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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » I Have Turned Into A RAVING MONSTER

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Author Topic: I Have Turned Into A RAVING MONSTER
Consuelachacha
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I am getting sick of "begging" for help. One shouldn't have to beg for help for an illness that is killing them.

I have suddenly turned into this MONSTER that lashes out at everyone for everything when I use to just bite my tongue. I have been like this for about a week now.

Bursting with rage. And yes at Dr. C too. Shame on him for charging outlandish prices to those of us that so desperately needs his help!!!!

Shame on all the Doctors that just saw me in the hospital and said the atypical things that ID's and Neuro ducks say.

They put me through hell and I'm still going through hell.

I am mad at the world. I'm sure this is just ANOTHER part of the disease.

Yes rage and anger go right along with Lyme!!!!! I already know this is what I will be told. But who can I get help from??? NO ONE!! The ones that can help are taking advantage of us because they know we have nowhere else to go.

Sorry for yelling, but I am ANGRY!!!!!
[cussing]

--------------------
Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired!!

Posts: 153 | From St. Louis, Missouri | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mcg08002
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You have every right to be upset.

There have been many times I have screamed, cried, thrown things, and even just shut my self from social acitivites for awhile because of the anger.

These doctors, they do not understand. We can be angry with them all we want, it won't do anything I have learned. (There are still a couple doc here on campus I want to punch in the face).

We just have to endure to the end. Do what ever we can with every fiber of our being. Nothing in life is easy, but enduring to the end will be worth it.

What I have been doing is keeping a journal. I may not write in it everyday, but it helps release my anger and frustration on this illness that yes, is slowly killing us like MS and Lupus.

Try keeping a journal. I want you to write down 10 things you LOVE about yourself and are grateful for ;-)

I would just tell you to just infest those doctors beds with ticks, so then maybe they would understand.... ;-)

Hugs are being sent your way [Wink]

--------------------
Stephanie, University Student.

Ehrlichia [POSITIVE]
IGG/IGM AB [H] 1.49
indexLyme AB interp. EIA [A] POSITIVE
IGG P93 AB [PRESENT]
IGG P41 AB [PRESENT]
IGM P41 AB [PRESENT]
IGM P23 AB [PRESENT]
Lyme IGM WB interp. [A] [PRESENT]

Posts: 145 | From Idaho | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
libby333
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I agree with mcg08002...let the doctors be infested with disease, or even have a family member with LD, and I bet they would change their attitudes.

I also keep a journal. Some days I just shut myself in my room and write down eveything on my mind.

I then get a match and burn it!! It is very theraputic!

I tend to get angry at the people who support me the most...my family. I get so angry and the smallest things. Then I feel guilty...then I feel rage...it's a vicious cycle.

Hang in there! You are the only one who knows your body and you have the right to be angry in my opinion.

Sending peaceful thoughts your way and a pillow to scream into! [Smile]

Posts: 27 | From Cottontown, Tn | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
janet thomas
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I know it's difficult but I have learned it's best to try to act normal.

Non-Lymies will never understand and those around us get tired of hearing it.

--------------------
I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice but only my personal experience and opinion.

Posts: 2001 | From NJ | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sixgoofykids
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moving to general support

--------------------
sixgoofykids.blogspot.com

Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lymetoo
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Yes, you have. You need to leave my dr alone. You do not know this man. He does not deserve your attacks.

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

Posts: 96217 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
libby333
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I agree Lymetoo!!
Posts: 27 | From Cottontown, Tn | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
feelfit
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hey there.....Consu-

I have at one time or other had some of the smae feelings that you are having....but you know what? the anger does absolutely no good....at least in regards to doctors fees, those that refuse to treat etc.

Botttom line, we're all trapped, each and every one of us...including our LLMD's....

all up between a rock and a hard place. at least some brave souls are willing to stick their necks out and treat us properly.

Yeah, the going broke part stinks, but believe me...your last dime will mean nothing without your health....

so, if you aren't getting help from your current doctor, find one that you can work with...we do still have free will, no one can take that away from us.

that said, rage is common, with this illness...here is a good link: Personality changes are nearly universal in Lyme encephalopathy with emotional and expressive incontinence being typical. Usually there is a baseline irritability which fluctuates. Patients with LD encephalopathy react to even mild degrees of stress with frustration, anger or crying spells out of proportion to the situation. Emotions can reach escape velocity and rages can become volcanic with a momentum beyond volitional control. Unpleasantness is inevitable due to volatile tempers, super critical dispositions, and impatience with themselves or others. Lyme patients can be easily irritated by anyone just walking into the same room even though eye contact is never made or words exchanged. Low threshold exasperation in unexpected circumstances is not uncommon. http://cassia.org/essay.htm

good luck and hang on,
Feelfit

Posts: 3975 | From usa | Registered: Aug 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Consuelachacha
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Thanks Everyone for your support.

I am sticking to my opinion that the Dr.s that can help us charge so much and do not take Medicare. There are people, such as myself, that cannot afford to see them. I am on Disability and Medicare is my only insurance.

I thank God for those who have been able to get well or at least some relief from an LLMD. I thank God that there are people who have the funds and are able to pursue this endeavor.

Bless you all.

--------------------
Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired!!

Posts: 153 | From St. Louis, Missouri | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Misfit
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I understand the anger. Im on disability myself and on medicaid. No LLMD for me. But being angry about it serves no purpose except to make my health worse. I DO understand why they charge so much..and dont accept any form of insurance. Look how medicare, medicaid and ins cos dictate how a patient is to be treated. Ppl with NO medical background are dictating which treatments are to be approved. Not dealing with all that allows the LLMDs to treat patients the way THEY say..not someone else. The whole system is broken. Starting from the lack of knowledge all the way down. Its truly a travesty.
Posts: 624 | From Oklahoma | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LightAtTheEnd
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The situation we are all in with Lyme, we all have reason to be angry, anxious, frustrated and depressed. These emotions are normal reactions to this crazy situation.

But those are also physical symptoms of the illness itself. It changes your brain chemistry to cause you to have those feelings. Then your very intelligent brain tries to figure out why you are, for example, in an infernal rage, and blames it on whatever or whoever is nearby because it doesn't make sense that you would be that angry for no reason.

It just happened to me last week--I already had a lot of Lyme pain every day the entire previous week, and it continued into last week along with a migraine. Then I started getting angry and depressed about being sick, and felt like I just wanted to give up and stop trying to take care of myself.

This was a terrifying feeling, because I am almost always a happy, cheerful, determined person who is NOT going to give in to this disease. And whatever I tried to cheer myself up was not working either.

I have reached an acceptance about being chronically ill and about the necessity of the many things I have to do to take care of myself and keep my job, several months ago, so rebelling about the unfairness of it all is not in character for me, either.

So suddenly deciding I can't take this any more, and I am DONE dealing with this illness, was my brain's way of trying to figure out why I was feeling such despair.

And what do I do all day long? Take pills, force myself to get out of bed and go to work even when in pain, go to significant lengths to cook for myself and eat a healthy diet, etc. So that must be the reason I'm suddenly feeling depressed, right? (Well, not entirely right, as I have just figured out.)

I stopped all my meds for a day or two, and surprise! I feel fine. [Smile] I am back to doing everything I have to do to take care of myself, and not minding terribly much, and being determined that I will beat this and get well.

I am sure it was just a bad herx. Unfortunately, if the cause of your rage/depression/anxiety is physical/chemical, then the mental methods of coping with emotions may not work for you.

Sleeping, detox or backing off meds a bit (with your doctor's advice) may help.

Once this emotional stuff started affecting me as a symptom, and after two or three bouts when I nearly alienated all my supportive friends and relatives, I realized that I should try to recognize when it is caused by Lyme, and take a nap or wait a day or two before I do anything about it.

I don't entirely trust my strong emotions any more. It's usually better to sit on them for a while, and/or try some physical method of relieving your disease symptoms, before you burn any bridges.

Beyond that, as to the real and legitimate emotions we all go through, it is great to find people here who understand and can empathize.

--------------------
Don't forget to laugh! And when you're going through hell, keep going!

Bitten 5/25/2009 in Perry County, Indiana. Diagnosed by LLMD 12/2/2009.

Posts: 756 | From Inside the tunnel | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
momintexas
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I think we all go through some form of Lyme rage or anxiety at some point.

Please try to remember though that the Dr's that are LL, are not out there to take advantage of us. They are there to help. They are the very few that have actually taken a stance to help us.

If a Dr accepts insurance, they also have to go by the insurance guidelines on how much time they can spend with a patient. When was the last time you saw an MD that spent 2 hours with you?

Look at your statement when it comes. Mainstream Dr's average bill are $175 for a 15 min visit!

Please don't be angry with any of our LLMD's. They are there to help and they all do the best they can with what they have to deal with.

Most people think if you're a Dr then you're rich. People don't stop to think about all of the expenses involved that go with being a Dr.

LLMD's are not out to get rich. They are the true Dr's that are willing to stick their necks out and help us in this politically charged disease.

Posts: 1408 | From Tx | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Keebler
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-
When I feel like life is not fair, I watch the national evening news -- but not the commercials that make us think we deserve a bright and shiny life. No one lives like what the media has told us our lives should be like. I had to really shake my idea of the life I thought had been promised.

While it does not erase my troubles, it does put them in perspective when I think of what others all over the world are facing. Let's hope for rain for the people of Russia affected so by the heat and fires / smoke. Those in Pakistan soaked from the floods. Those in Haiti who still are living in tents.

I know were I to have been in any of those places, I would not have survived. It takes really strong people but many are suffering all over and I'm glad I don't have to fight under those circumstances.
-

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Tricky Tickey
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I know the feeling. I just raged about the CDC, calling them all liars. Then I started in on the IDSA accusing them of a cover up. I don't care. I'm ready to spit nails.

--------------------
Early Disseminated LD- 2010.
Currently doing acupuncture and yoga.
Negative Igenex (IND & Pos Bands)
ISSUES AFTER: Tendonitis, letter reversal, Low immune system.
PREVENTION:SaltC,Iodine,Humaworm,
Chiropractic.

Posts: 1013 | From In a van down by the river. | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BoxerMom
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Be mad, but don't let that make you feel helpless. You're not.

It's the lack of access to competent and affordable doctors that has led the Lyme community to alternative therapies. Many have reached remission by researching and self-treating. It's a long road, but so is antibiotic therapy.

Read the Rife threads. Read the herb threads. There are many ways to treat Lyme on a budget.

Please continue with your LLMD for as long as you can. But if it really becomes impossible to pay for, consider other options.

And, yes, the anger is part of the disease process. It gets better.

BoxerMom

--------------------
 - Must...find...BRAIN!!!

Posts: 2867 | From Pacific NW | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Consuelachacha
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Thank you everyone for your, once again, wonderful advice and experience.

I have probably made some bad statements in the past few days and I apologize.

--------------------
Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired!!

Posts: 153 | From St. Louis, Missouri | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Tricky Tickey
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Your anger is justified. Let it out, honey. We're all mad, we just handle it different ways. I'm all for emotional therapy. We need it, especially since we deal with so much ignorance on the part of those who are supposed to be medical experts & those persons who "mean well" but just say the wrong thing. Hang in there.!

--------------------
Early Disseminated LD- 2010.
Currently doing acupuncture and yoga.
Negative Igenex (IND & Pos Bands)
ISSUES AFTER: Tendonitis, letter reversal, Low immune system.
PREVENTION:SaltC,Iodine,Humaworm,
Chiropractic.

Posts: 1013 | From In a van down by the river. | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lymetoo
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BoxerMom... She was lashing out at an LLMD she has never seen. She does not have an LLMD at this point and that is what she was railing against.

I don't blame her for being so angry at a system that is not working! I just asked her not to attack my dr.

Consuela apologized to me in private and I told her all was forgiven.

Not being able to see a doctor is a terrible tragedy that this country needs to fix!

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Keebler
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-
It's not the doctor's fault they are often not able to accept insurance. Insurance companies have dropped THEM.

Medicare won't reimburse in reasonable amount for a doctor to pay the rent, pay staff, keep up with malpractrice insurance rates that are migh higher for LLMDs, and also have access to legal counsel as LLMDs are very often dragged into court on the whim of a disgruntled spouse who does not understand.
-

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BoxerMom
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Connie - I'm so sorry you can't see an LLMD. Lyme is a horrible situation in all regards. Not being able to see a competent, affordable doctor for a debilitating illness is just absurd. And cruel.

I don't think anything is going to change in the next few years. Do you have a local support group? Often support group members have access to Rife machines.

Use the Search funtion on here for "herb tea" and "Buhner." Those will be the least expensive herb protocols.

And keep trying. In my area, we have a handful of "Lyme friendly" MDs. They don't do the full ILADS protocol, but they believe in chronic Lyme. And they take insurance.

That may not be the case where you live. Some areas are more political about Lyme. But there is always hope.

I am never offended at the raging posts. It's not like we can do it with the people in our lives!

BoxerMom

--------------------
 - Must...find...BRAIN!!!

Posts: 2867 | From Pacific NW | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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