If you think for a second Jesus heals lyme, diseases and mental illness you are dead WRONG.
I started going to church months ago, saw a female Pastor, read an online bible app and guess what?
I'm SICKER. It's all a myth.
It's not love I want, that crap means nothing, it's acceptance that I want and never got. Acceptance and healing is all I want.
Posted by hiker53 (Member # 6046) on :
Mountainview,
Jesus doesn’t work that way. Not all prayers get answered in the way we would like.
Please be respectful of people’s religious beliefs. If you don’t believe in Jesus that is your choice.
But others here do, so be mindful of that.
We would all love to be healed (and accepted, too).
Maybe that will happen for you and for others one day. Hang in there!
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
Hiker,
Ask him and his dad where they were when those poor kids and staff were killed in that Christian school shooting the other day out in Wisconsin?
It's ok I've already been told multiple times that I'm going to hell for my beliefs and past actions and being ill and in pain is karma....but that's not disrespectful to me, right? nope I had to keep my mouth shut and swallow it.
Posted by kgg (Member # 5867) on :
Mountainview, I hear you. The American church is broken. Sadly, it sounds like you were attending one of the very broken ones.
The question of healing from the Lord is a hard one. I would encourage you to continue in your scripture reading. But be very careful who you listen to. I follow Jack Hibbs of Calvary Chapel Chino Hills. He is very down to earth and teaches the whole council of God.
Spiritual abuse is a real thing. I have experienced that. So I know first hand that I need to be very careful who I follow. Jack Hibbs is safe, imo. He can be found at jackhibbs.com
Continue to read scripture, (I personally love the one year Bible for daily reading), eat as healthy as possible, get rest as much as possible, move your body daily, (even if it is only around the house) and ask the Lord to lead you to the right health practitioner to help you.
Lastly, for me in my Lyme journey, I found mild hyperbaric oxygen treatment a game changer. I wish I had all the money back that I spent on Lyme docs and just got into a chamber. I know I sound like a broken record to people here on Lymenet, but it was a game changer for the positive in my life. There is a long thread about it here in medical. I would encourage you to read it.
I hear and understand your disappointment. I wish we could have God wave a magic wand and heal us all. Unfortunately, it doesn't work or happen that way. But there is hope!
Please feel free to private message me with your disappointment with God. He is big enough to handle that. Believe me, He has heard me gripe a lot! =) I would be willing to listen.
{{{gentle hugs}}}
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
Kgg thanks but I'm all set.
I'm better and bigger than Jesus and any God follower, even he himself.
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
Kgg,
I just looked into him. I caution you and other young women. If you can, go for a same -sex.
It's even hard for me to trust same genders anymore too that's why I'm done.
But, you do you.
Posted by hiker53 (Member # 6046) on :
Mountainview,
I am not pushing my religious beliefs on you. I listen to Joyce Meyers, Sheila Walsh, Christine Cain and Beth Moore.
They are all a little more conservative than I am but I like their messages.
You can listen to all of them on the TBN app (free)
Another good resource is Susie Larson who battled with chronic Lyme and mental health issues. Below is just a sample of her story. She has written a book about it but below are snippets of her experiences.
And again I am just offering what helps me and you don’t have to agree.
Are you able to exercise at all? That really helps me a lot. If I don’t exercise I will get depressed.
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
Nope thank you but I want no part of these "perfect Christian wholesome women". I don't belong in that group, its too late to hang with the "cool girls" anymore.
They said I don't have lyme I'm just crazy. I have had 2 lyme doctors say so.
I can't exercise I walk 30 feet I'm in bed for hours.
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
They put me in a worse anxiety and depressive state and I'm extremely disheartened.
Those videos can really harm a woman further mentally and emotionally esp someone with C-PTSD like myself.
Posted by hiker53 (Member # 6046) on :
Mountainview, I am sorry you are in bed so much.
I know you were working so I am sorry you have gone backwards.
Those women in the videos are NOT perfect. Every single one had been abused, one went to a psychiatric hospital for a while. They worked hard to overcome their trauma (plus their faith helped).
Susie Larson still deals with horrid Lyme symptoms.
You have to want to change and get better. I know that doesn’t come across well, but it is true. Never give up hope.
Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
I hear you MTVEIW.
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
Holidays were ruined in my family by yours truly, as per usual it was my fault. Stupid bipolar and schizoid symptoms.
Posted by Bartenderbonnie (Member # 49177) on :
I'm sorry about your holiday drama ❤️ Believe me, every family has drama, it's the human experience.
The big picture is your family loves you. They included you in their celebrations because they wanted you there. They accepted all of you, the good as well as the bad.
If you feel you did something bad, apologize and move on. You will be forgiven. Chronic illness is unpredictable. Your struggle is real. Let go of the guilt, it serves no purpose.
2024 was a very tough year for many. Lots of heartbreaking pain and suffering. I personally can't wait for 2024 to disappear and be put in the rear view mirror.
I'm so looking forward to 2025 and the new possibilities it brings. I will be adding only joy into my world 🌎
I wish you peace 💚❤️🌟
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
Oh well 2025 is gonna be the same for many sadly.
Nope I do not apologize when I get accused for something I did not do, not happening, ever. I'm never forgiven and never accepted. They can find a new daughter that's perfect and reflects the *old me* like my friends or female cousins, and that's their plan.
Our family was destroyed from this and will never be the same.
I'm tired of being a burden and in inconvenience. I can never ever do anything right and am always the blacksheep.
[ 12-26-2024, 11:52 AM: Message edited by: Mountainview ]
Posted by Bartenderbonnie (Member # 49177) on :
I am a mother. Mother's LOVE their children unconditionally ❤️ No child is perfect, we LOVE them flaws and all.
What breaks a mother's heart is watching their child struggle or suffer. We do not replace them, ever.
We only wish our child the best with the capabilities they possess. No more or no less. For eternity 🌟
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
Well unfortunately it does happen. To be honest, I'd probably do the same thing.
I'm going in for a bunch of scans and a procedure next month and said no worries if the outcome is bad. I'm fine not fighting for a life ill never have. Fighting only made me sicker with now C-PTSD oh more $ bankrupt.
I'm going to see if there's legal paperwork I need to sign or get a notary to witness to say no to treatment.
Posted by hiker53 (Member # 6046) on :
Mountainview—you always have the option to say no to treatment. Unless you are a danger to yourself or to someone else.
But not a bad idea to get a power of attorney for health care lined up.
I downloaded a form online from my local hospital and filled it out with explicit instructions about treatment and had a witness and a notary sign it.
Of course, you would need someone to be the power of attorney and the paper needs to go on file with every health provider you have.
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
I am SOL then because nobody's willing to be my power of attorney anymore.
Posted by hiker53 (Member # 6046) on :
A lawyer can act as your power of attorney if you choose to go that route.
Just be very specific on your wishes. For example, I wrote I didn’t want to be on a respirator and I was DNR.
I do have a friend acting as my POA, but I chose her daughter as backup so as to have a young person on the form in case something happened to my friend.
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
Due to a medical complication I couldn't follow through with procedure for today.
That ended in yet again another fight with family and ANOTHER holiday ruined.
Not even day 2 of 2025 and nothing goes right. Same s***t different year.
Happy New Year.
Posted by LisaK (Member # 41384) on :
mountainview, I am sorry you suffer so much.
I don't have all the answers , but I want to tell you that I tried something out of desperation when I felt like giving up on EVERYTHING.
Splankna.
I went in with as much hope as I could muster and an open mind. SPlankna is when your body tells you, through a trained professional , an area inside of you that needs to be healed- emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc.
The woman that I went to told me my body was hangin onto an incident from a specific YEAR in my life. I had to think hard , but then I recalled it was from a terrible accident I had and needed emergency surgery.
there are a lot of details I will spare you , but I have to say that after that ONE session I came out better in so many ways!! the most important to me, was how I looked at myslef in the mirror. previous to that session I could see all my flaws and a battle with evil in that mirror- it was nuts! How can this help that?!
well, God only knows, and it did help. so much so that i just made another apt. for one.
We all have the power to hang onto or to let go, and the more sensitive of a person you are , the bigger the grip you can have for so many reasons.
maybe you can look into this SPlankna? nothing else helped me with so many problems as that has- no prayers, no wishing, no crying or pleading with God..... If we cannot face and address the battles within, we are forever lame. God permits this because we all have free will.
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
Thank you Lisa. I am looking into something similar actually. I'm very happy it is working well for you.
I'm watching all my friends and family move on with their lives continuing to accomplish many mile stones, and I'm getting piled on with more hardships.
I turn 40 in March, I cannot, absolutely cannot do and lose enough decade from this.
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
Thank you Lisa. I am looking into something similar actually. I'm very happy it is working well for you.
I'm watching all my friends and family move on with their lives continuing to accomplish many mile stones, and I'm getting piled on with more hardships.
I turn 40 in March, I cannot, absolutely cannot do and lose enough decade from this.
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Mountainview - you are accepted here and you should be accepted in any Lyme community you join for support because we all get it here - the outside world usually doesn't understand and gives us a hard time!
Like I had a positive IGeneX test and then I went to a rheumatologist for antibiotics, he sent out for an ELISA test, it came back negative and he said, "Good news, you're negative." I was already herxing from being on antibiotics for one month, with no pain after 25 years of suffering, and I blasted him! I'd hate to see what I sounded like that day because he got my anger with both barrels firing, so to speak.
So we get it here and we will be here to walk you through the trials and tribulations of this experience. The main thing, I think, is you need to be seeing an experienced Lyme treater who knows the field well and can test you and treat you as a unique individual because even tho we may all have these diseases, we respond differently.
You cannot expect understanding from people who are not educated about Lyme and co's. I would suggest that you not spend time trying to explain to people who don't get it and just leave those conversations for those who are educated about what's going on for people with Lyme and co-infections.
If someone doesn't know anything, I go very slowly with them to see how they're going to respond, because I don't need the stress. Like if they don't get it, I just say I'm not feeling well and move on to another topic.
I want to respond to your milestone feelings. I went through 30 (lost my job at 30 due to pain and didn't know why), 40 (my mom said you never became a mother - that's normal human expectation but we don't fit them!) and 50, again wondering why I was not well. I found out at age 52, so I didn't have to go through my next milestone, 60, not knowing why.
We do survive our milestones sick, but we are different - we got illness laid on us. Our normal is learning what we need to do to survive it. You just need to tell your friends you have a different life circumstance that you are doing your best to handle.
By the way, do you know when you were exposed or got sick?
I'm looking back at your posts above. It is normal for us to have medical complications, and to have to reschedule. Again, I urge you not to have lengthy conversations with people who do not understand Lyme disease.
Do you happen to know if you have Lyme only or whether you have any co-infections like babesia, bartonella, erhlichia?
When you say same old same old for this year, I'm going to say that we're going to watch you here and discuss with you and try to help guide.
Do you have any Lyme support groups in your area or could you join an online MA state Lyme support? They're usually on facebook.
One last comment for today - I posted in Activism about this year's zoom activity in February in which around 400 of us around the country zoom with our Congressional reps to ask for more funding in the federal budget for Lyme disease. Last year we got 200 million awarded! This is where I think we're going to make some progress re getting better tests plus other research, more education, more prevention, etc.
If you are interested, it's happening in February and you should contact the Center for Lyme Action. We are usually put in small groups for meetings with our reps.
Roles in the groups include the lead person, the person who makes the 6 asks for funding, someone who tells their story, and others who do not wish to speak because they might be feeling pretty badly but want to be present. Everyone chooses their roles.
For your first time, you could be someone who tells their story or is a silent participant. Let me know here if you're interested and I could private message with you about it, or about anything.
I hung on for 25 years not knowing, there are people who have hung on longer than that, there are people who also have experienced lack of understanding from those they live with and associate with, so hang in there, you're in good company here, and yes, sometimes we do find bingos that help us feel better.
Posted by Mountainview (Member # 52772) on :
I was admonished in past groups for my support of legal euthanasia on all 50 states. I'm not allowed to have an opinion but others were (not exactly morally superior either) absolutely hypocritical. I always get a finger shook in my face with everything in life.
I always will be inferior, living under the thumb of others no matter what. They think thats why I cant get better, I have highly dysregulated nervous and limbic system. I don't think I can ever get back to baseline.
![[Frown]](frown.gif)