Topic: How a few people from church responded to a request
kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
This is how one church responded to my email. It was copied to two other people so I assume they got together and discussed it.
I do not know these ladies and as far as I do not believe they know me or anything about me but what I posted in the email.
I have been wanting to go camping but thought it would be a good idea to go with a group first to give me the confidence.
I also have backpacked in all 3 mountain ranges and the Grand Canyon before coming down sick.
I had planned on driving myself and loading my camp equipment through out the week to conserve energy.
it is all in big plastic bins and ready to go.
I also heard from the church secretary that this was a group of woman my own age. The only concern she had was that no dogs are allowed.
But, since i have a service dog she felt it would be OK.
The good news is it gave me the push I needed to go ahead and camp on my own once the weather cools down some.
I figure I can lie around with the best of them.
I was not planning on doing any backpacking on this trip. Just keeping it simple. I doubt they wre going to backpack too.
I had camped with a church group when I first came down sick and did OK.
But, I did go with others as I did not have a car at that time and it was a long ways.
And they did help me load and unload and set up my tent.
When I have gone camping with others we usually all pitched in and helped each other even before I got sick.
The other good news is I am beginning to read people earlier and have learned who I do not want to be around.
I do not want to be around this person or the people she sent a copy of her email too.
My concern with camping is the small backpacking tent I have for two. I don't know how that is going to work out for Rosie and I.
I guess I could leave most of the things in the car that I usually put in the tent with me to make room for her.
I also know i will pay for this afterwards but it is worth it to me to be able to get out and camp.
As long as it is a peaceful, quiet area and I feel safe.
My email to the head of the group.
Subject: Roughing it
Hi,
I saw the overhead about the camp out at church yesterday.
I am interested in going.
But, I would like to get there first thing in the morning on Friday and set up camp as my brain and body usually shut down on me around 10 am.
Would this be possible??
Her response to me:
Dear Katherine,
Camp Rough It-- is no amenities camping. I do not believe this environment would be very good for you considering your health.
However, should you decide that you want to attend, you will need to locate someone who can assist you and also locate someone who would be able to drive you there and home.
Each person brings their own tent, sleeping bags, food and beverages.
This campsite has water, but only for washing. It has only out houses and there are no walkways.
Neither Erin nor I would be able to transport you or meet any special needs that you may have.
Camp Rough It is not a part of the disability ministries.
I just will not go with this group.
I am thinking of a place about 20 min away that has campsites next to a stream and is near the fish hatchery.
Who knows. I might even be able to catch a trout for dinner. And have the strength to clean him.
The response and assumptions she made ****ed me off.
I think a better resonse would be sure we would like you to join us.
And you can go early. the campsite we have reserved is (number of campsite here)
If there is anything further we can help you with let us know.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
katherine,
"disabilities ministries" ... they are NOT a part of!
the nerve of that woman, and they would NOT help you at all!!
yes, i would NOT have anything to do with these 2 women!! talk about a turn off; i'd be PO like you are!
posted
Kam, Isn't it great when people assume you don't know what you can or cannot do?
Follow your heart and do what makes your spirit soar.
Please post how your little adventure went when your back. There's lots of us here that I'm sure are afraid to get back some of the enjoyment we used to have.
I myself have been an outdoor person my whole life and when the weather is cool and a little misty I dream of going hiking again. No radio, just the sounds of nature.
You go for it!
Proudmom Posts: 317 | From Kansas and New Jersey | Registered: May 2008
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Betty,
Yes that part about we are not a disability ministry got to me too.
Proudmom,
Thanks for your encouraging words.
I thought about this some more and I do believe I will need someone to load the two bins in the car for me.
There is a maintenance man here at the apartment who can help me with that.
Then I will leave the bins in the car and just get out the tent and cooking gear, latern, etc.
And then just put those things back in the bins.
don't like can't do people since coming down with this. Try to stay away from can't do people.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
I could start a thread on dumb things church members have done and said since coming down with this.
but, I also could have a thread on how some church members have been wonderful.
Problem is they are few and far between.
The goofs outweigh the good.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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aklnwlf
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5960
posted
Kam, this is a church outing?!?!
I've done lots of hiking and camping, etc. with people of different levels of fitness, as a church activity.
I guess you get those type of people in any church.
I've been snubbed before too for non-technical mountain climbing from a couple of super fit church folks.
I just trained for a couple of months and then went by myself and made sure that I went even further than the group did and took the pictures to prove it.
LOL!!!
You show them Kam!!!
Just be careful out there and hope you and Rosie have a blast!
-------------------- Do not take this as medical advice. This comment is based on opinion and personal experience only.
Alaska Lone Wolf Posts: 6213 | From Columbus, GA | Registered: Jul 2004
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Thanks Akinwolf. PUt a smile on my face.
Pictures are a good idea. Just because I have been wanting to take pictures.
REcently got the camera working again. I hope.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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pmerv
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1504
posted
Kam, to be fair to the woman, you did say your brain and body shut down at 10am, which leaves most of the day for you to be what... a blob? You really assumed she knew something of the abilities you did not mention. I think I might be a bit intimidated too, if I were a group leader who took my responsibilites seriously. Maybe she was not so much mean and nasty as a bit tactless. But you probably frightened her. Maybe if you told her exactly what you could and could not do without making it sound like you are a complete basket case, she would be happy to say she could load or unload some of your gear for you, or that someone would.
-------------------- Phyllis Mervine LymeDisease.org Posts: 1808 | From Ukiah, California, USA | Registered: Aug 2001
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Kam, Isn't it great when people assume you don't know what you can or cannot do?
Proudmom....I think that is what got me going on this.
I have been trying to figure out why I was so riled up and let it go.
When I moved here a year ago I had two ladies who were helping.
They did the same thing. Don't know which one or if it was both.
But, I had a person who lives here tell me she contributed to the rack for the laundry room when she heard I needed that.
I do not fold my clothes in the laundry room. I come back to my apartment. I did not need the rack in the laundry room.
That was an assumption one of the ladies made. I recall them mentioning it but didn't know they had gone so far as to have people donate money to purhase one.
I had told them I did not need it. They did not listen as with other things.
Hopefully, someone is getting some use out of it.
It just gets in my way when I try to get the power chair in the laundry room.
Most of the energy with the two ladies was trying to clear up assumptions they were making. It got to be too much.
Phyllis,
One of the reasons I posted was to get an opinion from someone who might see through the eyes of the people who had come up with these assumptions.
Camp does not start until Friday night. But, I wanted to go early to avoid traffic and set up my own camp during the time of the day when I can do things.
I knew I was giving up help I might get for unloading and setting up but it was better than driving when we get a lot of people from Phoenix coming up to camp.
I could not get on the main highway last night. It was backed up for miles and for a long time.
this usually happens on Friday evenings here.
Now, I just need to let this all go and not let it get to me.
I think Proudmom helped me figure out why I was so PO'd.
[ 16. August 2008, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: kam ]
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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posted
Kam, I just noticed that you said 'up' from phoenix. I lived in Flagstaff for 15 years and used to camp and hike just about the whole northern area of Az.
Our church camp was in Prescott and I still have wonderful memories of my experiences there.
I was really curious though...what area are you in? If you don't mind sharing. You could PM if you want
proudmom
Posts: 317 | From Kansas and New Jersey | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Hi Kam, I don't want you to take this as not taking your hurt seriously .... it's just you mentioned about what she might have been thinking.
You said that by late morning your body and mind shut down. She seemed to take that as meaning past 10AM you cannot take care of yourself.
She seemed to think that meant that you wouldn't be able to use the rest room without help, or that you wouldn't be able to feed yourself without help.
I don't know how big your church is, but if it's a size where she might know who you are, she might just be trying to stress to you that this is roughing it. It just came across tactlessly in an email. IMO, she should have made a phone call.
I think neither of you would have taken this the wrong way if you had spoken. Most of our communication is by body language and tone of voice. I think you two are just miscommunicating due to an inferior method of communication.
I think it's a misunderstanding.
I agree though that the disabilities ministry comment was completely tactless and hurtful.
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-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96227 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
I did receive an email with an appolgy of sorts.
She mentioned that this is the first time they have had a special needs person attending.
And that not to expect a response if I email as she would not be checking her emails for a week.
She said she did talk to someone and learned I had my own car.
....
I don't think of myself as a special needs person. I think of myself as a person who was a teacher and now is doing her best to overcome lyme disease.
...In my mind, I see myself camping along side of that creek I visited a while back and going at my own pace and having peace and quiet.
....It seems there are few people I enjoy being around since coming down with lyme. I like the ones that come along and make life easier instead of more difficult.
..There are some trails I can take Rosie on there also. Not sure how far we will go. It depends on how I am doing when it gets cooler.
I really enjoy going to sleep at night as I listen to a creek or babbling brook...at least before lyme I did!!
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
quote:Originally posted by kam:
I did receive an email with an appolgy of sorts.
She mentioned that this is the first time they have had a special needs person attending.
And that not to expect a response if I email as she would not be checking her emails for a week.
She said she did talk to someone and learned I had my own car.
....
I don't think of myself as a special needs person. I think of myself as a person who was a teacher and now is doing her best to overcome lyme disease.
...In my mind, I see myself camping along side of that creek I visited a while back and going at my own pace and having peace and quiet.
....It seems there are few people I enjoy being around since coming down with lyme. I like the ones that come along and make life easier instead of more difficult.
katherine, you hit it on the nose ... you don't think of yourself as a special needs person since that was hand you were dealt.
when "normal" folks look at the majority of us, many will see your scooter first, etc.
when they look at me, etc. ... i'm not in a scooter, no cane or walker ... "look normal" ... you're looking good today.
they just can NOT see inside us.
before i left work they had a sensitivity class dealing with handicaps, etc. 1 person was in a wheelchair; another one being retirement age, etc.
at the end, we had to summarize what we learned,
i stated i didn't see this man in the wheelchair; i could now see BEYOND IT and to the hilarious retirement age man ... i didn't see an elderly man, etc.
i know when i meet many people for 1st time, i do double-takes ... just natural.
kam, i'm glad you got an apology of sorts from her though ... it's a BEGINNING!
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
I am still wondering where all of this came from.
I have only been able to attend church once in the past year as it is across townn.
So, I do not even think the lady knew me. I certainly don't know who she is and if she were to introduce herself I would have to ask her how I know her.
I don't recall the name on the emails.
I had the senior van drop off my power chair on Friday and pick it up on Monday in order to attend the disability weekend at church.
I do think it would be better to find a church that is within power chair distance.
I went to a church down the street. It took me 30 min via the power chair. I was able to be there for 30 min and then needed to head home.
I last about an hour and a half on a good day if it is before 10 am.
By car it would have taken me 5 min to get there.
They were very welcoming and they did have room for my power chair there.
Hopefully, with time I will be able to last longer.
Weather is a factor too. I don't mind it when it is snowing.
But, the monsoons are not good to be out in.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
UUnfortunately my resonse would have been something like this.
"Jesus never turned anyone away regardless of illness, plight, history, color, etc."
"A true disability is when you let your own judgement of others over shadow how Jesus would want us to live our lives with our brothers and sisters".
"While I understand the nature of the trip, the lack of generosity and compassion in your response
Leads me to believe that I would be better not going on this trip."
"I will pray for you all and hope your experience on this trip brings you closer to God."
You hang in there my friend. There are people more worthy of your company.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
Catch a big trout!
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Thanks Geneal.
My thoughts are now on how to educate. but, at las, another time.
healing from lyme first.
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