Ever have one of those days??? Where no matter what happens everything just sucks! I have been having one of those months.
I don;t know if its the anxiety med, my life "issues" that have been going on, not feeling well, all of the above?? But I can't even smile at my kids...
Thats how I know its bad.
Posted by sick (Member # 9143) on :
Sorry things are so bad for you. Whenever I am having one of those months I always think that if this is as bad as it gets I can live thru it. Usually when I think I can't take it any more it changes. Keep your chin up.
sick
Posted by Starfall1969 (Member # 17353) on :
Erika,
I'm so sorry you feel this bad.
If you can't even smile at your kids, I would seriously talk to your doctor about your meds, especially the anxiety med.
Some of those are known to cause suicidal thoughts (not that you're suicidal, but you're definitely not YOU).
I hope and pray that you will soon see a turn around, and things will get better.
Prayers sent your way.
Posted by buckfever (Member # 9876) on :
Erica , try and hang in there ! I'm sure hoping you can feel better . I don't know your situation but I assure you that I can relate to the trials and tribulations that can come with the life of a lyme victim .
So hang in there and know whe're all pulling for ya !
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
I hope the next day is a better day!! and the day after that too!!!
Hang in there!! Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
It is okay to have really bad days.
Your children won't remember....even if you do.
Sending prayers your way.
I know you are in a very difficult place with awful
Things going on without being sick on top of it.
I am hoping and praying that you start to feel better soon.
Maybe ask your doc about some antidepressants if you
Think that maybe that would help.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
Hi there Deaf,
This is what I do when really down on myself.
I remind myself what a terrible illness I have and what it's doing to me physically, mentally and emotionally.
At this point I usually hug myself and say, 'it's going to be ok, you're doing the best you can considering how sick you are' or 'wow, not bad for someone so ill with no help'.
I try really hard to be my own best friend.
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
I'm here to help you in any way I can!
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
erika
can you feel all the love this board has for YOU and your children? we hope so.
we're here to listen to you during these hit bottom days/months.
i know your decision to divorce your husband has entered into this whole mess, and your emotions are running in every direction, and starting more paperwork is the pits.
please know we are here for you 23/7 ok! we hope and pray that tomorrow will be better and the start of better years to come. betty
Posted by CathyMary (Member # 20071) on :
Hi Erika, If I can help in any way don't hesitate
to call. I don't live that far from you. I mean it
I'll come for a few hours and help you or just be
there, what ever you need. I know we haven't even
met but I think things happen for a reason and I'm
in a position that I could help.
Posted by Need Lots of Help (Member # 18603) on :
Erika,
I could have written this post. When I found out I had lyme, I was so happy. I thought I could get on with treatment and get better.
I am not getting better. It has been 8 months. I am to the point now that I think if I start crying, I might never stop.
I hope today you are feeling better.
Shalome
Posted by Jin (Member # 11735) on :
Dear Erika, My life has been this way since I can remember. Somedays, happiness is only a vague and distant memory. You wonder whether life will ever improve. I am in a very toxic relationship, and cannot seem to escape from it. Social services are useless, and have done nothing. They told me I would have to prosecute my parents, and there is no other place for me to go.
Where do they suppose I stay? I was denied SSI once already, and am sure I will be again. Being 26 and miserable most of the time becomes much worse when you are around people who start fights with you and constantly are critical of everything you are doing and how you do it. One thing I am finished doing is changing my looks and everything else just because someone else wants to make me into their own personal Barbie! Despite the situation, do you know what gets me through it?
What makes me last another day even when things seem like they cannot become more hopeless? That thing is music. I love to sing and write songs, but there are so many wonderful ones that describe how I feel that were already written. Everything from the lyrics to the tune resonate and make me realize someone else knows how I feel. They feel the anger and hurt. Yet, they are still fighting for their life in some way.
One of my favorites is "Scars" by Papa Roach. "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera is a great motivating song. It reminds me I am strong. "You Oughtta Know" by Alanis Morissette is particularly good for when you are just plain angry and want to tell someone off. YouTube is terrific, because I can access these songs any time I want. If I just want to escape into my own little fantasy world, Josh Groban's "My Confession" really hits the spot!
Sincerely, Jin
Posted by Need Lots of Help (Member # 18603) on :
Jin,
I almost want to ask you to come live with me, but we might lose our house soon. Because of this disease (my whole family has it) we are **** poor broke!!
However, I am sorry you are having a hard time and I just wanted to tell you that. Music is my haven as well. However, I have never tried to write a song, I can't keep my thoughts together very well!!
Shalome
Posted by trishee (Member # 9699) on :
Erika, I am here for you. I admire your bravery and courage to do the right thing for your beautiful
children. You are stronger than you know. You
already take care of that family when he is emotionally gone.
You can continue and you won't have the hatefull things he says to you, bringing you down.
Erika remember your health comes first. One day
at a time. I am here if you need.
Blessings
Posted by Jin (Member # 11735) on :
Dear Needs Lots of Help, That is so sweet! Our financial situation is similar, so I completely understand. The thing that is upsetting is my parents blame me for everything, including why we cannot afford certain things. I practically have to beg and barter just to get gluten-free food with taste or medications at times. Everyone else in the family is on the outside looking in, and has no idea what I have dealt with all of these years.
My father has caused a lot of undue stress. He does not pay the bills on time even when the money is there, and I constantly worry about utilities being shut off like in the recent past. Having to cook everything I eat is impossible when no electricity is present. I am so tired of covering up for my parents and pretending I am happy and fine when I am anything but. Fortunately, music gets me through it.
Scientifically, music has been shown to change molecules by the vibration. I would like to learn to play guitar, because my songs would sound much better. Dancing is a wonderful release. I tend to bottle my hurt and rage up until I literally hurt inside. I just do not like others seeing me upset or crying. My mother wonders why I am not a warm and huggy person.
I suppose I have just shut down from everything. Hugs really do not mean much when people continue to hurt you. What do they expect? My music is the only way I can release that feeling sometimes. I am me from now on, and if they do not like it, then too bad! "I love you" can be only three hollow words.
Sincerely, Jin
Posted by Need Lots of Help (Member # 18603) on :
Deaf,
Are you feeling any better?
Jin,
How are you doing?
This may sound stupid, but I am 37 and one of my friends introduced me to guitar hero. Now, if you like music, you can play that and it will release some tension. It is actually fun for me and my husband and I play together. Of course being tired, I don't play near as much as I want to!!
Shalome
Posted by Beverly (Member # 1271) on :
I hope you will be feeling better soon, Sending you hugs and prayers.... Posted by Jin (Member # 11735) on :
Dear Needs Lots of Help, I wish I could afford the console for Guitar Hero! Those things are expensive! I have a guitar, but Dad broke one of the strings trying to "fix" it. The same thing happened to my poor violin. He refused to leave it alone, and now I cannot play either. Maybe if I sell enough items at a yard sale, I will have some left over to take my instruments to the music store for repair.
Sincerely, Jin
Posted by KimDC (Member # 20699) on :
Jin,
I'm so sorry that you do not have supportive, loving family members. It must make it so much harder for you.
I also listen to certain songs when I'm having a really bad day. Mine are angry rock songs that I play very loud!
"Given Up" by Linkin Park (this songwriter read my mind!!!)
"Riot" by Three Days Grace
"Figure.09" by Linkin Park
"Down with the Sickness" by Disturbed (warning: this has disturbing content and foul language)
Except for "Riot", these are not uplifting songs. Strangely, it makes me feel better hearing someone scream about their horrible life!
I hope things get better for you soon!
Kim
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
trade cha.....
Posted by Jin (Member # 11735) on :
Dear KimDC, I listen to the angry songs as well. They really do help. YouTube is wonderful! The frustration with family is always so difficult to handle. It has gotten to the point I try to avoid them as much as possible.
Dear Erika, Where are you? Are you okay? I apologize, because I think I accidentally hijacked your thread! We are all here. If you ever want to call, just PM me your number. It helps to talk to someone else about what you are dealing with.
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[kiss]](graemlins/kissing.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
You wonder whether life will ever improve. I am in a very toxic relationship, and cannot seem to escape from it. Social services are useless, and have done nothing. They told me I would have to prosecute my parents, and there is no other place for me to go. ![[shake]](graemlins/shake.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
Despite the situation, do you know what gets me through it?![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
I love to sing and write songs, but there are so many wonderful ones that describe how I feel that were already written. Everything from the lyrics to the tune resonate and make me realize someone else knows how I feel. They feel the anger and hurt. Yet, they are still fighting for their life in some way. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
"You Oughtta Know" by Alanis Morissette is particularly good for when you are just plain angry and want to tell someone off. YouTube is terrific, because I can access these songs any time I want. If I just want to escape into my own little fantasy world, Josh Groban's "My Confession" really hits the spot! ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Of course being tired, I don't play near as much as I want to!!