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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » What would you have done?

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Author Topic: What would you have done?
beaches
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So I told the family we were not staying in and had to just get out and go somewhere, do something, enjoy the good weather.

There was a small festival taking place not too far from home. We parked the car and began the short walk into the festivities.

Then WHAM, a young woman appeared out of nowhere requesting donations for 2 kids with some kind of cancer. She had a poster of the kids and had her speech prepared.

I listened to what she said. After she got through her spiel of asking for donations to help them with their medical expenses I said "I am sorry but we have enormous medical expenses of our own treating Chronic Lyme Disease" and I walked away.

Hubs and kids thought I was a tad rude and should have just said "No thanks."

What was going through MY mind was heck, why ain't I out there with my own damn poster and tin can raising money for my family's medical expenses?

And then reality smacked me in the head and I realized that NO ONE really has a good understanding of Chronic LD unless they've lived it.

I felt badly not throwing a few bucks into the pot for those sick kids. But at the same time, I felt that no one is doing that for my kids.

I wish those kids well. They'll benefit from lemonade stands and numerous other fundraisers and my kids won't. That's just how it goes in lymeworld, sad but true.

So do you think I was right just telling this girl we had enough of our own medical expenses, or do you think I was rude and should have just said "no thanks?"

Just curious to hear what you all think.

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Keebler
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It all depends on the tone and physical stance as to whether it could be interpreted as rude or kind delivery. My guess is that, stating your frustration and state of mind that it may have been somewhere in between.

What's done is done. Surprise "attacks" like that can throw us off guard so just don't rehash your response on the fly.

Personally, I resent the kind of encounters and "kidnappings" you describe as they have manipulation written all over them.

If you can anticipate such a request in the future, you can either give a dollar if it's handy in your pocket - fumbling through your belongings on the street is never a good idea. If you can't just grab a buck from your pocket, keep moving.

(but NEVER assume what they tell you is true. Do assume that they are in some kind of bad situation or they'd not be asking, though, I firmly believe but that does not mean you won't be scammed).

If you have a chance, many grocers carry some kinds of cards you can buy for a dollar and then give a card / voucher for such requests. That way you know it won't go to drugs.

And / or (depending upon the situation) practice saying "sorry" with firmness and kindness, and a sure step to move along.

You could also have the number of your local United Way to hand to them and say "I support the United Way - be sure to contact them as they can direct you to various groups who may be able to help."

In the past, when I've had the time and it's been right outside of a quick restaurant or food cart, I might have asked if they would like something from there and then go in and buy their choice (if within reason and my budget) for them - or a quick gift card.

It's also important to learn how not to engage and just keep moving. Each situation can be different but it's a good idea to come up with a short list of your action plans.

Good teaching moment for the kids, too, to share that the medical situation you face caught you off guard - about how people who ask on the street may or may be honest - and the various ways to extend understanding, compassion and kindness - but also protect yourself.

Another teaching moment: to never fumble with billfolds in public. And that it's okay to say "sorry" and be mindful of where that's coming from, heart-wise. Tone and infection really do matter.

Years ago, I was forced to move right into the center of a city where homeless camped outside my door - and I nearly had to live on the streets so I really related. I felt like I had to respond to all direct requests.

I had to learn the few times when I should and most of the times when I shouldn't.

So much goes through one's mind at that time. It's impossible to make wise decision among the noise, distraction and in an instant. That's why I got to the point of just responding with "sorry" or a shake of the head that was not a personal dismissal but a clear denial of request, usually &/or, direct them to the United Way.

For those who have energy, time or resources, there are many ways to help in an organized fashion with a reputable agency. Street requests are just rude, I think. A sign is one thing, though the direct confrontation of strangers is very often rude & manipulative.

It's gotten way out of hand in many cities. I'd like to see that stop, actually.
-

[ 08-19-2013, 04:36 AM: Message edited by: Keebler ]

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Keebler
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www.unitedway.org/

United Way - upper right hand corner: Find your local United Way (to learn of the agencies they support, meal avenues, etc.)


Google: panhandling, alternatives (and then add your city or town)


just one good link that comes up from that cross-search, with some good points to consider:

http://www.popcenter.org/problems/panhandling/print/

The Problem of Panhandling

Excerpts:

. . . Whether Panhandling Intimidates Passersby . . . .

. . . Generally, there are two types of panhandling: passive and aggressive. Passive panhandling is soliciting without threat or menace, often without any words exchanged at all—just a cup or a hand held out.

Aggressive panhandling is soliciting coercively, with actual or implied threats, or menacing actions. If a panhandler uses physical force or extremely aggressive actions, the panhandling may constitute robbery. . . .

. . . #7. Discouraging people from giving money to panhandlers, and encouraging them to give to charities that serve [those in need] (they used the term "needy" which I despise) . . . .

. . . #9. Encouraging people to buy and give panhandlers vouchers, instead of money. . . .
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healthywealthywise
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I've not run into that in person as I'm housebound now, but I do get calls all of the time f/police, children's hospitals, cancer society..........and I tell them right off the bat, I am on Social Security and am very ill and cannot help.

Weird memory...when I was well, I contributed to St. Jude's Children's Hospital. I got a form letter thanking me for my contribution, but surely I hadn't given enough and should give more. [confused]

They asked for more and included stories and pics of sick kids and pretty much said, "they need more from you- dig deeper!". [shake]

I was furious, showed the letter to my husband and he said, "they got your number of being soft-hearted and they prey on that to make you feel guilty."

It was the LAST time I donated to them. It has become such big business-charity where they can spend the money advertising, holding banquets and I always said, "why spend that money on frivolous things...why not give that money to the people you say you are trying to help.

Not being hard-nosed, but I do not have any spare money to share. Though I still give to my local fire/ambulance company and once a year to the Humane Society in my town. And even these are stretching my resources.

Sorry you got side-swiped like this in public......but that's why they do it -- to try and force your hand, embarrass you, guilt you out. It's a business. Wonder who counts the money at the end of the day and what it is used for? They never seem to answer these questions.

Please don't feel bad....but I get your thoughts that no one is holding out a tin cup for us as our lives slowly and painfully deteriorate.

Just my opinion. Not all charities are scams, but I like to know where the money is going and if they are using proceeds to go directly to those who need it b/f opening my wallet. And for me, that means local charities who I know directly help w/the proceeds.

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GretaM
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You did the right thing.

Most parents I know with sick kids organize fundraisers or have registered charities through banks.

Soliciting money off the street with a sob story about children with cancer is one I see quite often here in Vancouver.

If she had a sign or card advertising her web page, or selling raffle tickets or tickets to a fundraiser, then I would say she's likely legit.

But besides the point, I'm like you, very strapped for cash, and can't afford to help anyone else.

There is a panhandler who hangs around outside the grocery store. When I buy my groceries, I buy him lunch. The first time I did that he cried, he was so grateful.

Another fellow I used to buy him a coffee, but then one day he said, "I've had enough coffee, can I have cash instead." and I told him no.

And I've offered to buys others lunch also, and sometimes I've been told VERY rudely, with the f-word, they aren't hungry, they just want money.

Well sorry, but I don't support drug or alcohol abuse.

I feel you did the right thing. And perhaps, if you were kinder and smoother about telling her "no", then she would have pestered your family sooner.

A real slick panhandler will ask in front of kids. Always.

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poppy
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Fundraisers for people with health problems should be done in a way that gives advance warning of what is expected. I don't think those who ask for money other ways are handling it right and doubt if it will raise much money. Giving someone like this suggestions on better ways might be more useful than a dollar or two. But who is prepared for such an encounter, with no warning.

I don't think your answer was wrong or rude. When you turn away someone like this, best to say it very sympathetically.

My mailbox is full of requests for money, from good causes. Contribute to one, and they sell their lists until you get mail from groups everywhere. And a fundraiser once told me that those who gave once would frequently give more, if asked. This is a well known fundraising tactic. Easier and more successful than cold calls.

What really annoys me is having grocery store clerks collecting for charities.

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lpkayak
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Now that i am dealing with bot cancer and lyme i am fine with what you did

There is so much help coming to me for the cancer and nothing for the lyme and what it did to me

Studies show lyme pain can be worse than cancer pain

And

Lyme fatigue can be worse than congestive heart failure

Lyme fatigur

--------------------
Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself.

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lax mom
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beaches: I'm sure the child's cancer treatment is covered by insurance. There are soooo many sources of funding to help cancer patients. The support is massive.

I too question the validity of panhandling for cancer treatment donations. Doesn't make much sense. How is $100 gonna truly help get a child cancer treatment? It's not. Yet $100 will get an addict some alcohol or drugs.

Your reaction was natural given what you are going through. It's not like you cussed her out and kicked her tin can.

--------------------
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
(aperture)
http://flash.lymenet.org/scripts/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=115161;p=0

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healthywealthywise
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Poppy, you are so right on them selling lists~

After St. Jude's, I immediately was inundated with requests for a bunch of other diseases.

I knew they sold my info to a list. [tsk]

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beaches
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Thanks for all the replies!

I was so happy to be outdoors with the family doing something. We used to do fun stuff all the time and I really miss those days.

I was just looking forward to having a nice, pleasant time and whammo! We get this young woman interrupting our space and time. I was very taken aback by her aggression. And in thinking back, there was no table set up for this kids either. Seems like it was just her accosting people waving a picture of two little kids.

Keebler, it did feel like an "attack" of sorts. good idea about United Way. I'd contribute to them if I thought for a minute they supported kids with Lyme/cos. And I am so sorry to hear of your former living conditions. I can only imagine how tough that was.

hww, can't believe that about St. Jude's. Charities are indeed a big business. We can't give what we used to give to charity. But I do know we always checked their "501c3 status" and checked to see how much $ was spent on administrative costs. If it was more than a few percentage points, we didn't donate.

Also, many, many charities rely on in-kind services/donations to put on events. Movie stars attend charity events to draw people in on behalf of the charity. Artists will perform free for the same reason. Caterers cut their costs. Businesses donate goods to raffle off, venues reduce their prices, etc.

Greta, you're right. The fundraisers I've heard of for sick kids are organized/done via banks. Until you mentioned her asking in front of kids, that aspect didn't dawn on me.

I can't imagine how many other families she hit on that day, with her MO guilting the parents into donating, knowing kids would ask why they didn't. Wow. Guess she didn't see me coming!

When I was out and about more, when I'd see someone asking for something, I'd buy him a sandwich. It would have really put me off if someone said, no I just want the money!

Poppy, honestly even if knew to expect this, I don't have the time, patience or inclination to suggest better ways to raise money.

And my reply to her could have been construed as cold, but my attitude is, if you have raw nerve to accost me when I am having my family time, and solicit me for money, I have the right to blow you off and say "hey guess what WE'RE dealing with" I just don't have tolerance for this type of thing.

I did not realize charities sell their lists!!! No wonder we get bombarded with mail!

I too get VERY put off when I'm just trying to pay for my groceries and I get pestered with "would you like to donate to ..." I used to offer and explanation. Now I just say "no."

kayak, how are you doing? I sure hope you are feeling OK. Sounds like you've had a very rough go of it. I too have heard/read that the Lyme fatigue can be worse that congestive heart failure. I've seen it firsthand. There is SO much more support and understanding and help out there for those with cancer. Sinful that it's not that way for those suffering from tbds.

lax, yes! That's ANOTHER thing! I'd bet insurance is covering the vast majority of treatment (that didn't even dawn on me). And aside from that, the support cancer patients get is indeed massive. And what do we get? Nada, zilch, zero, nothing!

This made me laugh: "It's not like you cussed her out and kicked her tin can." I now have an image of me doing both those things. Imagine how rude hubs and the kids would have thought I was if I did those things [Big Grin]

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Keebler
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I was not suggesting that you should donate money to the United Way but if you just say you "support" them, you are in the spirit of that combined help approach just by participating here at LymeNet.

It's a safety-net answer but, really, it's quite fine to have a personal policy of not giving money to panhandlers. Most cities are struggling with policies around this and you might see if yours had actually suggested taking action to curb it, so that people know there are other avenues to explore.

I suggested passing on the United Way as a resource since they do have many agencies under their wing and usually a local information referral hotline.
-

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healthywealthywise
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Keebler,

Do you know if the United Way helps people with lyme and cos? Just curious.

Just wonder if there is a charity that helps..I'd like to know who they are and what they do. Probably slim pickings.

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beaches
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Hi again Keebler, sorry if I misinterpreted. I guess you could say that I'm not feeling what you refer to as a "combined help approach" towards other diseases at this point.

hww, I'm not sure about UW, but I think if that organization was supporting Lyme patients, we'd have heard about it by now. I just googled that org and tried searching Lyme, Lyme Disease on their site. Kept getting error messages.

And BTW UW's administrative expenses are in excess of 13%, which is rather high to me.

Lyme Aid 4 Kids, affiliated with LDA, is one of the few (only?) charities that supports kids whose families can't afford testing/treatment. They sure could use more money. And of course there is the LDA itself which does so much to help so many.

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Dogsandcats
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I think you did fine. My kids are older- but when they were younger they would say "guy mom, rude"

Now I say to the person, " thank you SO much for asking me, but I am not able to help at this time."

If they push it, I smile and walk away.

I have my favorites for donations when I am able. I am open to others, but I don't usually find them by solicitation methods.

Many people need help, I want to be wise about helping.

--------------------
God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.

Billy Graham

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Shiela
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Great idea about the grocer cards Keebler. The thought that perhaps donations end up with a drug dealer or another pint has bothered me.

--------------------
I'm not there yet but I'm closer than I was yesterday.----
Lyme Band 31,41,58. Being treated for Lyme and Bartonella.

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Keebler
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healthywealthywise & beaches,

The "spirit" of the "combined help approach" is the pulling together. That's what I meant. Maybe we can't support certain civic organizations with money but we share and participate however we can. That's what I was talking about.

So that if you are cornered on the street and pressured for a donation to a private person, it's quite within the "SPIRIT" of support to say that you "support the United Way and it's a good group that offers various kinds of support" and that the person "might want to give them a call for more information of the services that might help them."

By saying you "support" the United Way can also just mean that we support the idea of "combined effort" to help reduce redundancy or cover many bases, when possible.

Every United Way chapter has its own local agencies that they help support (in part).

Usually no one organization gets all (or even most) of its operating budget from UW, still, what can be raised in this combine campaign and distributed across the board is usually vital.

Q: Does UW fund lyme programs?

Probably not directly (and if so, it would have to have a 501 (c) 3 non-profit or not-for-profit status - quite a lot of paperwork and a full volunteer board of directors, with bylaws, etc.

Still, absolutely, there are UW programs that offer help to those with lyme but it makes no matter why someone needs help, if they do and meet certain organizational criteria, they are eligible, just as anyone else.

To find out more out your local UW, just Google with your city/town or county.

Remember, though, their mission is not generally tied to any specific medical diagnosis but to provide services and care, or education, regardless of WHY someone might need support.

This thread is not about us suggesting only agencies that support people with lyme. This thread is about what to tell panhandlers and what help might be available to them.

Whatever groups do that are vital to your own community whether those who are helped by emergency services have lyme or some other illness (or cause) that has put them on the streets either begging or living.

My guess is that there are some panhandlers & homeless across the U.S. who have undiagnosed lyme & tick-borne disease. United Way provides information to available resources for food, shelter, etc.

That doesn't mean all the needs are met for any community, still, it's the best clearing house of such services that I can think of and a very well organized approach. UW does not provide direct services, they refer and offer guidance for the best fit.

Agencies under the UW wing must meet very strict criteria so there can be a certain assurance when suggesting that someone contact the UW.

There are other groups, as well, that can vary from state to state. If you know of a good group in your area and feel comfortable if asked by a panhandler, then tell them to "call ____ and ask about their range of services."

Doing so will serve two needs: a quick conclusion to the panhandler's approach & to generously share some valuable information that could be of great help to them.
-

[ 08-19-2013, 11:40 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]

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Keebler
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Again, the point of this particular thread is what to tell panhandlers on any of our city streets . . . still . . . since it was asked, here are some of the top groups helping those with lyme, in some manner.

But none offers the kind of direct financial help that I think might have been hoped when that question was asked.

Some vital Lyme education / advocacy organizations:

Treat The Bite - http://www.TreatTheBite.com

ILADS - www.ilads.org

Lyme Disease ASSOCIATION - http://www.lymediseaseassociation.org

Tick-Borne Disease Alliance - http://tbdalliance.org

Lyme Research Alliance - http://www.lymeresearchalliance.org/

Lyme Disease.org - http://www.lymedisease.org
-

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surprise
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I look the person in the eye, smile, hold up my hand, and say:
No Thank You and keep walking. I just don't have the money.

What really bothers me are solicitors coming to my door- ringing the bell, glass partition, same, I look, smile, hold up hand, and say clearly Oh No Thank You.

Then, some will look upset or surprised, and keep trying to talk to me.
Seriously? Look, you are on my property. I don't know you. I am not opening the door, even for a second.

You may have a gun. I don't. I have kids here. I don't have extra $ anyway- you have not been invited. No attitude. No Thank You, with a smile. Goodbye!

It's the kids selling candy outside the store I feel bad about- but no-one here should be eating candy. And all my $$ is in the grocery store trying to buy decent food.

Oh well. Vent over, lol.
All of my charity items go to the Salvation Army, who have good programs to help drug and alcohol addiction recovery for homeless / low income people.

Free to those that need it, without any government assistance.

--------------------
Lyme positive PCR blood, and
positive Bartonella henselae Igenex, 2011.
low positive Fry biofilm test, 2012.
Update 7/16- After extensive treatments,
doing okay!

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linky123
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I think you were perfectly justified to say what you did.

It may very well have been a scam anyway.

--------------------
'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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beaches
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dogsandcats, you are more diplomatic than I am for sure!

keeebler, I appreciate what you are saying. I don't have the time, energy, inclination to do this sort of work/research. A quick google revealed that UW spends an awful lot on admin costs. That's the end of it there for me re: that organization.

I'd much rather focus my attention/giving to the other organizations you listed in your next post. IMO that's where our money (whatever little we can donate) needs to go. FYI I do believe that LymeAid4Kids does offer direct financial help.

surprise, I HATE it when people ring my bell! They always seem to show up early on a Sunday morning or right when I'm about to put dinner on the table. I have no patience for this at all.

I go to the door (don't open it), ask them what they want and when they start talking I just shake my head and say no and walk away. I don't feel obligated to engage with anyone who just randomly rings my doorbell.

I feel badly for the kids selling the candy too. They ring my bell too. We do give them a buck or two. But I won't be doing that anymore either. Who are these kids, where do they come from, who is driving them here, what organization are they raising money for, who is exploiting them? UGH. OK, my venting is over now too [Smile]

We donate our used stuff to the Vietnam Vets. I have always had a soft spot for those folks. We've also donated to the Salvation Army and given our used stuff to Goodwill.

Linky, thanks. Yes, I've been wondering if it was a scam. The whole encounter was a bit strange and the young woman was very rehe****d in her delivery, and quite aggressive in her approach.

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beaches
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Here we go again with the a-r-s-e word [Big Grin]

Mods, is that really such a bad word to begin with?

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Judie
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Beaches, I think you did just fine. I'm so sorry your husband made you feel bad.

It's VERY condescending for a husband/boyfriend to tell an adult woman that her behavior is wrong in a judgmental way.

It's fine that your husband doesn't agree BUT it's the way he said it is the problem.

Also, I believe it's rude to approach someone getting out of a car and ask them for money (no matter what their tone in asking).

I got in a big fight with my fiance when I was in a similar situation.

I saw the person approaching us as we got out of the car. I RARELY leave the house and this was a big deal to go out to the park. It was my birthday and leaving the house was a treat. I was so excited. I didn't want ANYONE taking time from that.

Before she started her talk, I said to her, "Hey, it's my birthday, I really don't have time for this today."

She got really aggressive and started following us around! She then started saying she was the same zodiac sign as me and is spending it trying to get money for some cause. She then shouted in a mean way "Happy Birthday" until we got out of the parking lot.

It was horrible, then my fiance blamed ME because I didn't let her do her talk then just say, "no thanks." He also called me rude and said I provoked it. We were away from the car at this point and he was scared she was going to key our car.

It was a terrible birthday. I cried for the next hour.

We hashed this out for the next week afterwards and I had to make a firm boundary it's NOT okay to talk to me that way, but he has every right to disagree.

I still believe I was right. I grew up in a big city and was taught to stop people BEFORE they start their talk so they know they won't get your money and then move on to the next target.

I guess it works differently in a small town.

Posts: 2839 | From California | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Keebler
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[Only after this posted, did I see Judie's post above. So this is out of synch. Must have been typing while that was posted.]

This is not so much about what groups you will support as what to say to panhandlers and solicitors to end the conversation.

Each area UW is independent and its financial records can be inspected at the asking. Their annual IRS records are public access. Some may say things about certain groups that are not true, so it's best to look directly at any group of interest.

The main point is, though, that for a panhandler, the UW is an excellent resource for information. You don't have to give a dime to tell them that.

But, taking this back to what to say when approached out of the blue . . . organizations that we may favor are not going to help move the conversation for unexpected requests on the street or at our doors - unless they meet the immediate needs of the person who is asking for help.

Immediate, on the street needs may be addressed by various groups in town and if the UW is not what you would suggest, you could call your city government and ask them for what groups help those on the street with immediate needs.

Knock-Knock

Suggestions above for on the street panhandlers may not be the same for those at your door. If part of a neighborhood, it may be that door to door solicitations are not allowed.

You can always post a note at your door bell, too. A firm statement can cover lots of bases by just saying that you never give to cold calls. If they want to leave a brochure about a group they represent, ask for it but, 99% of the time, they do not have one (a big clue).

For those asking for donations, personally, it's still best to offer them some local agency that has a wide range of services - to give them some kind of shoestring to hold onto just in case they are really near the point of no return.

I've also given up an unused rain coat, umbrella or such to someone at the door ill dressed for a recent shift in the weather. There are some ways to help that just come out of the blue.

PHONE peace.

Be sure to get on the Do-Not-Call-List. This cuts down tremendously. For those that can get through, you can ask that your number be permanently removed from their call list.

Asking the caller for THEIR home phone number is also a cool "Seinfeld" trick, so that you can call them at home and disturb them. Except that, for many callers, it's the only job they can get and they are trying to make a living so that's important to remember when turning them down.
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beaches
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Hi Judie, hubs and kids didn't make me feel bad.

By now they're used to me. I know they KNOW I am right but they just can't resist rolling their eyes sometimes. Kids (and husbands) often don't want to admit that the queen of the castle is right. So I just let their reactions to my actions slide.

I think they realized just how inappropriate this woman was. It's just that I'm the one who will say what I mean and mean what I say (and hoping I set a good example for the kids so that they learn how to do the same).

When I tried to tell them later that night that I was a diplomat at heart, they all cracked up. ::sigh::

I am so sorry to hear about your ordeal. I SO understand you not being able to leave the house and when you finally did, some random person intruded on what was supposed to be a very special time for you, especially it being your birthday!

She did not leave you alone, despite the fact that you set a clear boundary with her. She should have just walked away. Instead she chose to stalk you! Please, if this EVER happens again, call the police. Her behavior was unacceptable and she was harassing you.

Hope your fiance finally realized this woman's poor behavior was not your fault at all. And I hope you've since had better birthday experiences.

I think you were right. I too grew up in a big city and we had different ways of dealing with difficult/aggressive people (like, just walk away quickly, don't make eye contact, don't engage).

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Judie
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I'm sooooo glad your husband and kids didn't make you feel bad. I totally understand what you mean about setting a good example. Gosh, this is a really interesting discussion.

Yes, I was very clear with her. Just one sentence and no more. What followed was awful.

My birthday was just a few months ago, so hopefully the next one will be better.

Yes, we should have just left the park and/or called the police. That's a good point, it WAS harassment.

I just went into flight mode and got away from her as quickly as possible without thinking it through.

I just felt so vulnerable after the encounter, I didn't know what to do (I was already feeling vulnerable when we got there with being sick AND being a year older).

My fiance agreed her behavior was awful at least. He just has this idea I provoked her. I did get him to see that she could have reacted this strangely to anyone and may have just been waiting to "go off" at someone.

I think my fiance was trying to protect me from someone acting this way towards me again, but just went about talking to me about it in a bad way. It just came across as putting me down which sucked.

I'm trying to speak up more for myself these days, and it's hard after being so run down.

Lyme has aged me so much in the last year. I feel and look 10 years older all at once.

Beaches, I think you were very polite with your response to the person who walked up to you.

Posts: 2839 | From California | Registered: Jul 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
beaches
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Hi again Judie,

Thanks again for responding. I understand the difficulty in speaking up for yourself when you aren't feeling well. It is hard and it does get very old after awhile.

The women who did this to you and me are what I refer to as "hit and run."

They likely have preyed on so many others, but have no idea what the effect of their aggression/inappropriate actions/harassment has had on people dealing with illness. And if they did have a clue, they probably wouldn't even care.

I hope your fiance has reached a new level of understanding.

As for you stating that that you feel and look 10 years older, all I can say is that you are still a young woman with youth on your side.

Me, on the other hand, not so much. I've said I feel and look old beyond my years. Yet people (strangers included) tell me I look younger than my biological age. Go figure. Course, I feel like I'm 89 which they can't see.

Just good to know I don't look that old and maybe a bit younger than my biological age. Hey, I take what I can get.

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Carol in PA
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I used to get calls soliciting money for a local police organization.
They wanted donations for "poor children" to attend the circus.

I would tell them that I already pay taxes to support the police department.
Then I said that I was low income too, and could I get tickets for MY children to go to the circus?

Haha, they always acted confused and didn't know what to say.


p.s. Our children never did see a circus.

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beaches
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Carol, that's pretty pathetic.

Good that you pointed out to them that YOU were paying taxes to support the local PD.

Funny how they they never were able to come up with tickets for YOUR kids.

Mskes you wonder, doesn't it?

And PS: my kids never went to the circus either (and neither did I).

But I don't feel we missed out on anything. Might just be my perception/opinion, but I do think those circua animals are abused FWIW.

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LisaK
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I think you did the right thing, but my family is always telling me that I am too rough on people.....haha

Like everyone else said here- who knows if it was really real?

I HATE being bombarded at the grocery store check out line!!! that is what I hate most because a person is a captive and everyone is watching!

This kinda think pulls at my heart strings for sure since the Bible says "give to all those that ask"

but ..... I feel the same as you- give ME money please!!!!

My wise friend who saw her husband go through decades of lyme said to me when I found out and was upset and crying at the lack of friendly support (even from family and close friends)

she said, "people don't know lyme- if this was cancer everyone would be rallied around you"

she is right. sadly.

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

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linky123
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It might be worth mentioning a scam that happens around here.

People have approached us in the Walmart parking lot or at a gas station etc. They say they are stranded a few hours from home and just need gas money to get where they are going.

Sometimes they use kids in the story to get sympathy.

My son was a Boy Scout and they were panhandled all the time.

When the scout leader would offer to refer them to an organization offering help, they would get mad and leave.

All they wanted was the money.

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'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28

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lpkayak
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the kind of stuff linky is talking about happens here.. before i knew it i bougth food and gave it to ppl...then i saw thhey didnt eat it just stashed it and kept asking for money

they dont do what the agencys want...they do drugs. and keep getting money so keep doing it

some laws have been changed around here cuz of it

it gets dangerous when they walk into traffic asking for money

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Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself.

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Keebler
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linky,

you say " . . . When the scout leader would offer to refer them to an organization offering help, they would get mad and leave. . . ."

Another good reason to have some kind of organization to suggest to them. It weeds out those who really need help (who would be thankful and then contact that group) . . . from those who are just scamming.

Either way, suggesting an established organization can bring a close to the encounter and everyone can move along faster.
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healthywealthywise
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I'm just wondering.....why didn't your guys give them money instead of critizing your response?

Lyme people I find are the most generous folks..it's like they can see us coming. Just look at all the docs we paid so far.

I only can add one story to do your homework on charities. My grandfather wasn't a rich man. He was approached by the Salvation Army at Christmas one year.

He asked what % goes to people (and this was 40+ years ago. Person has no answer. AT THAT TIME, I do specify that AT THAT TIME, he looked into it and found that 90% of contributions went to administrative costs and 10% ended up direct help.

NOTE that this was a long time ago, and things might have changed (or they got smarter w/accounting). One thing is he never questioned that the volunteers asking weren't earnest. Some of these volunteers get scammed too, trying to help. They try to do good. That's why I don't get angry. Some people want to help and they just get caught up in the "script" and intention of charity.

It's why I also say when asked, "I already gave but thanks for asking" and end it.

I'll bet there is a study done on which agencies give the most directly rather than admin/salaries .........maybe someone in the know will post it under a different thread? Might help all of us.

Beaches, it's amazing that your experience brought up a very good, valid point of when, who and what to give. Learning experience all around for me.

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LisaK
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I forgot I also wanted to say that these illness (of all kinds) change people and make them more aware of how other people have felt or are feeling as they go thru traumatic times. You may have done this person a favor by making them more aware that there are other "hard" illnesses others are going thru.

She may have gone home and truly thought about it and maybe even looked up lyme. Maybe you saved a life by doing so. There is a reason for everything I believe. good or bad

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Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen

Posts: 3458 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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