Does anyone here have a person that they give their all to and take care of that turns on them on a regular basis?
I just don't get it. How can someone that you have put your life on hold for, tell you that they hope you die and that they hate you? All I have to do is say one thing that isn't what she wants to hear and all hell breaks loose.
Would I be wrong to take back my own life and leave her to take care of herself? I know she can't do this, but I am getting to the point that I just want to walk away.
This is my only daughter I am talking about and I just do not know what to do anymore. She is the most ungrateful, selfish, mean, angry person I have every known.
I know she is very ill, but she knows right from wrong and still I sit here and take it. Along with her Husband. You all know I have a 5 year old granddaughter I take care of too. What about her, what happens to her if I leave?
I need some help here and some intelligent suggestions from people who are in the same situation as I am. Remember the 5 year old when you are thinking about this situation please. Her Daddy works all the time so he isn't here much.
Hugs,
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Is there any possibility you both could go to a counselor together and talk through your issues? Sometimes working with a trained third person who is not a family member can be very helpful in helping both parties to voice their feelings, understand the areas of agreement and disagreement, and make some new decisions on how to handle interactions.
Posted by roro (Member # 13383) on :
My son has lyme rages. He gets his moods sometimes, and I am sure I was even worse with my mother when I was young.
I used to think it was just part of being a teen, hormone changes. some of it may well be.
the way I handle it is I just ignore it. I do not argue with him, I refuse to put myself at his level. I am the adult.
I just calmly tell him that I will not talk to him when he is acting this way. When he is ready to discuss this in a rational manner without yelling or name-calling, then I will talk to him. I go to another room.
he usually ends up thinking about it and apologizing. I know its very difficult to bite your tongue and do this, but I just remember that he really does love me no matter what he says right now. I remember that I am the most important person in his life, and he needs me to be the stable adult.
I also realize that he learned this behavior from ME, and that he is just like I used to be before I went for years of therapy.
my mom was the opposite. she would yell and scream right back at me, and call me names. that totally eroded my self esteem and I had issues with self-hatred, drug abuse, self destructive behavior.
I realize now that my mom was just immature and had issues herself. we get along fine now.
if you are not able to do this, then I suggest family counselling.
Posted by Peacesoul (Member # 13709) on :
Was she like this before lymme?
Posted by sixgoofykids (Member # 11141) on :
I had Lyme rages where I absolutely hated my husband .... I can't explain why ... it was something malfunctioning in my brain. The man is a saint ... he would either walk away from it, or hold me, depending on what it seemed that I needed.
This was not my normal behavior, he knew it was from the Lyme.
It also was not the norm for me .... at other times I was grateful.
Is she this way all the time, or is it the Lyme talking? If she's just an ungrateful person and it's not the disease, it would be harder to stick around, not that it's easy if it is the disease talking.
Whether it's worth it to be there for your granddaughter is your call. It would take a great amount of personal sacrifice .... can you get out during the day and just be there when she gets home from school?
Maybe if you do some things to take better care of yourself, you'll be better able to tolerate your daughter. Caregivers often don't take good enough care of themselves ... you will be a better caregiver if you treat yourself once in a while. Every day, ask what you did for you today.
Posted by CaliforniaLyme (Member # 7136) on :
If she has Lyme or Babs, it is the disease. I truly believe that.
My husband got really mean last year. I didn't write about it but for a few months he started getting horrible and I thought of leaving him. It turned out his kidneys were failing and his diabetes had gotten really really bad.
As soon as he started a new insulin regime, I had my normally grumpy but not mean husband back.
A disease can really affect everything- it doesn't make it ANY easier to deal with though- that sounds HORRIBLE!!! But just read General Support where Aries has posted about his Lymed son dying- and be glad she is alive!!! Best wishes, Sarah
Posted by lymeladyinNY (Member # 10235) on :
Icey, my poor husband has been the object of verbal abuse from me many times - when Lyme rage takes over.
He takes care of me and our children all the time and has done much more than many people would in his situation.
Was your daughter this way before Lyme disease? Something about not feeling well makes us snap. The patience is gone and the frustration of being ill takes over.
After I'm done ranting, I feel horrible. I try to explain to him it's just that I feel miserable but it has definitely hurt our relationship.
That's why this disease can destroy lives AND families. It touches everyone in a malignant way.
And it's not just Lyme disease. My brother-in-law was a very funny man and I loved to be around him. In the few years before he passed away, though, his personality changed. He was grumpy, irritable, and moody. He died of a massive heart attack and an autopsy showed severe artery clogging.
When the body is in trouble, the personality is affected.
I can't tell you what you should do. Somehow your granddaughter needs to be cared for physically AND emotionally. I pray the right decision will come your way.
- Lymelady
Posted by ICEiam (Member # 7519) on :
Thank you so much for your suggestions and caring support. That is why this site has been my life line for a few years now.
No, she hasn't always been this way, she has had Lyme since she was 11. She was a sweet kind little girl, and was a little doll. She is 27 now.
During her teen years it started showing up every now and then but as she got a bit older it got worse and worse. She started being like living with Jekel and Hyde in her late teens.
Thank GOD she was in a competitive sport that kept her pretty focused. She had huge problems in school but Figure Skating kept her "sane".
We thought all her aches and pains and mood swings were from skating. She skated 6 days a week several hours each day. I think this kept the Lyme from taking over too.
She was in great physical condition. I think that is part of the problem now, all that hard earned muscle is gone and so is her life, so to speak. She is mourning for her life. She loved teaching the little ones to skate. All this is gone now.
It doesn't take much to set her off, all we have to do is not agree with something she says or does and LOOK OUT. I can see it coming, and it is nearly impossible to ward off as she has the OCD thing going on too.
Yes, she is very sorry afterwards and tells me what made her act that way and say the things she says.
She thinks I am the only one that cares about her. Our support is very limited. EVERYONE including her father thinks she is just trying to get attention and it is all in her head. This too, makes her very angry. The people that are supposed to love her the most don't believe she is ill. She has pretty much cut herself off from all her relatives.
So she is right when she says I am pretty much all she has. Her husband does understand too, but that is another story. He puts up with a lot from her also.
She has decided to wean herself off her Cymbalta, saying she doens't need it. I feel differently and convinced her to ramp back up to the dose her LLMD put her on.
I hope that answers all your questions about how she was before Lyme. It has been so long now, it is hard to remember that sweet little girl.
Her little one is in no danger. She doesn't take it out on her, Thank GOD. She does however have to listen to her mother rant and rave.
She is a very happy little girl and I don't think she has any memories of her Mom being any other way. She was born with Lyme and seems to be doing OK. Her symptoms did start coming back before Christmas and our LLMD put her back on Zith.
She seems to be doing OK. Poor baby. I pray that she doesn't have to go through what her Mom has. Since she tested neg for any co infections all we are dealing with for her is Lyme.
Her Mom has 3 co infections and has never had a good day since starting treatment nearly 3 years ago. I have written in another thread about the detox problem.
Thank you all again. HUGS,
Posted by bbinme? (Member # 4665) on :
Oh boy, i can relate to how your daughter feels. I haven't had a lyme rage attack on a little while, thank god! But i used to have them frequently, and they are very difficult to control, it's like something just snaps inside and Dr Jackyl takes over,
i have put several holes in my bedroom walls. My husband was the only one around to deal with it. I look back now and feel horrible about the things i did and said, and wonder how he put of with me.
Usually when i would have one if he got angry too that always made it worse, but if tried to talk calmly to me and hold me, it would stop, but sometimes it didn't, and when that would happen, he would have to leave me alone, and eventually i would calm down and it would pass.
I did get a perscription for ativan { anti anxiety } from my LLMD to help, i would put one under my tongue if i could feel a rage attack coming on, and it did help a lot.
I also started taking burbur and parsley and amitilla drops { part of Cowden protocol} and would take a dose when feeling on edge and it also helped. I don't know if this helps you or not, but know that you are not alone, i hope things get better!
Posted by savebabe (Member # 9847) on :
Lyme, bart and babs gave me horrible psych issues, including rage.
When I was at my worst, paxil saved my life.
Can she take any meds that would help with her emotional issues?
Sorry to hear you family is going through this. I hate this disease.
-hugs-
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
Whether you call it:
-The desire to please -Toxic niceness -Nurturing -Helping others -Being a caretaker
...the bottom line is that when we suffer from it, everyone else gets more out of our lives than we do.
![[confused]](graemlins/confused.gif)