Topic: my daughter said on facebook we "ignored" her lyme....
2roads
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I about wanted to die.
She was 9, and that was the LAST thing we did.
I've given up everything due to trying to help my kids.
She's 19 now. How little she remembers.
I'm just crap no matter what I do.
But, heck no, NOT THAT ACCUSATION. Throw me under the bus for anything else, but not that which changed the whole existence of my life.
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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beaches
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I understand how you feel. Do not respond on FB to it whatever you do (and boy I appreciate how hard that will be).
No one can hurt as us deeply as the ones we love the most. And as her mother, you are assigned the special task of biting your tongue til it's numb.
All you can do is continue to be there for her, support her and love her, especially when it's very difficult to do so.
Our children won't realize what we've done or what we've given up until they are parents themselves.
This disease completely changed my life and that of my family. I refuse to let it tear us apart. There have been trying times and those times lasted for years.
Give your daughter time and space and continue showing her your love. Ask her if she needs to speak to a counselor about her feelings. Try not to take this too personally.
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2roads
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I didn't respond on facebook, but I did email her.
She has always felt left out, unloved. I wanted her to know she was very much loved and cared for.
My message did reflect frustration and disbelief though.
Just could not let her think that way.
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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Dogsandcats
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Had a similar situation with one of my children. Sure does hurt when you do all you can and then get responses that run that bus right over.
Just know you did the best you could and try not to engage-especially where what you write can be copied and pasted for the world to see.
Sorry.
-------------------- God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.
Billy Graham Posts: 1967 | From California | Registered: Oct 2010
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posted
I imagine kids at age 19 are really good at jerking your chains.
hang in there!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96227 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Rumigirl
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OMG, that sounds sooo painful!! I agree with Lymetoo. Their brains aren't fully developed yet, but they think that they are!! Plus, they are trying to be so independent, when they actually aren't yet.
Wow, it clearly takes the patience of a saint. That's surely the lowest blow of all for you.
WE understand! Even if she doesn't. Yet anyway.
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2roads
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Thanks Dogs, Tutu, and Rumigirl.
Ye, I don't know what tomorrow will bring....I guess who does. But right now she's getting straight A's in college, got a research position in a lab there as a junior, has a marvelous internship this summer in Chicago, coupled with a life guarding job hired as a newbie over the locals. I mean all this from a little girl who hobbled on the board walk at 9.
Unfrickenbelievable.
I know you guys understand, and that means the world to me.
Ye Tutu, she recommended her friend whose child had the two ticks on them get tested.....I thought huh, really. You of all people should know that's inaccurate. It's a start but not what to base the decisions on. I recommended a 6 week palliative therapy just in case. Maybe I'm wrong.
She never emailed me back. Usually she would if she thought she had a counter.
so disappointing.
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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payne
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understood.. the closest hurt the most.. tomorrow we may not know what it brings, But, God is there waiting for us. May He bring a change to the better in your lives as family and friends. ♥
-------------------- TULAREMIA/rabbit fever ? Posts: 1931 | From mid-michigan | Registered: Jun 2010
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2roads
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thanks payne for the encouragement and reminder of God's presence at all times in our lives-
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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OptiMisTick
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[ 11-16-2014, 08:24 PM: Message edited by: OptiMisTick ]
Posts: 1338 | From Above the Clouds | Registered: Nov 2000
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surprise
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Huh. Untreated Lyme and co-infection kids usually end up with a life of diagnosis of PANDAS (OCD, tics, emotional liability) or,
ADD, autism spectrum, bipolar, etc. and very rarely without treatment if symptomatic end up
straight A college students with internships and active lifeguard jobs. (Just sayin'.)
I'm sorry. There is obviously some kind of resentment going on. A lot of wisdom on the replies here, I think I agree to drop the subject of the past and see if you can repair the right now.
Can you go spend some time with her alone? Schedule a weekend for just the 2 of you, make it fun and create some good memories?
-------------------- Lyme positive PCR blood, and positive Bartonella henselae Igenex, 2011. low positive Fry biofilm test, 2012. Update 7/16- After extensive treatments, doing okay! Posts: 2518 | From USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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beaches
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Since she is doing so incredibly well, it's odd that all of a sudden she would post something like that on FB.
I agree that something must be hurting her, and it possibly has nothing to do with you. A boyfriend? roommate problems? Not feeling well lately?
Optimistick--what? You mean we don't perform miracles??
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beaches
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In my experience as a mother, older teens who have been sick rebel big time. Heck, other "normal" kids do too.
But the ones who have been sick especially go through some kind of stage and rebel to the extent we mothers could have never seen it coming.
This is why I am telling you to not take it personally (hard as that is), bite your tongue til it bleeds, and just be there for her no matter what.
Offer her counseling (and expect that she will reject it). Get together with her (as surprise suggested) for lunch or a shopping trip without bringing up her FB post.
And realize that she may be dating someone toxic who is not good for her. Many boyfriends are not good for girls who've been sick a long time. They often wield too much influence, telling girls what they want to hear, and can change even the strongest girl's opinion of her family.
You won't be able to change that scenario if it's the case. You'll have to ride it out, hard as it will be and it could take a long time for her to come to her senses. Just always, always be there for her. She has ONE mother and that's YOU, no one else. Vent your anger here or in other venues, but not at her.
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Offer her counseling (and expect that she will reject it). Get together with her (as surprise suggested) for lunch or a shopping trip without bringing up her FB post.
- yes
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96227 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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beaches
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As a mother, you think the hardest days are behind you.
Not the case at all when dealing with a child with TBD's.
The hardest days are yet to come.
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surprise
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Keep positive Beaches. I can't believe the hardest days are yet to come. Then why go on?
No, God is good, we love our children, we do our best.
One day at a time. Keep the faith!
-------------------- Lyme positive PCR blood, and positive Bartonella henselae Igenex, 2011. low positive Fry biofilm test, 2012. Update 7/16- After extensive treatments, doing okay! Posts: 2518 | From USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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beaches
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I say this b/c as mothers we think the hardest times are dealing with their illnesses.
Sometimes that isn't the case. Sometimes the hardest times come afterwards, when we think we've been through the darkest times.
Why go on? Because we are mothers and that's what we do, every single day. Yes, we do our best. We love our children.
God is good, you are right. I have kept the faith, but it's been tested way too many times.
When I look at my sick kids I am at a point where I question whether there truly even is a God. I ask myself what kind of a God permits this kind of suffering and for what purpose? I have prayed for their suffering to be bestowed on me instead. No mother wants her child to suffer. It's inhuman. But that's a new topic.
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beaches
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Just stay strong 2roads and others. As I was told growing up, "nothing lasts forever. Truer words were never spoken!
Have patience with your children. And always, always, always be there for them, no matter what.
They need a soft place to land once they come out of their stupidity.
And don't ever throw their stupidity in their faces, just welcome them home and embrace them.
And be happy once they've snapped out of it and are back home with you. That could take awhile!
As could sharing family dinners and watching family shows together.
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Dogsandcats
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Someone may have said this......but kids can't appreciate their parents until they are a parent. I found that true in my life.
We don't get do- overs as parents. I made mistakes and talked about them with my kids and asked for forgiveness where applicable.
I know the pain I have felt with hurtful words from my one son. I just keep telling myself he was loved, cared for, went thru all the sports, lessons etc-
Maybe she is feeling low about something she " thinks" she should be doing. It is always safest to vent to the ones who love you most.
-------------------- God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.
Billy Graham Posts: 1967 | From California | Registered: Oct 2010
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2roads
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I love you guys........
I have to go lay down. I became sick as a dog last night after trying to battle this cold/virus, and it has won.
I'll be back to read.....so helpful guys- hugs
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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2roads
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I'm better now.....for the most part.
I think my daughter always wishes she was an only child. I guess that means I did something wrong with distributing the show of love.
Soon as my son came we were hit with Lyme. That changed everything. I'm not good at dealing with stress, and things became more strained for all of us.
So problems led to more problems I guess.
I don't imagine my daughter will have the problems we had, but she will have a few of her own. I imagine she'll do fine tackling them, and I will still be &*&)*(&()*&)(*&it.
I would like to spend more time with her, but so much has transpired with my son's health issues and the events that have led up to it, coupled with the past, that maybe we'd just be doing each other a favor if we didn't strain the attempt. IDK...really sad.
I just want her to be happy, and I don't think I fit into that description.
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Rumigirl
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Give the whole situation "tincture of time." You did the best that you could. Not one of us is perfect. It's got to be really, really tough to be dealing, or to have dealt, with Bb with your kids. It's bad enough for us adults; it's simply cruel that kids have to go through it (and their poor parents).
If your daughter had been an only child, she probably would have wanted siblings! Kids often resent the next one that comes along. What can you do? Life ain't perfect!
Can you get some counseling to help to deal with your feelings? Or talk to your pastor? Or just us! We understand!
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2roads
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thanks Rumigirl,
I'm not sure if time is my friend or not. Sometimes I wish we could talk things out, but I think we tried some of that in the past. All I could say was that I was sorry.....but it was as if she wanted to say back," Sorry isn't good enough". She's quite thick-headed. Wish she was going into law not psychology. But, you know what they say about the shoemaker's kids?.........
You're right though, she probably wouldn't have been happy either way. Someday she may want a relationship with her brother. It may be too late though. Although he's a lot like me....wears his heart on his sleeve. It's a shame she never can see that. She's never ever offered to take her 11 year old brother out for ice cream. Not even when she got her own car.
I have had so much couciling-at the church, psych as well. You guys are really the best listeners, and you understand. hugs rumigirl.
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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randibear
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I'm sorry but I disagree. people often tell others their true feelings when they won't tell their loved ones.
it's obvious she harbours great resentment against her family. unless she let's go of this, and I dont think she will, trying to get her to change her mind, won't work.
is she out on her own or living at home? if at home, you might try, but if she's on her own, jus give it up.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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2roads
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What do u disagree too randi, I missed that part.
She is in a dorm, and actually is being moved home Friday. She will be here a week, and then it's off to Chicago.
I don't know about "giving up". That's not what I want to do.....I just want to keep the peace.
sad
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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randibear
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I know hon its hard. believe me nobody on here can compare to how I was raised. and y'all know what I went through with my sisters when mom died.
all i'm saying is be prepared to really be hurt when you talk to her.
I jus don't think she's going to open up. that's all.
perhaps I've seen and heard too much. so I've learned not to expect anything from anybody and that way I don't get hurt.
I recently asked my sister who has my mom's jewelry if I could have one of her bracelets. now I know she has it cause I've seen it in her house. she told me she didn't remember that bracelet and if I didn't get anything after mom's funeral. well then it was my own fault.
I'm backing off totally on contact with them.
I hope i'm wrong. I really do.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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2roads
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I'm sorry randi.....that's just not right.
I don't know how anyone can not share with their siblings what was once their parents.
My sister and I never had that problem, and my brother just didn't give a crap.
HUgs
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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beaches
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randibear, it's different when you are dealing with your child. Parents should never give up on their own children.
Time is a great healer, if we just have patience to let things play out however they will.
A mother's love for her children is unconditional, and not easy to sustain whatsoever.
I truly believe that when a mother is able to keep an open heart and an open home, a troubled child will eventually come back into the fold. Children, no matter their age, look to come home as long as "home" is a place of comfort and love.
If a mother can't do this, no one can. Children have one mother. And mothers have to suck it up, overlook an awful lot and bite their tongues, especially when the ultimate goal is to get their children back.
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2roads
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She came home yesterday for tacos with her roomate. We started bringing stuff home yesterday.
She went back to the dorm last night to break down the futon, and tonight the big stuff comes home.
It went well. I have to put on my happy face despite the sadness due to other issues.
But it's like you said beaches...."I have to suck it up". Not doing so won't take the mistakes away, just add to them.
She has an eye appt today, and then maybe we will grab some lunch together.
Hugs
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randibear
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not everyone was raised in a loving environment.
I hope it works out. lyme changes people.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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2roads
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Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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beaches
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2roads, I hope things are going well with your daughter.
And randi, you are right, not everyone was raised in a loving environment unfortunately. And yes, for sure Lyme changes people.
But when you're a mother, you have to rise to the occasion, so to speak. You have to do better for your children. You have to learn from whatever mistakes your parents made in raising you and avoid making the same ones.
And if you are a mother or a father who was not raised in a loving environment, you owe it to your children to learn from that and not repeat the same mistake twice.
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unfortunately. And yes, for sure Lyme changes people. 
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