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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » losing and letting go

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Author Topic: losing and letting go
daynise
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I'm leaving my job. I can't do it anymore. I don't know how we will manage but I can't safely drive most days and the four hours I am at my sedentary part time job is absolute torture. It is the easiest job I've ever had, and I still can't make it work.

They want me to give them two weeks but I've barely left my bed since Wednesday- I told them if I can be there I will. I just don't care anymore.

I feel very relieved to be leaving so I know this is the right thing for me, but I am also terrified. I can't afford the doctors bills I have even with insurance and I have no idea how I'm supposed to afford a specialist visit in April. I have an ND, but I'm going to be limited in what I can do in the future.

I have never been this sick from lyme- it will be a decade in May that I've had it. Can someone like me really, actually get better? I'm trying to hold onto hope but I'm so discouraged and heartbroken.

[ 03-11-2013, 09:13 AM: Message edited by: daynise ]

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daynise
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well, this morning had to change my two weeks notice to effective immediately. I'm actually glad i hurt so bad- it's a distraction to the depression I'd feel if I had any energy to feel it.

And to think just two months ago they told me any job that opened up was mine if I wanted it and here I am having to quit and probably forfeit a reference because my body is screaming at me to rest. But I'm going to listen to my body. I don't have a choice anymore. I've pushed too hard, too long.

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Lymetoo
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Yes, please listen to your body! I'm so sorry you are having to quit. And YES.. you can get well!!

Being home will enable you to get the rest you need in order to get well!

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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lax mom
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Hugs to you daynise.

[group hug]

--------------------
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
(aperture)
http://flash.lymenet.org/scripts/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=115161;p=0

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sammy
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It is so incredibly hard to let go. Often, our jobs are part of us, something we work hard to get and are proud to have.

I loved my job and miss it still. I hope that one day I'll be well enough to work again.

Hugs, you are not along Daynise.

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MamaBear11
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I'm sorry to hear this, but you're not alone. I hadn't worked in the last three years since having our son, but last fall I went back to work at my old job because they were desperate for help and we were desperate for money.

It was so, so good to be back at work. Doing something I really liked and being so good at it (a great feeling of personal worth!). I initially started out at 32 hrs per week, then cut down to 24, then 16 and then finally one 8 hour shift in the last couple of weeks. Finally I had to admit to myself that I just couldn't do it. They were so accommodating (my husband has worked there for 11 years and they are like family) but it wasn't fair to our kids or to the company.

It has been hard financially, and I haven't gotten any better. I can't afford to treat my Lyme (never have in the 16 years I've had it) but at least I can suffer at home in my own bed instead of slumped over my desk.

I wish I had a magic wand for us both. Just try to hang in there; it's all we can do right now. Hugs.

--------------------
Untreated Lyme for 25+ years.
Two kids, too much pain & fatigue, no hope of ever being able to treat.

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daynise
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Thank you guys. It makes me cry to read what guys you have gone through because I know how you feel and for once I know I've found people who understand how I feel. Thank you for telling me I'm not alone. [group hug]
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Life+Lyme
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Daynise,

I am so sorry to hear this. I recently had a similar major life change from the Lyme, and it is a hopeless feeling.

Know that you are not alone, and things WILL improve! Now that I have slowed down, with much reluctance, I do feel better. Pushing yourself and having stress aggravates things.

Hugs!! Hope you turn the corner soon!

--------------------
You name it, I've got it.
Full-time medical anomaly.

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randibear
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i had a job i dearly loved with a wonderful boss and one coworker.

unfortunately the other two coworkers made my life a living hell because they didn't believe in lyme, even tho i had tons of documentation and dr's statements and all.

the stress they caused me resulted in me retiring at minimum time. i wnated to work another five years so i could leave when my husband did but i just couldn't do it.

their backbiting viciousness and cruelty was more than i could handle.

i was so fortunate that he had a super job with enough money and i had my own insurance. plus i made it to retirement age so i was blessed that way.

i am so sorry for all of you that have to leave your jobs and friends due to lyme. it takes the life out of us.

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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daphnesmom1
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I recently did the same thing. I had a little part time job (alot of stress went with it though), that wasn't anywhere near what I used to do career wise. But it was something to do to keep my mind busy, brought in some extra money, and I enjoyed the people and felt like part of the world again.

I could feel the stress was taking it's toll on a daily basis. Symptoms were getting worse, so I finally had to tell them I had to quit.

I have decided there is nothing wrong with admitting you have to rest, exercise when possible, keep the stress to a minimum and eat right.

The more I did the more they expected, and I could see I was headed for a full on relapse. I'm actually still digging myself out.

Hope you feel better soon, daynise.

--------------------
"Yeah, I miss me too."

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Dove7
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Hang in there. Lost my teaching job of over 20 yrs because I had to take leave in Nov. I was informed via an email last week.

Yes, since I was six, when someone asked me who I was, I said teacher first.

I'm trying to learn new ways to identify myself because I won't just say I'm sick or one who deals with Lyme, POTS, adrenal problems, hypothyroidism, etc.

It hurts. It hurts like the worse dental pain, the times my spinal bulges herniated, gallstones being passed, broken ribs, a skull fracture...you all get the way it hurts to be forced to your knees and bed.

When I was upfront and told them how I was suffering, there were some who suggested I wasn't strong enough or willing to work through it. They had no idea of the nights without sleep walking, crawling, or writhing on the floor in pain in the past two years I worked.

Maybe my body will heal just a bit more quickly without that hanging over me. Maybe you can allow yourself to take naps, to take the time to cook only healthy foods, to ...... You fill in the blanks that you need.

Even though we are just now facing this, I am learning that somehow, some way, others have coped and survived. For that I am thankful.

My husband used to work as a social worker at an addictions facility. This part of my journey feels a whole lot like acknowledging this and realizing that I may need to lean on others then put forth my hand as others come behind me.

--------------------
'Hope' is a thing with feathers, that perches in the soul-- Emily Dickinson

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Lymetoo
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Dove.. You are right about not identifying yourself as ill. I did everything I could to avoid any reference to my being ill.

As I told you in a PM, I now make jewelry and do other things to bring in money. So I often refer to that. If I had to tell someone I had to quit teaching, I said just that. "I had to quit."

I wouldn't say I was on disability.

You can STILL say you are a teacher! You're just not teaching "right now." You are in your heart of hearts (and officially) a teacher.

Daynise.. I hope what I said also helps YOU, of course!

The worst is when someone asks what you do as if to imply that your only worth is by what you DO for a living. An acquaintance asked me on two different occasions "what I do." (she forgot, I think)

I stammered around and now can't even remember what I said. I was offended by the way it was asked. So be ready with an answer you are happy with! [Wink]

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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randibear
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you are absolutely right. people judge you by the "title" of your position. when i was a secretary they would say "oh..." like it was some demeaning job.

when i left that field to take promotions i swore i would never treat those under me like so many others did.

after i left, and i left at age 55, people would ask me "well what do you do?". i got so tired of that, i finally started saying "i don't have to work so i don't".....

that shut them up. while it was not exactly accurate and not an out and out lie, it stopped the questions and the pitying looks i got when i said i left due to illness. being honest obviously was not in my best interest.

now that i'm older i can say "i'm retired". and you'd be surprised at how many people still want to know what you did when you worked. i just tell them i worked for the government and let it go at that.

we are more than a title,job, or position. don't let others judge you by their petty standards. your life and your health are far more important than any job title.

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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daynise
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Thank you guys so much for sharing with me. It really makes me feel like it's ok and I can handle it.

In terms of what I'm going to tell people who ask, I've think I've settled on "I'm a trophy wife and stay at home dog mom." LOL.

And yes Lymetoo, what you said helps. I'm still a librarian, just not right now. [group hug]

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Lymetoo
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I'm glad I could help, Daynise!

Randi.. Now that I'm of retirement age, it's easier to go with "I'm a retired teacher." Sometimes I go there.

But when I was in my early 40's, that did not work for me!!!

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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KentuckyWoman
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Daynise

I am very sympathetic too to what you are feeling.

I had to quit my two jobs that I loved back 2 years ago because of "mystery illness." It broke my heart. I owned my own business and worked for the county gov't as well, plus all the other life activities, especially my community service oriented things. I thrived on it all.

I actually mourned the loss like a death. I cried for days off and on bc I knew I was sick and could not do my work to my potential.

It is a life-changing decision. It's hard.

But like everyone above me here can already say, "you WILL get through this!"

Take care of your body. Rest, rest.. REST bc even the Burrascano Guide will tell you that your body NEEEEEEDS rest when it tells you it needs it. and it is ALOT more than what normal ppl need.

Rest, treat, rest, treat and hope for better days when you can return.

After 2 years, (like me) you may not feel like what's so important NOW is really so important THEN.
You may choose other things to spend your energies on.

HUGs to you [group hug]
kw

--------------------
KentuckyWoman
tired of medical run-arounds

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
~ ~ Robert Frost

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gmb
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Could you consider leaving under the Family Medical Act.... as a leave of absence? I'm not sure how this realy works, but might be a softer "out" so if you do rebound you might be able to return.

Maybe others can chime in

gmb

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Dove7
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Guys,
Though smiles and laughs arenot abundant right now, you all havegifted me with some. For those who sent a pm, thank you.

I am smiling remembering how my husband was asked at a social functioxn what he did jjst after having to medically retire about four years ago (exposure to gents in military and two bouts of different cancers that he survived).

Without missing a beat, my teddy bear of a husband smiled sincerely at the pompous a** who had asked the question and said, " I'm a trophy husband. Honey, can I get you anything?"

We walked away giggling like kids while the two businessmen just stood there with their mouths agape.

Humor, faith, and friends has helped me get through a rough day. Though time heals is cliche, it does have merit.

--------------------
'Hope' is a thing with feathers, that perches in the soul-- Emily Dickinson

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Lymetoo
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Oh yes, you WILL mourn it like a death.

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Robin123
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Lots of us, maybe most of us lose jobs due to this health condition, whether we want to or not. It is a loss, in many ways.

However, you can take this time to work on your health, and maybe in time, you will be able to work again.

Just tonite, at our support group, several discussed being able to return to what they used to do, because their health improved.

So I think that's what you need to focus on at this point in time - your health. Not forever, just this stage.

I remember when I was in fibromyalgia groups, and people were losing their jobs, and none of us had any idea what was going on with us! Not for many years.

So, if I can provide any positive perspective in this sorry state of affairs, at least we know now, whereas before, nobody had any clear plan on how to work on their health during their forced retirement.

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robbiem
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Sorry, daynise

It's going on 10 yrs out of work for me, and I have to say in truth that it was a blessing in disguise for me.

Somehow, things have a way of working out, even when the darker days are upon us---I have found that somehow in the end things have a way of falling into place when you least expect them to.

I hope you can see the positives in this, as I'm sure underneath it all there are a few to be found.

Good luck

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daynise
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Thank you all so much. It's been a few days now and I really see no way I could have continued even as much as I wanted to. It was a contract position that would have ended in August and I wanted so much to make it to the finish line. So FMLA didn't apply but they had offered me any position that opened up in the department and a few are about to open up. It's just hard to watch a dream die.

I LOVED my job. But beyond that- I loved my boss and the atmosphere. My boss called me yesterday to say don't even worry about coming to sign papers, no they didn't need doctor's proof, and just to mail my badge to them so I didn't have to struggle to get there. It breaks my heart to leave- I may never find that kind of compassion in a boss again.

But for now, this is what I have to do. It's not even safe for me to drive right now. I have to be honest and maybe when I stop pretending and face this ugly sickness head on, I will beat it.

Thank you everyone for the encouragement and especially for sharing your own experiences because I know I'm not alone and you guys understand how it feels to lose one thing after another with this disease.

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