ok, here's the deal. i'm a southerner, born and bred. my friend, ann, and many of my friends use this term when talking.
we use dear, hon, i call their husbands by their last names, etc., and i've been called a "_itch" very jokingly.
i write as i speak. only without the drawl, you understand?
so i got and post on this other site, ain't gonna mention where. so i said something and said "well, hon, here's my point", er. something to that affect...
this woman wrote back in ALL CAPS, paragraph after paragraph, telling me i was condescending, rude, offensive, how dare I do this...i mean, on and on and on, and on...
i simply replied "well, i'll certainly remember that."
my mom called people that, many people i know do...
so do ya'll truly find that offensive? and worth putting paragraph after paragraph in very large bold capital letters on a board.....
sorry, i'm tired today....
Posted by Leelee (Member # 19112) on :
Well, in Baltimore, "hon" is a very common word. One hears it everywhere.
To be honest with you, I have never given it a thought one way or the other. It just seems like part of life.
Posted by Ocean (Member # 3496) on :
Randi,
I just called someone hon in a post. If someone truly takes offense to that, then that is just crazy.
Wasn't there some big issue with another phrase somewhat recently too, it was regoinal (oh my goodness spelling is awful tonight). Like Take Care or something, someone 'important' got really offended or something.
Everyone needs to just chill out...it's all very silly.
Take care! Ocean
Posted by feelfit (Member # 12770) on :
My Mom calls everyone "hon" I do not find it condensending, or rude...I see it as more of an endearment. Nothing offensive. I do find it offensive when men call waitresses "honey" though....bleck! That is condensending.
Posted by sammy (Member # 13952) on :
I've never been offended by anyone calling me "hon". Generally, those people are offering some sort of comforting/encouraging/uplifting word or advice. Makes me think of grandmothers or the super sweet church ladies. People you want to hug.
So hugs to you Randibear:)
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
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I have been offended by being called "hon" because, often, it is in a condescending tone by someone trying to put me in my place or trying to pull a fast one.
And, I've also been warmed by others who called me that. But, usually they would not be strangers.
The problem with the internet is that people can't hear the vocal inflection and, without that, endearing terms can often be used at put-downs.
It's an understandable reaction, her possibly feeling put-down (or connecting past experiences from that term) and your not understanding why her reaction was so strong. It was too familial to her and the vocal tone she "heard" was not that which you had on your end of the web.
However, for her to reply at length in all caps seems to be over-reacting and bullying on her part. She might have just said something like she prefers endearments not be used as it's hard for her to distinguish the tone.
Too bad a web page can't be color coded like a mood ring to show the sender's demeanor or come with a white flag of peace.
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Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ocean:
Wasn't there some big issue with another phrase somewhat recently too, it was regoinal (oh my goodness spelling is awful tonight). Like Take Care or something, someone 'important' got really offended or something.
YES! It was on American Idol auditions. I knew immediately that it was a regional thing as the phrase is used here.
Paula Abdul took it as a THREAT when in reality it is a sign of caring for someone!!
It was simply "Be careful" .. My husband and I say that to each other all the time when we part. He'll tell me to be careful when HE is leaving, even if I'm not going anywhere.
It made me laugh when Paula got all bent out of shape about it..but she's been stalked before and I could understand her view also.
American Idol had to officially apologize as they made the guy look like HE was nuts or a stalker or something!
RAndi... I wouldn't worry about it. YOu meant well and that is all that matters!
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
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Oh, yeah, that guy on the American Idol audition said: "Be Careful" I distinctly remember that term as I'd never heard it used that way, either. But I knew what he meant.
When they all freaked and called him on it, he said it again a couple of times, perplexed at their alarm. He said it's what they say where he comes from, meaning to "take care" but he never quite got that "take care" term out - it was always "be careful" and "be careful out there" as I think he was nervous, the poor guy.
And, true, considering that a long-time stalker of Paula's wound up dead at her doorstep, I can understand her being a bit freaked but it sure blew up way out of proprortion and I felt really sorry for the poor guy.
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Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
Bet you got a butt chewing by the same one that bit mine years ago.
Most likely they never had any affection in their lives.
It is sad they act that way.
Makes 'em look stupid.
And I'd bet if I'd said that they would have bitten their own butt.
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
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Randi,
It just occurred to me that the woman you called "hon" may have thought you were a man. I don't know what your web name is for that other site, but a guy called a woman "hon" if there is any disagreement or correction to a post . . . well . . . that could be misinterpreted more so than if she thought you were a woman.
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Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
True, Keebler. Maybe they thought Randi was a man. I could see how they might be offended then. It would be a sexist thing.
Posted by charlie (Member # 25) on :
....I never pay any attention to any pet names or whatever...this area is so cosmopilitan I don't think people can afford to get offended by regional colloquialisms.
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
You got that right my dear muffin head....
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
randi, i wouldn't worry about it.
i'd also inform the person posting in all caps was being rude "shouting" in all caps.
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
I've been hon, chere, sweetie, ma'am, and some other unmentionables.
Never have been offended.
I knew you were from the South due to your way of writing.
Usually a person writes the way they speak,
And I swear I can hear the drawl in yours.
Some people are just overly sensitive.
Worried too much about being "too politically" correct.
I think you are great, hon!
Let it go and don't waste energy on it.
Think of how much energy was wasted in the all "caps" reply.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
well it's funny, i never thought of being a man!!! but this site is very uh, geared for women only. but there could have been a few men, but i seriously doubt it.
things are so crazy now aren't they?
yep, drawl, big time. i was talking one day about my car and said "tire". now the people swear it came out "tie-uh" and not "tar" like i've heard also....
i'm all about pecan pie, sweet potatoes, grits and red eye gravy.......
thanks for your support.
oh yeah, i do agree that a man calling a waitress something is totally different...ugh...
Posted by John S (Member # 19756) on :
Being male I would find it rather strange, but if they bought me dinner they could call me anything they wanted.
Posted by LisaS (Member # 10581) on :
If you work at a nursing home you are not allowed to call anyone honey or any terms of endearment because it is considered condescending and could even lead to a sexual harrassment suit. YOu can only address people by there name.
I ignored it and got written up for it. So I have learned that people are just looking for any reason to start problems, so I just don't say these terms anymore unless I truly know the person and know it won't cause any problems.
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
"Being male I would find it rather strange, but if they bought me dinner they could call me anything they wanted."
I'm with you on this one John. HA!
Posted by hurtingramma (Member # 7770) on :
I guess I'm alone here, but I HATE it when someone calls me hon. It does usually come from someone very young, or very "southern". I am not offended by it, just annoyed.
However, I would never jump all over somebody who said it.
I have one lady in town, younger than me, who calls me "sweetie". I think she can't remember my name Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
i agree if it's a much younger person, i think....
but i'm up there in age, so i certainly don't mean any offense.
and here, i figure, we are all family. we travel a tough road and we do it together. we support each other through some pretty rough times, so any figure of speech, whether it's "dear" "honey" or just plain ole "hey you", is coming from the heart.
and isn't that what's important -- that we care for each other and can talk to one another as friends and family...
and that includes you wolfie, dear.
Posted by Ocean (Member # 3496) on :
Lisa,
Yup, in nursing school they said never to call anyone but their name. In clinicals, hardly an RN's adhered to it. Fortunately I've only worked with babies, so I didn't have to worry about someone being offended =)
Take care, Ocean
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Now, Randi .. you KNOW those grits and gravy are not from Texas. Where'd you pick those up?
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
dang, i just knew somebody would catch that.
my mom was from tennessee, chattanooga..and i had family in georgia....
i was raised with grits served like oatmeal with milk, butter, and sugar OR with red eye gravy and ham slices...
oh yeah, dandelion greens and poke salad....
now i bet people on this board don't know what poke is either....
do you????
Posted by just don (Member # 1129) on :
I take a stab at poke,,its a weed, some people eat,me NOT included.
It IS a terrible weed at that!!
NOW, as for calling me hon when I dont KNOW you,,sends me up the wall like fingernails on chalk board.
IF you know me well enough,,,you can call me anything,,,cept too late for lunch!!!
I think both ways its an outdated way to talk. men to women,women to men. AND please NO men calling me that!!!!PERIOD!!! For sure!!
In general,its like getting your toe stepped on while dancing,,,its part of the territory,,,get USED to it!!! (besides it doesnt last too long!!)
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Well, sorta. I know poke salad is found around here in Missouri. Comes from the poke plant, right? Have never tasted it!
Sweetie is a Southern thing too.
Posted by laura j (Member # 14257) on :
They must have thought you were trying to be condescending and took it the wrong way. You know what they say "It's not what you say but how you say it". But when reading it, it's kinda hard to interpret how someone meant it.
A good example would be someone saying "Hey, Buddy". You could imagine that coming across a couple different ways, right?
Oh well, you know how you meant it and that's all that matters....
Posted by Parisa (Member # 10526) on :
I wouldn't want to be called hon by a stranger, mere acquaintance or superior. All of the above would be even worse from a man. A good friend or someone I'm comfortable with would be fine.
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
"now i bet people on this board don't know what poke is either....
do you????"
I do! I do!
Poke salad, Annie.
It grows free and is one of the first foods that pops up in the spring.
Posted by Silverwolf (Member # 9196) on :
Wow, <<<<< Randibear >>>>>,
Sorry somebody got ornery w/ you about the term 'Hon'.
I've used Hon',honey, sweety [sweetie], and so on w/ my friends,and on-line for many a year now.
I don't use those terms if it is a fella, unless I know them super well and they are younger than I .
TxCs dad was born and raised in Louisiana, and my dad has relatives there somewhere. Perhaps that is why I use it.
Just don't leave the -n- off of -hon'- when typing in on-line...it can be really embarrassing!!!
Silverwolfy
Posted by Ann-OH (Member # 2020) on :
Awwww, I think we should forgive the person who was so offended. It could have been due to Lyme disease. I was sometimes very touchy and irrational when I was so sick.
Ann - OH
Posted by treepatrol (Member # 4117) on :
I am a hun,honey, sweety, beautiful,doll,gorgeous,sugarplum,Kinda guy thats me take it or leave it. Posted by treepatrol (Member # 4117) on :
And I may have on occasions used the word Pop instead of soda or soda pop.
Posted by Barby (Member # 18348) on :
It really depends on the context.
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
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Yes, it really can be a "loaded" term. It's important to hear from people like grandmother to understand just how insulting it can be and all the connotations involved. And that carries over for some.
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Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
i think it's more acceptable in the south.
i certainly don't mind it when some waitress comes up and says to my husband "what will you have hon?" he doesn't even bat an eye...
i would certainly rather be called "hon" than a "whore" tho....
am i allowed to use that word here? sorry if i do...
and being sensitive about my weight, i would hate for someone to call me "chubbs" or "fatso"...now that would really get my attention....
guess it all depends on how you mean it and where you are from....
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
quote:Originally posted by treepatrol: And I may have on occasions used the word Pop instead of soda or soda pop. [/QB]
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[lol]](graemlins/lol.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Where'd you pick those up?