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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » How can people be so insensitive?

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Author Topic: How can people be so insensitive?
ForestNymph
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My husband's daughter from another marriage is having a baby next month. She lives in Indiana and we were planning on driving up from Florida two weeks before to be there for her.

I was talking to her on the phone and we were having a nice conversation and I was offering to help her clean with what little energy I have when all of the sudden she starts being really petty about the most ridiculous things.

For example my husband can't drop tissues on the floor accidentally and we can't make their dog feel uncomfortable and many other things I can't even remember because they are so petty.

I'm always worse when I go up there so I don't know if I'm going to be able to go now. I can't take the added stress. I am really sad now because that was all I've had to look forward to for so long.

I feel like saying "HELLO! I just offered all that I have to give and you're being petty about it!" But of course she's an in law and they aren't as forgiving as blood relatives.

Sorry, I just needed to vent. My husband is at work and I'm in tears trying to deal with the disappointment.

--------------------
Infected in March '06

Lyme Disease, Bartonella, Babesia

Diagnosed June '07

Remission Since September 2011.

My Story:
http://lymelabyrinth.blogspot.com

www.myspace.com/psyche_entranced

Posts: 119 | From Florida | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pab
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I'm sorry she treated you that way. She is usually like this? [group hug]

--------------------
Peggy

~ ~ Hope is a powerful medicine. ~ ~

Posts: 2775 | From MN | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JaimieB
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Forest,

I am the wrong person to read and probably reply because this is one of my biggest pet peeves.

I am sorry that she is treating you that way. IMO, that is totally rude. Yes, I like to keep a clean house and things in order but that is ridiculous to me seeing that you are taking YOUR time and using YOUR enegery to help her make this a smooth transition.

How the hec do you make a dog uncomfortable? Do you taunt it with hotdogs and put clothes pins on its tail while wearing a banana suit?

Please try not to let this stress you out. I know easier said than done. I do not have any tolerence for people who do not show gratitude. However, she may just be very hormonal.

Hang in there

Posts: 171 | From the land of oz | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
randibear
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ok, ya'll, odd man out.

i'd say (gasp!!!), don't go, or send your husband alone.

why do i say this? let me tell you what i went through when mike's daughter by a previous marriage wanted the exact same thing. me to come up and help her out after moving...

i cleaned my butt off, cooked every day. how was i treated? she informed me that when HER mother came, she took her shopping, they ate out and she never cleaned a damn thing...

they went out one day and asked if i wanted something to eat. they went to red lobster. GET THIS!! they must have gone to mcdonalds before they ate because they brought back a totally watered down coke, cold french fries and hamburger. i stayed for over a week.

when i left, her husband was going out of town, she never got out of bed and because my flight left at 11 she couldn't take me to the airport because she had two kids.

i got up at 3 IN THE MORNING, HE DROPPED ME OFF AT THE CURB AND I SAT THERE LIKE AN IDIOT UNTIL THE FLIGHT AT 11 OCLOCK....AT DULLES NO LESS...

the next time she called, mike told her no, randi doesn't clean for anybody except me...i was so livid when i left that i really thought i was going to have a stroke....

plus hearing her spoiled rotten kid tell me "i don't like what you're fixing and i'm going to tell my mommy and she'll make you leave."

you know what? I told her "look you go right ahead and tell her, cause when i leave, i ain't coming back."

oh get this, i was not allowed to watch tv "too violent for children" until after everyone went to bed....

please, believe me, don't go. you'll only be miserable like i was,

and it made my lyme go freaking crazy....

when you're shaking from rage, it ain't good...and it wasn't the lyme making me angry...

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ocean
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Pregnancy hormones perhaps??

--------------------
http://www.healingfromlymedisease.blogspot.com/

Sick since 1996...Diagnosed 10/2008

IgM:23-25 IND, 31+++, 39 IND, 41 +++
IgG: 31 IND, 41++, 58+

Posts: 1619 | From Ohio | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Tincup
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Keep this rule in mind... and act accordingly.

Fish and company smell after 3 days.

[Big Grin]

--------------------
www.TreatTheBite.com
www.DrJonesKids.org
www.MarylandLyme.org
www.LymeDoc.org

Posts: 20353 | From The Moon | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ForestNymph
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LOL Jaimie, she was going on about how the dog is going to be upset because we'll be staying in "his room". The thing is we are both dog people but that's a little excessive I think.

I feel a little better about it now that she and my husband talked things over. She started in on him too and he said we'd stay in a hotel and she started crying and apologizing.

I mean she has always been overly anal. I am no slob either. My home has always been spotless unless I am too sick to clean. I think she's a bit OCD and the hormones are making it worse.

She wasn't really making any sense and contradicting herself. Its also her first child so she's probably scared to death. If I weren't in such bad shape myself I probably wouldn't have been so upset.

randibear, I wouldn't go at all if it weren't for my husband. He will pick up and leave if she is too ridiculous. He knows I can't be in a stressful environment right now.

You guys are the best. Thanks so much for being there for me. I was feeling so alone before you guys responded. [Smile]

--------------------
Infected in March '06

Lyme Disease, Bartonella, Babesia

Diagnosed June '07

Remission Since September 2011.

My Story:
http://lymelabyrinth.blogspot.com

www.myspace.com/psyche_entranced

Posts: 119 | From Florida | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Geneal
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I was thinking pregnancy hormones too.

I am glad she apologized.

I hope you get to hold the new baby.

Enjoy the baby.

I hope your daughter-n-law can appreciate your coming and helping.

I sure wish I had some. Nope. Just me with a c-section and a colicky baby.

I would have bent over backwards to have someone just cook me a meal.

Don't worry about the dog.

That's so silly. Are you laughing about this yet?

I've got an 8 x 10 of me keeping a serious face

If someone said that to me.

I probably would have laughed so hard that I would cry.

Then I'd have to end the phone call and call back...when I wanted to.

Next time she starts with the petty things,

Tell her there is someone at the door,

That you have another phone call......

Whatever it takes to distance that negativity.

Let your husband handle it.

My babies are 7 and 5, but you can come and see me anytime.

You don't have to clean, or cook (or change diapers).

You don't have to sleep in the doggie house either. [Smile]

You can just be appreciated.

Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.

Enjoy the baby.

Hugs,

Geneal

Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ForestNymph
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Geneal,

Thanks so much. I can't wait to hold the baby

If you were closer I'd come and help you. [Smile] I do find it humorous about the dog. I thought she was joking at first. Oh well. I am letting my husband handle it. I think she will forgot all about her compulsions when once the baby is born.

--------------------
Infected in March '06

Lyme Disease, Bartonella, Babesia

Diagnosed June '07

Remission Since September 2011.

My Story:
http://lymelabyrinth.blogspot.com

www.myspace.com/psyche_entranced

Posts: 119 | From Florida | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Geneal
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One can only hope and pray.

Can you imagine having such a nit-picky Mom? [Smile]

I think we all try to "paint a picture" in our minds

Of how things are going to be when such and such happens.

I know that I pictured myself coming home with my new baby.

Super Mom in my head.

It wasn't until I was holding and nursing and getting no sleep

With my colicky baby, that I realized that reality

Was a very far cry from what I had pictured.

Still.....my baby was beautiful.

She was a miracle, and incredible little piece of humanity

That, even when she cried non-stop for hours,

Was the most precious, wonderful gift God could have given me.

Make sure when you are there, to take time for yourself.

Try to minimize the stress. Take a long bath when things get tough.

Go for a walk (with the doggie [Big Grin] ).

Good news is that the baby is your silver lining in an otherwise cloudy sky.

Focus on that and yourself.

Sending you and your daughter-n-law prayers

For a peaceful, enjoyable visit and a healthy baby.

(Let your daughter-n-law change those merconium diapers.

That is a lesson in itself. [Smile] )

Hugs,

Geneal

Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sizzled
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JaimieB: "How the hec do you make a dog uncomfortable? Do you taunt it with hotdogs and put clothes pins on its tail while wearing a banana suit?"

ROFLMAO! [Big Grin]

AND yes, I agree with TC.

Maybe she has Lyme too?

I was always the hostess, like Mom,had treats and beverages offered.

Always remembered what the guests liked to eat and drink...blah,blah,blah...

A 'Thank-you' would have been nice...

We need to teach our young ones...manners!!!!

oh...and I am STILL learning!!! [bonk] [bonk]

Posts: 4258 | From over there | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sizzled
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P.S.

Thank-you for this post!!! [Wink]

Posts: 4258 | From over there | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Melodymaker
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by ForestNymph:
[QB] LOL Jaimie, she was going on about how the dog is going to be upset because we'll be staying in "his room". The thing is we are both dog people but that's a little excessive I think.

The dog has his own room?? Boy is he in for a rude awakening when the baby comes home!! (or maybe it's the baby who's in for a surprise!)

When I go visit with my daughter and soon-to-be son in law... the dog sleeps with me!!! rofl and she weighs 70 pounds.

--------------------
Wishing You Showers Of Blessings!
Lyme since Fall 1983 = Diagnosed Summer 2008
IV Rocephin 7 weeks Stopped due to drug fever
Now doxycycline
"For I know the plans I have for you...plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Posts: 430 | From Sunny South | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lostgurl
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I did the same thing when I was about to have my first son.

I did have Lyme (didn't know it) and went CRAZY with my mother in law.

I was losing control, she wasn't my mom, I love her to death, needed the help, but felt like at the time, it was my last ditch effort to have order in the house...

I wanted her there and was so happy when she came, she ignored my insanity and I guess knew better, wasn't hurt, and it went fine..

My son was much like Geneal described, painted the pretty picture and then REALITY set in..

I haven't been the same since- but now, if there is a tissue on the floor, shoot I don't even notice..
It's hard, I say ignore it and do whatever you can if you are able, don't get worse by going and dealing with the added stress..

She will be so grateful and apologetic once she has that baby and immediately feels helpless upon arrival at the homefront..

I even stressed about the dog, and how he would be neglected, his world turned upside down for he was my baby and I had to realize that he would survive, an adjustment for all.

Just like we let go of all that with the second one.. Boy if we only knew!

Was scared to death too and had to do everything like those darned books that I wish were never printed-they are enough to make new moms completely psychotic.

Love the dog comment!-

-Boy new babies- such a great time, but such an emotional roller coaster for all of you. Best of luck and congrats ahead of time

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hshbmom
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Maybe she thought you were implying that her house was dirty. You know how hormonal and sensitive pregnant women can be.


You could ask her. Let her know you know how difficult it is to get everything done when you're near the end of your pregnancy and that you were trying to be helpful, rather than judging her housekeeping skill.


She may feel relieved you asked her.


You may want to ask her if she wants you there. Maybe she wants her mother there and doesn't want any conflict between the family. This is a time when she needs to be brutally honest with everyone and others must respect her wishes.


Does she want you and your husband to come? Or, is dad assuming she wants him there? If you're there and she's not comfortable with it she may have the baby later than expected.

Posts: 1672 | From AL/WV/OH | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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