Topic: Anyone ever told you getting Lyme was your 'fault'?
Ocean
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3496
posted
Yeah...anyone?
I'm not mentioning any names, but this person (and it is not a female, so not who you are thinking of!) last week was going on this whole thing of how getting lyme (if I have it, they said) is my fault. Said if I was in an endemic area for Lyme and didn't protect myself and didn't see the tick, then it is no one's fault but my own.
For the record, I have never blamed ANYONE for this...why would you even try??
My husband and I are having a hard time even attempting to understand what they are saying...I asked my mom and she's completely baffled.
I was 17 years old and on vacation, didn't know anything about Lyme and I was in South Carolina coastal area...where they still aren't saying it's endemic.
Anyone want to take a stab at what this person is attempting to say?
kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Who knows what was going on in this person's mind...
But, I think we should put them in the balloon.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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WildCondor
Unregistered
posted
Sounds like they were trying to say "you need to be more careful" but said it in a not nice way. Even with excellent preventive measures in place, you can still get bitten. They need to be educated. Sigh.
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Ocean
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3496
posted
quote:Originally posted by kam: Who knows what was going on in this person's mind...
But, I think we should put them in the balloon.
Hehe...I'm up for that!
Wildcondor,
I'm not sure what he meant...he just kept saying that it isn't hubby's fault, it isn't my children's fault (no kidding...I had it before they were born!), that I need to understand it is my fault.
It was very strange and he kept going over and over it...OK..it was hubby's dad who was saying it. But...what??!
It makes sense what you are saying, about being careful, but it didn't seem like that is where he was going...almost like he was saying subconsciously, I 'wanted' to be sick or something...
I'm understand them slightly more as he said last week of his daughter who is anorexic (well we don't know if it's an eating disorder or some other problem...she won't eat in front of people, was dx with it by an ER doc after she passed out at home, ect..yet they 'don't know' if she has one or not??). I'm understanding that they don't have a clear grasp of reality!
posted
I cant see how lyme can by anyone fault. Ticks are everywhere and its really hard to avoid them if you are outdorsy person. And when you healthy and active last thing on your mind are some ticks , - especially then IDSA desinformation states that it easily catchable (with rash) and easily curable (with 30 days doxy ) disease
You can say getting aids is your fault if you practice unsafe sex, or lung cancer if you are a smoker, but I dont think it applies to lyme - even you follow all precautions you can still be bitten
Posts: 856 | From MA | Registered: Jul 2009
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Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
OC said...
"Anyone want to take a stab at what this person is attempting to say?"
Or just take a stab at them period. This is enough!
You are going to have to admit to yourself that it is OK that you have nutty relatives... and let it go.
They are getting your goat and you are allowing that to happen.
They are wrong, wrong, wrong.
You don't deserve this.
Don't let people of a lower calibur get your goat.
kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Some people like to attack the person instead of the problem.
I try and stay away from people like that...
TC...smiling. Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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daisyrlb
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15686
posted
Tincup couldn't help but chuckle after reading your post, "OK, pumpkin?".
You sure have a way with words and cutting right to the chase.
Ocean, I figure we all just live in a broken world, with broken people (of which I am one) and "stuff" happens.
God's peace to you.
Posts: 2188 | From Oklahoma | Registered: May 2008
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daisyrlb
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15686
posted
Ocean, by the way you were "17" obviously it was your parent's fault. Hee hee.
Posts: 2188 | From Oklahoma | Registered: May 2008
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daisyrlb
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15686
posted
Have you read you PMs lately?
Posts: 2188 | From Oklahoma | Registered: May 2008
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Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
Grandma... funny one you are!
Daisy said.. "Tincup couldn't help but chuckle after reading your post, "OK, pumpkin?".
I'm afraid if our dear Ocean doesn't keep letting these gnomes get under her skin...
I'll be forced to add another word to my original quote... so it would then read...
"Ok, pumpkin HEAD!"
But I'd ONLY say that cause I care about our Ocean.
People like to find fault with a sick person, because then they can pretend that THEY will never get sick.
Kind of like coltman saying that you can be blamed for HIV if you practice unsafe sex, when your "unsafe sex" can be with a person you believe you are in a monogamous relationship with. (Happened to a friend of mine last year.) Sorry, coltman, don't mean to pick on you...too much. Posts: 398 | From By the Salish Sea | Registered: Dec 2008
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
ocean,
guess i'd be my normal self, and say,
there's the door, don't let it hit you in your butt on your way, and do NOT come back!
i avoid NEGATIVE people; don't let them drag you down ... it took too long to get your self-confidence up to where we got it with you ok my dear friend.
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Starfall1969
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 17353
posted
Yeah, Ocean, we all know it really IS your fault.
I'll just bet you stripped yourself naked, slathered Eau de Tick Attractor all over your body and laid in a well-known tick breeding ground.
And when you got cold, you covered yourself with a tick-infested deer carcass.
That's why it's your fault for getting infected.
Sheesh!
Sometimes you just gotta nod your head, say, "okay, you're right," and roll your eyes as you walk away.
Posts: 1682 | From Dillsburg, PA | Registered: Sep 2008
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canbravelyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9785
posted
That's terrible!!!
Sending love...
-------------------- For medical advice related to Lyme disease, please see an ILADS physician. Posts: 1494 | From Getting there... | Registered: Aug 2006
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Ocean
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3496
posted
Thanks guys...yes, I need to just admit it and move on. It's just one of the strangest things I've ever heard someone say...kinda like the IDSA saying Lyme is completely wiped out in just 2 weeks of low dose Doxy...it just doesn't add up to anything but crazy!
Thank you for your support...the pet names (ie 'Pumpkin'), and Starfall, that is too funny! I wish I had Eau de Tick Attractor...I can think of some people I would love to give it to as a gift!
Anna, I understand what you are saying and I am so sorry for your friend!!! That is very very sad.
posted
Yeah. and I've also heard that Negative Thinking causes all Chronic Illness. Talk about Blaming.
Some people have a need to blame. I won't point fingers
Ocean, I need to point out that this is your father-in-law you are talking about. Married to your personality-disordered MIL. Birds of a feather, perhaps? Employing the Blame Game, fault-finders. Attacking weakness too. Can't handle weakness of any kind.
They don't share our Reality. He's not making some sort of point that is understandable by non-PDd people. Different lens on the world. They make no sense. Only NonSense.
Posts: 571 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Oct 2008
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Ocean
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3496
posted
NonSense...yes, you are right 22 dreams! Well, we did see them yesterday and they acted civilized. I was having a pretty good feeling day, so I was happy and sweet and just had fun with my kids (we had niece's b-day party to go to). Hubby wrote a letter and gave it to them after the party...haven't heard from them since...and it was a GOOD letter.
So, I'm feeling mighty fine about everything now, secure with my husband...he even told them we will not see them until at least Christmas...so I have 7 weeks knowing there won't be any more drama to deal with
glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
Ocean,
Google "blaming the victim" It says that it is a racist and sexist comment. There is a lot more info on this. Women are often blamed for being raped etc.
Gael
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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Ocean
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3496
posted
Thanks Gael,
I looked it up and you are right...seems it is dead on with what they are doing...funny because they don't 'blame' their son for getting diabetes at age 10, said it was due to family history...which I know in nursing school they are now saying that ONLY type 2 is inherited, NOT type 1 which is what my husband has. I didn't even bring up that argument because they ain't worth arguing with!
METALLlC BLUE
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6628
posted
Simple: Ignorance. We're all ruled by it. We were ignorant of ticks since so little was known and they're ignorant because they fail to understand the logic of their statements which unfairly place you in the position of being lectured basically in a "You should have known" context.
Should have known? Maybe, but that person should know when to keep their trap shut. It's not nice to tell someone "Hey, you brought this on yourself" while the person suffers agonizing consequences of an issue that they couldn't possibly have predicted.
If someone gets an STD from having unprotected sex and they've been told over and over to be careful, then yeah -- duh, it's their fault, but in South Carolina THEY SAY THE DISEASE DOESN'T EVEN EXIST, and a 17 year old is supposed to know the controversy and incorrect statements of local physicians and their Government over a disease they probably have never even heard of?
Whoever made that comment to you is an idiot.
-------------------- I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.
Ocean
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3496
posted
Yeah Metallic,
I have to agree...and you know these people (my husband's parents) feel that it is OK to say that MIL's sister is 'faking' having Multiple Sclerosis and is just 'LAZY'. She has been dx by an MD. I don't know if her sister has heard her say that, but it's disgusting.
Like many have told me, she will get 'hers' soon enough what goes around comes around.
If she starts getting sx of Lyme...I may just have to wait awhile before saying anything about it...
Though she probably wouldn't believe it anyhow, so why bother??
Yes, these people know nothing about Lyme, so no idea why they are even flapping their jaws, educate yourself first before you make yourself look like a fool...the gov't is not saying South Carolina is endemic by any means! It floored me how several people who called me after the article in the paper had gotten sick after visiting North or South Carolina...
I will ignore them, actually hubby told them will we not have any contact with them now until at least Christmas because we are focusing on getting me well!
posted
Some people just don't know. They think you'll always see a tick. I love my MIL dearly, and she always means well, but she asked me one time if my mom feels guilty for not seeing the tick that bit me at age 12.
My mom always made us put on insect repellant to go outside and play. Every single time, even after five minutes on the driveway, she would do a head to toe check for ticks. Guess what? She missed one.
I have never EVER dared blame her. She did the best she could, and she educated my sisters and I.
My MIL just doesn't get it. But when I explained all this to her, she apologized for saying something so accusatory of my mom.
I wish all IL's (and everyone else, too) could understand that there doesn't need to be 'fault'- it's just a fact of life.
Posts: 236 | From Washington | Registered: Jul 2008
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canbravelyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9785
posted
I never realized how undetectable ticks can be until I pulled one off of a woman's leg in Marin County.
It looked more like an ingrown hair than a tick. And it was oblong until you pulled back on it and could see the bladder filled with blood.
-------------------- For medical advice related to Lyme disease, please see an ILADS physician. Posts: 1494 | From Getting there... | Registered: Aug 2006
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