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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » Divorce

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Author Topic: Divorce
MrsScampi
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Well my husband told me that I am to negative and he wants a divorce, I got sick 4 years ago and have tried hard to get to 100% never have, my poor daughter is very sick with lyme and co infections, she went undiagnosed for 6 years and now her immune system has failed and insurance wont pay.

Anyway I still try to work and take care of my daughter and research all I can, I do cook and clean when my energy allows me too, but sometimes I get pooped.

I have been with him for 20 years and he just doesn't understand, he doesn't help me or my daughter, His words" what do you want me to do I work all day", its all in your head.

I really don't know where I will go I need to make sure I can still afford treatment, supplements and travel for my daughter and myself.

Has anyone been down this road, how long before it gets easier.

Posts: 200 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lymetoo
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Boy, that is rough. I'm so sorry to hear this, Mrs Scampi.
[group hug]
--
moving to general support

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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momindeep
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Aw dang...we hear of so many broken relationships on here...each one makes us remorseful...collateral damage of LD, it seems.

I wonder if anyone that posts here was glad that their difficult relationship ended?...what was the up-side and the down-side?

I hope people will write you encouraging words. I am sorry, and I suppose it feels like such a slap in your face.

Posts: 1512 | From Glenwood City WI | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
steve1906
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Have you tried to work on your marriage, I'm sure you have. Yes, I've been down this road about 20 years ago.

All I can tell you is; the only ones that get truly hurt are the kids.

He sounds like a jerk to me; sorry but all these asses that don't take the time to understand this and other diseases can go to hell - men and woman.

I understand where you're coming from, I have no support myself, never have from anyone.

I can't believe he doesn't even want to help your daughter, undeliverable.

What do you mean by> I really don't know where I will go I need to make sure I can still afford treatment, supplements and travel for my daughter and myself.

You should stay where you are, if he wants out, show him the front door. You and your daughter should stay in your home. Don't let him make you leave, like I said tell him to find another home.

This isn't yours, or your daughters fault. You need to do want ever you think is right.

You don't need this additional pressure in your life.

I really hope he comes to his senses. Has he gone to any LLMD appointments? If not, ask him to go to your daughter's next appointment. Tell the LLMD to explain to him what both of you are going through.

Keep working on both you, and your daughter's well-being.

Steve, good luck!

--------------------
Everything I say is just my opinion!

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steve1906
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MrsScampi, your MAILBOX is Full...

--------------------
Everything I say is just my opinion!

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momindeep
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Steve...you have NO one at all?
Posts: 1512 | From Glenwood City WI | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
steve1906
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Maybe I said it wrong. I have a lot of people in my life; I just have any support with these diseases.

I really, really just don't care about that anymore.

Most people just don't take the time to educate themselves, and I'm done with trying to convince them.

It's like what MrsScampi said, what do you want me to do I work all day", it's all in your head.

I don't have the time for these people anymore, who needs them.

It breaks my heart, that her husband can do this to the two girls in his life that need him the most now.

--------------------
Everything I say is just my opinion!

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darwinsdream
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Oh, I'm so sorry.

I've had lyme for 20 years and have been through divorce. My daughter has chronic lyme and my son had it also, at the time of my divorce.

I was only on disability, but i made it through, and so can you.

My suggestion is, make sure you go after maintenance or "alimony". The courts will see that you cannot support yourself right now. They did for me.

I was able to keep my house through some creative ways to make any money i could. legal, of course.

I rented a room to a friend of mine. This really helped to pay the bills.

After four years of being single, I remarried to a wonderful man. Much better than the first idiot!

And, yes, I am very sick sometimes, but I'm worth it!

Anytime you need support, or any questions, pm me.

Again, I'm so sorry your husband just doesn't understand. That is so hard.

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kidsgotlyme
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So sorry Mrs. Scampi. I don't understand people sometimes.

--------------------
symptoms since 1993 that I can remember. 9/2018 diagnosed with Borellia, Babesia Duncani, and Bartonella Hensalae thru DNA Connections.

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MrsScampi
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Thank You Everyone for your support, Just lets say I don't believe he would ever be suppotive of my daughter or myself,when I first became ill I could barely walk never mind drive, my sisters came over to help me bathe and take me to the hospitals, he never did. Luckily I found out what was wrong and got some help.

I have known in my heart for the longest time that this day would come, I just turned the other cheek,for many reasons but I know the stress of this will bring out the disease three folds over, I just hope my daughter will make it through.

Believe their is no fixing this!!!

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momlyme
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Don't leave. That would be way too much stress right now. Let him leave. You and your daughter should stay in your home. Get a good lawyer.

When one door closes, another one opens.
If he has been that unsupportive of you and your daughter for this long... there is no changing him.

I would be so hurt if my husband didn't help me when I need help. I can't imagine your pain... emotionally and physically... I am so sorry you are going through this right now.

You will get through it!

I can tell you from experience... starting over is not easy! Focus on the positive and what you want in your life... and you will attract it.

--------------------
May health be with you!

Toxic mold was suppressing our immune systems, causing extreme pain, brain fog and magnifying symptoms. Four days after moving out, the healing began.

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METALLlC BLUE
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I've been there. Lost a relationship that I thought could withstand a hurricane. I had doors and windows boarded up, but Lyme Disease managed to kill that relationship. She cheated on me, emptied my bank account 7 years ago. She's now getting married. I hope she's happy and I forgive her as well as myself for the role my ill health played in driving that process.

I do admit one thing though. I expect "healthy" people to be in control of their behavior and choices far more than someone with neurological Lyme Disease. She should have handled things like an adult. She was told many times that it was ok to leave the relationship and head back home to her family if she felt she could no longer be my caretaker. She could have just said that and asked for money and I'd have done whatever was needed to help her.

Healthy people aren't expected to be perfect in my eyes, but.... I just don't understand how people can treat the ill so badly.

--------------------
I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.

E-mail: [email protected]

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4Seasons
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I just wanted to say how sorry I am, Mrs. Scampi that you and your daughter are going through this.

The stress of living with someone who negates what you are living through has got to be hard on your immune system. I hope that you will eventually end up in a better place.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. <3

--------------------
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."
Anonymous

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lululymemom
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I'm sorry to hear about your situation but to be honest it's much better to go it alone than to be discredited by anyone. Nobody needs that when you are ill and caring for your daughter.

It was a blessing for me not to have someone else to look after and I could devote all my time to taking care of my daughter.

Sometimes a relationship can become toxic and will inhibit your own healing process as well as your daughters.

You will be surprised at what inner strength you have to get on with life and maybe you will even find some inner peace now that you don't have to deal with a stressful relationship. [Smile]

--------------------
IGM 41 IND, 83-93+ IGG 31 IND,34 IND, 41++, 58+, 83-93 IND

31 Epitope test neg.

Bartonella henselae 1:100

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lpkayak
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i can't read all of the above but i have been where you are

believe it or not as scarey and bad as the divorce seemed...it was better for all of us after.

he found a new woman within a year. she had no kids and she stepped in to do many parenting things i couldn't do. sometimes it hurt but i had to step up and admit after working all week there was no way i could go to the mall looking for prom dresses and i coudn't put in as much time researching colleges for the kids etc

i repeat....it often di hurt real bad that i couldn't do those things...but it wasn't his or her fault.. it was one of my life lessons inlearning to recive as well as give

other things got better too. if he is not ha[ppy thee with you then YOU are undergoing huge amounts of stress. that alone can make you sick or make it harder to get better...

many of us have gone thru it...remember the pos thoughts from above...a door closes...a door opens etc. its true.

take care. be strong. love yourself.

--------------------
Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself.

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carly
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Mrs. Scampi, I'm sorry it's so rough for you
[group hug] [group hug] [group hug]

It all seems so unfair. You'll find that this experience will bring out a strength in you that you didn't know you had. don't let it break you!

You said yourself, you've seen it coming. momlyme's right. let him be the one to leave. you have to be practical.

Most of all, know that you are not alone. You have support.

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darwinsdream
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Another thing that I can ad is -

I went through all the sadness, anger, dis-belief that it happened to me,on and on.

After obsessing about my problem for days on end, I knew I had to do something or I would make myself sicker and sicker.

I decided that every time a nasty thought came to mind I would do something. I even made a list of stuff to do. Go feed the birds, play a game, clean a draw, etc. The more i did this the stronger I became.

You will feel the relief of not having someone around who doesn't understand.

Believe it or not you will date again. And when you do it will be exciting. Yes, scary too. But, know in your heart that you have a lot to contribute to life.

We are here for you through the process.

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Elaine G
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Mrs. Scampi,

Sorry that you are going through this but you probably will be better off.

The most important thing I could advise is to get a " FEMALE BARRACUDA ATTORNEY " and go after everything he has, including any 401k, pension, IRA's, home, car, child support and alimony.

A male attorney will not fight as hard for you, just my personal opinion, as I have seen with female friends throughout the years.

Make sure he is responsible for all medical bills for you and your daughter.

Don't hurry to make a settlement, make him sweat and make him ante up.

He wants out, give it to him, but he will pay for it.

This guy doesn't deserve you. You are sick and working, taking care of an ill child, cleaning and cooking and he say's, " what do you want me to do, I work all day" Selfish and uncaring.

Sorry to be so rough but you hit my hot point with this. Any person who is in a marriage and wants out because it becomes challenging, deserves everything he gets. NOTHING.

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brandilb
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I have no words... I'm just sorry you and your Daughter have to deal with this right now! I will be thinking of you!!

--------------------
Without music, life would be a mistake.
-- Nietzsche

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randibear
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i am so sorry for you. everyone knows i've had it rough and sometimes still do., so please listen to their advice.

you're a good person and a good mother. don't take his abuse.

he is looking for an excuse and you're it. sorry but that's how i see it. it's not that you're sick or your daughter, HE WANTS OUT!!!! and he's too cowardly to tell you the reason.

so don't let him kick you in butt. let him go. look forward.

believe me, it's better to be alone and at least have peace and quiet than go through what some of us have.

you need to concentrate on yourself and your daughter and you can't do that with his jerk around.

please get a killer lawyer, kick him to the curb, and live. for yourself and for your daughter.

you've got tons of support here.

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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Haley
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MrsScampi,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this kind of pain. I recently went through a break up after 8 years of being together. My boyfriend also never really showed that he wanted to help with my illness. A part of me understands that there is no way that a person can understand what we are going through.

I have found that a person is only as loyal as their options.

I do have some relief because I don't have to pretend all the time that I'm not ill. If I want to lie on the couch and watch TV I don't have to feel guilty about it.

I'll say a prayer for you.

Hang in there.

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climber
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Mrsscampi,
I am so sorry to hear about this terrible event. In the short run, it is the last thing you need for your disease, but in the long run it might be the best thing for your disease. Focus on what you have and not what you don't have. I mean your daughter. If he wants out, let him go and that will give you more energy to focus on your daughter and yourself. I have also gone through times where my support has been the bare minimal or in some instances counterproductive. I can literally feel myself declining because of the stress I sometimes experience in my relationship. It is simply not healthy. As I am sure you do, always focus on your daughter.
climber

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sparkle7
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Alot of people go through this even though they are well. It's just more difficult when one is fighting an illness. It's sad...

I hope you get through all of this quickly & your heart can heal, as well as, your body.

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lyme in Putnam
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I'm so sorry. Its a hard illness that has no end in sight, doesn't justify him at all, especially with your daughter ill also. Good thoughts through this bad time.

--------------------
He took u to it, He'll you through

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Ocean
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I'm so so sorry! I went through a divorce about a year ago...gosh I found out how terribly I was cheated on while I was very sick and how I didn't realize things about him because I was so sick! He told me later, not to excuse the cheating, but said that it was 'hard' with me being sick. I'm now a single mom of a 4, 7 and 9 year old with 100% custody b/c ex has so many problems he can never have custody, and have had a little health set back, but fortunately have been doing very well up until this point.

You don't deserve to be treated like this and please know this is not your fault sweetie!!!

Take care,
Ocean

--------------------
http://www.healingfromlymedisease.blogspot.com/

Sick since 1996...Diagnosed 10/2008

IgM:23-25 IND, 31+++, 39 IND, 41 +++
IgG: 31 IND, 41++, 58+

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peacemama
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I'm so sorry. I'm right here behind you. My husband wants to get rid of one of his stressers. . . and he chose the marriage.

I hear you. It's scary.

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BoxerMom
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I'm sorry to hear this. But if he's not in this with you, you are better off without him.

And your daughter deserves a better example of male behavior.

Please don't blame yourself. It's not a crime to be sick, our culture just acts like it is.

Much love,
BoxerMom

--------------------
 - Must...find...BRAIN!!!

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momindeep
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Whatever happened to "in sickness and in health?" That is a problem in our society today...no accountability... you make a commitment and you keep it, especially if it is difficult...shows the true character of a person.

We live in a disposable society...disposable diapers, disposable pregnancies, disposable marriages...etc.

Dang...

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randibear
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you are so right.

and there's another thing. i bet you're going to find out a lot about him if you do get divorced.

like my first husband. i was totally blind, totally. until he got another man's wife pregnant.

skeletons have a way of falling out of the closet.

and yes she left him after 20 years of marriage and took everything including half of his retirement.

so what goes around comes around, sometimes much later. but it does....

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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