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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » Lost my husband, he is gone (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Lost my husband, he is gone
annier1071
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Thank you all for the advice on lawyers. I have called a legal aid that is helping me.

Gigi...Why do I feel angry at him for leaving me when we just started our lives? It makes me feel so guilty and friday night is so lonely.

--------------------
Diagnosed with chronic neuro lyme 12/10 after 30 years of vertigo.2 tick bites in 3 yrs from upstate NY. Was on omincef for nine mths..zith and rifampin stopped.Remission~ All the pain and symptoms are back and I am not treating now with biaxin.

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katiebobatie
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i am so so sooo sorry for your loss [Frown]

losing your spouse when you don't have to worry about your own health is tragic enough... i can't imagine being in your sitution :'(

my heart just breaks for you, and i will keep you in prayers. things HAVE to get better for you soon... it seems like they can't get much worse.

please try to hang in there...

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Lyme Gypsy
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I am so sorry for your loss. Healing & Peace.
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annier1071
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I went to the bank today and the manager came to me and told me that his exwife had a lawyer call there to ask how much money was in our accounts?

She said she would not give that info since our names were on them and not hers, but she said "what nerve she has!"

I cant take anymore, everywhere I go they tell me she has already been there filing paperwork. I have nothing, not a thing to live on right now and she wants even more!

All lawyers say that I am entitled to 1/3 even with the will since his two sons are named in it but now I am the spouse...but I cannot afford a lawyer..just legal aid and all they give is advice on the phone.

I cannot even grieve when all I do is live in fear of what is next. No more lyme treatments for me, all docs cancelled. I give up!

--------------------
Diagnosed with chronic neuro lyme 12/10 after 30 years of vertigo.2 tick bites in 3 yrs from upstate NY. Was on omincef for nine mths..zith and rifampin stopped.Remission~ All the pain and symptoms are back and I am not treating now with biaxin.

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randibear
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i'd really like to get ahold of that ____tch...

honey, my first husband got another man's wife pregnant. i was so stupid. he left me and she divorced her husband. they got married 5 days after our divorce.

i had nothing. everything i had was in europe. all i had were the clothes on my back. i stayed at my mom and dad's until he threw me out. great....

i finally got a job, a tiny tiny apartment (only cost 150 a month now that's small)...i slept on the floor in front of the door, i was that terrified. i was only making about 6 grand a year and had to buy a car, etc.

thank god i got a good lawyer. i took him to the cleaners. but he tried everything in the book but i won at least some money. never got the furniture back or other stuff.

i could tell you stories that would make your hair curl. like him calling my parents!!! grrrr.

but it paid off, she left him and took half of his retirement and all. so he got what he deserved.

bottom line -- you'll have to stand up hon. it's tough, god, i know it is, i have been there. you'll have to fight for every penny. but research, learn, ask friends, ministers, anybody. the information is out there. sometimes a teaching law school or something might help.

maybe somebody at church. the local women's shelter is a great resource.

my lawyer fees were only 1200 and he waited until it was all settled. bless his heart...

whatever you do, don't give up. yell, scream, cry, let it out.

but go after her. you have to. i learned the hard way and maybe it's what made me what i am today. but don't give up.

and start digging in your husband's papers, his business, anything you can think of, insurance company, health insurance, home owners, credit cards, military records, bank records, anything.

you'll learn. and get those locks on the house changed asap.

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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Dekrator48
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Ann,

I'm so sorry you are going through all this.

Is it possible to find a lawyer who will not charge you by the hour, but will charge a percentage of whatever you win?

This way, they collect when it's all over.

Sometimes lawyers will give a choice of which way you want to pay.

Praying for you to find all the answers you need, and to receive all the strength and resources you need to get through this.


[group hug] [group hug] [group hug] [group hug] [group hug]

--------------------
The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11

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jlp38
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Ann - please call the bank manager and ask her to write down what happened. You need it all in writing. It's best to get her to write it and date it now before she can be accused of forgetting the details.

Legal aid is great but you need a lawyer. Do you have a friend or relative who can help you call around and look for a lawyer who will work pro bono or at least on a contingency (they only collect when/if you win).

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annier1071
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I have to thank those who sent me messages and gifts. You made me smile and feel so blessed that you even thought of me at this time.

I managed to get a lawyer who was happy to take the case for me. He said, after reading my husbands divorce decree that it states his wife may never serve as an executor of his will in the event of his death.

He is checkign the courts here and upstate to see
if she filed to probate his will. If so, she is in violation of the will and it is moot. I will then have to file an objection in court and take control of the will. It sounds like it is going to be messing as the lawyer stated but pretty straight forward. I wish it didnt have to be this way. It scares me and feels so wrong.

The lawyer will take his 5% at the end of all that is collected in his estate (he said 15-20 thousand to pay them!) but it will take a long time.

Thanx for all your advice and support. I really needed it.

--------------------
Diagnosed with chronic neuro lyme 12/10 after 30 years of vertigo.2 tick bites in 3 yrs from upstate NY. Was on omincef for nine mths..zith and rifampin stopped.Remission~ All the pain and symptoms are back and I am not treating now with biaxin.

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randibear
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i'm so glad for you. it sounds like he knows what he is doing.

you've got a long road ahead but be strong. you can do this.

from someone who KNOWS......

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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jlp38
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Ann, it may feel wrong, because it is wrong. But keep in mind, it is HER that is wrong. You are only defending your rights. Maybe now that you have a lawyer, you can take your mind off this a little.

Praying for you to find some joy this holiday season.

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Dekrator48
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Ann,

That is great news that you have a lawyer who can help you and that it looks like the tide has turned in your favor.

Please hang in there so you can get what is due to you. Do not feel bad about receiving what is really yours.

Just keep praying, trusting and believing!


Philippians 4:6-9(NIV)

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

--------------------
The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11

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Lymetoo
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quote:
Originally posted by jlp38:
Ann, it may feel wrong, because it is wrong. But keep in mind, it is HER that is wrong. You are only defending your rights. Maybe now that you have a lawyer, you can take your mind off this a little.

Praying for you to find some joy this holiday season.

-
Amen to that!!

"..if she filed to probate his will. If so, she is in violation of the will and it is moot."

That would be great and it wouldn't surprise me one bit for her to do that!

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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annier1071
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Oh God, Why me?
I got a letter in the mail today from the ex lawyer and it contained the will. My husband wrote this will in 2006 right after his disability retirement. I remember that they would not allow him to declare the 18K in taxes from his upstate property since he made so little money, so he added his son to the deed up there (it was always going to them anyway) so that his son could use the tax deduction.

We were not yet engaged at this time, but seeing each other exclusively. He did not put my name in the will at that time and gave everything "property and personal affects to his two sons". He left his ex wife "in trust" of the money so they wont waste it (all legal) and made the boys executors (also legal).

I have to fight now for my "right to election" as his spouse to get anything at all. I think i keep just the house i am in now and lose all money from any bank accts etc.

I had such a rough week with feeling so sick and in pain on thanksgiving plus crying all day because he was not there. Now I open this letter today. I have till dec 6 to sign away everything. My daughter is in contact with a lawyer from manhattan and he is going to review the will on monday.

PLEASE PRAY for me. I have never felt so lost in all my life. God bless those on here who have helped me in all ways! You are the only ones in my life, beside my children, that give me a reason to live. ann

--------------------
Diagnosed with chronic neuro lyme 12/10 after 30 years of vertigo.2 tick bites in 3 yrs from upstate NY. Was on omincef for nine mths..zith and rifampin stopped.Remission~ All the pain and symptoms are back and I am not treating now with biaxin.

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DKat
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I'm so sorry you are going through all this pain. You are in my prayers for the Lord to lead you to victory through this battle and give you healing peace.

Your daughter is good to help you. It's right to lean on your children at this time and know that we are holding you up in prayer. You will make it through!

--------------------
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help.

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jlp38
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Oh sweetie ... It will get better. It has to.
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Dekrator48
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Ann,

I am praying for you!

God has a plan for you, it just isn't apparent yet.

I agree...let your children help you as much as possible right now.

You WILL make it through all of this.

God will hold your head above the water when it feels like you are sinking....and we will be your floaties. [Smile]

Do not give up!! With time, you will come out of this stronger than before.

Praying, praying, praying for you, Ann!

[group hug] [group hug] [group hug] [group hug] [group hug]

--------------------
The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11

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jlp38
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Oh sweetie ... It will get better. It has to.
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Cracker Jack
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Sorry for your loss. Prayers.

--------------------
Let us not become weary in doing good,for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
--
[hi]

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seibertneurolyme
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Ann,

The letter you got really doesn't change much from what you already knew. The bottom line is that to settle an estate all assets and liabilities are listed. In this case the property would only be listed at 50% of the value if only one son is on the deed or at 33% if both sons are on the deed. The judge may require that the property be appraised so at this point a value probably cannot be assigned to all the assets.

You should not sign anything until a lawyer tells you to.

Sometimes property has to be sold to divide assets. If you are entitled to 1/3 of the estate or whatever amount as the spouse this includes a share in the property. Until the estate is valued you don't know how much cash is available. You could keep a share of the property or the son would have to buy out your share and the money goes into the pot that gets divided up. The same goes for any vehicles.

The big problem is that all that takes time. But a lawyer should be able to get you an advance against the estate assets if there was cash in the bank so you can pay current bills. But vehicles and other major assets probably cannot be sold without the approval of the judge.

Keep looking for a lawyer to help. It sounds like you will need one since the will is not valid.

Bea Seibert

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annier1071
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Bea


Thank you for that info...He had not money left in the bank so no advance I guess.

I have a large mortgage on this house so many have said that his ex will probably just settle in giving me this house since she has three mortgage free upstate and the house he gave her here in the city for their divorce..She owes nothing on any of them. I am praying she agrees.

It does state in the will that his funeral expenses are to be paid by the estate so I hoep I get the 18K back I have on credit cards for his funeral. At leat that would give me some credit left to see my lyme doc again.

--------------------
Diagnosed with chronic neuro lyme 12/10 after 30 years of vertigo.2 tick bites in 3 yrs from upstate NY. Was on omincef for nine mths..zith and rifampin stopped.Remission~ All the pain and symptoms are back and I am not treating now with biaxin.

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randibear
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it sounds like she's vindicative enough to go after your house, even if she doesn't want it. be prepared for this.

i know you may not want to consider this, but stay in the house as long as possible, then maybe a nice condo or apartment.

and yes you can present the funeral bills to the court for payment by the estate. it might mean less for you eventually but then you might get something back.

may i ask why he didn't change things immediately, as soon as you got married?

i didn't realize my husband had marine corps life insurance and after we were married, oh less than a year, i found and was horrified to see his ex-wife's name on everything.

i went in and told him and he changed everything right then. he said "oh i forgot all about those things".

yeah right, she would have taken every single penny, you betcha...and there would have been nothing i could do.

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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annier1071
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Randi...we were married ten days short of a year when he died. He kept saying he had to make a new will but was always engrossed taking care of me and fixing the problems at the upstate house.

He thought he was invincible. I filed my "right of election" to get my 1/3 of his estate today. The lawyer will get paid at the end from the esteat money.

Please pray that this goes smoothly. I am still dealing with the malpractice suit for the dilaudid that caused my husband to go into respiratory failure. I have years of problems ahead it seems and I am in so much pain again these days. Severe headaches are back and pain in every single joint and muscle....

--------------------
Diagnosed with chronic neuro lyme 12/10 after 30 years of vertigo.2 tick bites in 3 yrs from upstate NY. Was on omincef for nine mths..zith and rifampin stopped.Remission~ All the pain and symptoms are back and I am not treating now with biaxin.

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angelaw
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honey~ I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hug you!

I pray that you'll feel our Heavenly father doing just that!

I pray that He sends MANY too you, to be HIS hands/feet~ to hold you up, love you up, and lift you up in prayer when you may be too weary to do so for yourself!

Praying you'll find a little more strength (body AND mind) for each new day!

I don't know you~ but I LOVE you! (my heart breaks for you!)

Sending love, hugs, & prayers!

--------------------
I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me.
Taking things one day at a time... trying to get my life back.

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Abxnomore
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Hi Annier,

I can't even begin to think about what you are going through and being so sick yourself. I'm very glad to know that you filed for your 1/3 of the estate. I knew that in NYS a man cannot disinherit his wife and that would hold true whether or not he had an updated will.

Hang in there. You know we are all thinking of you.

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aperture
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Annier,

I will pray that God will hold you in the palm of his hand and comfort you during this time.

--------------------
aperture

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Jennifer70
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Thinking of you Today and praying for you.

--------------------
Psalm 119:50
My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

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annier1071
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I have not been on in weeks since I have been feeling so horrible and sad. I really need to thank you all again for your emails that you have been sending me and cards in the mail.

You all have kept me on this earth, God bless you for your help and prayers. Now I need to figure out what to do that is inexpensive to treat my lyme again. I am sooo dizzy and the anxiety is off the charts. Pain in knees and muscles again too.

Thank you and love you all Ann

--------------------
Diagnosed with chronic neuro lyme 12/10 after 30 years of vertigo.2 tick bites in 3 yrs from upstate NY. Was on omincef for nine mths..zith and rifampin stopped.Remission~ All the pain and symptoms are back and I am not treating now with biaxin.

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Lymetoo
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LOVE YOU, ANN!!

HAVE A BLESSED HOLIDAY.

[group hug]

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Dekrator48
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Praying for you, Ann!!

First I would try diet to decrease inflammation(not sure if you are gluten free, sugar free, low fat).

Second I would add some exercise as you can tolerate.

Third, also decrease inflammation through lots of fish oil (like krill oil) if you are not already doing that.

Boost immune system through Vit D, Vit B Complex, and other supps like antioxidants....do search for immune boosting supps, etc.

Pray, pray, pray for peace, calmness, strength, and any other qualities you need.

Look to God every minute of every day to get you through. Flood yourself with His word and promises, so you will have hope.

Keep coming back here...we will be here for you.

Big hugs!!!

--------------------
The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11

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fflutterby
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Annie,

I am also praying that the Lord will wrap his loving arms around you and show you how much he loves you. I pray for a turnaround in your situation. I pray for a turnaround with your health as well.

God bless and stay close to the God.

[group hug]

--------------------
Psalm 46 1 God is our refuge and strength

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nonna05
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Lord I hope thing's are a bit better and GOD HAS SENT YOU SOME HELP.. Everything has to be so overwhelming and in the midst of your grief..I am so sorry for your pain.
Father God I pray you send warrior angels to guard and protect your daughter , NOW , pretty please. She is your daughter and needs her fathers help.. Come Lord come.

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annier1071
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Nonna and flutter

So far things are the same.The lonliness is unbearable and his family will not speak to me unless it is through their lawyers.

I am blessed to have you all here for me and I joined an online bereavement site that has been so helpful. Thank you for your prayers and love.

Dekr..I am giving myself methl b12 shots still and taking 10K of D each day along with bcomplex.
I have no choice but to get excerise now. I have to drive (head spinning) to get two blocks and hang on for life to a cane and cart to pick up my medicines for blood pressure and vertigo. The walking causes such fatigue and leg pain. I thought by now my legs would have gotten stronger and the pain stopping, but it seems worse everyday?

I have always kept a gluten free, sugar free diet. To be honest, I do not really eat much of anything but green tea all day long.I am not sure what else to do now?
Thanks for all the advice. I will keep in all in mind. God bless you all, Ann

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Diagnosed with chronic neuro lyme 12/10 after 30 years of vertigo.2 tick bites in 3 yrs from upstate NY. Was on omincef for nine mths..zith and rifampin stopped.Remission~ All the pain and symptoms are back and I am not treating now with biaxin.

Posts: 788 | From New york..queens | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TTLav
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I am so very sorry about the loss of Ur Husband and everything else. The following are things that helped me last year--social security u can get due to Ur depression with ur PCP's help. Meet with a real estate lawyer and a bankruptcy lawyer at one appt this should be a free consultation. A good realtor can help you find good ones.--Bring all documentation of your debt they will advise you regarding Ur options --don't wait once a foreclosure happens the bank can take Ur house quickly--if u decide to sell u need to act quickly to make some money on the sale (depending on equity) I was able to keep my house through chapter 13 bankruptcy--96% of my debt was medical. Apply for food stamps and fuel assistance --the open food pantry and salvation army do provide free food --this is extremely humbling which was very hard for me--(but remember when you are able to give back you will ) I don't know about any estate things. But persue the malpractice get all documentation --as a nurse it is amazing the mistakes that can occur -- even look into legal nurse consultants their insight is much much better then a lawyers they know what to look for in a medical chart. pm me if u want --I will be praying for u + Ur family--!!!
Posts: 104 | From Western Massachusetts | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TTLav
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Just a small addition-- I know a lot of the information that I gave you can not be addressed until after the estate... Any government programs that you apply for to get assistance to help you keep ur house does not freeze the foreclosure process (while you waiting for a decision to be made )- I was told it did but it does not my lawyer informed me -- u will get different answers depending on which government employe answers the phone --be careful.
Posts: 104 | From Western Massachusetts | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
annier1071
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Thank you TTLAV for the info. I am collecting my husbands SSD now instead of mine which is more than mine was. So far I it is paying the mortgage and I have a tenant, thank God.

I know I cannot hold on for long though. If one thing breaks down I am sunk. I am trying to hold out to the spring to look into selling the house and hoping to use the small profit for a condo in brooklyn or maybe a rental. I did apply for the disabled tax rebate and hoping it works. Thank you so much

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Diagnosed with chronic neuro lyme 12/10 after 30 years of vertigo.2 tick bites in 3 yrs from upstate NY. Was on omincef for nine mths..zith and rifampin stopped.Remission~ All the pain and symptoms are back and I am not treating now with biaxin.

Posts: 788 | From New york..queens | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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