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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » would you go to this funeral???

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Author Topic: would you go to this funeral???
randibear
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ok, here's the deal.

husband's stepsister (who he did not get along with) has liver cancer. it's in her lungs also. i don't know how much longer she has.

i've only met her oh about 2-3 times and did not care for her at all. talk about a stage mother!! geez, with four rotten daughters. this woman is a real user. but that's just my opinion.

i do not want to go to her funeral. why? with my relationship with husband and me never really knowing her and all, and i'm not on the greatest terms with his family anyway, and with my health and all, i just, well, flat out don't want to go.

plus the fact that he's totally nonsupportive so i'm like "why should i go?" plus i'm super super sensitive about all the weight i've gained. i'm so embarassed to go out in public -- i mean big time.

now he probably drive up there, a two day drive cause it's 1200 miles. i'll have to stay with sister who's sick with rheumatoid arthritis and take care of her. so we'll be staying separate places.

would you go? i know i'm being mean spirited but he's ok with me not going. but then i don't know if he would throw it up later, probably would, if i don't go. but i DON'T WANT TO...

WOULD YOU????

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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momindeep
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Nope.
Posts: 1512 | From Glenwood City WI | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MannaMe
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No, I see no reason to go.
Posts: 1965 | From USA | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MamaBear11
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Nope. I sure wouldn't.

--------------------
Untreated Lyme for 25+ years.
Two kids, too much pain & fatigue, no hope of ever being able to treat.

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Dogsandcats
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No....unless I could stay in a hotel.

But even that = probably not.

--------------------
God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.

Billy Graham

Posts: 1966 | From California | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
aperture
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No, the drive alone would not be worth the weeks it would take for me to recover.

--------------------
aperture

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WhitneyS
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if it makes you feel better-- she probably wouldn't care if you didn't go. I wouldn't worry about it.
Posts: 844 | From CA | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kam
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No. Health is not doing well enough for you to go.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jackie51
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Sometimes, weddings and funerals are the only time people get together. You are not there for her as much as you are there for yourself and others who may be impacted by her passing.

Sometimes closure is helpful in our journey to wellbeing.

A lot of us have gained weight during our illness. Others have gained weight just because. While no one likes to be judged, sometimes we perceive the way others look at us to be judging. We know deep inside that that is so wrong. We are not our weight. Do not let your appearance keep you from this closure event.

We must base our decisions on what is best for us. If your health keeps you from traveling, then enough said. If you are trying to make a statement to your husband that this woman was so horrible that her funeral is not even worth going to, then you need to look inside yourself. Don't stoop to her level. You would need to be there for you and the loved ones who are still alive.

If we have to have people in our life that we should have gotten rid of long ago, then we have to do our part to forgive ourselves. It's very easy for someone to tell us to get rid of a relationship but if we can't, then we must do what we can to help ourselves deal with it.

That my two cents and then some.

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TerryK
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nope, I wouldn't go. Sounds like a lot of stress with very little being accomplished.
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kidsgotlyme
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I wouldn't go. I don't think at this point you could handle that long of a trip anyway.

--------------------
symptoms since 1993 that I can remember. 9/2018 diagnosed with Borellia, Babesia Duncani, and Bartonella Hensalae thru DNA Connections.

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tdtid
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I'll add to the list and say I wouldn't go. You have enough on your plate. No reason to add more.

Hugs to you and good luck.

Cathy

--------------------
"To Dream The Impossible Dream" Man of La Mancha

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nonna05
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That's a hard one.........Are you house bound most of the time anyway????

Would anybody really expect you there?????? Is it an unforgiveness issue....

I know what you mean by no support, and would this give Him ammo later... but is that a pattern?

Jackie has a lot of insight here about maybe what would be or not be self healing...

They say along with all this mess of meds, supps, drops, etc., that those that get well have good /strong /up attitudes.....

Sometimes that's so hard when some of us have been dealt with so many hard/hurtful/sad/painful issues........

I know I cry a lot and it's not all mepron...so many loses...

What's in your heart??? Is this out of anger...

But if your as sick as I am a car trip like that would really set me back,it's a big deal to even get me to Dr. apts...

I hope whatever you do gives you peace and not appeasing others............

Maybe a quick phone call , now, while she's here.......quick, simple, peaceful, caring ,and over. :rolleyes:Nonna

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randibear
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he doesn't call her and she has never ever not once called us and we've been married 30 years. I told him to but be said oh the family will call me After she dies, I'm ok with it

That was his response.

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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steve1906
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Randibear, in the end it's all up to you.

Sometimes we have to do things for others - meaning your husband.

He may say today that he's okay with you not going but, he may be very hurt in the end.

If you decide not to go I would use health reasons, I would not say you don't care.

WE ALL have our Faults - but she's still family.

Good luck with your decision!

I'm sorry to hear this sad news about your husband's stepsister!

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Everything I say is just my opinion!

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merrygirl
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I wouldnt go.
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ItsMyTurn
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NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Posts: 182 | From North Carolina | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
farraday
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I have missed quite a few funerals, weddings, etc. over the years....including the funerals of both of my parents. I deeply regret that, but I also accept the reality of my situation.

I would simply send a kind note expressing your support and say that you know they will understand how your situation prevents you from attending ANY social events these days.

My husband told my son today that this Christmas was the first time in over 15 years that I made it to a business Christmas party! I was even able to hold a conversation.

We all feel uncomfortable in social settings. I am embarassed by my stammering speech and am not pleased by my weight gain. But the point is that I am improving! I speak almost normally and I am losing weight. I have a little color in my face and my hair is getting better. I dress carefully.

But people remember me from my healthy days when I wore suits and heels, gave speeches, was an officer of the Chamber of Commerce, and was a successful and busy working mother. We were famous for our great Christmas parties when I played the piano for singing and we hired professional carollers.

Those days were fun, but they are the past. We must accept what comes our way and deal with it gracefully. There is no need to apologize to anyone. No one can know what it is like to walk in your shoes. We have so little energy for life and we simply cannot afford to waste any of it on people and situations that harm us.

My husband sums it up well "It is what it is." If you believe that, then perhaps those around you will begin to believe it, too.

--------------------
DOCTOR: "I don't think you are sick."
PATIENT: "We are all entitled to our opinions. I don't think you are a doctor."

Posts: 697 | From Northern California | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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