Then it all took a turn. I started leaving class in tears because I would look at the pages but they would\d mean anything to me. I couldn't understand. I had to memorize my piano music as best I could because I couldn't read the music and play at the same time anymore, couldn't keep up with everyone else. I would literally become a sobbing fool and have to get up and leave. I even forgot my daughter at daycare not once but 3 times in 1 month and I am a good mom my children mean everything to me. that really gotme

So I started talking to my advisor. I wanted to know what to do o get evaluated for adult ADD. That was 1 week before the servere migraines, then the stroke, then seizures. Now ten months later I can hardly remember my own phone number. I do fine writing and typing, putting scentences together. (spelling sucks) It is the info going in that I can't procsess. Reading allot.

It has to be simple. I cry allot over it. Sitting here at my computer I cry. When I am reading and have to throw up a piece of paper because I keep loosing my place, or my face is all scrunched up because I am trying so hard to understand something but I just can't.

I was really ugly to Treepatrol on Medical questions yesterday and feel really badly about it. The post that Treepatrol left me actually made me cry because I had just explained that I couln't understand all that stuff and then the post he/she left had what I thought to be an insensitive comment and a whole webpage full of medical jargan that I can't comprehend. First I was hurt and cried, then got really angry and left an ugly post. I am on meds to. I am not usually vengfull.

Treeparol wrote back and said she/he didn't read the post I had left about medical jargan and how sorry He/she was. Now I feel horrible. I feel like I took my aggression out on someone else. I was mainly just upset because I can't figure this stuff out on my on.

My kids pick on me because I stutter and say my words wrong. I lagh with them but end up crying about it later. They don't know any better. I get so embarrased when I am talking to someone and forget my whole train of thought they even tell me the last thing I said but I don't have a clue where I was going with it.

I used to be very a outgoig public person. I have perfomed on stage since I was 8. Now I do everything I can to avoid being in a croud where I have to talk to people other than close friends or family.

Just thought I would see if there were others that have depression issues due to cognitive problems

Thanks
Cindy
 

I know exactly what you are talking about. I'm a packaging consultant and since the beginning of the year - have terrible problems with even simple calculations (I should be able to do this stuff in my sleep!) Same problem with reading. I used to be an avid reader but now if I make it through one page to the next I can't remember what happened on the first one. Ughh!

Please know that you are not alone. As frustrating as it is - kids love you and know your their Mom.

The frustration, anger and "stupids" test us all but we will win in the end. If you need to vent feel free to e-mail me if you'd like.

Hang in there!

Peace & healing.

------------------
Hugz!
Lenora
 

Thanks
Cindy
 

Oh, golly....do I understand that, and more.

I think I have just done that so long that I am sorta used to it, ask my mom, rosesisland. hehe

These do tend to make you feel stupid. I understand about the reading stuff too, I think that may be part of why I never enjoyed to read much. (besides the fact of falling asleep the second paragraph)

Hopefully your meds will help clear it all up. My mom went through a couple of months of stuttering and stammering her words and thoughts. VERY FRUSTRATING!!!! To say the least.

Take Care of yourself Cindy, and know you have friends here that care.

Amanda

I can relate, big time. Im 28 years old, raising a mental retarded child with autism AND lyme, a 6 year old little girl with trashed kidneys AND lyme and then a 10 year old with mental problems, behavioral problems that most likely are from lyme.

I get laughed at constantly for saying the wrong words. I have literally called my littel girl "hey little girl" on times I dont remember her name. There have been plenty of ocassions that "hey little girl " doesnt work

and I have to call her "bouncy curl girl, come here"

I've meant to ask for the phone and asked for "Some foam"

Etc, the list goes on. The stupidest thing I have said was to my 10 year old son

"Go up stairs and get my breasts"
I wasnt even close to what I meant as I really wanted him to go up stairs and get me some tissue for my nose.

It IS horrendous, but the good news is that it DOES get easier with treatment. In the meantime, think of it is as temporary and do not let it get you down.

I've lost 99.9 percent of that symptom except for when i am really herxing.

Its still really frustrating though when you are trying desperately to say something and get laughed at. I have explained to my kids NOT to laugh at me or simply put, they have to sit and think about how that hurts me.

I have also gained ALOT OF weight and the fat jokes halted in about two weeks of my kids losing their games, etc for laughing and saying it looked like I ate their little brother.

They may not understand this disease, but I'll be go to hades if they are going to make fun of it, or me, or anyone else disabled for any reason!

Instead of my telling my kids about lyme ( even though my 6 year old does have it) , I simply told them that I hurt my tongue and it doesnt say the right stuff anymore due to my disease and that I would

appreciate it if they would knock it off and that I wouldnt laugh at them if they skinned their knees.

Depends on how old your kids are though, but in any case, I hope this helps.

I used to cry alot too, now honestly, I do laugh alot at myself.

Softballmom,I really do hope that you get better soon.In a way I think that the nero probems with Lyme as bad as the physical (for me).I understand how you feel about school.

[This message has been edited by trecetetodromonmetabia (edited 28 December 2004).]
 

I look at her and her eyes are as big as goose eggs. She said I just wanted to tell you something. I thought she was warning me or something. All the kids bust out laughing she ask me have I lost my mind. I said you can't loose what you never had. I started laughing too. Then I said that was really not funny. Had there been someone behind me we could have been in an accident.

I know that was a little off the subject. Since I have been on the abx's lots of things have gone haywire and the cognitive problems have gotten even worse. It makes me feel better to have someone to talk to that knows what it is like.

For a while I questioned myself as to if I really was going crazy.

Thanks forlistening and giving me the feedback,

Cindy