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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » parents w/teens

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Author Topic: parents w/teens
kidsgotlyme
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I'm wondering if you have problems with your teenagers not complying with the doctor's orders.

I can't figure out what is "lyme brain" and what is being a normal teen.

We have been camping this week(not my favorite thing because we are out in nature and I'm scared someone is going to get bitten.)

My daughter told me before we left on our trip that she was out of one of her antibiotics. I immediately left the house and took her new presciption to the pharmacy. She KNEW I left.

She even went in with me to pick it up on our way out of town. When the week was over and I was trying to organize my car to start packing everything up, I found the prescription unopened.

Also, when I looked at her pill box, she had missed at least half of her doses of her other antibiotic.

There were some other things that went on during the week with her that was very odd. She also didn't get enough rest because she was hanging out with her friends.

Now that we are home, she is a basket case. She's in so much pain. She was doing so good before we left. I don't know how to make her understand how important it is to do what she is supposed to do.

For now, I am on full "Mama Mode" and I am checking up on her to make sure that everything is done right.

They want to be independent so badly, but it's just not possible for us right now. She's so upset because she thinks I don't trust her, and in all honesty, I don't!

Am I the only one out there with this same issue??

And if all that is not bad enough, my dog, who is like my baby, almost died the day after we set up camp and I had to take her to the emergency vet. We have had to take her every day of our vacation to get her checked, and she is still very sick and could possibly not survive.

On top of that, my mother, who has Alzheimer's, is having surgery this week! OY! Where does it end??

--------------------
symptoms since 1993 that I can remember. 9/2018 diagnosed with Borellia, Babesia Duncani, and Bartonella Hensalae thru DNA Connections.

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sixgoofykids
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My daughter was 14 when she was in treatment, she took her meds RELIGIOUSLY on her own without my prodding and she got better in 8 months (symptom-free the last three months of that time). Maybe if your daughter knows my daughter's results it will motivate her.

My daughter is now 17 and still in remission.

--------------------
sixgoofykids.blogspot.com

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mam
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You are not the only parent who has this problem. Most teens are not giving a thought to medication schedules, not do they want to be thinking about sick. Lyme brain and executive functioning problems play havoc with their life. This is not so much a question of trust as a question of what kind of support your daughter needs to function at her best. This won't happen without a high degree of compliance with the meds. Find a gentle way to support her, tough to be feeling more dependent when you should be being more independent. This is one of the hardest parts of being the parent of an older lyme teen/young adult. The independence will come, in time. Lyme changes the normal course of events for our young people.
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momindeep
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I struggled with my daughter for nine years, count them, 13-22! I tried all the tricks in the book and was not very successful...and no one can say that I did not give it 110%...she even agrees that I tried to the nth degree.

It was the hardest thing. Not that she was a snot, I get it...when you have to take 26 pills a day...well, I get it.

She is in control now. She cannot explain to me why she did that...why it was so difficult for her, but I think it was because EVERYTHING was hard...just breathing for her was hard.

I don't hold it against her, I have never brought it up, she is the one that initiates those conversations...I could not of endured what she did...she is my hero actually.

So, as a mom, you might have the battle of your life on your hands. I will NEVER apologize for being a mother and you have to do what you have to do.

You know your daughter best. You know what may work or not work. And maybe someday, when your daughter gets older, she might actually thank you for your loving care.

Good luck

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lizzysmom
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I struggle with these same issues with my 16 yo who is really pretty good about med compliance, but we spar ALL the time about how much "reminding" she needs.I wonder constantly how much I should allow her to do when she is having a good week, and beat myself up when it backfires and she has to stay home in bed for 3 days because I let her over extend.

I feel like it is too important to let her lyme brain go unchecked, when I read how the quickest way to the remission point is following the plan.

Does your daughter accept the diagnosis and where she is, or is she in the anger or denial phase of acceptance? Does she contribute at her doctor appointments? Is she buying into the plan?

My daughter still tries to stay over at a friends house on a Sat night and i know that should be suspended for now, but I often wish she could have those normal fun nights with a girlfriend and feel not so much like a freak. That she is still invited is big because I know it is hard to be friends with someone who can never do anything or has to miss school 50 % of the time. Last one picked for group projects, unreliable lab partner etc. I feel like we are fortunate that she is still able to stay in school for now, but the day to day unpredictable nature of the symptoms make it hard.

Is your daughter in high school? I hope everything settles down and your mother's surgery goes well. Sending good thoughts!

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shazdancer
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First, I hope things calm down for you soon.

You understand where your daughter is coming from. Even healthy teens don't have a well-developed sense of cause and effect. She wants to be well and she's sick of taking meds that make her nauseous. She wants a break from all that, she wants it to all just go away. (My son went through this.) Unfortunately, taking a break too soon just means a relapse. (I could tell when my son wasn't complying before even looking at his pill bottle.)

Try enlisting her doctor's help to speak to her about taking her meds. Make sure she gets a sense of when she might be truly getting better so she has a sense of not being on this treadmill forever. And talk to her about how she can be in charge of taking her meds regularly. She can make herself a chart, you can buy her a weekly pill dispenser, whatever. But in some ways, she should be held accountable for taking care of her own health, or she won't do it. She also won't grow up.

She doesn't want to hear that you don't trust her, but she has to act in a trustworthy fashion in order to be trusted. Even sick, she has to behave as a respectful member of the family. Since she is growing up as well, negotiate how she can be in charge of her medical care.

Yeah, it's hard. Teens make mistakes, and their mistakes can cost their parents time, money, and anguish. And she should know that it hurts you seeing her suffer because she didn't take her meds. Then get back on track. Again.

There is light at the end of this tunnel, and hope you get there soon.

Shaz

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carly
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Well, my teens are great kids. They are very smart and responsible, etc., etc.

BUT, they're teens. I don't know if it's rebellion or what, but I deal with those kind of issues with them constantly.

They do not have lyme, and I am so thankful for that. My heart gos out to you all who must deal with treating this illness in your children.

I wonder, do you also have to contend with the same trivial issues as me or are they just rebellious with the major issues that affect their lives?

Now, about your daughter and her medicine, I see it like this: sometimes I am so sick of this whole thing and I want to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist.

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kidsgotlyme
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Thank you EVERYBODY!!!

A lot of what was said sounds just like our situation here! I hate that anybody has to go through this nightmare, but it gives me comfort to know that I'm not the only one.

She really does get sick of taking so many pills. It's rough being 14. It's rough being sick. It's even worse when you put those two things together.

Things have calmed down a bit for now. We are at home and she is getting proper rest.

Someone asked me if my daughter goes to school. She doesn't and I am so thankful. We have always homeschooled because she could never handle that stress.

She has been sick with lyme since she was 4. We didn't know that at the time, but she was always sick with something, and she had terrible anxiety about going to school. We now know why!

I am totally in charge of her meds right now. Hopefully we will be able to go back to letting her be in charge at some point, but right now it is just too much for her.

It's so hard to know what to do in these situations. You want them to be able to grow up, but you also want them to get better so they CAN live.

--------------------
symptoms since 1993 that I can remember. 9/2018 diagnosed with Borellia, Babesia Duncani, and Bartonella Hensalae thru DNA Connections.

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linky123
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Been through all of this, especially with my son.
He thinks he's bulletproof.

I think adolescence is a form of mental illness.

The experts say that there is a part of their brain that is not fully developed. That would explain a lot.

I can sympathize with your struggle. It certainly isn't easy when we are so exhausted to begin with, then have to drag a teenager throught the treatment.

Hang in there. You can make it.

--------------------
'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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Tracy9
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Are you kidding me? I have to hand my kids their meds or they would NEVER take them! 15 and 21. The 21 year old just came off all meds, we'll see how it goes. But never, ever have they taken them on their own. And I have to watch them swallow them. They are boys, I don't know if that is a factor.

--------------------
NO PM; CONTACT: [email protected]

13 years Lyme & Co.; Small Fiber Neuropathy; Myasthenia Gravis, Adrenal Insufficiency. On chemo for 2 1/2 years as experimental treatment for MG.

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linky123
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Tracy,

I think you might be right about the boys. Mine son has gotten worse lately; he is 15. Hormones? My daughter is much more compliant about everything.

But that's just us. Others may have a different situation.

Will pray your 21-year-old is ok off the meds.

--------------------
'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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BoxerMom
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I don't know if this is relevant, but I feel like adding it.

I got sick in my early 20s, shortly after graduating from college.

In my 20s, life looked so GOOD. And I was sick as a dog. On my own, depressed, in pain, boring job, roommates, barely functioning. But I really thought I would spontaneously recover (especially since nobody thought I was sick anyway) and life would be this wonderful experience.

ALL the teens and twenty-somethings I know feel this way. And they should. So much life is in front of them, and they get to be hopeful and expectant.

(Apologies to those who are depressed and hopeless. I know that comes with the Lyme package.)

I don't know if the reality of the sitation really hits home with them. That if they don't knuckle down and take meds they won't recover. And life may not be so great.

I know, parenting this age group is challenging. You can only do so much, and you're up against tremendous obstacles. But getting them well is worth any emotional backlash or guilty feelings. They need help.

I am scared for some of the teens and twenty-somethings in my Lyme group. They're in treatment, then they're out of treatment. They're compliant, then they're non-compliant. They're all over the place.

But I'm more scared for the adults who have run out of financial resource because they have been sick for too long. They will not likely get well until treatment becomes simple and affordable. And that is a long way off.

I really don't mean to be the downer in this thread, but I would have given anything for someone to have diagnosed me and assisted with treatment while I was in my 20s.

So, keep going, parents! You are Superheroes!

--------------------
 - Must...find...BRAIN!!!

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jkmom
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If my 15 year old girl needed meds for Lyme or something else, I would stand over her and make sure she took them.

She is responsible enough about school, but the consequences of not taking meds are too serious to risk, IMO.

I do give my 12 year old her meds and even then, I sometimes come back and find them still there if I don't stand over her and wait for her to take them. She does get tired of taking them, but it isn't that she is refusing. She just puts it off and then forgets.

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Jane2904
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I give our 14 year old her meds. For the most part she is pretty good about taking everything.

I do find I have to check with her a few minutes later to make sure she did not forget.

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linky123
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I agree with the above post that we have to make sure they take the meds etc. The consequences are too awful, and I cannot afford another go-round with this.

Mine are in remission, but just getting my son to put on tick spray for a retreat this week has been like pulling hen's teeth.

They have been doing heavy metal chelation, and we had to practically shove the meds down my son's throat. My daughter tries to remember but sometimes forgets, which I can understand. She tries to do her part, even if she doesn't want to. It's the attitude I get from my son lately that really bothers me.

I know the past few years have been tough, but to come this far and then blow it - no way. If they don't understand that, well that's too bad. It's my job to keep them well whether they like it or not.

I have learned through all this that I am their Mom first, and can't always be their best friend. One day maybe they'll understand. If not I can be satisfied with the fact that we got them through lyme hell and out the other side.

--------------------
'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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kidsgotlyme
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Whoever posted about teens brains not being fully developed: I couldn't have said it better myself. I was talking with someone a few days ago about my situation and she said the same thing.

It's a wonder any of us make it to 25! [bonk]

Seriously though, things are much better here at my house. I am making sure my daughter takes her meds now and things are calming down.

We have decided to not take any more trips until she is better though. It was just too much stress on her to be away from home that long.

She told me that she is still having nightmares from the camping trip. Poor thing! I hate it when I ignore my gut feeling about a situation.

--------------------
symptoms since 1993 that I can remember. 9/2018 diagnosed with Borellia, Babesia Duncani, and Bartonella Hensalae thru DNA Connections.

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linky123
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Kidsgotlyme,

Glad things are better...Mom's gut feelings are usually right. I call it intuition, whatever, men don't just don't have it as general rule. I think ours is the maternal thing in high gear.

Nothing against them, just the way we're made.

My husband has good instincts, but in a different kind of way.

--------------------
'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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Misfit
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The poster who said that adolescence is a mental illness made me smile. It can sure feel that way sometimes.

I've survived 3 teenagers so far. Haven't survived their 20's yet. And I have one more to survive. He's only 10 now...but I know it's coming.

Those of you who are treating your teenage children are heroes. You might not think so, b/c you're just doing what a parent does. But you ARE heroes.

Hang in..this too, shall pass.

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linky123
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Misfit,

Congrats to you for surviving all those teenagers.

I know 'this too shall pass.' That is so true.

But then they will be grown and go away, and I'll wish they were back home acting mental all over again!

I hate the thought of the empty nest. So I guess I'd better be thankful for the time we have, no matter how difficult it can be.

--------------------
'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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LymeMom Kellye
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My almost 17 yo daughter forgets to take her meds. Is it forgetting? Is it that she doesn't want to take them? I don't know. So I put all of her meds/supplements in weekly containers and give them to her on schedule.

She's already missed a year plus of school and I would like to see her healthy by the time she reaches 20. So I give her her meds and make sure she takes them. I figure that she can learn responsibility for self in other ways.

Hang in there Mom's, we'll get through this together.

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kidsgotlyme
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Yes we will get through this!!

My daughter counted up her pills yesterday and informed me that she takes 30...yes, 30 pills a day.

That's a lot for a 14 year old. I know she gets tired of it, I would too.

--------------------
symptoms since 1993 that I can remember. 9/2018 diagnosed with Borellia, Babesia Duncani, and Bartonella Hensalae thru DNA Connections.

Posts: 1470 | From Tennessee | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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