GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
I'm sorry but I need some support.
Mostly when bartonella is bad I become impulsive.
I know it is bartonella because when I treated it the first time, these behaviours stopped.
When I was younger, it was self-destructive behaviour, like alcohol and drug abuse, and poor sexual choices.
Now it seems to be impulsive shopping, and making unreasonable plans.
Thursday I was invited to a candle party. I spent $100 on candles. Not really the best use of my savings.
Friday I went to a treatment I get for my muscle unbalance because of the bells palsy. (current applied to the muscles in my face on one side to help the lopsidedness from the bells)
Anyways, on a whim, I bought a Xmas present for my best friend. But it was $106.
Then last night, I don't know what I was thinking, I joined a dodgeball team. $85 plus $30 for kneepads.
Argh!
So my savings has been destroyed.
In 48 hours. Spend spend spend on a whim whim whim.
Please, does anyone else do impulsive things from bartonella? I feel terrible about my actions today.
At least I'll have a years worth of candles for light because at the rate I'm going-won't have money left for electricity bill.
I hate this.
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- You likely have a RETURN OPTION. Use it. UN-enroll in activities. Really. Then set up your bank account / cards to help you.
As you may tell, I can certain relate. What I've learned from my own blunders:
Yes, bartonella does tend to push the impulse button in many ways. Good observation. And good to figure out how else to address that now. It can take a while so be patient with this aspect of it.
While infections in the brain, inflammation create problems with our neurons hitting just right -- or not going ga-ga on us by grabbing all we can carry out in our arms -
- ADRENAL depletion is just as much to blame, maybe more as it can certain create a playground to satisfy impulses for some hormone highs.
And, IME, this is also about deprivation of the senses. Or feeling not quite put together as the image I created in my mind about how my person, my life, my apt. SHOULD look.
If, for whatever combination of budget, access, etc. we don't get that desire to "hunt and gather" fulfilled, it can spring on us.
Also looking at the notion to nurture ourselves, an important notion but can be sullied with today's images of the perfect setting in each room, perfect ambience and
the desire to have plenty, always ready with that candle for a dark corner or power outage.
If we have been deprived of pretty things we can feel more "deserving" to treat ourselves.
Planning in advance does help. Assessing what hits our purchase buttons faster than we can blink, too. Learning to NEVER buy the same day as we see something we want, even if we need it (or think we do) . . . sleep on the decision. Always. Always.
For that tendency to jump on a whim, either go to the library often or "shop" your library via your computer for home delivery. Many libraries will bring things or mail them to you for a reduced fee or even free for those with health issues and mobility considerations.
Find other avenues in which to experience the highs of colors, textures, artful delights. Library art books, travel videos, doing art yourself, etc.
"Shopping" the library can save your bacon for the thrill of it all. We all know it's not just about having nice things but the HUNT, the GATHER part of it. And that seems to be a theme, always on the "rinse & repeat" cycle.
So, you have your LIBRARY. Also at your fingertips for the hunter / gatherer in you: ART GALLERIES, MUSEUMS . . . the real deal but also on line. Many galleries are on line. And you can find collections and photos of anything to oooh and ahhh over on line, too. This feed that hunter / gatherer in you, too.
Well, it will feed the hunter, anyway. The gatherer just has to know you can't carry it out with you! But you have gathered the memory of the find, the experience of exploring the colors, textures, etc.
And if you find a piece of art that delights you, calls your name and "belongs" to your very soul, you are closer to learning your style and can find more economical ways to create a similar look for yourself.
For actual purchases, taking time to consider all your options for whatever you're about to plunk down money for will also buy you some TIME and often advert buyer's remorse.
And remember the RETURN option. Always.
And NEVER, EVER make any money decision if you are hungry or have low blood sugar. Really. This can really snag us. And not just with food.
Also, never do the money dance over anything if you are in a state of neurological confusion or fatigue from environment stimuli. Stores do this on purpose, you know.
Adrenal support, too, will make a huge difference in our brain power for such decisions. -
[ 11-15-2014, 01:21 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
Thanks so much Keebler for your thoughtful and heartfelt reply.
The part where you said about our reality not being about what we envision for ourselves hit home.
That would be the Dodgeball. thinking that sport and socializing on a weeknight. Maybe for normal people but I am in bed mostly by 8 everynight in reality. But in my mind somehow I envisioned a more social, active self.
Thanks for your support Keebler. You are right about the library being a good place to hunt and gather.
Could very well be an adrenal thing also. Been having problems with HPA axis lately.
Thanks for your kind words Keebler, I really do appreciate them.
Greta
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- Well, hope the words, ways of looking at this help. Another aspect that can ensnarl me:
being proactive is a good thing, right. Finally, getting that ordered is being pro-active, right? Well, not when I act like a supply sergeant.
Stocking up for coming storms, a good thing, right? Yeah, but not when I could house a full scout troupe here for month.
I did just get around to my basic storm food: four cans of pumpkin and four cans of sardines. Nuts. Extra Dark Chocolate. Two beeswax candles. That will just have to do.
The girl scout mentality of always being prepared, having lived through many Wisconsin winters, my vision of storm preparedness can be intense.
I'm glad to report that I've managed to scale that back. Mostly as there is no money for more but it's also kind of fun to see just how little I can get by on. Usually far less than I thought. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- Greta,
In case you still may want to cancel your order:
I forget if you have MCS or are sensitive to scents. Likely, you did not buy candles that were not okay with your senses. Still, likely the are petroleum wax.
And, even if you don't have MCS, both the petroleum wax and also any synthetic scents are endocrine disruptors - whether burned or even just sitting there.
Also, be sure the wick does not contain any metal in it. It's illegal for that in the U.S. but not for candles coming in from other countries that may still allow lead in their wicks. You can see it, usually, if it's there, it would be a fine metal line in the middle of the wicks fabric.
So, when you burn then, you really need to be sure your place is well ventilated about every 2 hours. For everyone, not just those with health challenges.
Beeswax candles are safer in that regard (they don't off gas petroleum) even if they cost more and why so good for snow storms or power outages in the winter when you don't want to have to air flush every two hours. They also do not create soot for the walls like petroleum candles can.
they have their own scent but since it's not synthetic, I do just fine with it. Rather earthy and like honey. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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"We all know it's not just about having nice things but the HUNT, the GATHER part of it."
True!
Greta... I would cancel the dodgeball thing and get back whatever money you can on that.
Maybe the candles will make nice gifts?
Hope you can calm yourself down some. I agree that being hungry can affect our decision making sometimes. (esp at the grocery store!)
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96227 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
Keebler I had a great belly chuckle about your "supply sargent" comment!
So true! Like a need 8 dozen candles. Only for a zombie apocalypse! Haha.
And you are right, most are scented. Greener Grass. Tabouti Safari.
No wonder my spending went offscale...with scent names like that my subconscious must've been thinking of better times ahead. With the mere purchase of 8 dozen candles...
The dodgeball is not refundable. One gets a credit with the company that organizes the games. Sigh. But the knee pads are, so as soon as they arrive I will send them back.
I am returning the gift for my best friend. She will laugh with me/at me and be OK with a nice card or something homemade. Thank goodness for that.
But I really can't get over how the spending comes in waves. Maybe I should add it to my symptom calender and see if it is patternable (flares) or triggered by something (emotional).
Thanks for your support Keebler and Lymetoo. I greatly appreciate it.
Very much so.
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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Judie
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Member # 38323
posted
I just keep visualizing a dodgeball circle with ALL your candles lit around it.
Your best friend's opening her gift in the middle of the circle.
People playing dodgeball trying to avoid hitting your friend and you holding the knee pads over your nose to "block" the scents wafting from the candles while trying to kick the ball.
My mind combined all the images of your purchases into a crazy bad dream!
Posts: 2839 | From California | Registered: Jul 2012
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- I have taken to cutting out pictures and showing to my friends about what I would have gotten for them. They always appreciate the thought, and the laugh.
I'd probably have no trouble with dodgeball . . . anything something moves fast within my field of vision, my inner ear sends me right to the floor ! -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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Judie
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posted
"But I really can't get over how the spending comes in waves."
I think sometimes we want to be well so badly, the stress of these illnesses (both emotional and physical) causes us to do some things even healthy people do like impulse purchasing when they're stressed.
Hey, you had enough sense to reign it in after a few days! Good job Greta!
You already know this is a symptom of bartonella and you know what to do. That's really good.
Posts: 2839 | From California | Registered: Jul 2012
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posted
It's funny how I will desperately want something and then a few days later I'll wonder what made me want it!
Normally I can control myself because we are so low on cash. I am good at returning anything I need to.
So I understand your impulsiveness. I get it but it's usually under reasonable control. I think our emotions drive a lot of our purchases.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96227 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
Hi <<<<< Greta-pack-sis' >>>>>>,
I am so glad you asked about this, it is answering some questions for me. We, TxC' and I, have to budget very carefully,especially right now.
We have been trying to figure out some things,and the impulse behaviour issues make sense big time!!! We are on not just a diet,but healthy eating life style sojourn,and both TxC' and I have had issues w/ Bartonella.
Would it be correct to think that the phases of the moon, also can affect our impulses while battling Bart' as well as other co-infections???
I am finding this subject, very interesting, and the discussion super helpful. Thanks again Greta' and all who replied,on your thread!!!
Jus' Silverwolfi here
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
Haha Judie! Now that you mention the candle circle and dodgeball thing, I can't get it out of my mind!
Haha Keebler! Yes, you can be on my dodgeball team! Maybe those of us with lyme will have a sport we are good at! Haha. I tend to hit the ceiling when something startles me...we'll both be tricky targets to hit!
Lymetoo-I know! Exactly! Today when I was thinking about the candle I went "huh? Wt..."
Silverwolf-thanks so much for your kind words! I can't tell you what a relief it is to not be the only one that has struggled with this.
I agree about making a list and sticking to it.
I told my friend I needed help with it, and she went grocery shopping with me today, and I stuck to my list.
Honestly, I felt good about that.
Thank you very much for your kind words and sunny-side thinking, friends.
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- Well, if there's a buzzer to this game, that's a whole different action. Motion = faint & shocking noise = instant rocket blast to the moon (like you!)
The latter may be more appropriate for volley ball. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
Greta .. Maybe you'll have to give your credit cards to your friend when you are feeling wonky!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96227 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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LisaK
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 41384
posted
wow, I am so glad you posted this.
I have always had these ways of crazy bad compulsive decisions, etc. and never really thought of that they could have been my bart.
it makes sense though, now that I feel better I do have a way easier time resisting these impulses! and I am way calmer and practical.
my husband def still has issues with this sx. he goes grocery shopping and buys things we never use just becasue they are on sale and they are always a waste of money
I have tons of stuff I have purchased , just sitting there in the closet, in a box, whatever. clothes that I would ' fit into one day' . o boy.
and eating..... there have been torturous times when I could not stop eating no matter how hard I have tried or how full I was.
eating may have also been a nutrient deficiency thing, but probably or maybe a combo?
I still get thoughts to do something terribly compulsive, but not nearly as often. but seems to be even more frightening in the way it manifests itself in this stage of the game.
:/
Greta, maybe it would help for you to think up some kind of distraction ahead of time and when you feel this urge grab onto that distraction and focus on it for the duration.
like something mentally or physically stimulating that could satisfy the compulsion. maybe one of those paddles where you have a rubber band attached to a ball and you have to paddle it? or that big blow up balloon thing on a rubber band that you punch over and over in the air.
It wouldn't help if you were out around town , shopping or at a candle party, but I found I just need to decline those since I can never say no even with $5 in the bank!
I will be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way about this.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3562 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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Judie
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posted
"I told my friend I needed help with it, and she went grocery shopping with me today, and I stuck to my list. "
What a fantastic friend! I'm so glad that you have that support. Posts: 2839 | From California | Registered: Jul 2012
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