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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » When you are not worth someone's time

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Author Topic: When you are not worth someone's time
the flim-flam man
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My wife and I had some friends being transferred for his job. We had done a lot together as a foursome. Movies, car races, dinners, etc. A week before they moved, we asked them out to dinner. Their reply was "We are too busy with packing". My wife then suggested we pick up a pizza go to their house and help. Their response was "We have packers and movers coming in and out, just don't have time." We couldn't even get a five minute handshake/hug. We did get the "you will have to come spend a weekend with us" bit. Got to tell you friends, that hurts. I am sure we have all felt this way from time to time. To me, being brushed off is one of the worst feelings in the world. Especially by someone you thought was a friend. Oh, well. Thanks for listening. Don.
Posts: 31 | From Concord, North Carolina | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
joalo
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If they are friends I think I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are feeling stressed and are running out of time. Moving is a huge job! [Wink]

I would take a deep breath and try to not be offended. Give them time and they will probably contact you after the move. Don't write them off yet... [kiss]

--------------------
Sick since January 1985. Misdiagnosed for 20 years. Tested CDC positive October 2005. Treating since April 2006.

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Lymetoo
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That's true...maybe they are truly swamped and don't have time...literally.

But I know that would hurt ME too!!

[group hug]

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

Posts: 95729 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
METALLlC BLUE
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I've been on both ends. This week is like that for me. I'm on the other side. I'm leaving for Italy for 3 months and everyone wants me to be everywhere.

I've had to say no to a lot. A 3 months trip is no small feat, nor is packing like they are, and preparing all the details.

I know it hurts, and it does suck.

--------------------
I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.

E-mail: [email protected]

Posts: 4157 | From Western Massachusetts | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
peacemama
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I wonder sometimes if I overreact to stuff like that, and then I remember that it doesn't matter.

This stuff happens all the time to me. With the invention of Facebook I now see all the things that I used to be invited to, that my friends are still being invited to, and we are not.

I feel for you. I am you. And, it really sucks.

And, making new friends is nearly impossible.

I'm so sorry for your pain.

Posts: 564 | From Tick Hell | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LightAtTheEnd
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I have noticed that when I have emotional symptoms from Lyme, which happens at most every few weeks and lasts for a day or two so I often have trouble recognizing it, I am very quick to take offense and to read insult into whatever my friends or family say to me. I also start to think that people have decided not to be my friend any more or have abandoned me when I haven't heard from them for a while, when often it is my fault that I haven't been around, and they are wondering why they haven't seen me lately.

I have nearly ruined some great relationships that way.

Maybe they are being rude or hurtful on purpose, or maybe they are just being insensitive, or maybe they have no idea that you would be offended by their behavior and are just being honest, even though I'm sure I would feel the same in your place.

Now that I have Lyme, I frequently find myself having to back out of invitations or commitments I have accepted, waffling in order to not commit to any new ones, and running out of time and energy for social niceties like buying someone a birthday present in time for their birthday. When those things happen, I also lack the energy to explain why I am being a deadbeat, so they probably just think I am rude and lazy. Well, let them. I'm doing the best I can here, and I'm sure you are too.

Perhaps your friends were sincere in their invitation for you to spend a weekend sometime. If you give them the benefit of the doubt now, you can wait and see how things go, and hang onto whatever is worth saving of your friendship with them.

Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon.

--------------------
Don't forget to laugh! And when you're going through hell, keep going!

Bitten 5/25/2009 in Perry County, Indiana. Diagnosed by LLMD 12/2/2009.

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carly
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Don,
Sorry you're feeling like you've been rejected. That would be my 1st reaction, too.

It wouldn't hurt to look at things from their point of view, though. I bet they sure were busy. I wonder how much time they had to say goodbye to everyone and pack up the house and move?

I hope you get to spend that week with them real soon. I hope you're feeling up to it.

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lou
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Having just moved, I can tell you it can be very hectic toward the end. You just run out of time and are totally exhausted. So, don't give up on them yet? They will also be very busy at the new location, unpacking, making a bunch of new arrangements, etc.
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aklnwlf
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Who in there right mind can pass up pizza!!!

What's the world coming too???

[shake]

--------------------
Do not take this as medical advice. This comment is based on opinion and personal experience only.

Alaska Lone Wolf

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2roads
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Here's another approach. (I call it my Mother-in-law) approach.

Although, I believe they would much rather see you then their in-law, JUST SHOW UP.

Have a pizza pie in your hand and a beverage...perhaps champagne glass. Apologize profusely for only a second, but then look in their eyes and say that you really wanted to see them one last time.

I cannot imagine if they were your friends, that it would affect them much longer then a second before they were making space for the food and finding a spot to sit down.

That will eliminated the grueling wait of them getting settled and will put the friendship right out there.

Instead of admitting your hurt, or giving them their request, bring treats and don't stay too long. [kiss]

Life's too short,
[group hug]

2roads

Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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