 1078 | From Lake Geneva WI | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OptiMisTick
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[ 25. February 2008, 03:47 AM: Message edited by: OptiMisTick ]

Posts: 1338 | From Above the Clouds | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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