Lyme, you're a four letter word Closely resembling turd Dropped by a bird Left by a herd We won't rest 'til we see you interred.
You live in a bug in the grass That sucks on good people who pass But we belong to a faction That celebrates action We'll straighten out your little squiggly *** .
You're Ugly, you're Scum You're Dirt, you're a Bum (Each with a capital letter) You're Disgusting, you Smell You should go straight to Hell (There, now I feel so much better).
We're warriors, we won't stop 'til we're through We're determined to eradicate you The future's no mystery You'll be ancient history And your buddy Erlichea, too!
The ORIGINAL Night Before Lyme Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas And out on the 'net The Lymies were talking about What they would get
They talked of prescriptions Their stockings were fillin' Doxy, Amoxy Zithro, Ampicillin
Flagyl, Mepron, Claforan, Tinidazole Some on I.V. Rocephin Stuck tied to a pole.
After a while they went off to their beds And dreamed of being healthy And not needing meds.
They rode bikes and scooters and jogged in the Fall Took out the kids For a game of football
Went picnicking, camping Swam in the stream But then they awoke It was only a dream
Out came the Excedrine Out came the Aleve But wait! A whisper Hard to believe!
A calling Quiet at first Then louder and louder As if the sky burst!
A saint? An apostle? Can't make a decision Some sort of salvation Of undetermined religion
"Come out all you Lymies If you don't you'll regret Tonight is a night You'll never forget"
Lights on, out they stumbled With sleep in their eyes Unhooked their I.V.s And looked to the skies
There was Frank, there was Julie Annie, Barb too Lovey and Georgia And from New Jersey, Sue
There was Brite and Kathleen MisTick and her brood Rufie and Joel (He's a real cool dude!)
Judiann, Martha Michelle, Jenny, Don, Pat, and Lou Robyn and Jon
I saw Kay, Bryan, Amy And Sarah, and Art And Joel, and others All waiting to start
"Look what I've brought You won't be dismayed You all have insurance Your bills are all paid
"An extended vacation For the O.P.M.C. And freedom to practice For all L.L.M.D.s
So forget swollen knees Your future's secure We've killed Lyme disease I brought you the cure!
And there's no more Erlichea So each little tick Will still be disgusting But it won't make you sick.
Next morning was painless Out in the sun They did all the things They missed, that were fun
Now they still talk on the 'net But their love is enough And instead of disease They just talk about stuff.
Babesia Tole Erlichea
Babesia told Erlichea "Let's go have some fun We'll fly on down to Ticktown To see the ponies run.
Put on your hotpants, I'll wear my red dress We'll fly the Black Crow Airway We'll be at the club tomorrow night And sleep right on the fairway.
A quick-trip tick will do the trick It's off to the county fair We'll settle in twixt hair and skin And dine on a dark bay mare
We'll stay a day down in the bay And start a bacterial brood Or hitch downtown to the local pound Depending on your mood".
Erlichia told Babesia "Before I get much thinner Pack your stuff, I've heard enough Let's go on out to dinner!
There once was a chick from Nantucket Who brought home a tick in her bucket, She was lucky this time She didn't get Lyme And as for the tick she said "fuhgeddabout it, I'm gonna spray the little bugger".
A Night at Kathy's Korner
In front of Kathy's Korner There was room for many cars For it was still quite early For this seediest of bars.
Kathy was setting up as usual And everything seemed all right But there was something insidious About the guests on the way that night.
The Drummer arrived first And dragged his drums on in He was fat, pimply and pushy And nobody's kin.
Shortly thereafter Arrived the guitar Then with the bassman They stepped up to the bar.
Finally the vocalist With her usual frown The band took their drinks To the stage and sat down.
Outside, a Bovine violin was lost in the dark, Whining and crying And trying to park.
As the first notes were struck The band came alive And with a hiss and a shudder The Party arrived.
Some entered the front door Some came through the back Some lay dormant, under the floor And oozed up through the cracks.
The band started rocking Like they could do no wrong The Bovine violin Just did not know the song.
The Party was as evil As the worst witches' brew They had killed more people Than any criminal crew.
There were Rickettsia species And Salmonella Pneumococcus, Mycoplasma Chlamydia, Bartonella.
Erlichia danced With Leptospirosis The Borrelia species Defied diagnosis
Brachyspira danced wildly With his old friend Brucella And I saw Treponema With her latest fella..
Some waited tables For all this riff-raff They weren't Union waiters But they were all Staph.
Kathy danced on the bar Letting everything gyrate Spindly limbs flying Olive Oyl on a hot-plate.
The Borrelia species Jumped out of their cysts Got up and danced (What else?) The Twist!
Pneumococcus said "rock us We ain't no suckas You know you can't shock us We're bad mutha-fuya's".
Lactobacillus yelled "Thrill us Make with the jive If you don't fulfill us Noone leaves here alive!
(Now the band didn't have to hear anymore They'd each been in that chapel room before With a loved one's casket, there on the floor The somber clergyman with mercy to implore The deceased a victim of this Devil's Corps To enjoy the warmth of love and sunshine no more The hushed whispering, just outside the door Each band member instinctively knew what was in store).
The Cocci were cockeyed The Bacilli were stiff They raved and they reeled To each rock and roll riff.
Faster and louder The music superphonic Paint peeled from the ceiling The band looked Demonic.
Kathy slipped out Not a minute too soon While the Bovine violin Was still out of tune.
The room grew hotter As the music played faster The overheated Party Faced bacterial disaster.
Cell walls melted Cytoplasm dried Flagella burned away As the Party was fried.
Kathy's Korner became Kathy's Courthouse The band was the judge The defendants got the maximum sentence And became bacterial sludge.
The band packed up as the sun arose And left laughing and joking Kathy left too, and never looked back At the ooze of death still smoking.
Kathy's Korner looks the same I drove through that town the other day Nobody wants any part of it They can't sell it, or rent it, or give it away.
Kathy's moved to Mexico Where she runs a Drive-in called Queenie's Getting rich on an original dish Nachos and McSweenies.
Now Kathy's Korner's empty Nobody goes that way Except some nights, a Bovine violin Who still thinks he wants to play.
Posted by Michelle M (Member # 7200) on :
Bob, you have truly missed your calling!!!!
I laughed myself silly reading (and mentally humming!)
What a splendid Christmas card to us all.
I'm so glad, what with the recent frantic activities on the board, that this gem did not slip off the page!