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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » What to do? Sorry kinda long.

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Author Topic: What to do? Sorry kinda long.
iwouldratherbeatdisney
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I hope this is in the right place. Couple months ago I ended a friendship due to opposing views and it is just tiresome to feel like your opinions are mocked and negativity and jealousy on the friends side.

So I ended it. Didn't go about it the right way. Should have stood up and told them what was bothering me and talked about it like adults.

But being sick and dealing with other things I thought it was the best thing for me.

Well fast forward to now I have been going to a Catholic church and feeling that what I did was wrong and wanted to make amends.

I sent her an email saying how wrong I was to do it like I did and how sorry I was. I did tell her I didnt' expect her to let me back into their lives. But she said lets communicate on Facebook for now.

Well I guess my problem is she doesn't trust me. I am a very trust worthy person and that has been my one good trait. All the jobs I have had that was the one thing my employers appreciated.

Anyway I am having a huge problem I guess. I want forgiviness and I want to be able to communicate with her on the telephone. But evidently she isn't ready for that.

I made a mistake. I hurt someone that I didn't really think cared too much for me. But turns out I was considered her best friend. I had no idea.

I just keep thinking about how Jesus doesn't turn his back on people and that is the main reason I felt the need to apologize. I am sorry for the rambling.

I just don't know where to go or what to do next. Just leave it up to God and see what happens? It just makes me so sad that I caused such deep hurt to someone. I am just having a hard time dealing I guess.

Posts: 64 | From Sunny Florida | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Misfit
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I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. But I really think that you're just going to have to play this out her way for the time being.

Maybe as time goes by she'll develop trust in you again, and will be open to other forms of communication.

I'm not sure why you say she doesn't trust you..but I'm not digging here. It just sonded to me like you were hearing things that made you feel the things you mentioned above, and chose to walk out. Of the gathering, and of the friendship.

If I'm wrong, I apologize. You made your apology, she suggested communicating through facebook for now, and that's that. Just see where it goes.

Maybe you'll get the chance to tell her WHY you felt as you did at the time, and can clear the air for good?

Praying that your friendship is restored. *hugs*

Posts: 624 | From Oklahoma | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
iwouldratherbeatdisney
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Oh I guess I forgot a big part of the story. lol. Lyme brain and all. I stumbled on some posts on a message board from her talking about what had happened.

She clearly doesn't trust me. But what is odd is they still want to get together for Thanksgiving. So maybe not all is lost.

I guess I am feeling sad today. Again what I did was wrong but there was wrongness on her side too but I have forgiven and forgot. We all make mistakes as we are human.

Posts: 64 | From Sunny Florida | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Misfit
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Yes..we all make mistakes. But if they're wanting to get together for Thanksgiving, that's a good sign!!

If you're willing to go forward understanding that she may NEVER think she has done anything wrong....just a thought. If you're thinking you might get an apology, just know that it might never be forthcoming.

Then again, she could apologize. You just never know what goes through someone's mind when something like this happens.

I'm sorry that you're feeling sad, though. I would too. But it sounds as though you're ready to go forward, and put things back the way you want them to be.

Good luck!! *hugs*

Posts: 624 | From Oklahoma | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
iwouldratherbeatdisney
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Thank you Misfit for the kind words. I really needed them.

My sister who I wish I could confide in is bipolar and takes things the wrong way.

I told her about how I was feeling in regard to what happened with friend. And she took it upon herself to write a very nasty note to my friends husband. [confused]

So bless you for the encouraging words. I appreciate them!

Posts: 64 | From Sunny Florida | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Misfit
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Yeesh. I had a friend who was bipolar. I came home to a answering machine with a very nasty message from her, severing our friendship.

To this day I don't know what I supposedly did/said. I didn't know she was bipolar until I ran into her son, who told me she was. I just thought she had "issues", like we all have. It broke my heart.

Very hard to deal with.

Posts: 624 | From Oklahoma | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kidsgotlyme
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I hope that you get a chance to talk with your friend about lyme and what it does to your mind and body.

Lyme disease can affect our emotions in all kinds of crazy ways. It very well could have been because of the lyme that made you decide to end the friendship.

People who are sick sometimes do and say crazy things.

Give her some time to heal. I know exactly how you feel. My best friend in the whole world, who I loved like my own blood, ended our relationship about ten years ago. It was one of the most painful things that I have ever been through.

Looking back on it, I realize now that it was for the best even though my heart was telling me something quite different.

When we see each other out in public now, we can have a nice conversation without things being awkward.

It will get better. It always does. Life has a way of moving on.

[group hug] [group hug]

--------------------
symptoms since 1993 that I can remember. 9/2018 diagnosed with Borellia, Babesia Duncani, and Bartonella Hensalae thru DNA Connections.

Posts: 1470 | From Tennessee | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
backintherain
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I'm sorry you're having a hard time, Disney. Friendships are very valuable, but they can be especially hard to maintain when you're chronically ill.
I'd say that giving her understanding and time to get past this problem in your relationship may be best. She may need time to heal hurt feelings. Though I think that a friendly gesture or kind word from you may help. I hope for forgiveness all around.
Please don't obsess about it, though! That takes away your energy that you need for your own healing.

Posts: 227 | From Northern CA (bitten in Illinois) | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Keebler
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-
You said:

" want forgiviness and I want to be able to communicate with her on the telephone."

Frankly, I would just give it up. Move on. Not all friendships are meant to last forever. As for "communicating on Facebook" - forget that as its not even a close substitute for real communication. Cut the cord. Don't try to analyze it or her. Just move on. You said what you had to say, you corrected what you needed to. Let that stand. You have to honor what she says she wants.

As for forgiveness, I don't think we can ever ask for that. We can explain and say we hope for that but, if we dwell on it we may have to explore whether there are codependent issues involved. You have to honor what she says she wants and that is to cut the cord.

Life's too short. Appreciate what was good, learn from what was not. Move through it to the next chapter of your life. There may be a time when the two of you come together again, or not. But you cannot control that. You need to let her go, as per her wishes.

I've learned this a few times over. I wasted too much emotion, far too much. I also had to face a strong streak of codependency for those friends whom I thought I so needed. It was out of balance, out of the wrong kind of need, or from a guilt-guided sense of how I thought things should be.

Move on.
-

Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
METALLlC BLUE
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I've been down this road before and let me tell you a quote that I live by. Be yourself, because those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter. The circumstances that led to you cutting your "friend" off are the same circumstances that will inevitably lead to a repeat. This person deserved to be cut off, it shouldn't take someone saying "Hey, you make me feel like a piece of ****, I just thought I'd let you know so that maybe you'd stop doing it."

I mean seriously, it shouldn't have to be said.

I think the reason your "friend" is having their way with your need to be forgiven is a control issue. This person was an ass before (Or at least that's the impression), and now they're acting oh so hurt on a message board instead of being straight and honest with you directly. What about your feelings? What about being patronized, mocked and made to feel like a moron?

This person doesn't know how to be a friend. You deserve compassion and support, not to be forgiven. You're sick, you're not President Obama or working for a Think Tank. Your thought process and way of handling things is going to be crippled, you're not going to be eloquent, organized and able to express things the way they need to be most of the time and someone shouldn't expect it. It's one thing to be healthy and handle things inappropriately, but to be sick and do the same is different. We don't have the same luxury of thinking things thru before we act like Lyme patients.

I say ditch em' and enjoy Thanksgiving with those who actually love and accept you as you are and who don't make you feel like an idiot.

--------------------
I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.

E-mail: [email protected]

Posts: 4157 | From Western Massachusetts | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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