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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » General Support » how to politely say no.....

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Author Topic: how to politely say no.....
randibear
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my husband has this annoying habit and it's driving me crazy.

when he's on the phone with his sister, the one who bought my car and i can't stand, he will hand the phone to me and say "talk to my sister and say hello".

i tell you this po's me off so bad i stay ballastic the rest of the evening.

ok, i hold a grudge. i take after mom's side of the family big time.

but i don't want to talk to this woman---ever...call me a witch, fine, i can deal with it.

i told him last night, i'm busy, and he put the phone in front of me.

i swear next time i'm tallking to my family i'm putting the phone in front of him and telling him to talk to my sister!!

how do i get it across that i don't want to talk to her....ever...

and he again reminded me that should my uncle, who's 87, dies, that i'm going to ohio alone cause "well there's no need for me to go"...uh huh...right...

i'll be sure to tell my family that he didn't want to go to the only living relative of my family's funeral. my sisters will never forgive him for this.

sorry, i'm still mad over last night. think that ticket for october will be one way...

grrr....

honest, i don't stay mad all the time. i'm generally a nice person...really...

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Keebler
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-
Chances are that it's not (just) about the phone call. It will take more than a two letter word.
-

Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dogsandcats
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Mine used to do that to me. I just made sure I was no where to be found when a call came in.

He eventually got it when I kept disappearing. Stay close to a bathroom, hopefully he won't hand it to you there.

One time I remember just walking away when he tried this.

For those who are strong willed.....you have to be blunt.

I didn't do this for every call he handed me, just the one who had abused my trust more than once.

--------------------
God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.

Billy Graham

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Lymetoo
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I was thinking the same thing. Be unavailable. If he asks you, say just a minute and then head to the bathroom.

Be SLOW coming out again!

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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surprise
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Keebler, that made me laugh out loud!

If you really don't want to talk, when handed the phone say:

Hello, hope you are well, I'm sorry I was just about to rest for a bit, perhaps we can talk another time...take care!

Sometimes you just have to do it yourself.

--------------------
Lyme positive PCR blood, and
positive Bartonella henselae Igenex, 2011.
low positive Fry biofilm test, 2012.
Update 7/16- After extensive treatments,
doing okay!

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MannaMe
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My first thought was to hide out in the bathroom!
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randibear
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Thank y'all for understanding. I swear since lyme I have a bad temper and a short fuse.

Yeah bathroom works. Have to be the second one cause it has a lockable door.

I'll tell him you really dont want to come in here right now.

And he told me to be sure and call his sister and go out with her when I'm there. NOT.....something will freeze over first.

His daughter is leaving her husband and wants us to come up. Yeah right...cheap labor is what she wants for her new place. So I told him you. Stress You need to fly to ncarolina and then I told him I aint going Jack.....

I'm flat out tired of being forced coerced and blackmailed into dealing with his fAmily...period.

Guess ill be spending a lot of time either in Ohio or in the bathroom....

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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Lymetoo
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quote:
Originally posted by randibear:


Guess ill be spending a lot of time either in Ohio or in the bathroom....

-
[lol]

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Robin123
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Ohio seems more interesting...
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momindeep
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Randy..you crack me up...always have and always will.
Posts: 1511 | From Glenwood City WI | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
randibear
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Thanks sweetie...

Born redneck and prouder than a pig in slop.....

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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beaches
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Ya know, there are SO many good answers to your question. And none of them end politely.

I think the best advice is to find that bathroom ASAP soon as that call comes in.

Or you could just be straight up and take that damn phone and say, "hey, your brother just put the phone to my ear but I don't have the slightest interest in speaking with you and I suspect you feel the same way." Handle it however it works best for you.

And I have to admit that your post cracked me up too, eventhough I know it's not a pleasant situation.

Hey, we have to laugh, right?

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healthywealthywise
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I would just indicate "NO!" with a shake of my head at him and walk away.......don't say a word. Both of them will get the idea you don't need this.

He'll end up being embarrassed and he should be. My husband did that once at his family reunion (only he went) and he called me on the new SKYPE camera he got me...IN FRONT OF HIS WHOLE FAMILY, SAYING "SEE? SHE'S NOT DEAD!".

His family all started kissing at me and crying that they missed me and I asked for the phone to go back to him again. When he got it, I said, "My reaction is"......AND THEN I HUNG UP ON HIM!

Just fyi...he never tried that again.

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momindeep
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Ya...I like how Randy doesn't try to put lipstick on a pig...she calls it like it is...take it or leave it! Ha
Posts: 1511 | From Glenwood City WI | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
beaches
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HWW, I can't believe your husband did that!! Good for you for hanging up! No doubt he'll never do that again!

momindeep, betcha it'll be a cold day in hell when randibear tries to put lipstick on a pig! She sure does call it like it is. But then, she's from Texas...isn't their motto "go big or go home?"

Seriously someone please let me know if that's the TX motto!

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randibear
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never ask somebody where they're from.
if they're from texas they'll tell you
if not, don't embarrass them....


and if they don't answer and stand there looking like a cow at a new gate, then walk away....LOL

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do not look back when the only course is forward

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Lymetoo
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True, randi! [Big Grin]


How about "Don't mess with Texas!"

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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randibear
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or:

you mean you weren't born in texas...
well bless your little heart.

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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katiebobatie
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My mom would answer my phone when I lived with her and hand it to me when I was totally out of it.

Drove me insane! At first she thought she was doing me a favor...

I finally got through to her by explaining how exhausted I am, andthat I don't feel up to talking to people and pretending to be fine at any given time.

It takes energy to try to sound upbeat when you feel like you are dying.

If my husband handed me the phone with my inlaws on the other line, I'd be furious too. I cut them out of my life years ago. I'm not bitter... its just not good for me to have people in my life who don't like me or take my illness seriously.

I think at lot of us with this illness have to do that...

Hope you find a way to make your husband understand!

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randibear
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Knowing this sister she would think its funny that i am being foorced to talk to her. Its like rubbing my nose and saying hahah I got your car and my brother took it away from you and I got it.

She never fails and i mean never to mention the car....just rubbing salt in an old wound.

And he knows forcing me to talk to her is just as bad.

But I tell you right now thats the last time the cow has.gotten out of that barn cause we're going to have a come to Jesus meeting the next time he answers the phone......

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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