posted
So sorry geneal that things are going so horribly wrong.
I don't know if your husband is opposed or not but how about counseling or group lyme support if it is an affordable option?
Why doesn't he want to be treated for Lyme anymore? I mean, I am sick of it too but I know I can't live with the craziness that has become my life.
I wish I could give you a hug right now Posts: 59 | From stratford, CT | Registered: Feb 2008
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Starfall1969
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 17353
posted
Oh, Geneal, I'm so sorry for all you're going through.
I wish I had a magic wand that I could just wave over your situation and make it all better (well, heck if I had a magic wand, I guess I'd just wave this frickin' disease out of existence!).
You shouldn't have to deal with someone else's attitude when you're having enough troubles of your own.
I'm joining with you in prayer over this situation, because I think in some cases God is the only one who can make the changes needed.
Okay, this is going to sound dumb, but have you ever watched Veggie Tales? I'm thinking of the one where the little asparagus sings, "God is bigger than the boogeyman."
I don't know why that popped into my head when I read your post, but I figured maybe it was something I was supposed to share.
God is indeed bigger than the boogeyman, and He is bigger than Lyme disease, IDSA, insurance companies, unemployment, difficult relationships, broken dreams, and any other rough situation we have to go through.
I know that God is with us and never leaves us or forsakes us no matter what. Even when we feel He is not there and doesn't care what we're going through, He sees, cares, and is at work.
Just keep praying, hoping, and doing the best you can. Someday things will get better. They have to!
I know that little sermon doesn't solve your problem, but I hope it at least gives you some encouragement.
(((((hugs)))))
Posts: 1682 | From Dillsburg, PA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
<<<<< Geneal >>>>>,
Oh Sweety, that is really awful to have to go thru.
Perhaps the BB is Neuro and in his brain right now? I know it is hard to go thru, and it seems like he is trying to intimidate you and the kids.
Anyway you could pack up you, the kids and the dogs, and head to friends/relatives for a bit? I would be feeling very threatened.
Years ago a friends husband started throwing things around, and so she joined him...just started pitching... his stuff ... in the wood stove!
He's never done it again, but I don't think they were dealing w/ Lyme and Co. And you'd have to know that hubby wasn't going to hurt you or the kids and pets.
I don't know what to tell you,but I'll sure be praying for a resolution to this... I know it is no fun.
Jus The Silverwolf
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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sutherngrl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16270
posted
I am so sorry you are going through this. I know LD puts so much strain on our relationships.
The only suggestion I can come up with is to leave until he agrees to get some help. You and your children cannot live under those circumstances. No one should.
Maybe he just needs to see what the consequences are for his behavior.
Posts: 4035 | From Mississippi | Registered: Jul 2008
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Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
Hey G...
And this is the kind heart that comes to everyones rescue here.
So sorry this is affecting you so much!
Hmmmmm... that's weird...
Just now.. the music box said...
````````````````````````````
At a moment like this...
I can't help but wonder
What would Jimmy Buffett do?
POURRRRRRRR me some thing tall and strong...
Make it a hurricane
Before I go insane.
It's only 1/2 past 12...
But I don't care,
It's 5:00 somewhere!
```````````````````````
Now that is one option...
But my original thought was to remind you of this...
And it is TUFF to get back to this mode.. but it might help.
````````````````````````
NO ONE can MAKE you feel bad.
YOU are the only one that can do that.
You need to remember... it is the way YOU perceive what is happening that determines how you feel.
``````````````````````````
And yes.. these things in your life can REALLY test you... but the bottom line is...
YOU need to make YOU feel better during these difficult times.
I pray for strength for you.
And if you want to tell TC to take a long walk off a short pier...
lymielauren28
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 13742
posted
Ohh Geneal, I am so sorry. This disease is just a monster.
Things will get better. He does need treatment. Is there any way you can co-erce him into restarting?? Beg, plead, trick, threaten? Smoosh some Zith or Mino into his sphagetti
I don't know...I know what you mean about not wanting to get divorced. You two have weathered so much and come so far and you have beautiful little ones to think of as well.
My best advice is treatment for him. Whatever you have to do. I hope things turn around soon for you, and I'll keep you in my prayers.
Lauren
-------------------- "The only way out is through" Posts: 1434 | From mississippi | Registered: Nov 2007
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
You all have absolutely made my day.
My Mom wants to be my Mom and at times cannot be my friend.
I know you all will understand when I say how grateful I am
To have you all to push me forward when I get stuck.
I love the boogeyman analogy. It made me smile.
TC, you are right.
I am not afraid of him so much as I don't get what is making him so angry.
Why me? Why now?
I am too old to be married to my father.
I don't need my spouse to "control" me.
I think that maybe, while it is necessary for me to work,
It is a challenge to him in a different way.
He may moan and groan over the money issues,
But now I don't have to go to him to ask for every nickel and dime.
I hated that. Hated, hated, hated.
Especially when he thought that I spent too much on groceries and such.
I've been working since I was 10 years old.
Was working when Katrina hit.
Couldn't leave my children on a driveway and work.
Tried to get my ST license in Tennessee, but had trouble getting my birth certificate.
I don't feel bad about not working for 2 years.
Heck, I couldn't do Speech Therapy without risking losing my license.
It doesn't exactly inspire confidence to have a ST who can't find words.
I am going forward. I hope to get this job.
More money, better schedule, full benefits and
More Independence from my husband's controlling ways.
I've thought about adding some meds to his diet, but
He's a grown up. He can't take zith. Won't try biaxin.
Has skated on 1000mg of amoxi (I know not enough to do anything)
For over 1.5 years. Manic episodes are becomming more frequent.
I have no where to go with the children.
Besides, I'd make him leave first.
Your prayers and positive thoughts have lifted my spirits.
Thank you my friends, from the bottom of my heart.
All my love to you all.
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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btmb03
Unregistered
posted
Geneal, you've always had words of wisdom for all of us so it is time to support you. I agree with everyone above.
I wish there was a way to get him back on track with his meds. How about talking to his doctor? His family doc I mean.
Is there any way to put a bit of "emotional distance" between the two of you so he can actually *think* about his actions?
Sometimes having people in the midst may muddy his already-confused thoughts.
Sorry I'm not thinking too clearly right now to be able to help you but know that you are in all our thoughts. Good luck with your job search, remember, it WILL get better!! Hugs!
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glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
Aw Geneal,
This is exactly what you don't need. The only wisdom I could come up with is to put a leash and collar on him and board him at a local kennel until he stops growling.
You are so sweet and kind and certainly don't deserve to be disrespected by him or your children. Stop being so nice and take your power back.
They need to understand this behavior is not exceptable. Because someone else is sick doesn't mean you have to take their abuse.
We can only change the way we respond. BTW if he doesn't want to take his meds, consider putting sea salt in his food. It is a natural bacteriocide.(Just a thought)
Sure hope things lighten up for you and you get that job. Working and making your own money will also empower you.
Don't forget to stash some for yourself as suggested on an Oprah program.
Peace & Light,
Gael
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
Thanks you guys!
I have to admit, I hid our joint checking account book.
He can't access it online.
I know everything.
I do stash money on the side.
I won't be able to work this summer because I'll be home with my children.
I sit here, look out the window, and watch him work on his "race" truck.
Sigh.
Priorities. It's time to make some time for myself.
Just me. You all give me such hope and confidence that I can...do anything.
I can only Thank God daily for having such Angels around me.
I did just buy some iodized sea salt and changed out all the salt shakers.
I am off to work tomorrow as I am off next week due to Mardi Gras holidays.
Will be nice to get a "break" from this drama.
Maybe I'll stop and get myself something decadent....
Like an ice-cream (or a new husband) .
I feel so much better.
Thank you.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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feelfit
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12770
Feelfit
Posts: 3975 | From usa | Registered: Aug 2007
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
geneal,
yes, HAVE HIM LEAVE FOR NOW; don't you leave!
joint checking acct; talk to bank mgr. and make sure he doesn't come in and WITHDRAW ALL MONEY. have something set up where he can't do this UNLESS YOU ARE PRESENT!!
i loved gael's comments "This is exactly what you don't need. The only wisdom I could come up with is to put a leash and collar on him and board him at a local kennel until he stops growling." i agree 100%.
do not ever apologize for ranting, etc.; YOU HELP EVERYONE with so much love, patience, and exceptance with no judgement calls!
you are one in a million, and as i told you before, WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU AS MY SISTER AS MY OWN DIED 10 YRS. AGO IN AUG. AT AGE 41! DID YOU SAY YOU ARE AVAILABLE?? HA
you don't deserve this crap; don't take it. boy, you have lived in a GUILT TRAP marriage for a long time; time to spread YOUR WINGS and fly.
best wishes on working something out to YOUR satisfaction; NOT HIS!!
may god show you the way he wants you to go... and best wishes my dear friend/sister! hugs/kisses betty
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quote:Originally posted by sutherngrl: You and your children cannot live under those circumstances. No one should.
Maybe he just needs to see what the consequences are for his behavior.
I know that's easier said than done, but he DOES need to see SOME consequence of his actions.
He's teaching your children things they shouldn't have to learn from a parent.
That said, I love you and support you in any decision you make. Feel my hugs every morning you wake up, OK!? (((((hugs)))))
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96227 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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lymednva
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9098
posted
I agree with Tutu on this You have more options than you realize. I learned that through experience.
I was scared to death when my ex left me, but it was the best gift he could have given me, ultimately.
Hang in there and good luck at the job fair!
-------------------- Lymednva Posts: 2407 | From over the river and through the woods | Registered: Apr 2006
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Good for you for arranging someone to come in and watch the children while you go to the job fair.
Glad to hear you are doing well enough to attend job fairs.
Praying for you to find a job that will bring you joy and independence.
I may have said this before. But, it is good you can write about these things.
I had a friend tell me to keep a journal when I was going through a rough time in my marriage.
I found I couldn't even write about it at first.
I also thought it was wrong to keep a record.
But, then learned it actually helped be to see things more clearly and make sense of things when they seemed so senseless.
[ 02-22-2009, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: kam ]
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
I feel so much stronger after I hear from all of you.
I realize that I can do this.
It isn't easy, but I can do it.
I informed the hubby last night that if I see one more
Item fly out the back door, he was next.
I think he realizes I mean it.
At least we are talking....a little.
He was home with the children all day as I worked.
I think this is a real eye opener for someone who
Thinks it is easier to stay home then to go to work.
He certainly spoke with a greater respect to me once I came home.
Children have a way of grounding you...
Even when you don't want to be grounded.
Oh, I hope and pray there are job openings.
I pray for the "right" one to come my way.
I pray for all of you each and every day.
Thanks for being the wind beneath my wings.
Helping me off the ground and keeping me afloat in the midst of sinking.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
(((Geneal))) Sorry you have been going through so much. Glad to hear that maybe he is starting to come around.
I hope the job fair does have an opening and you get it.
aklnwlf
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5960
posted
Oh Geneal,
I'm thinking about you and your situation.
If you can't make your spouse get treatment for Lyme and company put that focus on yourself.
I'm in a similar situation and I do alot of things to make myself happy.
Example, I took myself out on New Year's for steak and shrimp and the movies. Saw 'The Day the Earth Stood Still'.
Felt kinda strange going out alone when there were so many couples out but I still had a wonderful time.
Talk with the kids too about his behavior and make sure they realize that it's his illness and not them.
Also I agree with the person that said there should be consequences for his actions.
You and the kids do things together and have a good time.
Maybe he'll get the message that you all will still enjoy things without him.
He'll have no control over that!
-------------------- Do not take this as medical advice. This comment is based on opinion and personal experience only.
Alaska Lone Wolf Posts: 6232 | From Columbus, GA | Registered: Jul 2004
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
geneal, we're 100% behind YOU!! hope you do get the job of your dreams and the new employer will notice what a TOP NOTCH EMPLOYEE THEY ARE ABOUT TO HIRE !! a win-win situation.
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posted
Bad relationships seem to be one of the things I am good at giving advise on. Why? Because I had low self esteem and kept finding the "wrong guy".
I had to leave a very controlling guy who I was with for 6 years. It was so hard, I had to move 14 hours away, and my mother literally had to come get me and we left Indiana with a police escort. Why did I finally leave? Because I was tired of being LONELY while sitting on the couch right beside someone!!
I could be lonely and doing whatever I wanted to!! Now, it took a lot to get to that point. This man was very dangerous, and I was lucky to leave with my life. Literally.
And, unfortunately since your husband is not taking his medicine, you must consider your him a danger, and you have to ensure your safety and the safety of your children. Because this disease gets in your mind and changes you. My brother has hurt people, and he has hurt himself and I am sure it is due to lyme.
As much as you may love him, he is an adult, and your children need to be prioritiy number 1. He either needs to take his meds, or agree to counseling, period. Or, you might need to consider putting him out. Unfortunately, when people are being that stubborn, you must resort to being just as stubborn.
But, I know things of this nature are tough, and you have to be ready to make that decision on your own. I wish you lots of luck with your husband, with your children, and with the JOB!! GOOD LUCK!!
Posts: 893 | From Florida | Registered: Dec 2008
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
I did explain to my children last night that Daddy isn't taking his meds.
That makes him a little unpredicatable.
I asked them to come to me with any issues.
He is cyclic with the manic like behavior.
However, with medicine, I see a huge improvement.
He's also cyclic with taking medicine.
I know that eventually the achiness, fatigue, insomnia, etc
Will prod him into taking meds again.
I don't fear him as much as I fear the possible consequences of his behavior.
I know my daughter will always remember her CD player going out the door.
I hope that he realizes that she will always remember it too.
I am good at taking care of things myself.
I just need a good job with my children's hours
To insure I can financially do it...
With or without him.
I remain humbled by your support.
I feel like I've been hugged over and over.
It feels really good.
It's such a blessing to be loved and supported by you all.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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lymemomtooo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5396
posted
Geneal, My daughter has had psych issues from all of the tick borne junk that she carries. We have dealt with unbeliveable things, but you must consider your safety.
My daughter went thru a period when she was both suicidal and homocidal. Rage was always just below the surface. Do not take any chances. Get out if it becomes dangerous. lmt
Posts: 2360 | From SE PA | Registered: Mar 2004
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