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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » Depressed in new state...feeling a little better but have another question

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Author Topic: Depressed in new state...feeling a little better but have another question
Hoosiers51
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I feel bad starting a "woe is me" post....but I just gotta get this off my chest, and I'd like suggestions on how to cope.

I normally don't get depressed very easily, though I have gone through bouts of pretty serious depression in my life.

The past year of my life, I was VERY happy. I had found hobbies (cooking, "real food" etc) and was just happy with things, thanks to improving slightly and just my life situation.

We just moved to a new state, and since the first day, I've been so depressed. I thought I would snap out of it, but so far I haven't. I have been doing NOTHING since here. I've been skipping taking my pills, I let the dishes pile up, etc. These are things I have the energy to do technically, and things I normally do daily.....staying up to day with meds and at least keeping the place neat-ish for my husband, who works all day.

I don't want to resort to psych meds, because I know it is just situational. I feel so spoiled complaining about where I live...but I just am not adjusting well. It is mostly retirees here, and everything seems like 10 years behind in food, culture, etc. Small population.

I'm sure to people who live in a small town I sound spoiled, but I just don't feel young or alive here. I would have to drive about 40 minutes to get to a grocery store that sells the kind of health foods I like to buy/eat, and that is a big blow to me since that is basically my only hobby.

I also thrive being around interesting restaurants, things like that. I just have no reason to ever leave the apartment. I have only left it once in the 5-6 days I've been here....and it is not due to Lyme, since I can normally force myself to do a few things at least every other day. Forcing myself to do things is the only thing that keeps me sane.

My husband has decided we will move to the closest city six months from now even though it would make his work commute over an hour, just because he isn't a fan of living here either and he sees the change in me.

I just don't know how to look on the bright side. Even moving closer to a metro area, I won't really be in a place I really WANT to be. I know I sound spoiled and life isn't always so easy that you can pick where you live. But I still am having a hard time forcing the happiness thing.

I think what makes it hard is that we are working for my parents here, and so if this is the career hubby picks, we will always be here. That scares me. He is probably going to get a job offer across the country (in CA) in about a month, and we are seriously considering moving out there, despite the traffic, cost of living, etc.

It would be a totally stupid financial decision, Los Angeles, but should we go for it? My parents are being very negative about it, and making us feel like we would be abandoning them, and that we would never survive on our own without them, with my illness, and the cost. I wish they could just be happy for us and tell us to do what makes us happy.

And like I said, the thought of staying here is depressing me. The thought of being dependent on a family business, with all the family politics, (who gets what, etc) is scaring me. I don't trust that we would be treated fairly, as harsh as that sounds. I am just the daughter....I am not given much regard in terms of decision-making with the businesses, and since my husband isn't related to anyone, he's treated like he doesn't know jack and like his opinion is inferior to everyone else's.

Should we just leave?

[ 03-15-2010, 06:12 PM: Message edited by: Hoosiers51 ]

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kam
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[group hug]
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Hoosiers51
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Awwwwww...thanks, kam! I think that is what I needed!
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MariaA
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Knowing where you live now, and having lived in California, here's my advice:
-start trying to get to Asheville more. it's unlike almost anywhere in the country. Entertainment here is unreal. Last summer during tourist season, I was working odd hours in Asheville, and I often would wander downtown late in the evening and there was ALWAYS music going on somewhere- I"m really picky about what music I like and it seemed like I could always find something to blow my mind. I was broke and often just stood outside listening. I entertained myself cheaply there for months. I know this might be hard on you because of health but you're not always going to be in this shape youre in.

there is now an indoor smoking ban in restaurants and bars there, too, so it's a lot nicer than it used to be. Obviously it's harder to go out and meet people since you're ill, but you'll have that problem in LA as well.

Asheville is unparalleled in terms of foodies, CSA farms, etc -- and many people who do this sort of stuff and eat Weston PRice style are in your area, too- you just need to hook up with them. I'd recommend looking for a cow share on the WPF site and then trying to meet people in person based on that. I am quite sure some of them are in oyur area as it's a lot cheaper to live there than around Asheville.

I wish I lived there already (might not happen for a while due to my health setback)- I'd probably have resources for you.

LA is really disorienting, requires a car also, and people really do sometimes live up to their reputation of being superficial. You can find all the good cultural/foodie things in Asheville without having to deal with the nightmare of LA city living.

The big drawback is jobs in this area, I know- that's been a big concern for me. I don't know what your hubby does, but there's surely another option besides working for the family. It might take a while to find that option but it's out there. The economy is going to improve, too. The cost of lving in Asheville isn't that bad, either, esp if food is your hobby and you can do CSA's/farmers' markets and make friends with farmers.

It's seriously the best place that I've ever run across as far as numbers of people dedicated to the 'local food' movement other than maybe the San Francisco Bay Area.

--------------------
Symptom Free!!! Thank you all!!!!

Find me at Lymefriends, I post under the same name.
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sparkle7
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I recently moved - so, I can relate. My frame of reference was always doing something in NYC. I'm living in SC & it's not bad but it is a huge cultural adjustment.

The city I live in is big on food. Most of the supermarkets do have a healthfood section - so, it's not as weird as some areas. I know what you mean about focusing on food...

I try to pull myself out of serious pain every day when I wake up. It's really hard & I could easily fall into some kind of funk. I try to keep focused on something I have to do when I wake up.

Even if it's mundane. I used to be an artist & present other artists, musicians, performers. I wrote grants & organized events. For a living, I worked in the fashion industry & traveled to Europe a couple times a year.

I had to give up everything due to illness. It's rough not having a focus or goal for yourself. I think it helps to have something to look forward to every day - even something like trying Starbucks Ethiopian coffee or planting some seeds & watching them grow...

I had to scale back almost everything that I thought I would be or do. It really sucks but things could be worse.

I guess you have to weigh your options when seeing if you should move to CA. Life around big cities is stressful & expensive. I guess you could try it & see. I'd rather do something & decide I didn't like it than not do it. Could you go back if it doesn't work out?

I'm almost 50 so I have had chances to try things in my life. If I always lived in an area like where I am now - I would feel disappointed. I'm glad I got to travel a bit & live in NYC vicinity.

I don't miss it alot now but I am glad I got to live there when I did. I still listen to the radio stations from that area on the internet.

I guess you have to look at the good things & try to focus on that rather than the limitations.

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Hoosiers51
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Thanks Maria.

Yeah, I think if I was in Asheville now I would be feeling a LOT better about all this. We're hoping to move there as soon as we can.

I think the 40 minute drive to Asheville is the biggest challenge right now. My fatigue normally only allows me to drive in 15 minute increments.

Where I used to live, that wasn't a problem, and I would go to the store daily, sometimes just to wander around. Bloomington (where I used to live in IN) was actually really nice....it was basically a mini-Asheville, but of course I lived right in the town.

I am just really down on Waynesville right now. I wish I was well enough to make long-ish drives on my own (Asheville), but right now I start to "zone out" to the point that it's scary after about 15 min on the road.

If we moved to L.A., we would try to live in one of the beach communities. I'm thinking it's probably nicer there? (though I know traffic is horrible, see below) My husband would be making enough that we could afford something decent enough to rent.....he would be making at least twice what we are making here in NC. He would then take public transit into work daily so that he could be doing stuff on his laptop during the long commute.

You are definitely right about Asheville...I just need to somehow get over there.

I actually have really really bad seasonal affective disorder, so the sunshine in L.A. would help I think. That is one other perk. Just a couple cloudy days in a row and I normally start to slip. Pretty lame of me, but so far I haven't found much of a solution.

I'm sorry this is sounding so complain-y. I totally realize how this must sound to someone not living in my brain right now. Thanks for listening.

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Hoosiers51
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sparkle7,

Thanks. I think that's part of my problem. I am 26 years old, and I got seriously ill when I was 18. Lately, with improved health, I have finally been starting to experience things as a young adult.

I had to basically give up college and all that, but who knows, someday I might go back. But I feel like I'm too young to live in a sleepy town.

I moved away from my family when I was about 22, and being more independent actually improved the quality of my life. I think being around them again is tough for various reasons.


Well...hubby's home, better go say hi.

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sparkle7
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My heart goes out to anyone who is young & has to deal with this. I think it's good to try & experience new things. Even if you make mistakes. That's how you learn.

Life in big cities is stressful but it is nice to have access to the resources that they offer. I don't know too many people who can really commute in LA. Seems like you need to have a car or 2. I'm sure people do it but it's not as easy as in a place like NYC or London.

You might want to visit there first before making any commitments. I could see why living back at home & in the family business may be depressing. Everything changes, though.

You have to weigh the pros & cons. If you can save money by being where you are & take trips every so often - it may be better than trying to live in a big city.

You can also go to school over the internet. Maybe focus on thinking about some classes you can take...? I'm not sure where you are but there are usually some community colleges around or you can take classes over the internet.

It's good to try to focus your mind of something positive. I don't believe it's good to take psych drugs unless you are really out there. I think it's best to avoid them if possible.

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LightAtTheEnd
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You can order a lot of order a lot organic and gourmet food ingredients online, and for that matter, you can order a lot of everything online.

Small towns have a lot of advantages not available in big cities--less crime, cleaner air, quieter environment, friendlier (and nosier) neighbors, closer to nature, cheaper cost of living, less traffic, free parking. People give you free vegetables from their gardens in the summer time, even if you barely know them.

You can get to know people by joining a church or a club, or attending community events. The public library will have free entertainment, if your town has a library. High schools (and colleges if any) put on concerts and plays, and play sports. There might be a community theater.

Find a potluck dinner, and you will meet lots of people who share your enthusiasm for cooking. Volunteer somewhere (United Way usually has a list of places to do that in your community).

"Civilization" might be a 40-minute commute away, but if you live in an affordable area of a city, it can take 40 minutes or more of heavy traffic to get to the area where you work, through smoggy traffic, and then the parking is expensive.

Living in a small town near a major city gives you access to the advantages of both.

Depression can be chemical and can make you believe that everything around you is negative. Perhaps if you start to find some friends or some positive things in your environment, you can fight that feeling more.

You should do what will make you happy, but don't make the mistake of thinking everything there is awful, and everything in Los Angeles would be wonderful. Every place has pros and cons. Moving is also very stressful, as you are no doubt entirely aware already.

--------------------
Don't forget to laugh! And when you're going through hell, keep going!

Bitten 5/25/2009 in Perry County, Indiana. Diagnosed by LLMD 12/2/2009.

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lpkayak
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for me the first step to overcoming depression is physically moving. even it it is just walking. one foot in front of the other. it doesn something physical and i start to snap out of it and then i can figure out what positive things to do next

--------------------
Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself.

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Lymetoo
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Lightattheend said:

"You should do what will make you happy, but don't make the mistake of thinking everything there is awful, and everything in Los Angeles would be wonderful."

I agree. It takes a long time to adjust, esp if things are very different from where you used to live.. and it sounds like they are!!

Personally, I would much rather live in NC than CA. Lots of reasons. For one, you'd be taxed to death in CA.

I think sparkle had some very good suggestions too! Give it some time and make a list in 2 months of pros and cons of moving to LA.

[group hug] [group hug] [group hug]

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Dekrator48
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I have been in that situation before.

Any little thing you can do to get out and meet someone, talk to someone, see something new, learn something new, etc will help.

Look at it as seeing a part of the country that you would never have experienced.

It is easier to tolerate if you know it is temporary.

I agree that it will help if you can get out and go to a church or other group.

I understand that you cannot go out for very long due to your illness, but try to go out as much as possible.

Is there a Chamber of Commerce or other group you can contact if you are new to the area, who may be able to give you local advice?

As hard as it is, I would look for ways to make it better while it lasts.

It will be better for your overall health if you can readjust your thinking to a more optimistic path.

Praying you will adjust well and find positives in your new experience.

--------------------
The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11

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Lymetoo
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 -
A lymie hug!

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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TerryK
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I was raised in a small town and I would find it depressing to go back there to live so I understand how you feel.

Even though I don't go out much, I like being able to go out to close by health food stores etc.. Some people enjoy living in a small town where everyone knows you but I like the annonymity of living in the city. I find it less energy consuming.

That said, making the best of your current situation seems like the best option until you decide if you will stay or move on. Maybe re-connecting with some of your old friends would be an option even if only talking to them on the phone for now? Perhaps spending time learning a new hobby or a new healing technique or??

I have very little tolerance for family politics. I have a hard time putting up with it if it takes much energy. I'm there for my family but I will bow out if it turns into any kind of power struggle. I guess being low on energy has taught me to spend my energy on positive/rewarding things and as little as possible on things that are energy sucking. [Big Grin]

I totally agree with tutu, the best way to go is to do what makes you and your husband happy. A little time will help you decide if that's living where you are or somewhere else.

I live in the next State over from CA and we go to CA to see my LLMD. I enjoy it there.

Hang in there. This state of depression is temporary. You and your husband are in charge of your life, no one else.

Terry

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Hoosiers51
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Thanks for all the very kind replies. At least I know there are people that care. [Smile]

I have been thinking about this a lot. I feel like going to CA would be the right decision if we get the opportunity. For some reason, it just feels right deep down.

I grew up in Florida, near the beach, in a metro area, and that is where I was always happiest. We would NOT live in the downtown area in CA....so don't picture downtown L.A. I know it would still be busy on the outskirts, but that is the kind of area I grew up in and am comfortable in.

I have actually never lived here in NC, my parents just moved here and started a business here.

I think I've been depressed because I know deep down that this just doesn't "feel right." And I think part of my depression is that I wish my family would support me (emotionally) in doing what's right for my husband and I, instead of trying to keep me close for their own reasons. I feel like they aren't thinking of our well-being. We have to plan for our future, and there are fewer opportunities for his career here. Hubby and I both know it.

Thanks for listening. Terry, I like the last thing you said. I am sick of letting other people sway me into making decisions that aren't right for us. Ever since being sick, I've been more impressionable, and I've made some bad decisions based on things my parents pushed me to do.

It's my life, and if I don't go out and get what's right, no one else will do it for me. That's one thing I've definitely learned.

I think just making the "right" decision as opposed to the "wrong" decision will help my depressed state. Deep down, I know what's right, and I can't fight it or I'll be miserable. And I can't let other people plan our life for us.

In fact, my Mom always complains about how her Dad basically planned her life, and how she wishes things worked out differently. I don't know why they don't see that that is what they are doing to me.

I will probably delete this soon, because other family members of mine have used Lymenet before. Thanks for understanding. I just really needed to get "personal" here, because you guys are some of my only real friends.

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sparkle7
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You have to do what it right for you! Don't be swayed by family members to do what they want you do or what may be helpful for them. You have a right to live your own life.

I don't think I'd want to be in a rural area in NC, either. Commuting is a big part of being in a city vicinity. A 40 minute (or more) commute is common.

If you have opportunities in CA - go for it. You can always leave or go elsewhere if you don't like it. I always liked being in CA when I was there. I don't think I'd want to live there but it was great to visit there.

You are young. Please do your best to experience life - even if you don't feel well! Do the best you can.

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Lymetoo
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I know you will do what is right for YOU, Hoosiers! You're very intuitive and intelligent!

[Smile]

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Carol in PA
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Bloom where you are planted

 -

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TF
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My husband sees the psychiatrist who discovered seasonal affective disorder (SAD). His name is Norman Rosenthal, and he is the author of the book "Winter Blues" that describes the condition.

Rosenthal recommends light therapy to get rid of that awful depressed mood you get in the winter. He had us buy a special light for this purpose. Buy the brand "day light" and get a model with 2 light settings.

You sit in front of this special light for 10 to 30 minutes first thing in the morning, and it really works great.

Go on line and see where you can get that particular light at the best price. Use the more intense setting if you need it. Otherwise, use the normal setting. (Too much light, and you will be too "up.")

Until you get it, try to go out and look toward the sun in the morning for about 15 minutes. Also, with us changing time Saturday night, the days will be longer and that can knock out SAD all by itself sometimes.

The book is in the library. It tells you about diet and a few other things to help this condition. But, the main therapy that works the very same day is the light. It knocks out that depression for my husband after only about 10 minutes of light!!

Hope it works for you. You have the light year after year, so no more winter blues!

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daisyrlb
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Hoosiers51, change like that is hard, and even more so, when you sense it was not the right decision.

These are some of the things that help me while I'm waiting for "things to get better":

I have a really good friend (she and I have been friends for over 25 years--she's always there for me even though she lives 2,000 miles away now);

I share with God how I feel. Do a little or a lot of--ranting, raving and crying (He is a mighty Big God and can handle it);

Also from God's Word, and looking back over my life experiences--God specializes in turning all things around for good. (I can't wrap my head around that but again as I look back at my life, He truly has done just that. And the times I don't see it, He gives me peace as I continue to trust Him.)

Those things help. And then I do them all over again. [Smile]

I said a prayer for you.

PS: I was born in Florida (my dad is retired Navy) ended up in San Diego where I met my husband. We are landlocked in Oklahoma--21 years and counting. Oh, I miss the ocean! Our son and his family recently moved to Tampa--we miss them soooo much. Will be visiting them in April! Ocean here I come!

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IMHisda
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Hoosier:

Hi. What's helped us is getting involved in a small enough church to really get to know people and the potlucks they have every Sunday to hang around and talk. They are sort of my life line to staying here thank God. But, definitely know the feeling- sorry.

--------------------
RV

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sometimesdilly
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Hi Hoose...

I can relate to the cultural shock of moving to what feels like a foreign place to you, especially if its a small town and you're used to large.

not that many years ago , for reasons largely beyond my control, I moved from the Washington DC area to a very small town in North Dakota.

we're talking small as in SMALL. i'll never forget looking up "restaurants" in the 1/2 thick combined yellow-white pages and finding a grand total of six listed, of which fully 4 were fast food junk places like McDonald's . [Eek!]

The "arts" available there consisted of 1 movie theater which showed only movies many months stale. No concerts, no dance, no bars-- so no live music, etc. etc.

It was dreadful, and oh yes, I can see how you could feel depressed after such a move, even before your family stuf enters into things.

That said, I think Carol gave you good advice for whatever length of time you stay there--- bloom where you are transplanted.

There is always hidden treasure to be found--a someone or a something you won't be able to find anywhere but right where you are. That's cliche and sappy, sorry, but, its also true.

It sounds like you have a pile of things to sort out about your health and why you're feeling low, and what to next and where to be.

I know you are self-aware and smart and well grounded- - you'll figure all that out, one piece at a time.

Meanwhile, I hope you'll try looking around everywhere for the what-evers it takes to make you feel at least a bit happier as you sort it all out.

PS- you're not whining, sweetie....it ain;t your style.

hugs- -dill

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Hoosiers51
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Thanks for the suggestions....I have been using a high quality light box now for 7-8 years. I also try to get 30 or more minutes of sun per day when the sun's out. When it's not, I still go outside and point my face upwards.

At least I'm trying. It doesn't seem to work great, but it does help. The seasonal depression has been a major challenge of mine since even before I had Lyme. I would say my case of it is more severe than anyone I've ever met, believe it or not. I think it's hard for some people to relate to. My husband understands because he lived in Scandanavia for 2 years, and some people there get it BAD.

Thanks again. Dilly---I miss you!!!

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sometimesdilly
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((((hoose)))) i miss you too...
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daisyrlb
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Hoosiers51, that's interesting what you say about light. I have been sensing the need to go outside and just soak in more light--CONFIRMATION. Thanks for sharing that.

Praying today's a better day.

[ 03-13-2010, 09:55 PM: Message edited by: daisyrlb ]

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TF
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For people with a really bad case of SAD, there is a hat with a light in the brim so that the light is shining into your eyes all day long indoors and everywhere every day!

I hate to think of you suffering this. I have seen on film a person wearing this hat, at work, etc. It is just a headband and brim with the little light in it. Nothing big at all.

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Hoosiers51
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Thanks, TF. I have seen those before online but had forgotten about them. That is another idea.
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daisyrlb
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Carol, what a great picture!

Reminds me of this encouraging Bible verse:

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers--most of which are never even seen--don't you think he'll attend to you..."
Matthew 6:30 (The Message)

[ 03-20-2010, 12:00 AM: Message edited by: daisyrlb ]

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seibertneurolyme
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Hoosier,

Green Life in Asheville, NC is my absolute favorite health food store. Hubby and I always stopped in every month or two when he went to see his PCP for the 2 years before he finally found someone local. They almost always had a musician or two parked out front of the store passing the hat for donations.

Maria is right about Asheville having a culture of its own. It is too big a city for me to be really happy there -- I still dream of moving back to rural West Virginia.

If your hubby is involved in your parents business then he needs to be either just another employee or they need to discuss plans for him becoming more active in the business. One of the most common problems with many family businesses is that they do not make plans for the 2nd generation to take over.

Maybe you and your hubby need to do more activities together to get out and meet more people in the community? Just a thought.

Good luck whatever decision you make.

Bea Seibert

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Hoosiers51
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Thanks Bea. We are currently 40 min away from Asheville, but we go in when we can.

Okay....we have been thinking about the decision of whether to move to L.A. or take over the family business, and I just wanted the advice of people who have children. Since I don't have any, it is hard for me to know what it feels like and what challenges there are.

Basically, the advantage to going out to L.A. is that it is what my husband really wants to do, career-wise. The only problem is that it's one of those corporate jobs where for the first few years you're normally working about 50 hours a week, and that doesn't count the 2-3 hours daily total he'll spend commuting.

We're thinking he could probably be home by about 7 PM once the first year is over. Some days he might get home by 6 PM, if he goes in early and works longer a few days a week. The weekends would probably be free.

The advantage to working with my family is that he would probably have a lot more free time to be more active in our (future) children's lives. He could drive them to school in the morning, go to soccer games, etc. He would basically be his own boss. He could probably be home for dinner every night. Once things start to run smoothly, he might only work 30 hours a week if he wants. But if he wanted to be really motivated, he could work more.

But that is assuming the businesses don't start to collapse or the economy doesn't get a lot worse (than it already is).

And the disadvantage is that he's taking the better lifestyle in exchange for giving up what he really wants to do in L.A. Another disadvantage is that ultimately he'd be answering to my Dad, and I know they would disagree on some things. So he would never really be fully in control.

We both really want to go to Los Angeles. If we never had kids, it would be a no-brainer. But I guess I'm worried that once we have kids, we will regret him having such a fast-paced job, and wish he had the type of "come-and-go" freedom this job in NC would give him. Granted, many men are not home for dinner everynight, and it's arguably not a huge deal. My dad never was. Hubby's dad always was.

Since we don't have kids now, I'm not really sure which kind of lifestyle is better. The money would be about the same we think.

I hope I'm not annoying anyone. I would just be interested in anyone's perspective. It just feels like such a big decision.

I keep asking my husband what he wants, and he doesn't know. He wants to go out to L.A., but he is worried about me never seeing him (now he even comes home for lunch, I see him quite a bit). I keep telling him it won't bother ME, because I know I'll pick up hobbies once I"m better. The only thing we are both worried about, is what would we be feeling like once there are kids in the picture?

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LightAtTheEnd
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Personally, I would go for the small town, short commute and short hours, although being near my family is a plus for me and not an issue.

If you had kids, you would want to have more time to spend with them, and you would probably want them to be near their grandparents if possible.

However, people are very transient in this country. If you go to LA, you could always move somewhere else later, especially if hubby's job would pay very well.

--------------------
Don't forget to laugh! And when you're going through hell, keep going!

Bitten 5/25/2009 in Perry County, Indiana. Diagnosed by LLMD 12/2/2009.

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Lymetoo
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"The advantage to working with my family is that he would probably have a lot more free time to be more active in our (future) children's lives. He could drive them to school in the morning, go to soccer games, etc. He would basically be his own boss. He could probably be home for dinner every night. Once things start to run smoothly, he might only work 30 hours a week if he wants. But if he wanted to be really motivated, he could work more."

++++++++++++++++

Pretty important stuff!!!!

What kind of work would your husband be looking for in LA?

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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merrygirl
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I think in my opinion and expereince being a working mom at one point, would be to get the job with the crazy hours now. that way the hardest of work will bw done leaving more room for family in the future..

I worked mt tail off before I was sick and while I had kids. I missed a lot of activities and holidays etc. I am glad i did it now because I got ssdi based on my past work. So everything happens for a reason I think.

Your kids will be the most important thing when they come. IF hubby isnt there it willput a strain on your relationship and his relationship with the kids.

If your hubby works with your family is there room for conflict? you know, money issues can destroy friendships and relationships. Would this be something that could happen at your families business?

SO I guess my advice is try to work on getting well and have him work with the family now. you will be getting better and get all the major work out of the way. then you will have time and helath for all the babies you want!!! I say move to LA.


best of luck and I hope this post made sense.

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wtl
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Hoosiers,

I don't think there are any objective and absolute advantages and disadvantages comparing the life in a small town or a big city. I think it is a personal value system at work, and a reflection of individual liking/disliking.

I think big cities usually still offer more choices in kids education than small towns, and do better in human development, if that's something to consider.

Good luck. Sounds like there is a big quest ahead of you.

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