Hi everybody! This is my first day on lymenet, and I am so impressed by everybody's willingness to help one another, and the wealth of knowledge that you all have. It gives me hope, for the first time in years. I am 30, and I have had Lyme for almost 14 years. (The better part of my life.) I have seen countless doctors, healers, naturopaths...I sort of gave up looking for help, a couple years ago, and decided I would simply have to live with this disease, like it or not.
I was naive to assume I wouldn't get any worse. I have. In fact, the past few moths, it has occurred to me that I am actually DYING, rapidly, and I am in desperate need of help, right away.
For two years, I turned to drugs. Not Augmentin and Motrin, but heroin, cocaine, crystal meth. That is a secret that I feel I should share, in case anyone else out there has done or is doing the same. Not only do these things not work, they speed up the decline, and mask your symptoms so you don't notice. Sure, I had energy, felt less pain, could alter my moods accordingly. I could sleep at night, and wake up in the morning. It cost about the same, or less maybe, and I didn't have to visit doctors, or tell anyone my symptoms, or act like a sick person. But while all this was happening, my body was failing.
And then I got arrested. And now I am on Supervised Probation, and drug tested twice weekly, randomly. And here I sit; in bed, at three in the afternoon, sick and sober for over six months now, and awash with regret and a realization that I need medical help.
I hope you all won't judge me, I do that thoroughly all by myself. I also hope that anyone who has a similar experience might say hello...I'm really out of time at this point - I need to start the fight against this bacteria, before it kills me. If you have any advice, doctor referrals, or just want to talk, here I am.
I'm a nice girl. I love horses and books. I have red hair and freckles. I also have this relentless disease. It won't be ignored any longer. Thanks, guys. Lots of love. -NP
[ 02-04-2010, 08:23 PM: Message edited by: sixgoofykids ]
Posted by Pinelady (Member # 18524) on :
Bless your heart. I am sorry you felt the need to turn to drugs for relief. Don't be ashamed. I have
not been there, but I do see how easy it could happen to any of us. You can be helped. While the
road may be a little longer than others, I believe it can be done. I hope you find the best LLMD to
help you get there. Hold your head up, be strong and you can do it.
Someone who has the list will be along shortly to help. Prayers.
Posted by overfences (Member # 24331) on :
Thank you, Pinelady, for your kind and hopeful words. You are the first to reply to this post, which I was nervous to publish, and you have put me at ease. xo
Posted by Pinelady (Member # 18524) on :
Don't worry about it. Trust me. I did think about
it before I got my diagnosis. For over 2 yrs. I
had a doc. tell me I was not sick. I had to work,
and when I could not do anything else but that, I
thought about something to keep me going. But by
that time I knew if I didn't get help I was going
to die. 3 doctors told me there was
nothing wrong with me. And I almost believed
them. Thats Lyme. Has someone sent you a list of doctors to treat?
Posted by sixgoofykids (Member # 11141) on :
I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. I am putting a copy of this post in General Support so you can get more support answers. I am also leaving it open in seeking a doctor so they can help you find a doc.
Don't feel ashamed. It's a bad, bad disease. With treatment you can get better. Hang in there. It sounds like you're getting on the right track.
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
It's ok, overfences - people do a lot of things to try and survive this disease. Sounds like you're in a good place now to start to tackle it. Learn as much as you can about it, to understand the various ways we can treat.
A little surprise for you, perhaps - we now have a Lyme documentary, called Under our Skin. If you go to the website, www.underourskin.com and click on Take Action, and then on Meet the Activists, the featured February activist is from Denver - maybe you could contact her.
All the best - Robin
Posted by overfences (Member # 24331) on :
You all are so great - Thanks so much for the kind words. I have seen (and actually own a copy) of U.O.S., but thanks for the info, if I hadn;t known about it, I would be thrilles, as I was, to know it existed. I think someone has sent me some info, I am a little confused about how and where to post things, obviously. THANK you six, for helping me out. Much appreciated! I made an appt. with Dr. Naylor in Denver, and I hope maybe he will be able to help. I have tried so many things, I really feel kind of hopeless. I'm just so TIRED. I don't know if I have it in me to fight again, but I suppose I have no other choice. Do you all ever feel that way? Life shouldn't be so excruciatingly painful and difficult. I just feel so sad,and cheated, even, out of a normal shot at life.
The last MD I went to recommended that I have an IV thing permanently affixed to me, (I'm sure you all know more about this than I do...I dismissed it immediately, couldn't imagine such a thing!) for "probably two years or so." I ran out of there and haven't been to a doctor since. So, I am terrified that this is going to be my fate, and I just don't know if I can do it. I guess more info on it may help me feel more comfortable, but I wouldnt even know where to look for the info.
Jeez, I am like a complaining-machine! I'm sorry. Truth is, I haven't spoke to anybody at all about this, I haven't wanted to seem needy, or whiny, or scared. I suppose I feel comfortable here, with all of you. Thanks for that. Really.
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I made an appt. with Dr. Naylor in Denver, and I hope maybe he will be able to help. I have tried so many things, I really feel kind of hopeless. I'm just so TIRED. I don't know if I have it in me to fight again, but I suppose I have no other choice. Do you all ever feel that way? Life shouldn't be so excruciatingly painful and difficult. I just feel so sad,and cheated, even, out of a normal shot at life.