This afternoon, seven people from my office took a field trip to the great Filoli mansion and formal gardens.
I had been looking forward to this visit with happy anticipation for some time now.
The grounds were magnificent, with mature specimens of every imaginable tree, shrub, perennial, bulb and annual. Everything was in bloom on this most perfect California day.
We walked for a few hours and ended up in a wonderful grassy field surrounded by one of the most spectacular vistas that I have ever seen. It seemed like the perfect place to stop and rest and soak in all that the senses had to offer.
While the others found themselves sitting and eventually laying on the grass under the blue sky and warm sun...
I found myself standing on the sidewalk shuffling from foot to foot.
Not wanting to make a big deal out of my dread of all things that could possible be home for bugs...I simply joined in the conversation while standing there trying my best to look at ease.
It seems as I have gained ground in better health, I have also gained a terrible phobia of getting re-bitten.
Ya know...I just don't want to go through all of this again.
OK, question time- has anyone been able to overcome that dread of being re-infected? And if so, how?
This is my job and my love; I have to be outside and around plants.
I realize that caution is wise, but at what point does it become only an obsession that needs to be let go of?
Melanie
Posted by MADDOG (Member # 18) on :
Ha!! I go arround with a magnifying glass allmost as big arround as CD looking at the ends of branches ,grass,and weeds.
Never stop being careful,the ******* ticks are out there.
I stay on the watter and out of the woods now,as much as possible.
Any tick looking bug on the watter will be pummeled with a paddle.
I will be on the river sunday here at home. YIPPIE riding the white watter river.
MADDOG
Posted by MADDOG (Member # 18) on :
Wow i didn't know ******* was a dirty word.
It is the name of a file.
It is a child without a known dad.
Strange in the reply above it looks like *******
MADDOG Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
the permethrin stuff works really good---put it on your clothes...maybe your shoes...it kills them inches away from you---works really good on dogs too---but don't mix with deet and don't count on deet to do anything...i haven't seen a tick in yrs since using it---on me and the dogs and the dogs beds
Posted by tabbytamer (Member # 3159) on :
I used to love gardening but now refuse to kneel on the ground.
Also, have to drop everything, run in the house to grab a magnifying glass, and inspect every crawling thing too tiny for my eyes to see clearly.
Tick-phobia? No. Not at all Posted by cantgiveupyet (Member # 8165) on :
Ive got a case of this too.
Yesterday, i cought myself while at the local Wawa, i almost walked thru a small patch of grass...as a short cut to the side walk...
I stopped and realized how many times i have walked in grass like this patch out of laziness.
while walking i was always the one to walk in the grass if the sidewalk wasnt wide enough....no fears then...
Now, i stick to paved surfaces...and when i walk to the backyard grill...its on tippy toes.
Posted by lou (Member # 81) on :
For the first two years after learning that I had lyme, I wouldn't even walk across dead grass in winter.
Now, I am still cautious, have my shoes sprayed with permethrin when the weather warms up again. Don't think this is paranoia, just heightened consciousness of the danger.
Posted by badtick33 (Member # 9078) on :
You know those five(or six?) steps of acceptance? DShock,denial,bargaining... Well I am not sure which step I am on regarding my lymes...I think I mostly hang out on denial.Most of the time I don't believe I have lymes. I don't know what I think.
But, the other day I am out walking my dog and she runs onto a lawn..a closely cropped manicured lawn...and I found myself yelling in terror at her to come back to the pavement.
It was at that moment I realized how friggin afraid I am.
Posted by valymemom (Member # 7076) on :
Ticks are everywhere in our neighborhood & my younger son and I removed our overnight pests in January and February 05. I no longer walk on any grass anytime. Now we spray clothing, cap, boots for mowing.
I am glad to hear that it really works for I will spray my shoes now, too. Do you use it, Melanie?
I haven't helped you.....for me this will be a life-long fear.
Posted by Melanie Reber (Member # 3707) on :
Hey there MADDOG, Thanks for the smile...I am sure that any bug within 50 yards of you is history with that pummeling paddle of yours!
Thanks for the permethrin reminder Kayak. Where does one purchase this? (Actually, I think it is the tick that I cannot see that bugs me the most)
Hey Tabby, I have a sweet little yard here that has gotten out of hand. It isn't that I am unable to garden any longer; I just cringe at the thought of walking in the grass under the trees!
Good morning Cant, Ha! For some reason I too think that if I move fast enough across the lawn, that those little buggers won't hitchhike on me either! Non-sense I am certain.
Lou, I like to think that I am only being cautious and reacting to a known threat as well...but when I see others enjoying the outdoors....and ALL I can think of are TICKS... it sure feels like I have somehow lost the best part of my love of landscape. There must be a happy medium somewhere.
Oh, Badtick, I really relate to the fear. Not that I am overtly afraid...but deep down under that brave fa�ade...I think the fear of possibly going through this ordeal again is overwhelming the balance of reason.
Perhaps it is the acceptance step that I am stuck on? It is truly sad that the one great passion of my life has now been turned into the one great fear.
You have helped Valleymom, it is comforting to know that I am not the only one with this aversion to green!
Thank you each for sharing your thoughts...I do appreciate you!
M
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
it is getting easier and easier to find the permethrin stuff...hunter/outdoorsey places carry it...also catalogs--i get sooooo mad when they adversise deet as killing ticks...if someone can find tom grier's article about the research you will understand it doesn't -- the ticks were crawling all over sneakers sprayed in deet but curled up and died 6 inches before they got to the permetrin sprayed ones....sorry bout the tying---bu fingers hurt soooo much
also--everyone beware of mixing the two...deet is good for mosquitoes and biting flies...but ther is some contrversy about mixing the two causing supposed gulf war syndrome...so be careful
also...i found some really good concentrate at the healthe food store in the pet ailse...it is from chrysanthemums like permethrins...but may not be permethrins...but it works really good---smells like oranges...again--not for skni--but i put i on dog bed once a month---and i sprayed the car once yrs ago when i walked the dogs and they came back covered in ticks....many yrs ago...
take care all---wish i could find tom's articla...his writings are my bible...but now can't do too much
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
My son came home yesterday from school with a tick in a bottle that was so tiny it could barely be seen by the naked eye. The school nurse had removed it from between two of his fingers. He is the only one in our family who has NOT had Lyme yet....and we live on 26 wooded acres with deer everywhere who think they are part of the family. I am afraid, but I deny it...my husband won't even go in the woods but I walk the trails all the time. I just strip off my clothes right after and shower; though I don't know if that helps at all. I will look for the permethrins; hadn't heard of it before. Thanks!
Posted by ICEiam (Member # 7519) on :
OH Melanie and everyone else, I am so very scared to go into the grass and the bushes now. Every bug I see I check it out and the ones I can't see I imagine are there too!!
I don't even think I have Lyme, I sure hope I don't although I certainly could and don't know it yet. My daughter and granddaughter and several friends having it is quite enough for me to handle right now.
SOMEONE has to be healthy to take care of everything!! I really don't even want to think about it.
I will never be the same out doorsy, camping loving person.
HUGS,
Posted by Just Julie (Member # 1119) on :
Alright folks, I am going on 6 years here of acceptance.
First off, forget about "being afraid". You have a known disease, you know how you got it, you know how to not get it again (Lord willing). Every single tick bite/lyme disease site I have EVER read says "avoid tick infested areas" as part of the prevention of getting lyme disease, or getting a tick bite.
That's pretty clear to me.
It's not for the people who have NOT had to deal with lyme, it's cousins the wicked step-co-infections (lol). Not to forget the denials of doctors who refuse to hear you out about your (me, our, etc) bizarre symptoms (pre-diagnosis), the insurance claim denials, the hunt for a LLMD who will treat you without your going bankrupt first, hunting down abx combos that may help, etc.
Those people, who have NOT had anything to do with the above, will always and forever look at you cross-eyed, when you are standing on solid concrete/blacktopped ground. They look at you, and go "huh????" as if you have the plague, or cooties, or some mental condition, because geez, Julie, why don't you wanna come out here on the green grass and enjoy yourself?
I mean HUH????
For them, I say, well, this is just how it is for me now, folks, and I'm happy here. I no longer have to second guess myself, question my indecision as to whether to take that hike, or walk the dog in the open spaces, or let my kids go off into the woods on that field trip.
To me, my mind is settled, and content in the knowledge that I've been there, done that, and that is why I got lymed in the first place.
Melanie, it's about acceptance. Accepting that for you, in this life, going back to the "way it was", to whatever it was that got you into contact with a #$%*& tick in the first place, should never ever be.
Not in this life.
For those people that say "I won't let it win", I say bull****. I'm sure that last word got **** out, but I'll say it again "bullsh*t". "It" wins if you let your guard down, and let some voice in your head, or the voice of the person who is standing next to you, who is out to lunch on this lyme business, talk you into going into a known tick environment again.
I happen to speak from experience on this one. I let myself be lulled into thinking "oh, I'll be careful" and I went to a barn dance, yes in a real live barn. Did not hike thru any tall grass to get to it, it was on a path of crushed rock to get to this barn. Guess what I came home with? Yep, 2 hrs later, a live tick crawling across my stomach is what I got from letting my guard down.
Never again. I learned my lesson, and my mind is at ease. I'm not at peace, just at ease, knowing that I will never ever ever let anyone (even myself, ha!) talk me into going into an area that I think may perhaps put me into contact range of a biting tick.
That's how I got this in the first place, remember that folks! Let yourself win! No one else!
I say, stand on that pavement, or concrete, or blacktop, give an explanation, or not. But don't let this stupid disease take away your joy. We can still live, but live differently, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Just the people who will try to make you feel like there's something wrong with that, or with you, for the position you choose to take from here on out.
Here's an idea, everytime someone tries to make you feel like you're a nutjob, whip out a jar with a live tick in it, and say "would you like to walk in my shoes for the rest of your life?" If they say yes, then pull that tick out of the jar, and put it on them. I can guarantee you it'll never come to that.
Happy joy joy. Live folks, I say LIVE!!!
Posted by Melanie Reber (Member # 3707) on :
Thank you Kayak, I will try and find some permethrin soon. I know I will need it.
Hey Tracy, the last tick I saw was actually ON my bed and was so tiny that I almost missed it. It was crawling right where my cat had been lying down. Needless to say, the cat is now an indoor only kitty. This is how I KNOW they are in my neighborhood. I use to do that strip and check and shower thing too...when they were prevalent in Co where I was infected...but wouldn't ya know, they are smarter than I am, and I found several still on me afterwards.
Ice, first let me thank you for the information you sent- that will help so many others! I do hope too that you are lyme free; I know you have your hands full.
Hi Julie, well said- thank you. I don't let others persuade me into doing anything I am not prepared to do. The immediate problem for me specifically though, is that I am a landscape architect and my job requires that I do site visits and analysis. This includes surveying, measuring and photographing all existing site conditions. So, I MUST tramp through whatever I find there to accomplish this task.
I think the spray will help me to feel much more comfortable with that activity...not perfectly at ease, but what's a gal to do?
Thanks again all, I so appreciate your feedback! M
Posted by 5dana8 (Member # 7935) on :
hey melanie concidering what most of us have gone thru tick phobia is understandable.
I live in the woods and fear the ticks too.
I even diodn't want to walk across my sister's yard in DE. She thought I was nutz. I think it is completely understandable my fear of ticks! The last tick that bite me took 20 years from my life
Be careful spraying the permethrin. A No No on pets and sprayd on skin.It is only approved for use on clothing.
It has been linked to some nasty side effects when used incorrectly..Here part of an article by Tom Grier:
Deet and permethrin have been criticized for possible neurological damage and death.,hence products with greater cpncentration of 40% DEET are restricted in some states.
Perethrin has been linked to gulf war syndrome,but those studies involed mixing perethrin and DEET and applying it direactly to skin if mice that were also then given military vacinnes.
pro's & cons:
Deet needs to be applied regulary and can only work as it is evaporating. permethrin works for weeks after it has been applyed.
DEET is applyied diectly to skin and aborbed through the skin.perethrin is applyed to CLOTHING ONLY.
DEET has a dectectable ordor. Perethrin smells only untill it dries.
DEET does not kill or disable ticks.Perithrin works instantly and is extremely effective.It is the tick repellent of choice in the military.
DEET products are easy to find.Permethrin is more exspensive and difficult to find.
perethrin products approved for human use can be found under labels such as duranon,peramone,congo creek tick spray.
Here is a link about some natural tick repellents:
again just want to mention that I completely empathize with how you feel about ticks and the outdooors.
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
5dana8---good info-thanks
Posted by trails (Member # 1620) on :
Melanie---go to REI---they have Permithrin. There is a store in MV--(as you said only 15 minutes from ya!)
Get the big white bottle not the little black one.
Maybe I can bring you some when we meet?
As for getting over it....I am with Julie. I will NEVER have the life I used to have. I will never enjoy the outdoors as I used to or as I see others still doing.
I have chosen other recreational outlets that like maddog are water related.
If I shark bites me at least I'll KNOW it. And so will the docs. Posted by Melanie Reber (Member # 3707) on :
Dana, Thank you SO much for the info! You are a gem
Trails, hahaha, YES, please do, and I will be forever grateful!
Posted by northstar (Member # 7911) on :
Hi, There is alot of controversy about the use of fabric permethrin spray, because of neurotoxicity. I finally broke down and bought Buzz-Off pants, the Bug-Off hooded shirt (which I sprayed with the REI/Sawyer stuff), and tall rubber boots which I spray with nasty bug killer.
I use rubber bands to seal the pants over the boots.
But, since I dont want the permethrin on my skin, I wear a pair of socks, silk long johns, and a cotton shirt, under all of that.
And just think of all the sweatiful detoxing going on!
Boy, do I look like a geek! But I feel safe in the yard! N.
Posted by Just Julie (Member # 1119) on :
I'm sorry Melanie, I got on my high horse, who in turn, got up on his soapbox, and I let 'er rip!
I know what you do for your job here in CA. I cannot say that I know how you feel, because my job does not take me out into the brush/grass, etc. here in Northern CA. My house is on an acre of land, that if I so chose, I could easily become infected again by going up on my hillside and doing yardwork.
So, I have to live with an every day kind of choice-to feel phobic about this neighborhood, with it's host of ticks right outside my door, or do I just do what I do, and avoid them at all costs?
Heck, you know the answer to that!
But, I do still, from time to time, come across people who live here that look at me sideways when I decline to either hike on the trail that goes along the backside of our neighborhood, or say no thanks to that horseback ride from one of their ponies in the pasture, or even to say nope, sorry, don't think I'll go along with you on that open space hike with your dogs.
What I think I wanted to convey to you is that even though you are in the midst of tick territory, it is how you come across (demeanor-wise) to others that may keep you from feeling phobic. If you have an attitude of acceptance about what you're doing (standing off to the side, away from others who are lolling about on the grass, or starting to hike thru some woods/brush/tall grass, while you hang out on the paved path), then I believe others will not question your choice, or give you funny looks, or even make you feel like they're giving you funny looks for your choice at the moment, which I hope will be, NOT in the tall grass/brush, etc.
It's how we hold ourselves, I think that defines how other perceive our behavior, and our behavior, if we're avoiding tick areas, has got to look questionable to others who just go headlong into the brush/tall grass. I mean, they must look at us and think "what's wrong with THEM?", and then, what's wrong with ME? I think if we refuse to go out into the known tick enviroments, it makes people uncomfortable.
Kinda like being in a bar, and only drinking soda. No one likes to be made to feel that what they're doing is strange, and by not joining in (in the tall grass/etc.) we are taking a stand for what we feel is right, and that puts others in an uncomfortable place.
I hope this doesn't sound too obtuse, I get what you're saying when you describe your job, and how you have to go out into the tick areas, but I think if and when we have a choice, and we take the choice we can live with, then if we have an attitude of being at ease with it, then it may make everyone else feel at ease too.
I was trying to describe how I'm feeling at ease with my decision to not go back into the places where I know I could be bitten by another tick, and how if you can somehow think it thru, to where you'll know the places you can comfortable refuse to "join in" and just relax about it, then maybe the people who are with you may chill out about it too. Just some thoughts.
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I do hope too that you are lyme free; I know you have your hands full.![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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