posted
I've posted Replies from Creative Guy's you might be a lymie when post since humor is the best form of medicine
you know more about medications than your local pharmacist!
When try to fluff the cushions on the couch and can't because your body indentation is now permanent.
You've given up trying to calcluate correct change and rely on the clerk who coincidently is always happy now to see you and would like to thank you for the new rims on his car.
when your only friends you have left only call you because they dont feel good and might need some antibiotics.
When life literally is a pain in the a**!
You have to write lists and make copies scattered about the house because you never would remember/find where you put the original list.
You decide its a good thing your too sick to drive because it would take too much energy to find the keys anyway.
your week pill organizer hold the pills for one day.
you name your IV pole, like it is a pet.
You become very adept at making facial expressions that convincingly create the illusion that you understand what is going on in a conversation. Oh wait am I talking about Lyme or marriage?
Taking a shower is so much effort that your husband confessed to spraying "Febreze" on you while you slept. Daily.
When every time you see the Target store symbol your immediate thought is "Bullseye Rash".
You might be a Lymie when.......... Your conversations with your 85year old neighbor consist of comparing your joint pain, doctor visits, medication and lab tests. Your neighbor sees you as a peer even though you are 50years younger!
your parents, grandparents, great grandparents, etc have a MUCH more busy social life than you. Furthermore, they can walk and function far better than you can even thought they may be 70 and you may be 40.
You lose weight due to the fact that your on the it takes too much energy to get to the refrigerator diet.
You are in a restaurant and a waiter asks if you want lime in your club soda - he/she gives you a strange look when you reply, "No, thanks, I already have it." your quarterly insurance statement of EOB's listed comes in a box.
When you are extremely envious of someone complaining about a bad cold and you would like to slap the sh*t out of them but you don't because you don't have the energy and just maybe that 90 year grandmother might be able to take you.
when you hear the phone ringing and you try to answer the remote.
when your hear the ringing and actually answer the phone and no one is there ..then you drag yourself to the door because maybe its the doorbell ...when no one is there either... it takes you a bit to realize its just the ringing in your ears.
You are going to a new doctor while on IV Rocephin, and the new patient form asks you if you are an IV drug user... and you put down, "Well, technically, yes." Or you wrote I only wish!
You have an empty collection of pill bottles that is now expanding over several sets of furniture, cabinets, etc as a memorial to just see how many you've taken.
You have second thoughts about even walking on astroturf.
you finish shaving your legs and discover you never took the cap off the razor. Or you finish shaving your legs and realize you are male! Or you know that you are male... and shave your legs anyway. (I just couldn't handle the wax approach)
When your favorite color is concrete.
The the honey do list on the refrigerator just says FORGET IT!
all of your laundry consists of pajamas.
walking through a doorway unharmed is a huge accomplishment.
When you read the story of Moses you come to an opinion that Pharaoh was a wuss for giving in so easily to those minor problems and you wonder why Moses didn't save a few trips and just start out with chronic Lyme?
your choice perfume/cologne is deet scented.
your light sensitivity gets so bad, you resort to wearing Old Fart (brand name) wraparound sunglasses... on top of your sunglasses.... and old ladies wink at ya.
The eternal debate in your life is rent or zithromax?
When sugar is a four letter word.
You walk down isle after isle of a supermarket and can't find anything that you should eat. And if you do your hopes are only cruelly dashed when you read the ingredient list and you could swear you can hear the stockboy standing behind you laughing diabolically!
When you admire a beautiful picture of a landscape your mind immediately on instinct assesses the level of tick risk in all the lush, gorgeous scenery.
You only need one good book for you can read it each week and each time it is a new adventure! This facet of Lyme may help you to keep your marriage going strong too!
They have to call the police to get you out of the jacuzzi at the gym and save you from the angry crowd that formed a line after you!
You read bible stories of Jesus healing some random, unknown leper and the shocked people in the library stare at you incredulously after you've rudely broken the silence with the shout of that lucky *******!
Your planned tombstone has the epitaph I told you I wasn't a hypochondriac, is it 2300 yet and the medical evidence has finally come out?
You no longer feel any remorse when animal rights activists talk about the inhumane way the meat processing industry butcher Steere.
You write Bayer Aspirin a letter saying pain relief my a**!
You are never truly alone for you always have the ringing in your ears.
You wish you could correct the situation when anyone goes on and on about how wonderful they feel today =)
someone says the phrase "But you look good!" and you want to stomp on their toes and say, "You look good too!"
Your pharmacy has your picture, of course never a flattering one, on their wall and the president of the company always calls and wants to know how your are doing before he is deciding whether or not they should make any future investment.
Herione addicts think you have too many needle tracks!
The only way you'll balance your checkbook is by putting it on the point of a pen.
No Stephen King book is more horrifying than being invited to a family picnic in the woods! You can name an antibiotic for every letter of the alphabet.
You start to dislike people in white coats who aren't even doctors.
You've become a connoisseur of waiting rooms.
You don't need any magazine subscriptions because you've already read them all in your doctors office.
It seems like the only people capable of getting Lyme disease live at a minimum of at least 3 hours from a lyme literate doctor. The guy living next door to Dr. X is immunized by nature.
you hear your doctor talk in Under Our Skin and you automatically tense up like a Pavlov's dog reaction, your body thinking you are being charged money for listening to hm speak...visions of a gas pump meter scrolling by at $15.00/gallon running through your head.
When you wish you could afford a doctor in Under Our Skin.
Who ever said I could?? LOL
I guess I should have guessed since you weren't wearing a coat of money.
If someone tells you that sleeping with 10 porcupines in a 55 gallon drum you will cure you, you'll give it thought.
Been there - done that... didn't work. I upped the dose to 15 porcupines... no luck either.
You forgot to add the axle grease!
You feel blessed that you only feel like crap instead of super nasty crap.
Not being able to follow the conversation of your in-laws isn't so bad since you never listened to what they were saying anyway.
You have too many pills for a Pez dispenser.
You learn to feign sleeping next to your spouse not to allay their concern but because they'll beat the crap out of you if you wake them up again.
You're always surprised your body can never endingly accomplish emitting a new and interesting type of groan.
Watching the IV fluid drain down the line and cutting it off to achieve the maximum amount of medication has become a sport. You are certain there was only one thing in Pandora's box.
When you think about wearing a ski mask to the pharmacy.
When you know Burrascano is probably not an item on the menu in an upscale Italian restaurant.
Your definition of normal has expanded to include a much larger array of the population base, even that strange guy in highschool who used to do weird things to goldfish.
The memory of a fine glass of wine is up there with that of your first date.
Your definition of an obstacle course is a speed bump.
Your idea of an action hero is someone that can walk two blocks with no problem.
The guy in Home Depot with the E. Shapiro name tag wonders why you give him dirty looks and tries not to stand next to the axes.
Success is now defined as getting out of bed in the morning, afternoon, whenever.
When you use spellchecker it glows so red that Smokey the Bear runs in fear!
when you call the CVS pharmacy line, and they know you by the sound of your voice... and they don't have caller ID.
you need a cart at CVS to pick up all your prescriptions.
When your idea of vacation is a change of scenery from the mattress in your bedroom to the coach in the living room.
The anniversary of your sickness looms taller than any other date on the calendar and starts to freakishly feel like the numbers advancing on an odometer.
That empty glass is so close and the bathroom is sooooooo far!
You might be a Lymie when...you watch a movie and can't understand what the heck is going on. Can't follow the plot, the words and sentences don't make sense, you can't remember which character is related to the other's, and you're just plain old lost. It's like watching it in Greek. Rewind is the most used button on your DVD player!
the only time you make any effort to "straighten up" your "living area" is once a week when your visiting nurse is coming.
you start swapping LLMD trading cards with your buddies on LF.
LF #1-----"Oohhh!! I'll trade you a Dr J for your Dr. B!" ....
LF #2-----"I dunno... My Dr. B card has the 2007 Treatment Guidelines on the back, so that would cost you morrre"...
LF #1-----"Damn... Okay, I'll trade you a Dr. J, PLUS the Mepron-flavored bubble gum that came with the pack"...
LF #2-----"Umm... You're kidding, right??"
Too bad my sister put all the rare ones in her bicycle spokes. And it always seems like Dr. C is in every pack.
you only feel like crap on days that end in "y".
English is a foreign language.
When the only qualification you don't have for a senior discount is age.
you receive SSDI and Medicare, and your prescription plan is called "Silver Script" even though you are only in your forties.
You have to leave a trail of bread crumbs to your car in the mall parking lot.
I've found a sporadic trail of Mepron works better - it's fluorescent, the rain doesn't wash it off and birds hate the taste.
The TV remote is now considered exercise equipment.
They don't have to put anything in fine print in a contract to hide the details from you, bold type is just fine.
Half your kitchen cabinets have medications and supplements instead of food.
You're talking to an anesthesiologist prior to surgery, and you are asked if you are a pharmacist by profession.
You walk an extra 20+ yards on a cement path to avoid walking on grass.
You accidentally put toothpaste on your derrier instead of Lidocaine Emla cream prior to a bicillin injection. Hey, at least I have tartar control on one side.
Posts: 743 | From New York | Registered: Apr 2009
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dmc
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5102
posted
too funny!!! Got to send this to all those on my Lyme email list
Posts: 2675 | From ct, usa | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
when getting your dressing changed becomes the highlight of your week... also the highlight of your LLMD visit b/c your favorite nurse will do it!!!
When you find out the hard way that you can't even go for a walk without feeling like you have to go to the ER.
When you go out with your friends to a restaurant, say (&^* the spirochetes, I'm getting chicken parm! ...Then feel incredibly guilty as you eat it...
-------------------- ...trying to be the coffee bean, not the egg. Posts: 420 | From East Coast | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
Phenominal!! An absolutely brilliant list! I cried and laughed and laughed and cried until my sides that already hurt ached. Thanks for sharing!
Posts: 6 | From Peoria, IL | Registered: May 2009
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posted
Thanks John...sooo funny and soooo relatable.
Just yesterday I realized my idea of getting dressed was putting on a clean pair of p.j.'s.
I so needed this gut laughter. We really are all on the same bus.....You should be on Letterman. Posts: 145 | From Paris, Tn. | Registered: Dec 2008
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Got to send this to all those on my Lyme email list
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