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» LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » Off Topic » Why did the chicken cross the road? (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Lymetoo
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Why did the chicken cross the road??? [Big Grin]


Sarah Palin: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!!

John McCain: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

Hillary Clinton: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

George W. Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Dick Cheney: Where's my gun?

Colin Powell: Now, to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road. (or Gen Schwartzkopf)

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

Al Gore: I invented the chicken.

John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it. It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.

Al Sharpton: Why are all of the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

Dr Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken doesn't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So, instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

Nancy Grace: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty!! You can see it in his eyes and in the way he walks.

Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

Grandpa: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

Barbara Walters: In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

Aristotle: It is the nature chickens to cross the road.

Bill Gates: I have just released "eChicken2009," which will not only cross roads but will lay eggs,file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of "eChicken2009." This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one?

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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aklnwlf
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That was hilarious TuTu! [lol]

Especially Bill Clinton's.

--------------------
Do not take this as medical advice. This comment is based on opinion and personal experience only.

Alaska Lone Wolf

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JR
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funny
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Keebler
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-
Thanks for the laugh out loud. Being old enough to have familiarly with each of those "questioned" - I enjoyed each answer being so spot on.
-

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Robin123
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Jay Leno: We're now going to go outside and ask a whole bunch of people if they know why the chicken crossed the road.

PG move rating: we don't know - no fowl language allowed here.

Gilbert&Sullivan:
It is the very model of a modern chicken road-crosser
Its information vegetable is a kickin' ode-tosser
It knows its wings for anglin' and it votes for flights historical
From one side to the other "cause I can", its categorical.

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map1131
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Tooooooo funny Tutu! I'm going to share with my friends.

Pam

--------------------
"Never, never, never, never, never give up" Winston Churchill

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lifeline
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hilarious
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joalo
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[lol] [lol] [lol]

--------------------
Sick since January 1985. Misdiagnosed for 20 years. Tested CDC positive October 2005. Treating since April 2006.

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Dekrator48
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IDSA: There is no real evidence that chickens even exist.

But, if a chicken did exist it would definitely take a shortcut across the road.

At that point studies show that there would never be a need for that chicken to ever cross the road again. [Big Grin]

--------------------
The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11

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sutherngrl
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Love it!!!!
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Lymetoo
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Robin and Dekrator.. GREAT additions!! [lol]

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Snailhead
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This doesn't really fit in with the others, but I've always liked it:

"To see his friend Gregory Peck"!!!

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Lymetoo
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[lol] Never heard that one! It's good!

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Robin123
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I like that, Dek! [lol]
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daisyrlb
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Thanks for sharing, too funny. [lol]

Have you heard this one?

Oklahoman (or Texan): To prove to the armadillo it could be done. [spinning smile]

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Lymetoo
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That's funny too! [Big Grin]

Those armadillos were imported from Texas!! Got 'em in Missouri too!

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
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Robin123
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Fine - we know all about the chicken, but tell me why did the tick cross the road?
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emla999/Lyme
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quote:
Robin123 said:

Fine - we know all about the chicken, but tell me why did the tick cross the road?

To get away from the chicken!!!! [Razz]
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Robin123
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Yeah, Emla!! [Wink]

More reasons why the tick crossed the road, please...

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Dekrator48
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Robin asked...

Fine - we know all about the chicken, but tell me why did the tick cross the road?


Because the tick was approaching a state line and we know that there is no lyme in many states!!! [loco] [loco] [loco]

--------------------
The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11

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Lymetoo
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Great ones, emla and Dekrator! [lol]

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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sixgoofykids
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Moving to off topic.

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sixgoofykids.blogspot.com

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ping
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I love it! [lol] I'm printing this out to paste on my wall at work. THanks L2!

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ping
"We are more than containers for Lyme"

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Robin123
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Ha - we're off-road over here -

The questions of the moment: why did the tick cross the road?

Why did the tick cross off-road?

It did so when it saw there were no chickens in the way.

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emla999/Lyme
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quote:
Robin123 said:

Why did the tick cross off-road?

To escape from Plum Island!!!!! [Razz]
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Lymetoo
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ping.. you should get some mileage out of it there!!

Robin .. you're on a roll!! [Smile]

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Robin123
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Emla - what a smart tick. Or hapless, as the case may be.

Why doesn't someone write a novel from the tick's point of view?

The Adventures of Moby Tick

There I was, wailing about how I was all cooped up on that island, needing some fresh air, ready to try my exoskeleton out on some larger adventure...

So - that's me and two buddies you just saw there, we decided to try our luck in the great beyond. But first, we had to cross the road.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Why did the tick cross either the road or off-road?

'Cause it saw no reason to cry fowl.

Thx, Lymetoo - French or sourdough?

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lymemomtooo
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back to the chicken for a moment.

the chicken crossed the road to prove to the opossum that it could be done.

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just don
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Not only the chicken crossed,

the tick crossed

the armadillo crossed

the tick went off-road,

this whole darn thread crossed the road to off topic

Now fowl that if you will!!!

--------------------
just don

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Robin123
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Just Don, you forgot one: we have breaking news - or is it braking news - that the opossom just crossed the road.

So back to our intrepid little group of ticks...

that's them, at the end of the previous line, braving the end of the sentence on their island -

shall we swim? shall we fly? shall we cross the road, or off-road, were the questions of the day.

One of them decided they wanted to bring their word game entertainment along with them.

Which leads me to the next tick question of the day:

What kind of a tick brings word games along when it crosses the road or off-road?

Acrostic.

[ 01-28-2010, 04:49 PM: Message edited by: Robin123 ]

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Lymetoo
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Very embarrassing to be banned to Off Topic!! So humiliating!! [bonk]

Acrostic?? Oh my .. who's nuts now?? [Big Grin]

Robin, it's FRENCH.

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lymemomtooo
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crying fowl...no the opossum did not cross the road. He tried. Have you ever seen one make it..

the chicken crossed to show him it could be done. Mr. O didn't make it..maybe he was too busy scratching tick bites to notice the truck.

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Lymetoo
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quote:
Originally posted by lymemomtooo:
[QB] crying fowl...no the opossum did not cross the road. He tried. Have you ever seen one make it..


An occasional few!! very few! Some must have escaped or we wouldn't see them flattened on the road EVERYDAY. [Big Grin]

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--Lymetutu--
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Robin123
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No, lymemomtoo, I have not personally seen an opossom cross the road. So maybe our newscaster got it mixed up with a raccoon.

So for the sake of Just Don's accounting, add the raccoon.

Anywho, our little band hadn't been gone long when they decided they were hungry and needed a bite to eat. So they found a...

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Dekrator48
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Robin said...

So for the sake of Just Don's accounting, add the raccoon.

Anywho, our little band hadn't been gone long when they decided they were hungry and needed a bite to eat. So they found a...


.....tired hunter who was just sitting down on a log to eat the lunch he packed.

The chicken, armadillo, oppossum, and racoon each knew their only hope was to rustle the bag lunch away from the hunter and the other hungry creatures.

The tick, on the other hand, licked his lips and smirked as he made a bee-line straight for the hunter's pant leg......

--------------------
The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11

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lymemomtooo
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I am not sure but think if the racoon is hungry enough, the chicken might be his lunch..I have seen a mean raccoon before..THink they could devour anything.

The ticks of course could hook a ride on anyone,for lunch or taxi service but not sure they would get far on the opossum.

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Lymetoo
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And the hunter was completely unaware of the disaster about to strike him.

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Robin123
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Yes, mealtime could be complicated for this group. However, each to their own - our armadillo got happy rummaging in the dirt, our chicken nibbled on nearby grass, the raccoon espied some recently-discarded garbage,

and Moby Tick and his pals, observing the distracted chicken, made a safe crawl over to the unsuspecting hunter, clambored aboard, found an open patch of skin just above the sock line and with palpable interest, settled in for a slow drink.

Our hunter had no idea of the twist of Lyme fate he had just incurred causing a cross-over to the ranks of the hunted.

The opossum, not having made it across the road, found itself some small edibles and resigned itself to the use of an IPhone to stay in touch with its adventuresome pals.

Then, the

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Lymetoo
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Technology these days!

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--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Robin123
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Then the technology these days indeed has made it opossumable to stay in touch with all those others out of roadside visibility.

And then our

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Lymetoo
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[Razz]

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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daisyrlb
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And then our furry friends and feathered friend seeing the dangers of the 5pm traffic, decided to back off from the road.

Walking single file through the tall grass, they were unaware of the ticks perched high upon the top of the blades of grass.

The ticks were hungry, as it was their dinner time, and

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sutherngrl
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The ticks were hungry, as it was their dinner time and.....

as the furry little friends passed through the tall blades of grass, the ticks saw their supper coming and gladly made the leap from grass to furry friends to suck some nice, warm blood.

They actually killed 2 birds with 1 stone, so to speak, as they had transportation with their supper. And one really smart opossum did indeed make it across the road even though the sign said "state line"; so......

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lymemomtooo
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this is how the crew progressed and secretly transported their ticks past all of the non-tick state walls at the state lines. They crawled thru the grasses. If only they could find their way to DC.
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Robin123
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A capitol idea, lymemomtoo - in fact they thought they might be able to bring some bearing on the issue of infected ticks crossing the road if they could get to Washington.

They were very proud of their group efforts to get off Plum Island in the first place - they did manage to sneak on board a ferry at night and enjoy the contents of its snack bar, and then to hide out under the lower deck stairs as the ferry made its way to the mainland.

And then it was state line by state line, with many rendezvous with others of their collective ilk.

They even managed to meet their chicken idol, Gregory Peck! He graciously gave them many autograph dirt road scratches.

The local dialects were a little hard to understand at first. Like

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just don
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[Smile] [Wink] [Big Grin]

--------------------
just don

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daisyrlb
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Robin123 you got that right.

The local dialects were a little hard to understand at first. Like it or not--it did not stop the creative blood thirsty vampire ticks one bit.

They had a goal to make it across every state line in the Union and make themselves right at home, state after state and city after city.

Some people do not think that those ticks have the wherewithall to accomplish such a feat, but rumor has it they've been known to outsmart even the "so called best" of those old "ducks".

Believe it or not devilish laughter rises from across the nation ``HEEEEEE-HEEEEEE-HEEEEE!!!!" as the

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Robin123
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realization that all of us have, daisyrlb, that you got that right, the tick-lish laughter in the land as this odd managerie made its way - our multiple ticks, our chicken, armadillo, raccoon, and I think the opossom,

altho some of us here might accuse us of hallucinating its appearance - we do seem to have a difference of opinion on whether the opossum managed to cross the road or not,

but not to forget the offering our friend Just Don just made -

like those three - I mean who could deal with those goofy southen ticks with their kicked-back drawwwwl crawwwwls, hardly movin' at all on those hot dusty roads,

but still, they provided a bit of entertaining hospitality to our group and especially our tick friends.................yes, they picked up several more friends from all that passage through state grasses.

But now it was time for

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Lymetoo
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My, how we have digressed!

Who said Southern ticks are goofy?? I resemble that! [cussing]

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Robin123
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But now it was time for some clarity -

Lymetoo, my latest remarks were addressed to the goofy faces Just Don provided for our story, and not meant otherwise -

if you have something more to tell us about the genuine character of the southern ticks our group encountered, go ahead!

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daisyrlb
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Lymetoo I am so curious, along with Robin123, about the genuine character of the southern ticks.

Are they southern gentlemen and southern belle ticks? [spinning smile]

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randibear
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that ole chicken crossed the road to get to the hens on the other side....

ya'll should know that...lol

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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just don
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some old roosters are too old to know what to do after we get there. What was that again? where do I want to go?

--------------------
just don

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randibear
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more than likely, he didn't know what to do with it either.....

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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daisyrlb
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You all tickle my innards. [Big Grin]

Lymetoo you think you're goofy, well, then I'm your long lost sister. [dizzy]

randibear thanks for bringing us back to our story of "why that ole chicken crossed the road".

Or as just don called it, "rooster".

It seems as though that particular ole chicken/rooster was indeed old and may have had a touch of Lyme induced brain fog as he stood there scratching the dirt. [confused]

The ticks on the chicken/rooster were just a little ticked off that the chicken/rooster was just standing there while precious time was ticking away. They were hungry for their next meal and thought the hens would be a great place to get a nice warm breakfast, lunch and dinner. [lick]

Just then, they heard some of their tick friends yelling "Yee haw!" They turned just in time to see the menagerie of multiple ticks riding on the backs of our chicken, armadillo, raccoon, and yes, Robin123 the opossum. [woohoo]

Yikes, the menagerie was running across the road because

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randibear
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don't forget that here in texas, we'd hit those puppies and have roadkill stew!!!

--------------------
do not look back when the only course is forward

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Carol in PA
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quote:
Originally posted by daisyrlb:

Yikes, the menagerie was running across the road because

...because they saw a mouse.

A White Footed Mouse.

 -

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Robin123
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Oh yes, it's time for pictures of all our friends involved!
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daisyrlb
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My camera is broken so I tried the next best thing.

I tried to post a picture of Ms Opossum with her youngsters that I found on the internet. But I couldn't figure out how to do that.

Oh well. Have a great day.

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Carol in PA
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 -
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Dekrator48
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...Now you might think the menagerie of critters was running from the mouse, but the truth is, they were running to greet him.

The ticks got particularly excited when they realized some of their cousins were riding piggyback on the mouse.

The mouse was scurrying around the grassy outdoors warning his fellow furry and feathered friends that a huge storm was on it's way...scheduled to strike in two days.

The ticks gasped in horror. They were worried that their critter meals would run and hibernate, and their human meals would isolate themselves indoors.

The ticks put their heads together and started hatching a plan to head South....ummmmm.....Florida sounds good, they thought!

Suddenly they raised their legs in unison and cheered "We're going to the Super Bowl!!!".

The other critters agreed it sounded like fun and wanted to go too, but wondered how the menagerie would get there in time for the game........

--------------------
The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11

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sutherngrl
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And it was at that exact moment that one of the very smart southern ticks looked up and saw Mr Crane coming in for a landing. He shouted with all his might.....look yall....that there is a genuine southern crane on his way down to that them there super bowl.

And Mr Crane being all gentlemanly, (being he was from the south), offered them a ride.

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just don
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I can hear him now,,,de crane de crane. (from the little short one)

--------------------
just don

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Carol in PA
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 -
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daisyrlb
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Nothing like a bedtime story to help one sleep. LOL. Good night for now.
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Robin123
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And indeed, it was like a bedtime story, as our ticks slept comfortably on their crane transport -

some might call it an aircrane, maybe of the Americrane species, providing readily available meals as its guests needed -

as it headed down the Eastern shore to a warmer destination. At least that was the gameplan.

If only the Colts' defensive end's ankle wasn't so bad. The crane was worried.

..................................................

Meanwhile, our menagerie on the ground had grown a little larger and happier when our possum met mama possom and her brood and they all decided to come along.

And our chicken had met a rooster who was willing to cross the road with her, so he was now a member of the traveling band.

And the white-footed mouse realized what a congenial group this was and decided to hang out with them for the adventure as well. After all, when had she last been to Florida?

And what had happened to our erstwhile group? They had discovered a truck at a rest stop and climbed inside, attracted by some appealing garbage aromas, and even found a odd-shaped object to nudge around between them.

Little did they realize they had just stumbled into a film crew's truck that was shooting some last-minute roadside footage for a SuperBowl ad.

When the crew spied the animals in the back of the truck knocking around an old football, they realized immediately they had a true Awwwwwww factor and began to film.

They knew they had just acquired some extremely unusual football teamwork footage - mind you, not an animation, not from a storyboard, but from real life, no less -

what with an armadillo, a chicken, a rooster, a mouse, a raccoon, two adult possums and several babies rolling a football around between them...

They wondered whether they could keep these animals in the back of the truck as they sped down to their Miami headquarters, just to show the ad agency that this had been for real.

Who knows - would they even be able to create an unusual halftime presentation of a group of animals having fun with a football?

................................................

And our hunter on Plum Island, what had become of him? Well, he had gone home after his meal on the log. A couple days later, he woke up with a rather large red rash on his leg. That's strange, he thought, as he didn't remember anything happening to him in the recent past.

As the rash grew bigger, and he started not feeling so well, he thought he should go see a doctor about it...

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Carol in PA
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You may as well add zombies now...it's turned into a horror story.
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kam
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My two cents??

The chicken took TC's advice...If you have a choice of crossing the road or dance.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWbEYkYNT_Y

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sutherngrl
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And he made appointments with many doctors as none seem to be able to help him. As he became more and more ill, he began to hallucinate that all the doctors looked exactly like ducks.

He became very upset as it was getting close to superbowl time and he had a seat on the 50 yard line. He really needed to get well fast, because he didn't want to miss the halftime show.

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Dekrator48
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The animal menagerie was tired and thirsty from their impromtu football game.

The back of the truck was dark where the animals were corralled.

The raccoon used his keen sense of smell to uncover a case of beer hidden in the corner under a blanket.

The armadillo used his sharp claws to rip open the box and puncture several cans.

A new-found energy errupted in the truck when the animals happily quenched their thirst...

Meanwhile, the Crane and tick passengers continued on their path southward.

They were oblivious to the fact that a huge snowstorm was making it's way toward them from the south...

The hunter, on the other hand, was applying antifungal cream to his "ringworm". The Dr told him he would be fine and not to worry.

He started packing his bags for his trip to the Super Bowl. His flight leaves on Friday.

His head was foggy and his body fatigued. He thought he must have done too much walking in the mountains because his knee was really aching too.

He was determined not to miss the big game....

--------------------
The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11

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Lymetoo
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quote:
Originally posted by daisyrlb:
[QB] Lymetoo I am so curious, along with Robin123, about the genuine character of the southern ticks.

Are they southern gentlemen and southern belle ticks? [spinning smile]

Oh yeah! for sure!

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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Lymetoo
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Y'all ( since we're talking southern here ) are WAY too funny!! Leaves me speechless! [lol]

Every post was hilarious! Period!

Carol.. are those Whooping Cranes? I've seen them before in TX. They winter there. This Christmas, I was right on the shore where they congregate, but chose not to take the boat ride out to where they can be viewed more easily. They're huge... and magnificent!

OK, funny people... continue on!! (don't mind me!)

--------------------
--Lymetutu--
Opinions, not medical advice!

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just don
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how else you expect cranes to act at the Sluper bowl,,,they whoop it up!!!???

but when all the am-in-als arrived at the stadium,,,they had forgot there tickies back home. Well some of them anyway.

They still had a few tickies to pass around to the group. By that time all nymph tickies had engorged and could NOW be found more easily

--------------------
just don

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Robin123
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Yes, stadium convergence was the talk of the town, and no less for our various storied characters.

All of our am-in-als were there by this point, quite soused by now - no longer all that coherent, yet feeling quite content to be on the premises,

and not quite conscious that they had not been let out of the film truck parked in the stadium parking lot, being that the crew had seen to do additional filming of the relaxed drunken menagerie with opened beer cans in the background,

and realizing they might have a great SuperBowl beer ad hit, had hatched a plot to bring their unusual cast out at halftime perhaps, play their surprising beer ad,

and maybe add some of their favorite youtube dance videos, like Do The Funky Chicken, The Liddle Armadillo, The Mouse In The House, Do The Fetal Position Possum, and The Rock-0n Raccoon Rap.

They were in negotiations with the SuperBowl management about their idea.

The crane by this time had made it as well, having skirted the worst of the storm. Its grateful tick passengers had imbibed plenty along the way so were actually not hungry when they arrived.

Moby Tick and his crane-set pals set off to explore their new stadium territory a little before game day. They had heard about southern gentlemen and southern belle ticks and were eager to meet some. They hoped they wouldn't turn speechless when they did...

The crane was aware of the publicity surrounding the defensive end's bad ankle. It felt sorry for the humans, since it could do very well on just one ankle. It wondered whether it could be of any help...

And our hunter flew in on a red-eye flight, since he wasn't sleeping all that well anymore, and figured he could as easily fly by night. He checked into a local hotel for some rest.

He was starting to feel a bit like a zombie, and couldn't figure out why. But he assured himself he was where he wanted to be, he was looking forward to his great vantage seat on the 50-yard line, so all ok for now...

Meanwhile,

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sutherngrl
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Meanwhile.....Love was in the air. As Mr Crane was contemplating how he might be able to help out in some way, he noticed that he was not the only crane in the stadium. Just across the way was the most beautiful lady crane he had ever seen.

Not to come on too strong, he sort of took a few hops, skips and jumps in her direction. Their eyes met. They shared a crumb of bread. It was a kodak moment. She smiled a crane's smile and introduced herself as "Ima".......Ima Crane. He was smitten.

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