My husband and I just went though some major work on intimacy issues. I needed more intimacy...anyway, now I have no drive and no energy. I feel like a jerk.
Anybody else experience this? Any cures?
Posted by daisylynn (Member # 4895) on :
I know exactly how you feel. I looked for things to do so I don't have to go to bed when he does, then I usually get in the tiltback chair and watch TV till I fall asleep.Things are starting to be said about it but what can I say, I want to be left alone!! I'm tired and don't feel that good and I wish he would understand that, but I'm also worried that he will look somewhere else.I wish I had an answer but I don't but I do understand. Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
ha!!!! what's intimacy......that went out the window a long time ago...........
Posted by JimBoB (Member # 8454) on :
Shame on you. I don't have the "desire" most of the time either, but I FORCE MYSELF at least three times a week.
It sure ain't what it used to be, but it is STILL better than NOTHING!
HOW would YOU like it if the shoe was on the other foot? Probably not too much. To hold it back is grounds for divorce, or at least used to be, and still should be.
WHY be married otherwise? Companionship? Hah! He could have a dog for that, and it would probably be more obedient too.
Think about what you are doing! Maybe counseling by a GOOD doc would be helpful. Also, I take pills, Yohimbine, and have invented an appliance to help me out. I was partially impotent long before Lyme, as I had my whole colon taken out, damaging the Spincture muscle. Age and Lyme has made it worse. But I ain't giving up as long as I can do anything at all.
Jim Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
Okay....What if husband and wife both have Lyme disease ....
In my house there is minimal intimacy.
The fact that we live in two bedrooms and a hallway does contribute. (no privacy)
He's either hurting or sleeping.
I am always tired and in pain and dealing with the two young children.
The brain is willing, but the body just isn't.
Just when you think maybe.....tonight????
Then whammo! I get my second monthly time in only 20 days. Lovely.
I am not giving up on intimacy and do miss it when I am not exhausted or in pain, but that is
usually when he is at work. Hopefully things will change for the better....and soon.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posted by hurtingramma (Member # 7770) on :
Typical "guy" answer, JimBob!
I also have no desire and haven't for quite a few years. My dh doesn't have as much as he used to either.
The other problem I have is discomfort -which we have tried everything for, from prescription meds, creams, you name it, and nothing helps. Kinda makes you not want to jump right into it!
However, we do "force" ourselves at least once a week to keep the intimacy
Posted by CaliforniaLyme (Member # 7136) on :
For a few years my drive was depleted but it came back with a vengeance when I got better*)!)*!
Whoa girl*)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank goodness*)!*)!*!
Posted by Hope4Better (Member # 10075) on :
wellbutrin xl has done wonders for me... im 22 and i have had ZERO sex drive for the last 2-3 years..im dead serious! i thought i was crazy
and had some serious issues because i should be wanting it like rabbits at 22..but then when i found out lyme can do that, it all makes sense!
wellbutrin is for depression, libido-esp in women, and quitting smoking..
it has help me tremendously in all these areas and ive only been on it for 1 month!
its a mircle drug!
Posted by Andie333 (Member # 7370) on :
California, you give me hope!
My libido is completely shot, and while many things have improved through treatment, that is one that hasn't budged.
Unfortuntaely, I'm already on wellbutrin, and that's done nothing.
I've been in my relationship 17 years, and this has made it hard. Since I'm still improving, though, I'm going to keep hoping for this!
Anxious to see what others say!
Andie
Posted by JimBoB (Member # 8454) on :
quote:Originally posted by hurtingramma: Typical "guy" answer, JimBob!
I also have no desire and haven't for quite a few years. My dh doesn't have as much as he used to either.
The other problem I have is discomfort -which we have tried everything for, from prescription meds, creams, you name it, and nothing helps. Kinda makes you not want to jump right into it!
However, we do "force" ourselves at least once a week to keep the intimacy
###
YOU must be a woman, I take it?
Typical gal answer.
You know since there is no such thing as a "typical" guy, HOW can there be such a thing as a "typical guy answer"?
NO two people are the same, male OR female.
The only thing I have found that helps, is to forget night time. I am way too tired usually to do anything at night. Though I used to be a night owl.
NOW it is mornings ONLY. The wife doesn't like it as much then, but it is then or nothing most of the time. I TRY to do it at night once every month or two to "please" her MORE. Though I certainly TRY to please her EVERY time we do it.
WOMEN actually have it a LOT easier than men. We HAVE to perform, women don't, necessarily.
BIG difference.
Jim Posted by TNJanet (Member # 10031) on :
WOMEN actually have it a LOT easier than men. We HAVE to perform, women don't, necessarily.
Ok, I'll admit it. I PERFORMED for more years than I want to say. Who knew???? Posted by LisaS (Member # 10581) on :
JimBob, Nobody owes sex to anyone. You obviously feel better than those of us who just cant anymore. For better or for worse means just that. It doesnt mean if the wife is worse she still has to do her wifely duties. It means the husband has to except her in her worsened conditions.
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
I think it's very related to whether Lyme treatment is happening or not. When I started on clindamycin last year, it restored everything in me, including sexual feelings. When it stopped working six months later, all my symptoms returned. Totally disease-related, I'd say.
So give yourself some room for that. Maybe there's other ways you can be intimate with each other. Intimacy can take many forms in a relationship. Communication about what's going on and discussion of options is pretty important, I'd say.
Posted by sixgoofykids (Member # 11141) on :
I think physical intimacy is important to a marriage. My hubby puts up with a lot of garbage with this illness and the fact that we are intimate helps him take care of me without resentment. Not that I think I "owe" him, but to show him I LOVE what he is to me.
I may not feel like it, but once we get going I always enjoy it, too. Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
Hmmm, gosh, this is going to sound really wierd, but here's a viewpoint.
I am NOT bashing men. God bless 'em, I love them (especially Gerard Butler and well, you get the picture...)
Ok, there are men who just can't handle their wife's being sick and all. So you just end up being very good friends and comfortable with it. You trust each other not to be out screwing around, etc.
There are many levels of intimacy -- quiet dinners, good movies, shopping, travelling, etc. A hug at the kitchen counter, cuddling on the couch and in bed....it doesn't necessarily have to be sex....
Frankly, I'd like to be more intimate but he's like "well, I'm glad that part of my life is over." He'd rather be flying with that dang pilot's group or out being a Marine. Guy things....
So I shop, decorate the house, and make do.....I've adjusted....especially after seeing many of my friends marriages and gads, my sisters....wife beaters, mental cruelty, you name it.
I know where he is and exactly what he's doing.
So it's a matter of, what works for some may not work for others....but I can say that I would not want him to "perform" unless he really, really wanted to.....
Posted by bejoy (Member # 11129) on :
I also "performed" for years, whether I was up to it or not.
Now one way my husband shows me love is by not asking me to perform when I feel rotten. A different and interesting way to experience love.
By the by, natural hormone replacement therapy helps alot when the juice won't flow by itself. A little testosterone and progesterone cream reminds me of what 35 should have felt like for a female.
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)