posted
This was posted by Joe on LNE, but there were other "Men's Rules" that Joe posted here in Off-Topic years ago.
In his honor, I hope it makes you smile.
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MEN'S RULES by Joe Ham � Mon 9 Feb 2009 11:52
Note that they are all numbered "1" on purpose!
1. We are not mind readers. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work; strong hints do not work; obvious hints do not work. Just say it.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat and stop complaining. If men can learn to put it up then women can learn to put it down. It's not hi-tech. It was our mothers, women, who taught us to put it up. Consider the alternative if we hadn't learned.
1. Sunday is sports day. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Crying is blackmail. Use it only if you can afford the consequences.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want it solved. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. No, we really don't remember what we said last August 14 at 7:13 AM. Such comments have a half life of 7 days, MAX.
1. Whenever possible, say what you have to say during commercials.
1. If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret girls then don't expect us to act like soap opera studs.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Don't ask us if that dress makes you look fat.
1. If something we say can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know how to do it, do it yourself.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun pattern, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but I really don't mind; it's like camping.
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xox
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