posted
so have been off work on STD then LTD since september..................just got word that if i dont return by July I will lose my job............They say my LTD will continue......but there wont be a position for me within the company...........
I cant physically do my job...or have the memory or organization that my job requires....I am an RN and have busy busy days my thought processes have to be right on and they are not.......
On mepron, zith, art, bactrim ds, flagyl, trazadone to sleep, oral glutathione...........
what do I do????...I always knew at some point it would get to this but I always think it will be better next week.....better next week and it just isnt................
what now??.........................
-------------------- Oct 09 Positive CDC Western Blot Jan 10 Positive Babesia Duncani Jan 10 Cd57 28 Mar 10 EBV, IgM, IgG HHV-6 IgG Posts: 739 | From NC | Registered: Oct 2009
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- Maybe it's time to chart as new course. Your full time job is now getting better.
Think this over and see how it feels. It may actually be a relief. And, if you can do this with style and grace, when you are ready, you may be able to return to the company.
If you help with the transition for the person moving in, it could be a positive for you if they leave later on.
It's good that the LTD will continue. That support is good. You may also be able to take on a small project - or even just attend a meeting now and then at the company so they remember you.
You might also want to have a few sessions with a LL counselor or therapist to work through the grief and loss. It's a huge loss on many levels. After doing the grief release, so to speak, If this can be transitioned - or reframed - you may feel lighter. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
thank you keebler.....................I know what you mean..in some ways it may be easier...as this has been a continual worry since the beginning........and I honestly worry about how would I go back to working like i did before..............anyway...they havent made the decision yet.........i wish they had done it 3 weeks ago then i would of qualified for the cobra subsidy, now i dont...............
where would i find a LL counsellor??
-------------------- Oct 09 Positive CDC Western Blot Jan 10 Positive Babesia Duncani Jan 10 Cd57 28 Mar 10 EBV, IgM, IgG HHV-6 IgG Posts: 739 | From NC | Registered: Oct 2009
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Dekrator48
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 18239
posted
Hi Florence,
I can understand what you are saying about needing your memory and thought processes.....I'm an RN too.
Only you will know what you have to do, but from reading your post, it seems that you may need to give up your position and continue on the LTD.
Imagine returning while so sick and making mistakes that could affect you or someone else forever?
Sometimes our lives take turns that we cannot understand at the time.
We must just do the best we can do.
Later, with hope and faith, things work out in the end and you may understand why this happened this way.
If you cannot physically or mentally do the job, then how can you go back? You really can't, right?
It's just hard to accept.
I will pray that you find peace with the right decision for you.
-------------------- The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11 Posts: 6076 | From Pennsylvania, USA | Registered: Nov 2008
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- How to find a LL counsellor?
Ask your LLMD or your local lyme support group leader.
Too bad about the COBRA. That seems like a purpose they made on decision. Anyway they can change that? -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
thanks Dekrator48.....i guess this whole process is acceptance of things we cannot do right now.........and that things will not be better next week.....its still hard to think that way.......I would never forgive myself by making a mistake when i knew I shouldnt put myself in that position..........
I keep thinking could i do it, could i go back, would it be ok.......but honestly i know i cant......ok so now I'm waffling.....sorry........
my safety net will be going...........the thought of finding a job in the future that fits my family like this did when i was well is frightening also.......but i just cant right now......I think i am trying to make it ok in my mind so i apologize for going on and on.......
I guess what will be will be........I have been thinking about seeing someone a counsellor anyway to deal with life changes I guess now is a good time.....thanks both.......
-------------------- Oct 09 Positive CDC Western Blot Jan 10 Positive Babesia Duncani Jan 10 Cd57 28 Mar 10 EBV, IgM, IgG HHV-6 IgG Posts: 739 | From NC | Registered: Oct 2009
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posted
Acceptance is difficult!! I had to retire many years ago before I found out it was Lyme causing my symptoms.
Our minister was a licensed counselor and I had sessions with him for about a year. It really helped. He was actually a couselor or psycologist and took over at our church when the other pastor had to leave. ( he was an interim pastor )
It does take time to give up our lifelong careers. I hope you will be able to return to nursing.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96227 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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bcb1200
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 25745
posted
Sorry to hear of your problem.
Quick question..how did you get LTD? I thought most LTD insurance would deny as there is "no such thing as chronic lyme."
-------------------- Bite date ? 2/10 symptoms began 5/10 dx'd, after 3 months numerous test and doctors
IgM Igenex +/CDC + + 23/25, 30, 31, 34, 41, 83/93
Currently on:
Currently at around 95% +/- most days. Posts: 3134 | From Massachusetts | Registered: May 2010
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sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13952
posted
Admitting that I cannot work has been the hardest most painful thing that I have ever done.
Last fall I cried nonstop for 3days straight because I did not want to go on a medical leave of absence. I knew in my head that I had to do it but my heart did not want to let go. It was my last holdout, my last little bit of normalcy.
As an RN, I wanted to provide the best care possible to my patients and their families. Anything less than perfect in my mind is unacceptable. When Lyme challenged my physically, I could push through and try to ignore the symptoms. But there came a day when I couldn't hide the tremors, weakness, lack of balance. I couldn't hold a pen to write. I dropped stuff all the time and didn't feel it fall out of my hand. I couldn't physically care for my patients.
Then the cognitive symptoms progressed to the point where I struggled to read, write, remember, and communicate effectively. I literally could not work. When I was unable to return from my medical leave of absence I also lost my job.
I miss working terribly. I miss the challenge, constant learning, and helping people. I really love being an RN and I can't wait until I'm well enough to start a new job.
Florence, instead of thinking about this as a loss, try to think of it as an opportunity for a new beginning. I wish that I could have taken on this mindset from the beginning.
I do believe that I am going to be well again sometime in the near future. I'm thinking about what I would like my next job to be. There are so many options. I have not idea what I will chose. But I am excited to see what this change will bring.
Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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I know this is really hard. I just gave up my career for good. I struggled with it for a long while, but came to the only conclusion there is. I will not be able to do it anymore.
I thought I could go through treatment and just get over it and get back to normal, but not only did that never happen, I was impeding my recovery by stressing my body too much.
I was able to reduce my hours at work. I left one job for another with much less stress associated with it. I tried. It just wasn't going to happen.
I finally did accept the fact that I had to give up the career I love. There is something freeing about it.
It is a huge leap of faith!!! I am not the primary breadwinner in my family; it's more of a personal / ego kinda thing.
I just know that this will give my body the space it needs to heal itself. And I need to remember that every time a door closes, a window opens...
Good luck
Posts: 797 | From New York | Registered: Feb 2008
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posted
Sammy...I remember you going through this at the time and often wondered how you were and what happened........thank you for your words....I really appreciate it...........
carly..and lymetoo.....thank you to you aswell.....it is tough....but honeslty its the acceptance that this is it for now thats the hardest......and what if they let me go and i'm "fine" in a few weeks.....
I know in reality that thats not going to happen BUT its not to say i still dont think that way.
thanks guys.......what will be will be I guess......
-------------------- Oct 09 Positive CDC Western Blot Jan 10 Positive Babesia Duncani Jan 10 Cd57 28 Mar 10 EBV, IgM, IgG HHV-6 IgG Posts: 739 | From NC | Registered: Oct 2009
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sutherngrl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16270
posted
Quitting my job 4 years ago was the hardest thing for me ever. It was way more stressful than I anticipated.
I kept thinking I would be better in a few months and that never happened. Didn't know it was LD until 2 years later.
Now 2 years into treatment and although I know I am starting to improve, I am no where near being able to go back to work.
To relieve the guilt and stress of it all about a year ago, my husband said.....just don't go back to work.....ever. And he was serious. He said you don't have to go back to work. We can make it if you don't. No one made it a law that you have to go back.
I had never thought of not going back to work, but once I accepted that as a possibility I could focus more on getting myself well.
Having that as a choice had never entered my mind, because I have worked all my life, since I was 15 years old.
So now I try to imagine what all I am going to do with my life when I am well. Volunteer work, hobbies, gardening, etc. Or at some point if I choose, go back to work. Making it a choice instead of an expectation really helped me a lot.
The point is the stress of not working has to be relieved in order to get better. Accepting that I don't actually have to go back to work unless I choose to in the future is what helped me. If you put pressure on yourself to hurry and get well in order to work, you will never get past it.
Posts: 4035 | From Mississippi | Registered: Jul 2008
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
I agree with keebler. not able to read what the others wrote.
Praying your health improves big time.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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posted
thanks guys........I think the hard part is finding peace with this is it for now.....and accepting the situation as it is today...........
-------------------- Oct 09 Positive CDC Western Blot Jan 10 Positive Babesia Duncani Jan 10 Cd57 28 Mar 10 EBV, IgM, IgG HHV-6 IgG Posts: 739 | From NC | Registered: Oct 2009
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Florence...I hate to say it but I still have not found peace in the fact I am not able to work.
The others who came down sick when I did at work are doing much better. But, they also have much more income coming in so guessing that makes a big difference..
they also are not as low functioning as I am.
I have accepted that I am not going back to work at the same place.
But, have yet given up the idea of working when well enough.
it is a difficult adjustment to make. But, our health comes first.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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METALLlC BLUE
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6628
posted
Strive for the serenity to accept the things you can not change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
If you believe in God or other higher power that is meaningful to you, then ask to be given these abilities.
-------------------- I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.
posted
i'm really sorry florence i haven't worked in 2 years. the good thing is, i at least have SOME life quality now. won't mention the bad news as you're already upset! good luck with everything... at least you'll feel better being able to rest more!
Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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posted
kellephant...whats the bad news??..please I can take it.......
-------------------- Oct 09 Positive CDC Western Blot Jan 10 Positive Babesia Duncani Jan 10 Cd57 28 Mar 10 EBV, IgM, IgG HHV-6 IgG Posts: 739 | From NC | Registered: Oct 2009
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posted
well, you might be totally fine, but things are such a mess financially for me right now because i can't work... i can't even afford meds, so the hope of getting better seems pretty bleak. i keep getting notices in the mail that i'm going to be turned over to a tax collection agency... i don't know what to do! maybe you're older and have savings to fall back on though... and maybe taking some time off will help you recover and you can start working again in the near future even though things kind of suck for me right now, i don't regret quiting my job, because it made me so physically miserable i just wanted to die some days. my life DOES have more quality now at least!
Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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posted
thanks kellephant...that is my big fear and why i fight this in my head....I am young (ish)....have no savings now because have been paying $1500 cobra to cover my health insurance since I have been off work......I have 2 young children............my husbands income is not regular as he is self employed and i was the stable employee carrying all the benefits etc............thats why i fight in my head perhaps i could go back perhaps it would be ok......knowing in reality it wouldnt be ok.......
-------------------- Oct 09 Positive CDC Western Blot Jan 10 Positive Babesia Duncani Jan 10 Cd57 28 Mar 10 EBV, IgM, IgG HHV-6 IgG Posts: 739 | From NC | Registered: Oct 2009
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posted
yeah, you know your body better than anyone! i get in these moods where i convince myself if i try hard enough, i can work, when in reality i KNOW i can't.
anyway, i wanted to tell you that things are completely working out for me now!
i've been trying to trust God, and today our relatives told us they are sending us enough money to pay for all the debt i have from medical care!!! and then, i was given a discount prescription card (passed along from a stranger)... and it saved me $300 on my most important prescription today! the card never expires either!!! i am now able to get the medicines i could never afford!
i've been focusing on trusting God through all of this, and he really is coming through for me! things were seeming pretty hopeless for a while, but it's all going to be okay... i know it! and i know things are going to be okay for you too! just worry about resting and getting better!!!
Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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-------------------- Oct 09 Positive CDC Western Blot Jan 10 Positive Babesia Duncani Jan 10 Cd57 28 Mar 10 EBV, IgM, IgG HHV-6 IgG Posts: 739 | From NC | Registered: Oct 2009
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posted
Florence.. I think when the income is really important to the family it makes it doubly hard. It reduced our income by half and we lost our home.
So we then carry the guilt of that. It will be a VERY difficult future for us financially. Right now we are "OK" because my husband has two jobs besides his retirement income. Once he is forced to retire completely, it will be bad news for us.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96227 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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-------------------- Oct 09 Positive CDC Western Blot Jan 10 Positive Babesia Duncani Jan 10 Cd57 28 Mar 10 EBV, IgM, IgG HHV-6 IgG Posts: 739 | From NC | Registered: Oct 2009
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i haven't worked in 2 years. the good thing is, i at least have SOME life quality now. won't mention the bad news as you're already upset! good luck with everything... at least you'll feel better being able to rest more!
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