LymeNet Flash: I don't know how to do this anymore.

This is topic I don't know how to do this anymore. in forum General Support at LymeNet Flash.

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Posted by trueblue (Member # 7348) on :

I am on no meds, I don't have any answers, I am having symptoms that were gone for the few months in treatment coming back at an alarming rate and those on top of the toxic reaction/herx created by the treatment which has cleared just in time for this stuff to begin.

I have nothing: no support, no treatment plan, no hope, no nothing, living conditions I shouldn't have to live with...

I am on hold for possibly the rest of my life. I do now want to stay in this place and can't get any help or understanding. I am alternating between crying, raging and laughing, none of it is funny.

I can not do anything about it but suffer. I can not and will not take my life but I don't want it.

Posted by trails (Member # 1620) on :

i crieed reading your post my friend. I feel it into my bones.

wanna chat in the room? cant afford phone bill right now.

Posted by trueblue (Member # 7348) on :

I'm sorry trails, I didn't mean to make anyone else cry.

I wouldn't mind chatting if you're up for it.

Thank you [kiss]

Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :

Trails, you can always call me too. I have free long distance, so just give me your ph# again if you need me.

It's really tough to deal with EVERYTHING ELSE on top of Lyme. I understand completely.

[group hug]

true

Posted by trueblue (Member # 7348) on :

Thanks Tutu [kiss]

I PMed you.

Posted by serendipity (Member # 8474) on :

True,
It makes me sad to hear about your problems. I envision you well taking pictures and arranging floweres, sitting on a balcony ...enjoying life.

I can understand much of what you are going through. I have almost no supprots, other then my doctor. Who may be leaving. I just got out a moldy apartment. Ok, I'm not trying to put together a pity party of two. Just that you are not alone by means.
[group hug]

Will send you a pm

Posted by serendipity (Member # 8474) on :

One more thing,
Do not take your life. I almost did a year and a half ago. A good friend who had attempted suicide twice promised me that I would get to a point where I would be grateful that I had chosen to live. It was hard to belive but I believed her as she had been in enough despair to make two attempts.

Now I am so grateful that I am still here.

Posted by Vermont_Lymie (Member # 9780) on :

hi true,

I am really sorry to hear how you are feeling now.

Please hang in there with all of us, and for all of us, going through similar states. I know we can all get to a better place.

[kiss]

Posted by lymemomtooo (Member # 5396) on :

True, when all else fails, remember how many people you have been able to help and hold on to the fact that you can still help others while you are trying to get yourself thru this.

We have been so fortunate that our daughter is still here but she is often if great despair. I attempt to convince her that it will get better and she is here for a purpose. It is not God's intent for her to be successful with suicide attemps.

You have brightened my day or more than one occasion and sometimes my days are pretty rough..Get better and find some help..lymemomtooo

Posted by MagicAcorn (Member # 8786) on :

True -

I understand what you mean about not wanting a life with Lyme anymore.

I hope you and trails chatted it out together. Sometimes a good cry can be very healing and just what the soul needs.

I have been on hold and then taken off hold and it can be a vicious cycle.

Tonight go outside and sit, and have it out with the man upstairs. Tell him how you feel. Share the good the bad and the ugly.

You may not get a cure, but you may just get some peace of mind to carry you on until your hold is taken off.

I haven't been on chat the last two weeks as I've had things to do. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get back on chat and you will be feeling more like your old self.

[group hug]

I figure you can never have enough hugs. Take care True.

Posted by trueblue (Member # 7348) on :

Ser, Vermont, LMT and MagicAcorn,

Thank you for your support, advice and everything. It's really is greatly appreciated.

Please don't get me wrong; There's is no way I would or could take my own life. It's very different to just not want to live this way as opposed to putting an end to it.

Do I want to be out of this place I am, absolutely? Hurting everyone around me and having the possibility of having to do it all over, totally not an option.

I still just don't want to do this, ok? I know that this will all sound stupid to me tomorrow or later or in a few days or weeks.

Thank you for the hugs and stuff. [kiss]

Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :

I've been saying to myself, "Where's Trueby? I haven't talked to her in so long. I've been so caught up in my own stupid dilemmas. I miss her silliness."

Imagine my shear horror to find you here, in this terrible place! [shake]

I'm sorry, my friend, I've been neglecting you. Apparently when you most need hugs [Frown]

Do you Yahoooooooooo? [Wink]

Ali

Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :

PS - Somebody told me crying releases toxins! [Big Grin]

Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :

Hey! If you're feeling miserable, who's going talk ME out of being miserable? [Frown]

Yes, It's all about ME!!!!! [Wink]

There's a full moon on Sunday. You'll feel better by Tuesday! [group hug]

Have you been doing laundry again?? [Big Grin]

Look at me, I can dance!! [woohoo]

Posted by AZURE WISH (Member # 804) on :

Hi trueblue,

Sorry things are so terrible right now.

Ive been in treatment for awhile... and due to various reasons (a ducks, and a bunch of complications) I have gone back to square one a few time.

It always feels like I had been climbing mt everast alone - made it so far up through the harshest weather-

only to be kicked back down to the bottom... and know that somehow if I want my life back I am going to have to go through all the same trials all over again.

Its overwhelming to look up at the mountain .... It always seems biggest when your laying battered at its base...

what I am trying to say in my usual rambly way

Is that I've been there... just sick of being sick ... sick of all the limits that this disease has imposed on my life, life goals, and being.

The thing is that I always manage to find a way to start climbing again... no matter how bloody and beaten I had become.

You will find your way back up trueblue. Hang in there.

As long as I am awake enough I should be on chat tommorow night.

[group hug]

Posted by trueblue (Member # 7348) on :

Ali,
I've been wondering where you were too. Last I heard you weren't sitting too well.

And you crack me up; yes we can be lunatics together.

Thank you for all those hugs. [kiss]

Posted by trueblue (Member # 7348) on :

Thank you Azure,

I can't say anything else after that.

You said it perfectly only I feel like I'm starting from underground looking at that mountain.
*takes a deep breath*

Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :

I'm here, if you feel like talkin'. [Smile]

Ali

Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :

Do you think maybe a great big bowl of Linguini with Garlic & Oil (tons of garlic), with a nice big glass of Seltzer w/Lemon, followed by some dark chocolate might help?

Sometimes it makes me feel a little better. [Smile]

Added Bonus: If anyone's bugging you, you can just breathe on them. [Razz]

Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :

Darn! Hubby needs to use the computer, now. I'll check up on you later. [hi]

Posted by serendipity (Member # 8474) on :

Hi True,
I just got back and wanted to see how you were.

There have been so many moments when I have thought I don't want this life. It's not stupid. A very natural response to the chaos that lyme has created.

It does get better, I rarely have those thoughts these days.

magicacrorn, has some good advice. Spend some time with God telling him how you are doing, he is always there and weeping with you. We are also here.

Oh, my brain is to weary to say more. [group hug]

Posted by mag (Member # 8920) on :

true blue

i am so very soorrrry that you are feeling like a true lyme - all kidding aside this is aweful.

i have found that chocolate helps my moods 0 i but the dark chocolate 70 % coco and lots of c Q 10 - Remember reading all the information on neuro psych and lymes -

While in the lyme dungeon - i asked God why He had me here: no job disability, no place to live ( with friends), no money and no brain.

although the feeling are less intense and less frequent - I still experience them - Knowing that they will change in time helps but it is so scarey.

any way sorry for rambling - don't give up
take every bit of help that you can get here or
wherever.
let me know if you need to chat
i will pray for you
take care

another lymie
mags

Posted by 5dana8 (Member # 7935) on :

(((True)))- I am so sorry you are so sick & down.

Judging by the response you have alot of people that really care about you.

So when you feel like hopeless and no way out think on your good friends here.

You never know what will wash up on the next tide
(ok, besides sea weed)

[group hug]

True- one day or minuet at a time [group hug]

Posted by TNhayley (Member # 8249) on :

(((((((((((((((true)))))))))))))))

Hayley

Posted by trueblue (Member # 7348) on :

I did speak to a friend on the phone for a few hours this evening and it helped enormously especially as a good distration. I am calm and extremely tired.

Thank you all so much for being here for me. I'm too tired to write more but want you to know I do appreciate each and every one of your responses.
[group hug]

heh, why didn't someone mention chocolate earlier? [Wink]

I'm gonna get some sleep and I'm sure tomorrow is the day I wake up and feel like afool for posting this.

Posted by Ladylee210 (Member # 9945) on :

true...

I was just wondering are you having problems with taking meds, like allergic like symptoms?

Have you taken anything for the possible yeast in your system?

I ask this because I too can NOT take any meds - I stopped all meds back in 1997 because of sudden allergic like symptoms, I was scared to death and it took a long time for me to feel better again after stopping meds, many times I felt like I was relapsing, but I didn't give back into the meds.

I changed my diet (as it seemed foods were making me sick) and I leaned on natural things - HBO and 1 colonic - yeast meds and the like and about 2 yrs later I felt great.

Today I still struggle with the yeast but I do live.

God Bless sweetie you are not alone

Posted by 5dana8 (Member # 7935) on :

Hope your spirits are better today True [kiss]

www.positivepause.com

you should watch this while eating chocolate [Smile]

Posted by serendipity (Member # 8474) on :

Good morning True,

Or at least it's another morning, and we have all made it to another day.

Hope today is brighter, with some choclate perhaps. Well, you still have a bunch of friends here for you.

take care
[kiss]

Posted by just don (Member # 1129) on :

Hey True Blue Friend,

Life is a *****---then you die. Boy does that apply to "ME".

I always remeber that it can always be worse. Alto hard to believe here. Tons of work to do and every piece of eqipment to do it with is "broke". I am down to my last set of wheels which is barely working. (Out of 5) The other major piece of machinerey I need is Fix or repair daily or 'twice' daily. That must make it a F.O.R.D.(but it is NOT)

I am sooo tired I can barely function. Send some heat this way, been down to 15 too many nights in a row, and days with wind chills that makes your bones rattle with 45 to 55 mph blows. When outside it blows dirt in every concievable oriface.

GEE I wish I was done for the year!!! Gotta go break something else today,,,wonder what it will be today???

Sending more hugs than even YOU can handle!!!!seeings as how I remain --just don--

Posted by trueblue (Member # 7348) on :

Thank you

nothing else to say

Posted by stella marie (Member # 7216) on :

((((((trueblue))))))

[group hug]

I'm thinking of you my friend.

Stella Marie

Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :

Feelin' any better yet????????
[confused]

Dark Chocolate
CoQ10
Selenium
Quercetin
Multi Vite
Garlic
Culturelle
ProGreens
Cal,Mag,Zinc before bed

Holy Basil tincture helps mood [Smile]

Here's more for today:
[group hug]

Ali

Posted by trueblue (Member # 7348) on :

Thank you Stella and Ali!

[group hug]

I'm doing a little better tonight.

So long as the pendulum doesn't swing the other way for a few minutes I should be alright. [Roll Eyes]

(and I haven't had anything from Ali's list, no wonder I'm messed up.)

Posted by AliG (Member # 9734) on :

Glad you're feeling a little better! [Big Grin]

The other thing that I forgot, that has helped immensely is walking & stretching.

It's hard as heck to make yourself start, but well worth the effort, as long as you don't overdo it.

The greatest small investments I just made... a small clip-on Sony walkman radio and a pair of light-weight New Balance sneakers.

The radio really helps to take my mind off of everything and it helps me keep going.

I think it helps because it gets my sludge-blood moving. It seems like it might be helping my head & mood too.

I've gone back to drinking Gatorade too. (I know it's evil, [Roll Eyes]

but I think my brain needs the sugar or something) I take extra acidophilus. [Wink]

I hope you keep feeling better! [Big Grin]

Ali