LymeNet Flash: What do you do when your boss doesn't care?

This is topic What do you do when your boss doesn't care? in forum General Support at LymeNet Flash.

To visit this topic, use this URL:
https://flash.lymenet.org/ubb/ultimatebb.php/topic/3/10640

Posted by slcd (Member # 5708) on :

I've been working really hard at trying to keep working full time through my relapse. I've been being treated again for about a month and a half now, and I've only had to go home sick twice. (Granted, maybe a lot for a healthy person, but I don't think it's a lot for someone with a disease). I've never completely "called in" either, I always try to come in and get at least some work done.

I've also tried to sit down with my boss and explain my brain "issues" (primarily speaking, concentration, attention span, memory, and work recollection) so that he could feel free to be honest with me if he sees me making any mistakes.

But when I try to explain anything about what's going on with me he just completely changes the subject.

The couple of times that I've had to go home (like yesterday I left 2 hours early) he told me, "but you look like you've been feeling better lately! You've lost weight and everything!"

Ok, granted I've dropped 20 lbs., but part of that's because I can't hold any food down! Other than that I'm exhausted constantly and I'm popping vicodin almost everyday at work because I'm in so much pain. Maybe I do look fine, but if I do, it's because I'm pushing myself so hard!

What do I do to try and make him understand what's going on with me?! I really don't want to lose my job, but I don't know how to make him understand!

Posted by TheCrimeOfLyme (Member # 4019) on :

Have any lyme seminars coming up in your area? take him to one if he is willing to go

Other than that, I have no suggestions. I have worked for the same bosses for two years, albeit having to quit for four months due to being sick. My one boss totally understands

the other boss when I say " I am having a herx". Still says to this day "WHO?"

Posted by amyb (Member # 5520) on :

i know how you feel..it is hard enough to get close family and friends to understand.

maybe print some info on here about herxing and symptoms...MAYBE he will read it...hopefully he will and he will be more understanding...if not you can always come and live with me and crimeoflyme and others..see my post "whos with me"

GOOD LUCK...

amyb

Posted by minoucat (Member # 5175) on :

Hate to tell you this, but the most likely answer is -- he doesn't want to know. He thinks it's your thing to deal with, not his. He's grasping at any evidence (you've lost weight, you look good) to support his hypothesis that he can continue status quo.

Most people feel that way -- gee, we're sorry and all, but why, exactly, is this my problem? Bosses especially. They have a job to get done, and you're valuable to the extent that you can do it. It's a point of view I can understand, although it's hell to live with, and when something happens to them or their kid, they'll see the world a little differently.

You have my complete sympathy. This is a very difficult thing to work out. The burden is always ends up being on you to come up with solutions, not on them to understand. And with the way sx change in this disease, what works for you one week may not the next.

The only thing I can tell you is -- focus on getting well, even if it means taking a lesser position or less time and less money. Estimate what you think you can do every day (the every day part is important), and then cut back from that by 10%. Use the leverage you have legally as a chronically ill person to force a workable accomodation. Tell everyone what a great manager your boss is that he can keep the team soooo productive even when working around medical issues. Once you're well, you can regain your ground.

The emotional pain becomes less once you understand that other people won't understand. Then, when someone amazingly does understand, it comes as a delightful shock.

Good luck

Posted by artbyjessie on :

Thank goodness I have a very understanding boss.
One thing you might want to try is having your LLMD write a note saying that you cannot work a full 40 hours every week.
I work for a large company, and they have HR forms that I had my LLMD fill out saying that I have to cut back my hours. I know it's not feasible for everyone financially....

but maybe if you at least have it in writing from your doctor that you have a serious illness it will help your boss believe it.

It has taken a huge burden off of me to have that on file so that no one can look at my strangely anymore when I disappaer early for a nap.
It's eitehr they tolerate that or they lose me to disability.

I feel for you - you are in a tough spot.

Posted by slcd (Member # 5708) on :

Does anyone know exactly what my rights are under ADA. I know what they would be if I had been hired with a known disability, but I'm a little bit fuzzy as to what they are when you have that disability when you already have the job. (Here's the scary thing . . . I AM HR! But in my defense I was recently thrown into the position, so I'm still learning everything.)

[This message has been edited by slcd (edited 11 August 2004).]

Posted by Lishs mom (Member # 2344) on :

Im sorry your going through this.
When I owned my business, a small business, we unfortunatly could not worry about employee problems when those problems affected the way the company ran, or all of us would have been out of a job.
As a small company, I allowed my employees who had trouble, the option of split shifting with other employees who needed time off. This did mean that I could not afford to continue medical coverage, and salary was cut accordingly.

Unfortunatly the small business owner has to meet certian requirements income wise to keep the company afloat...this may mean that the chronically ill employee who can not perform their job will be let loose.

I am so sorry to hear of your issue, I hope you can work it out, or find another more "compassionate" boss.

Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :

Just brainstorming answers to you question....what do you do when your boss doesn't care.....

1 Get a new boss. (but, then the new one could be worse. HA)

2. Just do you job the best you can and stay out of the way.

3. Spend as little time as possible around the boss.

4. Last but not least....be patient with yourself and others and use your strength to get well.

I have learned the past 3 years that most people don't have a clue. I was one of those people. I don't know how I would be if the shoe was on the other foot before having lyme.

I have learned that those who do understand are few and I feel it is a gift that they have that most do not have.

What is your boss good at. What gifts does he have?

Posted by Larkspur (Member # 5131) on :

I had a nice, friendly relationship with my boss before I got sick. All of a sudden close to a year ago I became severely ill (nerolyme, bedridden etc.) Well, I had to take a leave of absence and my boss called often, was sweet as can be (she kept saying "We're all rootin' for ya'") and talked about "when you come back" Well, the second my FMLA was up, I was coldly informed by her that I no longer had my position (no warning) and never heard from her again (Yes, it was legal)
I've given up trying to figure out people in the work place...

Posted by slcd (Member # 5708) on :

What amazes me is that, according to our receptionist, (who's worked here for 18 years), he's never had anything bad happen in his life or to anyone he cares about. So, I think he just really has no concept, nor does he care to.

My dad is pushing for me to go on disability. He figures he's been paying into social security for long enough that someone in his family who's truly sick should benefit from it.

But I've heard it's really hard to get social security benefits . . .