So, I'm on my 4th week of abx (doxy, 600mg). I can barely drag my feet along to make a step. I'm at a point where I'd rather stay home and cry. I end up feeling so crummy after going out that I cry anyway.
I need to hang on to someone to walk anyway (as always). I am just so tired of being asked: 'What's the problem now?'
Obviously, the problem is there and worse than before. Don't make me explain myself AGAIN PLEASE! I'm the victim here. I barely understand what's going on with this herx stuff...
I can understand that it's a lot for others to deal with me, but I hate it more! How am I ever going to find the right explanation? How do I go out? What's even more scary is how can I ever show myself on a date again??
My heart thanks you for listening.
Sometimes the meds and the lyme make it seem hopeless. Then you have a little better day and you realize you can do this.
Go take a rest and watch something funny on tv.
Janet
I am sorry you are in this place right now. You CAN get better, you WILL. It isnt easy and it will take time.
I hate saying YES I AM STILL SICK and I AM NOT GETTIN BETTER BY TOMORROW you FREAkin JERK! Even to my mom....
no, I dont say that to her, but I WANT to! 
A good read would be Dr. Wiseass's blog, she makes me laugh when it seems there is nothing else to do but cry! I hope she doest mind my advertising her site???
http://twistoflyme.blogspot.com/2005/01/once-upon-time-woman-got-lyme.html
You'll go out and date and find someone who loves you even if you cant be painting the town every night. You don't need to hide who you are to find someone who will love you, there are others who have suffered, and who understand suffering. Not thru Lyme per se, but thru other horrible things.
It is Friday nite and it is hard to be on the weekend and be sick in the summer, isnt it?
Frickin pisses me off to no END that my young life is being wasted coz some thing this big
.
bit me 15 years ago!
I have had many years of symptom free life. MOST of those 15 years were symptom free. It is hard to remember right this minute.
Hold on there and hang in there. We are here for you and understand when things are just crap. Crap crap crap. That is one of my fav words.
I am rambling on your post, trying to let you know that it will get better and you will get your life back again. And you will be a better and more compasionate person too.
Not that you needed to learn that eh?
Hoping you find some peace and fun somehow this weekend!
Trails
I am so sensitive right now. Your messages of hope bring me to tears. I wish I was stronger today...
I'll keep getting used to feeling like yuck. It gets to the point where I forget what it feels like to be 'normal.' Right now, that just seems like a dream, a mirage.
I really do appreciate having a good childhood and youth. I have enjoyed not feeling the nasty effects of being bitten.
I just hate wasting these good years locked up in my room crying. You guys are right. I need to laugh tonight!
My sincere thanks for everything.
My mother doesn't even call to see how I am. At first she would say "aren't you over that yet". Now she just pretends I'm OK. Some of my friends have been great though.
I got through the tough parts day by day, hour by hour. You won't always feel the way you do right now. I've had some good surprises when things suddenly got better. Just do what you need to do each day to be good to yourself.
Things will improve over time. Think positive.
hatsnscarfs
So sorry you're feeling so miserably - but as you can see most people around here can relate.
I haven't taken doxy, but I have taken mino - and I want to say upfront that I'm not really a doctor. BUT my doc has taken me OFF antibiotics for a few days OR has LOWERED my dose if my herx symptoms get as bad as what it seems you're saying.
I know that may be 'controversial' - as there are many things controversial with Lyme, so who cares...
Anyway - I'm not offering you medical advice...but I will tell you that my LLMD's opinion (and other LLMD's share this opinion too, I believe) is that "slow and steady wins the race".
My LLMD firmly believes in antibiotic vacations (a few days off) so that the body can recoop from having to deal with all those toxins from the kill off.
When you're herxing - it's all the toxins from the dying bacteria that are causing you to herx. If the kill off is TOO FAST - sometimes the body can't handle it - and some people can become critically ill and land in the hospital. And so far, I don't think there's a hospital in the good ol' USA that's got all their ER docs educated about how to treat Lyme patients!
Just think about it...call your doc...research other LLMD opinions.
I wish you well...and remember that eventually: "This too shall pass."
I know you'll have better days ahead.
Blessings,
------------------
DR. Wiseass - not a real doc - just a real wise ass.
www.twistoflyme.blogspot.com
We had to hospitalize him, just to regulate his pain meds. They gave him fentanyl patches, tramadol, and oxycodone, and he still had severe pain. He had visual hallucinations [saw me walking, when I was sitting down], had auditory hallucinations [kept hearing gunshots] wore sunglasses indoors on cloudy days.
Slept in the same room with him for months because we were scared to have him go to sleep on his own.
Today, he's back in school full days, rides his ATV, goes swimming. He has little recollection of the months of agony he endured [thankfully]. Looks and acts, like any other teenage boy, you'd never know he was sick a day in his life.
You'll get better to, hang in there, and post when your feeling down. Everyone here knows exactly what your going through.