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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » Need teenager advice

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Author Topic: Need teenager advice
linky123
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My daughter is learning to drive and has been for well over a year.

Let's just say that she is not a natural behind the wheel.

Every time we go out, I think she's gonna be ok, then she does something that scares me to death.

She just doesn't see the big picture.

I know practice is the key, but wonder if there's something else we could be doing to help her do better.

We are all very frustrated at this point. [bonk]

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'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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Lymetoo
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Sign her up for driver's ed! Does her school offer it?

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--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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linky123
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Unfortunately, our school does not offer driver's ed.

Wish they did!!

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'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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Lymetoo
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When I was growing up everyone took Driver's Ed. I guess it's too expensive to offer anymore. People now drive without a brain.

I guess you'll just have to keep taking her driving .. in remote areas!!! [Big Grin]

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--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Keebler
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If you can afford, a professional driving school or tutor may be very important.

I think it's best to have a professional for many reasons but mostly for a different speech /personality pattern than what she's used to hearing from family members. The brain and emotions just have so much "history" and other elements that it may not be the best learning laboratory - may not - or it may. Ask her.

CONVERSATION. ASK HER what she is experiencing during the glitches. Ask her to give some thought so that this can be approached in an intelligent fashion. She may need some time to figure out what's going on or what she needs.


Yes, back roads and PARKING LOTS during non-busy times. Back roads can be tricky, though, and there can be sudden surprises - so be sure to train her on empty parking lots for sudden surprises.

MUSCLE MEMORY from training is invaluable. LOTS of time on parking lots - maybe school parking lots during the weekends.


ADRENAL SUPPORT, for sure. Improper sudden reactions can be from adrenal stress.
And adrenal support can support a healthy reaction response.

BLOOD SUGAR spikes and drops can also derail our reaction time.

FISH OIL for brain support.

VESTIBULAR traning might also be considered, to some degree if she has ANY kind of balance or inner ear issues. This can really affect how much a person is able to process at any one time.

MUSIC - MOZART is the very best for the brain, really. No matter what she listens to, a CD of MOZART might be just the key to help her focus.

Or NO music at all? Whatever her brain needs for alertness.

FUMES in the car can also cause lack of attention and being overwhelmed. Be sure she always opens ALL doors and lets it air out before getting in.

Avoid all scented products to "detail" - always.

Side roads with less traffic best, of course.

Check out NEUROFEEDBACK / QEEG sites and the book "Symphony in the Brain" about that.

BIOFEEDBACK, to help her learn to breath under stress.

TAI CHI can also help develop skills necesary to be both alert & relaxed at the same time.

SQUARE DANCING LESSONS can also help with driving, really. With all the turns of the head, thinking on one's feet, sensory messages from all over the place -- there is just so much about square dancing that helps train brain & muscles skills that can transfer to driving.

If not square dancing, some kind of dancing lessons might be just the ticket.

BREATHING EXERCISES

This is not just about her being able to pay attention. The brain has to be trained. That takes time, nutrients and also very unique exercises. Not everyone is at that point.

There is no way I should have been driving at 16. I did not know it but I had inner ear issues even then. But no one knew that. Spacial perception was terrible. Wish I had gotten professional guidance.
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Keebler
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YOGA FOR THE EYES is also something I would highly recommend. Just Google for the direct site first, then some of their YouTube clips and DVD.

This will help the eye muslces better function with sudden shifts as required with driving.
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linky123
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Tutu,

We had to take driver's ed too. We go to a private school that doesn't have the money for a driver's ed program.

Not sure if the public schools still teach it or not.

Keebler,

Thanks for all the suggestions. We haven't looked into the driving school as we don't really want to spend the money.

It might be money well spent tho'. She and I are on a collision course (no pun intended) and it doesn't look like things are going to improve anytime soon.

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'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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Ellen101
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How old is she? It can be very hard on both the child and the parent when learning how to drive. I would enroll her in a Driver Education school where they will take her out on driving lessons. Her safety and your peace of mind is well worth it. Alot of times it much better for the child to learn from a 3rd party without the emotions that can interfere between parent and child. I dont know where you live but here the child is required to complete drivers ed in order to get their license. They also need to spend a certain amount of hrs driving with a licensed driver over the age of 21 before they can take their test.
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linky123
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Ellen, she is 16, almost 17. Yes, it would be better for someone else to work with her at this point.

She just doesn't seem aware of what's going on sometimes. We tell her over and over again and it just doesn't seem to register.

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'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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jkmom
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Maybe she has ADHD? My daughter's psychiatrist told me that girls with ADHD often don't have real problems until they start driving. Then they have enough accidents that they realize there is a problem.
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beaches
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Maybe just give it a rest for awhile? IMO 16 is pretty young to be behind the wheel to begin with.
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Lymetoo
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Yes, a third party would be great. My brother did a lot of my training too. He was 7 yrs older than me.

I drove around and around our school's parking lot and even around and around the stadium (very large complex) that had a "street" all the way around it. Lots of turning is good.

Maybe your husband could help? I agree that 16 is a bit young to be on her own with the driving, but that said, I learned at 14. We were allowed permits at 14! We could not be on our own until 16 and then had to have driver's ed to do so. Or we had to wait until 18 if we had no driver's ed.

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--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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ktkdommer
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My son had a car accident 2 weeks ago on a Saturday when I didn't give him his Adderall because he woke up so late. I feel terrible.

His public school does not offer driver's education.

We had him wait until he was 17 to get his driver's license.

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Things are never dull. After 3 fighting Lyme, 2 are in remission. Youngest is still sick, age 22. He has new diagnosed Chiari Malformation and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

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beaches
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LT really, you were allowed behind the wheel at 14??? That SCARES me!!

I got my license when I was in my 20's!!

Linky, some people aren't "naturals" behind the wheel (I'm one of them:)

Maybe give her more time and space before going back on the road with her would be the best thing to do.

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beaches
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ktkdommer, I am so sorry to hear of your son's car accident.

Hope he's OK?

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linky123
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I would be surprised if she had adhd.

She's never had trouble focusing, sitting still and her grades are very good etc.

She's never been good at sports, hand-eye coordination, things like that.

kdommer, I am also sorry to hear of your son's accident and hope he is ok.

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'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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BuffyFan
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our public high school still has driver's ed, but now there is a fee.
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lax mom
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I would just have her wait awhile and try again down the road.

My daughter will be 16 soon and I know she's not ready. There's no rush. She will be driving for the rest of her life.

I wasn't ready until I was 18.

Hand/eye coordination and motor skills are sooo important with driving.

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Lymetoo
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quote:
Originally posted by beaches:
LT really, you were allowed behind the wheel at 14??? That SCARES me!!

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Hey, I resemble that remark! [Big Grin] I don't think I drove on the streets. I just got my permit and practiced driving in parking lots from what I remembered. But I was legally able to drive.

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--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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MannaMe
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We have a just-turned-17-year-old who is not ready to drive. After bumping into a pole here at home, it suddenly cooled the interest in driving.
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xoxoxox
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This was totally illegal but my mom used to let me sit in the middle of the bench seat (our cars were always "older") and steer & do the gas pedal/brake.
From when I was 11 until I got my permit at 16. Those five years of monitored, assisted driving helped me develop great reactionary, defensive and offensive driving skills.

Too bad they don't make cars with bench seats anymore [Smile] They should make cars that allow parents to teach their kids but be able to take control when needed.

Oh, it must be nerve racking! Have you looked for online videos?

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Danni

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linky123
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No, I've never thought of looking for online videos, but that's a good idea.

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'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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Lymetoo
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Our Driver's Ed cars had brakes for the teacher!! Really, he had his own brake just in case! [Big Grin]

xoxoxoxo.. Don't let beaches see this. What you wrote is REALLY scary!

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--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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beaches
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xoxoxox AT AGE 11 you were behind the wheel?????

OMG!

11, that's what you said, right?!? WOW, I thought LT at 14 was young!

And speaking of which...LT, believe it or not, when I was learning how to drive, the teacher had his own steering wheel and brake! And that was only, what, like 10 years ago [Roll Eyes]

I was so relieved knowing that back then and I think it's such a great tool for driver's ed. Not sure if they still have the wheel/brake for the instructor.

I wish they STILL had that for me [Smile]

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linky123
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Tutu, our driver's ed teacher had a brake pedal too and he just loved to slam it on when we were least expecting it.

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'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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Dogsandcats
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I was in the car with my ADHD son one day. I was a tad nervous cause he wasn't the best driver. We were sitting at a red light and all of a sudden, he takes off! Whoa son, the light is still red !! "Oh really? I thought it changed"

I think if you give both of you a break and then start fresh.

Or have you thought about an older peer ( over 25 in Calif.) driving with her in parking lots?

Good luck.

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God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.

Billy Graham

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linky123
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dogsandcats, we don't really know anyone at that age to help her, but it's a great idea.

I can see how she would be a lot more receptive to someone like that.

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'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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Keebler
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Surely, your DMV has names of CERTIFIED DRIVING INSTRUCTORS. I think it's important that they be certified - however that is done - so you are assured they are consistent with what the DMV would say are safe driving practices.

They also need to have that educational componet, so you know their teaching abilities have been assessed, too.

They would have a precise curriculum or check list of things to be certian to teach.

Not likely taught with any Driver's Ed or Driving School, but I'd also want any new driver to take a course in basic care mantainence and emergency "how to I get out of this?" (loss for what that word would be).

Also a good idea: a Red Cross safety class

Some of this could be done in groups of friends or family, or at the school.
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