OK--It's late and I "should" be in bed preparing for a trip tomorrow but a 4 hour nap superceeded any nighttime fatique.

Just got off medical questions-trying to read and absorb a very interesting and ground-breaking topic.

I cannot stand this inability to read and understand anymore. I am so frustrated I broke down and cried...and cried.

I know that it's Lyme-brain-but knowing it just doesn't help. I WANT MY BRAIN BACK!

I am also feeling helpless and hopeless for the first time-"shouldn't" be, either as I have something to look forward to tomorrow.

I can't really describe how I am feeling-it's like total devestation. How can one be aware of all the new research and hopeful discoveries when one can't even comprehend the words on the page.
?

I feel like one of The Left Behind book series. Am definitely on my pity pot tonight-beginning another herx. after 4-actually 4- pretty good days.

All the treatments-all the medicines-all the pain and sufferring-I am truly ready to chuck it all and go strictly alternative with every known therapy ever devised.

Is my body or mind going to totally break down first? I am too old and too damned tired of this whole thing.

Never one to be a quitter-MS degree-BIG DEAL-
Career trashed. But The critters don't seem to quit.

Just venting-sorry to be negative-just what to do to save my sanity?

Chocolat's melting
 

Bad days are harder after the not-so-bad days, huh.

Sometimes when I have something good to look forward, I actually feel psychologically worse because I'm so worried my 'good' day is going to turn out badly....

Here's a rule to live by: Don't try to make decisions when you're herxing, especially about treatment, and especially if you're having good-day windows. Think about this stuff when your head is clearer.

So anyway. The way I manage is...I decide to worry about it tomorrow. Because your brain actually will come back. Several years ago, driving home from work, I couldn't remember where I was, what state I was in (we'd moved 2 years earlier), or what year it was. I had to pull over to the side of the road for a while. I decided to keep going in the direction the car was pointed, and I made it home. What a horrible trip.

So for now, just keep going in the direction you're pointed. It's certainly worthwhile to take a good look at the other therapies, but wait until you're a little clearer.

And don't worry about not understanding the Dr. Marshall post. I think about 4 people actually do. Maybe someone will kindly take pity and do one post with a summary of the protocol and a list of the concerns....There will be updates, anyway.

And until then,on your next good day just print it out, and highlight the main points and make some notes to yourself. And talk to your doc...

Good luck, hope tomorrow is fun for you!

My IQ is still high, so I've figured out how to cover.

I've learned now that I just have to read things repeatedly. Sometimes repeatedly repeatedly. And without spellcheck, I can't spell.

I know it is hard, but the easier you can be on yourself, the better everything will work. Don't push. When I can't remember a word, I've learned to do some pretty expressive sign language. Ususally if I leave it alone, it comes back later.

Just try to keep doing things that INTEREST you. That keeps the brain cells improving. Let go of the things that don't work, as much as possible.

It also can get better. Some days are just harder than others. Hang on, a better one is surely coming your way.
 

Leaving town in 30 min.--2 hours behind schedule !

Just wanted to say thank you for quick responses. Good advice from you all-ya'll- it's the Southern in me-

It is amazing how a few words of encouragement can change your entire perception of things.

First time I have experienced a "melt-down"- probably won't be the last-but know I can have a reality check and put things back into order.

Much gratitude-

Chocolat
 

You guys who helped me out probably won't see this-that saddens me because-------

I just want you to know that your understanding and kind words meant the world to me.

Chocolat
 

I'm just catching up from a few days and saw your post. It is soooo frustrating to have a perfectly good brain that doesn't work up to capacity. I call myself 'the scarecrow' - you know, 'if I only had a brain'. The stuff I do or don't do, just boggles whatever mind I have left. I wonder some days how could I have possibly evolved into such a dingbat????

I was a college prof and used to reading all sorts of juicy technical stuff. Now I've found myself reading Nancy Drew because the plot isn't too complicated !!!! I love to read, but it's just too much work and I get too confused.

For now, I'm in movie mode. I read a little (force myself, actually), play word games (try 'bookworm' at yahoo). It's frustrating at times, but I talk to myself a lot. I try to remind myself that this is a darn disease.

Don't kick yourself too hard over not being able to read some of the material posted here. You have to remember that everyone's cognitive abilities are different. Some folks are hit with more neuro stuff while others still have their wits about them. I get lost in many of the articles, so I skim and try to get the gist. The benicar info is far too technical for my pea brain to handle right now and that's ok. Maybe if the posters drew pictures I might get it LOL!!!!
cootiegirl