This is topic Now my Dad says I look anorexic in forum General Support at LymeNet Flash.


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Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
 
My Dad passed through for a visit today.

I am in the middle of a babs herx, but took the children to Chuckie Cheese to meet Grandpa.

He refuses to come to my house as he might catch Lyme.

He said that I look bad. I've lost too much weight.

I need to eat and have more carbs and sugar.

Yeah. Sure. I am still combatting thrush.

Then the "you are keeping us from our Grandchildren".

You need to come to North Georgia for a while.

I picked three ticks off my sister's butt there about 10 years ago.

Sure, I want to go there. They still pick at least 1-2 ticks off their dog every week.

Oh, but we DON'T have Lyme there said the Grandpa.

AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!

How do you know, I asked.

We are getting ready to build a new house, am sick, couldn't possibly drive 9.5 hours to see him.

I told him that I am ill right now. I am not physically capable of that trip.

I also told him that I have babesia and that one of the symptoms is anorexia.

Okay I am skinny. Weighed in at a whopping 99lbs this last LLMD visit.

I eat though. I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and do snack on something in the afternoon.

I am not trying to lose weight. I just do.

He wanted to know what my husband thought of how I looked.

I left there feeling like I had been attacked.

I feel like crap, may be skinny, but had my hair fixed, make up on, etc.

Why???!!! What is it that makes family kick you over and over and over again when you are down.

I am trying desperately to get well and get my children and husband well.

Yeah, maybe I am keeping this negativity away from me and my children. Subconciously or not.

I just needed to vent. To write this down and look at it.

Thanks for giving me a place where I could.

Hugs,

Geneal
 

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Posted by yourtroubl (Member # 11087) on :
 
Oh, I think it might be a parents job.

My father used to tell me I was anorexic when I watched what I ate and exercised like I should. But now that I am almost bedfast, I have gained 65 pounds this past year. (I never thought in my wildest dreams I would weigh this much)..Now he asks me if I am doing anything about this weight...

I knew I was fat when I heard this from him.

My parents live 1 hour away and I dont get to see them muchm

Hang in there...I hope you feel better soon. (dont you hate that sentence..I am tired of hearing "I hope you feel better soon"
 

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Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
 
aw, gen, honey, i feel for you. i wish i could go with you to get something to eat...

my problem is the opposite tho -- i've gained almost, let's see, from 125 to 203...oh gosh, that sounds terrible. and i am fat, kirstie allen, roseann barr, momma cass, fat. i look in the mirror and just cry, i mean just stand and cry.

as for family, let's see: my mom changes the subject and interrupts me when i start to talk about lyme, sisters won't listen and say, well, we're all getting old.

ah, yes, then hubbie -- says i am wanting attention, am a hypochrondriac, says i should get a terminal illness then he'll listen to my complaints (nice one that one), says i should find a "cowboy" and have an affair, etc...

just makes me feel great ya know?

there is nothing you can say or do to make someone listen to you -- nothing...i've tried for 3 years and still nobody in the family and my own husband believe i have lyme.

i get complaints that i spend all the money on doctor bills when it's unnecessary, etc. this was after my wonderful doctor told my husband i didn't have lyme...oh just great, just great.

all you can do is try to take care of yourself, surround yourself with positive people who love you (like we do), and take each day at a time.
 

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Posted by wilsongal22 (Member # 11210) on :
 
I am sorry you feel that way. I know what you mean though. Only I can complain to my family and they say well the doctors can't find anything wrong. And then they change the subject.

My mom tells some people in our family and they seem concerned because I am 'too young to have joint pain' but they just go on talking about something else.

Everyone but me forgets about it like it isn't really there. I don't even say anything about it now. They don't listen when I do so I figure for now it is a waste of my time and we just start fighting and yelling and I get really mad and depressed so I just say quiet.

I try to say positive and think about other stuff. Keep my mind off of it which helps for a while. But, subconsciously I am always thinking about it in my mind.

I stay positive and try to make myself feel like it isn't real. Mind over matter. But, I can never forget it is there on the inside, I make it seem like it on the outside though.

So, what I am saying is that I think most people here are going or have gone through the same thing. And you aren't alone. Which you probably know that, but still.

It's never good when people can't accept what you are going through. Whether it be real or not. And I know Lyme is real so...try not to worry about what other people think. You know it's real and that's all that matters.

Well, just remember that it doesn't matter what others think about you, only you can know how you feel. I think your dad is just being a concerned parent. Even though he doesn't think Lyme is real...which I have to argue is wrong, but still.

I don't like when people tell me to feel better either, but if it helps I really do hope you can start feeling better.
 

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Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
 
Thank you guys. You are so kind to me and such a balm to my sometimes weary spirit.

My husband hates how skinny I am.

I guess you all are right.

I could be "perfect" and they would still find something wrong with me.

I really like myself better (on the inside) and the person I am becoming since Lyme.

I guess it is hard for them to identify with me anymore.

It is really hard for me to identify with them too.

Hugs,

Geneal
 

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Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
 
Sounds like you had a nice, supportive, uplifting, encouraging visit from your Dad. Not.

Glad he did what he could to help you and your family out and did not have a critical spirit or a selfish one.

[ 27. June 2007, 10:05 AM: Message edited by: kam ]
 

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Posted by just don (Member # 1129) on :
 
Next time you talk to your dad ask him IF he prefers you like you are or IF you gained weight horribly and soon weighed in at like 250 or so???

Chances are,,,you look great AND just fine!!! Whats your husband say about such things???

Tell your dad that you are TRYING to gain weight,,,but its hard,, running after your two bambinoes.

Talk,then talk some more about most anything,,,then you gain MORE credibility.

Just dont let them talk you DOWN!!! tell yourself they just dont understand, tell yourself its not their fault,,its not your fault,,,its just a HARD disease to understand if you havent been there yourself!!
Stay positive!!! cause IB --just don--
 

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Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by randibear:

all you can do is try to take care of yourself, surround yourself with positive people who love you (like we do), and take each day at a time.

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randi, you summed it up perfectly; STAY AWAY FROM NEGATIVE PEOPLE INCLUDING YOUR DAD! don't let them lay a guilt trip on you!! easier said than done.

did you ever print off or email your dad, LYMEDAD'S letter to family/friends!

just don had wonderful comments too from a DAD'S PERSPECTIVE!
 

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Posted by savebabe (Member # 9847) on :
 
It took a while for my father to realize how sick I really was. It hurt for a while, but he did come around like lymedad. I actually had to take him to the llmd's office for him to hear how debilitating this can be and then he started to understand and come around.

Maybe you could send him some literature, or have him watch the trailer for "under our skin."

I wouldn't cut him out of your life, you may regret it one day. Just try to keep the peace and slowly educate him on this disease.

I hope this helped a little.

Feel better.
 

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Posted by bejoy (Member # 11129) on :
 
I'm sorry to hear that your father acted so badly. I think its what parents do when they

feel afraid, out of control, and when don't have any idea how to help.

My Mom initially wouldn't listen when I told her how sick I was.

Now she is freaked out that I won't fly across the country once a month to the person she has

been told is the best lyme specialist, when we don't have funds or insurance coverage.

You are clearly more healthy and resilient than your father is, even during a lyme herx.

When you are ill you don't want to be in the position of having to reassure the people who are supposed to be your support system.

I find that offerring reassurance rather than asking for support is the only way to have a

reasonable conversation about my life with most of my family.

I hope you have some good neighbors.
 

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Posted by bejoy (Member # 11129) on :
 
I don't know if you are interested in herbs, but Buhner says that teasel root is good for chronic disease accompanied by loss of weight.

bejoy
 

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Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
 
I forgot to mention this.

My Dad had a neighborhood meeting where he lives in North Georgia.

To talk about Lyme disease. Of course they all decided there was no Lyme there.

Found out one of his neighbors works for the CDC, however not in the department that handles Lyme.

She kindly (ha ha) ran off CDC guidelines and IDSA guidelines for treatment of Lyme for

My Dad to give to me.

He handed it to me. I gave it a cursory glance.

I told him I appreciated the effort, but this was trash.

I was living proof of it.

I really appreciate all of your kind words and support.

My husband is bothered by how skinny I am. I have lost 2 cup sizes in my bra area.

However, as he is also on Babs treatment and continuously losing weight

No matter what he eats, I think he is starting to get it.

You guys are the best. My heros and Angels.

Hugs,

Geneal
 

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Posted by AZURE WISH (Member # 804) on :
 
i am sorry you are not getting support from your family.

some people just dont understand that you can be sick and feel sick and not really look it.

Most people think you have to work at being skinny... most people cant imagine having to try NOT to loose weight.

Just know that a bunch of us do understand you can eat normal amounts and still be thin and still be sick ... i am one of them

i also think it is easy for people to criticize and give there advice of how to recover from a distance.

it is different when people see all the little struggles we endure day after day with this disease.

i hope you and your family all start feeling better soon
 

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Posted by CaliforniaLyme (Member # 7136) on :
 
Parents can be difficult.

No one can "push buttons" like family because they made those buttons*!!

It sounds like in his own way he is saying he really misses and loves you!!!
 

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Posted by sixgoofykids (Member # 11141) on :
 
Sorry, Geneal. Family is supposed to be supportive ... my Mom and sisters are the ones who are not and don't care.

They live quit a distance from me, so I don't see or talk to them hardly ever. It's always toxic and upsetting when I do. There's more to it than "just" Lyme though.

Be glad that you have hubby and cling onto him.
 

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Posted by 5dana8 (Member # 7935) on :
 
Hi General

sorry to hear about how blue you feel & your weight problems

I do epathize. I am a walking scarecrow at 5'3 95 lbs. I could eat at an all you can eat buffet from one end to the other & still not pick up any weight. It is very frustrating & with the yeast diet I am on its very difficcult even without that too.

But have had this weight loss problem since my last relpase 5 years ago. Sometimes I want to cry to look at myself in the Mirrow. It's like I look at myself & go who is that person?

It seems lyme leaves no part of our lives untouched by it. Self esteme & how we & others see us is a real blow...not to mention the suffering on top of this. It puts a real strain on relationships & family too.

So I wish I could give you better advise. But you have my heart felt sympathy's & lots of (((hugs)))))

Maybe after to nail the babs in threatment you may be able to pick up more wieght. I hear it is a babs symptom. Here's hoping for better times ahead for you General

Hang in there
Dana
 

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Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
 
oh, man, ya'll. what i wouldn't give to loose weight.

just to loose 80 pounds would be great.....

i look at food and gain 10 pounds. and don't you dare tell me it's what i eat....dang, that makes me madder than a fisherman on a rainy day...

i've lost about 9 pounds so far but it's soooo slow.

i hear some gain and some loose, and i'm a gainer for sure......
 

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Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
 
You guys still amaze me with all of your loving and support.

All I can say is Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you.

I do consider you all my family. The best!

Hugs,

Geneal
 

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Posted by DW213 (Member # 9590) on :
 
Some (misguided) people think that calling someone "anorexic" is a compliment.

Since so many people are trying to lose weight, it's hard for them to comprehend how difficult it can be to gain weight, and how distressing it is to feel as if you're wasting away!
 

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Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
 
You are so right.

I can count my ribs, probably wear a training bra now too.

I gained 50lbs with my first pregnancy. Only lost about 25lbs before the second pregnancy.

I feel for anyone with any weight issues.

My pendulum has swung both ways.

I know. We should market a new weight loss program.

Babesia!!!!

Hugs,

Geneal
 

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Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
 
hi geneal,

does dad have email? send him the link to YANKEE MAGAZINE's link on the 32 printed pages on lyme written by a lyme patient covering everything.

my husband hasn't read much, but he did this upon my asking him! he learned so much and was impressed. try it; you've got nothing to lose, and pass to other NON-BELIEVERS!
 

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Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
 
Geneal,

I have had to limit the time I am around my family. It is not just the lyme.

Friends have been my family since I left home at 16 years old.

And like you, my family makes things worse instead of better. But, they do this to each other too. It is a way of life for them.

But, I am concerned about your weight because you are concerned.

I think it has something to do with the infections.

I am the opposite. I never had a weight problem and was the same size since high school.

Then, this hit. I know I do not eat enough during the day. I need to work on this. I eat good, lyme friendly foods when I do eat.

I am just not getting enough in me.

But, I still weight more than I ever have for the past 6 years.

Can't wear my size 8's or 10's anymore. I'm 5 ft 7 inches.

Finally donated them to the thrift shop.

And purchased fairly new clothes in my current size when I see it at the thrift shop.

I guess all we can do is eat as lyme friendly as you can at this point and look forward to when we are healthy and strong again.
 

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Posted by sixgoofykids (Member # 11141) on :
 
Geneal, it's all I can do to keep weight on. I am within the range of weight I should be for my height, but it's a constant effort to stay here (5'8", 127 pounds).

Kam, I know it's the opposite problem as you have, but I can't wear my size 6 or 8 anymore ... it's a 2 or 4. And, Geneal, I think people in our strange society would LIKE to have babs to stay skinny. It's a sick world.

A couple things I do ... I eat a bowl of frozen berries with fresh whipped cream on them. I take organic whipping cream and whip it with the hand blender. I use about 6 tbsps., which provides 300 calories.

I drink an organic decaf latte every day from Starbucks. A grande has 240 calories.

I make "fudge". Grind 1/2 cup cacoa nibs (raw cacao beans) in your coffee grinder. Mix with 1 cup raw almond butter, 4 tbsp. coconut oil, 1/4 cup agave syrup, 1 tsp. vanilla, and 1/4 tsp. salt. Freeze for one hour, then store in refrigerator.

I change the recipe when I make it ... I use more coconut oil and less almond butter. I use half the agave syrup and still find it plenty sweet.

When you sit down at bedtime and eat a bowl of frozen organic berries with fresh whipped cream and a couple pieces of "fudge", it sure seems like a TREAT!!!

To add calories to a meal, I douse everything with olive oil, coconut oil, or butter.

I also lift weights. I think the extra muscle helps, too. I lift free weights and have some pretty good tone in my arms ... they're not puny arms! If I didn't lift weights, I think I'd weigh 10 pounds less.

At one point in my life I was 20 pounds overweight and worked hard to lose it all ... now I work hard to keep it on! Our society's odd fascination with ultra-skinny bugs me.
 

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Posted by LaurenTurner (Member # 12320) on :
 
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry.

It's so hard when family just doesn't understand. I'm sure mine doesn't. Thank God for my husband and son. Without them I would be lost.. and without ya'll of course!!

My Mom came an visited the other day. She said well at least it isn't something terminal like cancer. Well, yeah... but it is still very bad. It's no walk in the park.

Anyway, I'm sorry your Dad was acting like that. Maybe you should have a heart to heart with him. I can't believe he won't visit you because he doesn't want to catch Lyme. I wish there was an easy way we could make everyone understand. Ignorance is not bliss....

Hugs,
Lauren
 

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Posted by sixgoofykids (Member # 11141) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by LaurenTurner:
She said well at least it isn't something terminal like cancer.

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